Crazy Life

[g5etbox]

A close friend suggested I post my problem. I fell in love with an older woman and been together for some 17 years. Because of the age difference it has never been a normal relationship more a very close friendship. In that time we separate for a time and had a sexual relationship with someone my own age who was seeing her son. Anyhow I have been back with my partner for 12 years now and it is totally non-sexual. The old girl friend is back with my partner’s son and we still see each other regularly as friends only. My partner has now got parkinsons and I have taken on the role of caring for her. To top this I met a special woman and found her good to get on with and we got on well, her being gay means she can never be more than just a friend! She knows I wanted more but can’t be more than she is now. Due to all this I have been going through my own private hell due to 12 years of no female sexual contact is causing both mental and physical pains. The daughter of my partner keeps tell me to find someone to be a “friend that I have sex with” and so is my partner. My old girl friend who is with my partner’s son has become personal the last year, giving hugs and cuddles when we are alone.

Yes I want a sexual relationship with someone I can trust, I can’t just have a one-night stand. I am the type of man who can only love if I feel something special for that person.

[Mayo]

Brrrr, you really have a messed up sexual life.....

What do you really want from the relationship? Most of what you talked about i didn't understand very much! Seems you have been in the intricate relationship with someone who is even more messed up than you. If it had stayed in one-night-stand relationship with the older women you would never get into this type of mess in the first place. I had also few relationships with women fifteen to twenty five years older than me but it was a casual dinner and sex, with lots of cuddling (^_^) but i nor my partners never wanted to go further than that because it would messed up our life's. Older women were cool from when i was around sixteen till i was twenty four, well till i had relationship two years ago when i actually forbid my self to enter any longer term relationship with a woman of almost my mothers age. It was a cool and enlightening (^_^) experience but now i feel it was only a phase of wanting to gain a top notch experience (^_^).

Sick of wandering around, find a woman +/- 5 years in age difference from you. At least that is my H.O.!

[emeraldbaby]

Hi,

I was the one who told G5etbox about this forum, and to read about I-M. I think his post is more suited to the Relationship sector (I've asked him to post there), but he could do with some I-M pointers in his life IMHO.

Thanks for your reponse Mayo, the real dilemma is:

G5etbox does not want to leave his older partner with Parkinson's because there is no one else to look after her, and he does not want her to suffer alone in a nursing home.

Being a full time carer means he has little opportunity to meet women. Plus he is very shy and diffident, and doesn't want a one-night-stand.

again i realise this thread should be in another section, but it is a very difficult situation and it'd be nice to have some input on how to be become positive and focused in this situation (which he describes as hell), and how to word his intentions.

[Mayo]

Keep supporting your old partner and start building a new lasting relationship. If you are capable construct your self a REAL family with kids in it if possible.

Good luck!

[g5etbox]

Originally Posted by Mayo

Keep supporting your old partner and start building a new lasting relationship. If you are capable construct your self a REAL family with kids in it if possible.

Good luck!

No kids. Wish I could start a new lasting relationship but the woman I fall in love with are not able to be more than friends.

[Acting Like Godot]

[ALG activates his remarkable intuitive + psychic powers].

1. There is guilt in you. It's unnecessary. Let it go. It's not your fault you're younger. It's not your fault she's ill. It's not your fault that you have sexual desires.

2. Guilt has caused you to manifest people in your life whom you entertain thoughts of having sexual relations with, but with whom you cannot or will not. Unconsciously you have chosen to punish yourself. You need not.

3. Guilt has caused you to manifest a situation where it has become difficult for you to meet someone with whom you COULD have sexual relations with. Release your guilt, and this will change.

4. Guilt is unnecessary because deep down inside, you're a good chap. Your devotion to your sick partner shows it.

5. Gratitude is key to happiness. Be grateful for Emeraldbaby, your wonderful gay friend.

[Okay, go ahead and laugh at ALG, if his remarkable intuitive + psychic powers have gone utterly wrong this time].

[annie]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

[ALG activates his remarkable intuitive + psychic powers].

1. There is guilt in you. It's unnecessary. Let it go. It's not your fault you're younger. It's not your fault she's ill. It's not your fault that you have sexual desires.

2. Guilt has caused you to manifest people in your life whom you entertain thoughts of having sexual relations with, but with whom you cannot or will not. Unconsciously you have chosen to punish yourself. You need not.

