Oneitis messing up my love LOA.. help?

[pyrogen]

OK. I am mentally "stuck" on someone I met online. Oneitis will kill ya. The person fits the profile of what I am LOAing almost exactly, but until I am actually starting to have something happen with someone then it is better for me to not get "stuck". I am considering the possibility that the person could just be an alpha reflection, and if I get too stuck on what could only be an alpha reflection, then I will end up disappointed, and making decisions that keep me from manifesting what I want to manifest.

I try to do my visualization work, I get stuck on this person. I really want to be unstuck so I can go back to focusing on the "energy" and not seeing a specific face - but I always get lost in fantasies about this person. I know that when I DO meet this person, my oneitis will set me up to act in ways that aren't particularly attracting.

Are there any tricks to moving on?

In my other community, I'm guided to multidate, a lot, so that I don't fixate, but in my own experience - as an introvert, too - this doesn't help. Maybe it's different for men than women, I'm a woman.

I'm looking for more of a philosophical/spiritual approach so I can get back to doing my love LOA without seeing my freaking oneitis's face every time I do my meditations. I know from my own experience that my oneitis flavor-of-the-month isn't necessarily the one.

I don't LIKE crushes. I've spent more of my love life crushing than loving, and I use love LOA for actual constructive healing and such, so help me move on, and to attract partners. Not to manifest more crushes (which often happens too - usually because I have specified "I want to fall in love", not "I want to be in a loving relationship" - or because I have dreamed up the PERSON but have not manifested the relationship with them).

Thanks.

[CoolBee]

LOL I know exactly what you mean and love that phrase 'oneitis'.

I only ever date "the one" - if I don't think they're "the one" I just don't start it - but I've lost count of the amount of "the ones" I've had in my life

Of course, after a few weeks they come tumbling off the pedestal and I find out they weren't "the one"

Friends tell me that apparently when it really is "the one" you "just know" - I always "just know"

and PS I don't have a cure ;(

[nocturne]

being an introvert has nothing to do with it - introverts can learn how to interact just like anyone else.

make sure you derive your confidence from your life, not your love interest. that way you won't become needy.

having a crush is normal, but in the early stages you have to be brutally insensitive about rejection. You haven't established a relationship with this person yet, so there is no point.

as a woman there is nothing wrong with casually dating. - i don' think so. i'm a guy by the way.

i felt the same way you did just a couple of days ago - just realize that a crush is normal and there is no reason for you to worry that this will stop you from meeting the right person. Just gauge their interest in you (generally, if a guy likes you he do anything to make a date happen, unless he is shy) and deal with the situation.

if you say that your onitis will make you act in ways that aren't particularly attractive, make sure you resolve any possible insecurity issues. A crush would not make a confident person act unattractive. An confident person might even be a challenge at first, and enjoys their crush without setting undue expectations on it.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by CoolBee

LOL I know exactly what you mean and love that phrase 'oneitis'.

I only ever date "the one" - if I don't think they're "the one" I just don't start it - but I've lost count of the amount of "the ones" I've had in my life

Of course, after a few weeks they come tumbling off the pedestal and I find out they weren't "the one"

Friends tell me that apparently when it really is "the one" you "just know" - I always "just know"

and PS I don't have a cure ;(

Out of curiosity are you male or female? I'm guessing male, would be interested to hear females perspectives on one-itis

I went on a date with someone I thought was "the one" and I found I just couldn't be myself, I was too tense, to be my relaxed self that attracted her in the first place, and I messed up the date a bit, my life and my confidence just wasn't ready... So I learnt that I have to be 'ready to love' for it to work if you do find "the one"..

I'm going to be much better when I do find the new "one" though..

[CoolBee]

Female

[pyrogen]

Okay, this is an analysis of oneitis from the tactical perspective, taking into account male and female games.

IMO, oneitis is deadlier for women. Men and women need entirely different tactics, for entirely different biological reasons. They have different biological imperitives. If a man's oneitis has cost him sexual opportunities this year, he can up his game and have more opportunities next year. There is no real cost to a man to date a woman for years without a commitment. This is absolutely deadly for a woman.

What a lot of people on the board seem surprised about, is that there is in fact a system of female tactics counter to PUA. I'm pretty sure PUA borrowed from a lot of it because some of the techniques are identical, and women have been using mating tactics longer than men.

Some of it goes back to some old books such as "The Technique of the Love Affair", "Fascinating Womanhood", and the ideas of courtly love.

The AIM of the tactics is different. A female tactician aims to have a man (or woman, for that matter; I don't discriminate ) commit to her, and waste as little of her time as possible; a female tactician often chooses to delay sex, often will not live together, and will break up with a man if he doesn't propose after a timely fashion. [Not immediately, certainly, but after a year to year and a half.]

Oneitis does not help men *get laid*, and typically, for most AFCs, may not help them get a girlfriend. However, typically, men fall in love before women do.

It works out best in the woman's favor when the guy has single-mindedly pursued her. She can best negotiate the terms of the relationship that way, and is more likely to end up married.

The woman however must keep her options open until she is certain the man is not going to waste five or more of her prime reproductive years without getting married.

Many dating books advise women not to even be exclusive until engagement, and the general strategy of a lot of female tactics is to limit the amount of contact he has until he has "levelled-up" his level of commitment. It sounds brutal, but for many women, it's biological reality.

Now:

Here is where oneitis is deadly from a LOA perspective.

In doing LOA stuff, I need to not fix on a specific person in my visualizations. It's not that it's bad or immoral IMO, it's that it doesn't work. It's like visualizing for Angelina Jolie to return your affections; the energy just basically gets pissed away.

Having a crush is a HORRIBLE place to do LOA from. The best LOA happens when I can be completely empty and open-minded and let the visuals come to me... from the black, as it were.

[CoolBee]

Call me dim - what is PUA?

[Wax Frog]

Originally Posted by CoolBee

Call me dim - what is PUA?

Given the context, I'd say pickup artist (I'm constantly having to scratch abbreviation itches myself).