3. Guilt has caused you to manifest a situation where it has become difficult for you to meet someone with whom you COULD have sexual relations with. Release your guilt, and this will change.

4. Guilt is unnecessary because deep down inside, you're a good chap. Your devotion to your sick partner shows it.

5. Gratitude is key to happiness. Be grateful for Emeraldbaby, your wonderful gay friend.

[Okay, go ahead and laugh at ALG, if his remarkable intuitive + psychic powers have gone utterly wrong this time].

I quite enjoyed that response. (I was imagining you with your crystal ball though......)

[g5etbox]

Thankyou Acting Like Godot for your reply. Yes there is a lot of guilt over many years. Whenever I feel I find a way to unwind and be with a female it just get more messy. You are right about Emeraldbaby, she is one wonderful woman, wisdom beyond her years. When we first met and spending time together I thought my life had turned a corner but I had to learn many hard lessons about what a gay friend can and cant give. I feel that soon she will move on with her life path and I will loose her. She has put up with a lot from me and my problems. Surprised she stills talk and cares about me. Yes you are right more guilt about her!

[Acting Like Godot]

[ALG activates his remarkable intuitive + psychic powers again]

You have guilt. You know it. What you do not see is that the guilt is unnecessary. Your guilt stems from a certain set of beliefs that you have - not merely about the people around you, but about yourself. The central belief is that you are bad, and therefore you do not deserve love & happiness.

ALG's Remarkable Intuitive + Psychic Mode Deactivated

This belief is unnecessary, and arbitrary, and fortunately, changeable.

By the way, in your current state, the one-night stand will indeed do nothing for you, except cause more guilt. So don't bother.

For you, I would recommend simple meditation, 15 minutes a day, every day ... more like, simple relaxation exercises to begin with, except that when you are relaxed and calm, you will focus on a pre-chosen thought-feeling like: "I am good ... There is peace & happiness in my life .... I am good ... There is peace & happiness in my life ....".

Pay attention to your breath; breathe consciously; deep and slow; time your thoughts with your breath. As you inhale, feel your words .... Imagine that you are breathing in good / peace / happiness into your very being.

Soon the effects will spill over into your real life, your non-meditative state, for you are manifesting ....


----

Seriously, try it out. 15 minutes a day, two weeks. What have you got to lose? At most, 3.5 hours of your time in total.

[emeraldbaby]

Hi ALG,

I need some of your remarkable powers too LOL. (sorry to hijack the thread)

It's about guilt.

Over time I've become a better and more aware person, and I realise that I've made alot of mistakes in the way I dealt with others. I'd say that I'm more remorseful than guilty, and would like to apologise, and/or make amends, and in some cases, to be forgiven. Whether they accept my apologies is up to them, but I'd like to try my best to create good affinities and transform bad ones, and I don't see that as a selfish goal.

Q:can I intend someone whom I'm not in contact with to reappear in my life, and to be receptive to my apologies (or just forgive me?)

This should be possible according to the subjective reality model?

I'm going about it in the most positive way i know of, which is to send out intentions of "I attract open, honest communication, and understanding in all relationships". Can I be more specific?


em

[Dani]

em, sorry to continue the hijack, but it might be useful for G5etbox too.

If you want to release your own guilt about other people, you can ask them directly for forgiveness, but don't expect them to forgive you. That is still their choice.

However, you should not continue to feel guilt even if they decide not to forgive you. That is their choice to hold onto the negative feelings.

Keeping this in mind, it isn't actually necessary to meet someone to ask their forgiveness. The real reason we should ask for forgiveness is to release our own negative feelings, be they guilt, anger, regret etc.

This confession, even just to yoruself, of your percieved sins is to relieve you of them.

Imagine yourself meeting the person, confessing to them that you are sorry for what you did, and you want to be free from the weight of it and ask them for forgiveness. Then imagine them forgiving you, and release all the guilt.

Then actually forgive yourself. You did the same things that every person does, what you thought was best at the time. Any person, given your past, and put in that situation would have made the same choices you did. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

The only productive thing you can do is resolve not do the same things in the future.

As for G5etbox, you are in a tough spot champ. I admire your loyalty and tenacity, but one sometimes has to think about oneself.

It may be difficult to meet a new person, especially with limited time. But the best method I have found is to imagine the perfect person for you. Then think about what she would do, and where she would go. Then in your limited free time, go there and do those things. You will meet that person eventually.

e.g. You want an athletic person, hang out at Gyms, not bars. An intellectual, try a library, bookshop, or join a literary group. Someone into personal development, try this website! err. well you get the idea anyway.

Follow ALG's advice, get some meditative rest and ditch the guilt.

If the son's girlfriend is your perfect girl, then maybe you should risk the ire and go for it. But if she is not your perfect girl, and you are interested just because she is there and seemingly willing, let her go.

It will not be worth the grief, unless there is some really good gravy there.

[g5etbox]

Thanks people for the words of support, finding time to relax and meditate is difficult. My partner is very clingy as she so frighten with what she is going through and the amount of care she needing has just increased. She is the one heavily into new age way of thinking and always reading the books. The comments about guilt are correct. I wonder however if I am able to be strong enough or be allowed to have a close friend and lover? What if your intentions go against the bigger picture? If what you seek is not the best thing for you or others? All this sexual tension has been making me ill and I have been lashing out and poor emeralbaby has been on the end of some stormy chats over the years. She keeps saying she can’t be what I want even as a close friend! Is the happiness of one worth the pressure it places on others, when does needs become a want!

[Dani]

Originally Posted by g5etbox

Thanks people for the words of support, finding time to relax and meditate is difficult. My partner is very clingy as she so frighten with what she is going through and the amount of care she needing has just increased. She is the one heavily into new age way of thinking and always reading the books. The comments about guilt are correct. I wonder however if I am able to be strong enough or be allowed to have a close friend and lover? What if your intentions go against the bigger picture? If what you seek is not the best thing for you or others? All this sexual tension has been making me ill and I have been lashing out and poor emeralbaby has been on the end of some stormy chats over the years. She keeps saying she can’t be what I want even as a close friend! Is the happiness of one worth the pressure it places on others, when does needs become a want!

Then use the care as your meditation. Get one of the books 'Zen and the art of....' any of them will do. Meditation is essentially trying to clear your thoughts and empty your mind. It is entirely possible to do this while performing an activity. I 'meditate' lightly when I draw, when I program and when I jog. Throw yourself so intently into whatever you are doing that you stop thinking.

A lot of your tension and stress will actually come from talking to yourself constantly about how stressed you are. Stop that talk, or replace it with talk about how soothing caring for someone is, and it will become that.

There is no 'bigger picture', life is now, that's it.

Reading this post I am guessing that you say these things, and similar, to yourself, over and over every day. That is the cause of most of your tension, you telling yourself your tense and that you can't take it.

Read the post again to yourself and realise that you are most definitely focussed on the negative in the situation. The only way to get out of that spiral is to focus on the positive.

I am going to ask you to write a post detailing as many good things about your spouse, your life and your family as you can think of. Then focus on these things, think about these things, and they will become your life.

The only way to change it, is to change yourself. You can't be intending good, if you are just talking and thinking about the bad. What you are doing then is wanting the good.

Wanting the good does the opposite, it creates the bad because what you are really intending is 'I don't have this thing, and I have these strong feelings of not having it' The universe then says "Ok Boss got it! You don't have it - check, you feel bad beause you don't have it - check. Done!"

Ok! So you aren't alowed to post here again unless it is a positive post, laced with your intentions for a better life, and not just complaints about the bad you currently have!

I wish I was a moderator and could actually back that up

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by g5etbox

I wonder however if I am able to be strong enough or be allowed to have a close friend and lover?

Aha. Another common error in the application of the Law of Attraction.

You need not strive to be strong, and you need not be strong. If you are strong, this means that something resists you, and you need strength to overcome it, or at least, not be overcome by it.

But the thing that resists you is, in the first place, created by yourself. If you did not energise it with your thoughts, if you are not sustaining it with your own thoughts - it would simply cease to be.

Therefore there would be no need for strength. There will be nothing to resist or fight against - and strength would not be necessary.

This follows from Abraham-Hicks' 2nd Law - the Law of Allowing.

What stops you from having a close friend or lover? As I had mentioned earlier - it is your guilt. Why do you feel you need strength? Because you feel you need strength to fight against your guilt. Why do you need to fight against your guilt?

Because you do not see. That the guilt is of your own creation. It is your painbody at work. (Errr, if that doesn't make sense, read this book - "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle).

Now understand that your guilt is created by your thoughts. If you like, your guilt is created by a certain pattern of electrical impulses moving in your brain. Change your thought ---> change your electrical impulses ---> no more guilt ---> no need for strength.

Then you will be Allowing the manifestation of your close friend/lover.

[emeraldbaby]

wow...

amazing posts dani and ALG.

the greatest thing about LoA for me is the understanding that if i don't develop mental discipline now, i will only get things i DO NOT want. It's a great motivator to be postive and grateful.

Now to get g5etbox started! i'll be certain to refer back to these posts to help g5etbox with his journey!

[Dani]

Thanks for the 'power of one' reminder ALG.

I listend to the audiobook nonstop for like a month. good stuff.

Although his voice is so mellow I wouldn't reccomend listening while operating heavy machinery, you might doze off....

I have found what you said to be exactly the case.

I used ot have a belief that I was emotionally strong, smart, and cunning enough that I could overcome any problem that was thrown at me.

Can anyone spot the flaw in that belief?

-To be those things I needed to have a constant flow of surmountable problems in my life.

Once I realised it, and now I am mostly rid of it, my life has become amazingly smooth. It is gaining a huge amount of momentum, but the hills i used to experience, and that I used to need to be strong to deal with, are virtually gone.

I had one crop up the other day, first in a while, and I started to get back into my old habits, but I caught myself and relaxed and didn't resist it.

What happened? I didn't need to do anything. Someone else came out of nowhere and fixed it for me.


Stop resisting, start enjoying.

[g5etbox]

Originally Posted by g5etbox

No kids. Wish I could start a new lasting relationship but the woman I fall in love with are not able to be more than friends.

An update. Had a relationship with that woman I fell for was going ok and there were clear boundaries. She I think started to get worried that her feeling where getting stronger and accused me to her partner of sexual stalking her and ran back to him. I have tried to clear my name but she is in denial mode will not even admit we had a sexual relationship. All I have my memoires. I get days of deep depression.

[Arboretor]

You got some very good advice in this thread. Have you been able to use some of it?

[Judge]

Originally Posted by g5etbox

A close friend suggested I post my problem. I fell in love with an older woman and been together for some 17 years. Because of the age difference it has never been a normal relationship more a very close friendship. In that time we separate for a time and had a sexual relationship with someone my own age who was seeing her son. Anyhow I have been back with my partner for 12 years now and it is totally non-sexual. The old girl friend is back with my partner’s son and we still see each other regularly as friends only. My partner has now got parkinsons and I have taken on the role of caring for her. To top this I met a special woman and found her good to get on with and we got on well, her being gay means she can never be more than just a friend! She knows I wanted more but can’t be more than she is now. Due to all this I have been going through my own private hell due to 12 years of no female sexual contact is causing both mental and physical pains. The daughter of my partner keeps tell me to find someone to be a “friend that I have sex with” and so is my partner. My old girl friend who is with my partner’s son has become personal the last year, giving hugs and cuddles when we are alone.

Yes I want a sexual relationship with someone I can trust, I can’t just have a one-night stand. I am the type of man who can only love if I feel something special for that person.

You want the magical LoA formula to make you (and everyone) happy.

You are looking outside for answers to fix a 'so called' problem that you have created. You are knee deep in ego, suffering from 'look at me syndrome' claiming all the situation is so stressful, while the whole time, it's of your creation.

Don't feel bad, this is what we ego's specialise in......creating gut wrenching life experience to get lost in

What should you do now?

Nothing.

You're attempting to fix the situation with the tools that created the situation. It will never work.

Do nothing until you accept the whole situation (experience) is of your creation. Until then, no magic formula (LoA, god, religion, focus, thought, emotion) will be of help.

When you accept the now as of your creation, allow it to exist, observe it, then the solution will present itself. You can try all the magic you like, some of it will seem to work, but with time, another situation will arise for you to become consumed by.

It's not a spiritual practice, it's very practical.......ego's hate this approach

Judge

[g5etbox]

Just a quick up-date things are worse, partner suffered deep mental health problems and refuses any medical help for the last 5 years. Finally she is getting some professional mental health treatment. I became ill with heart and lung problems, my doctor say it is carer burnout. Partner was given no choice but to get book into the Parkinson Clinic and get treatment. Mental health professionals admitted her problems so bad she need medication before counselling can make an impact.
My relationships have crashed and I even wrecked my friendship with emeraldbaby by crossing her boundaries by asking for more than she could give but keen to rebuild that friendship. I have really no life just care 24/7 and hope one day someone will care enough to give me hugs.