When intention manifestation doesn't work

[rawxstasy]

Here's the situation. I have been in love with a guy for over 3 years. We were very attracted to one another but were never in a relationship. Even though I wasn't in his class anymore, we would pass by each other in town several times a month. I had no idea where he lived and I usually was only in town on weekends. There were several really amazing synchronicites between us. Then he moved last year. I was devastated. But I really looked inside of myself and worked on my issues. This was when I realized I wanted this guy to help build up my self esteem and I was loving him from an egoic perspective. I did alot of journaling and introspection and went through alot of growth. Now I know I love myself. I also awakened spiritually on this journey. After working on myself for a a year, I felt that I now loved him from a place of unconditional love.

Last July I developed a cough. This was a horrible cough, I would wake up 6 -7 times a night practically choking. I also had this uncontrollable cough several times a day. Over the counter meds only gave me temporary relief. I went to two doctors and a craniosacral therapist. The cough went away for a week then came back as bad as before. Last March I started feeling like I really needed to email this guy and tell him how i was feeling. When I finally decided to actually email him, my cough DISAPPEARED. I didn't make the connection though until a couple weeks later when I was fearful of sending the email and thought about not sending the email, then the cough came back. Then I realized I had to send the email.

I also recieved many amazing synch's and alot of positive intuition to contact this guy. So I emailed him and told him how I felt and I how I thought he felt about me and about all the synch's and the amazing connection I felt we had and that I would like to keep in contact with him and get closer. The response I got was "stop emailing me. there is nothing between us." I was hurt. I cried a little and was in shock for a while. I was totally expecting a positive outcome. My being upset about it tells me I was still too attached to the outcome. I am working on my inner self to see what lessons I can gain from this. I don't regret sending the email, I actually feel that I had the cough because I needed to "get things off my chest."

My question is, how come I had so many positive synchronicities and intuition leading me in this direction only to have it BLOW UP IN MY FACE????

[viking4525]

Heya ...

It hasn't blown up in your face, its encouraging you to go further within. As you have said ... I cried a little and was in shock for a while. I was totally expecting a positive outcome. My being upset about it tells me I was still too attached to the outcome.

That is your answer, you were putting out conflicting intentions and are not truly aligned. If you read t33ny's success thread she has written a couple of interesting things, she "intended" the reunion initially because she missed what they had, wanted the "old way", that didn't work. The second time she THOUGHT she had done all the ground work inside of herself, she was wrong. It was only she truly came back to herself and grew internally did she the Universe "cooking up the goods".

You ALWAYS 100% get back from life what you are putting out. The BIG thing with The Process is detachment, and in your own words you hadn't.

Never give up with your dreams, but you must be honest with yourself and with what you truly want.

[Judge]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

My question is, how come I had so many positive synchronicities and intuition leading me in this direction only to have it BLOW UP IN MY FACE????

As you requested..........

Your ego, thoughts and emotions are all creation, not truly creative.

The failure of LoA is not in the belief that it is always working regardless of output, but in the belief that creation doesn't work through the ego and it's thoughts. No ego can claim true creative power, because as we all know ego's don't create anything, they are created.

If you truly created via ego, then you could create anything instantly with simple thought and as everyone knows, that doesn't work.

So how does it work?

The answer lies in two observations.

1. Watch as your ego thinks it is the creative source.

2. Be aware there is no time and/or movement.

Ego's are lost in the false world of fleeting pleasure and the background of suffering. The reality is so convincing, that the first person perspective claims creatorship, then gets frustrated when it seems all the others (people) seem to have creatorship also.

Then when that makes no sense, they invent a god or universal consciousness that governs it all according to a set of rules that no one can ever know.

This just complicates the illusion and the frustration grows.

The truth is you are the only conscious being here. When you create the world and a person to be in it, then you create all the other people. You invent rules and formula to govern the illusion while all the time trying to figure out why it really makes no sense.

Of course it makes perfect sense, but not on the level of your ego. As you don't create from ego, trying to do so and getting mixed results, just strengthens your ego and the frustration grows.

The spiritual approach of non resistant present moment awareness is liberating because you are now much closer to what you truly are. Defining stuff as good or bad makes no sense, because pain and pleasure are all fleeting and layers on top of perfection.

You (the universe) is coming to know itself through the falsehood of all it is not and identifying with ego, self concern and wanting formula to give you pleasure is the opposite of everything you are, that's why it's so frustrating, because you are further distancing yourself away from the truth.

Life can never truly make you happy or fulfil you, because you are life itself and while you are the creator of all that is, your ego can't accept it, because a creation can never understand what created it.

To find yourself, you have to lose yourself.

Judge

PS This is more of a spiritual thread post, but it's a response from a pm to this thread, so it may be of some use. Plus my ego loves the attention

[joelr]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

Here's the situation. I have been in love with a guy for over 3 years. We were very attracted to one another but were never in a relationship. Even though I wasn't in his class anymore, we would pass by each other in town several times a month. I had no idea where he lived and I usually was only in town on weekends. There were several really amazing synchronicites between us. Then he moved last year. I was devastated. But I really looked inside of myself and worked on my issues. This was when I realized I wanted this guy to help build up my self esteem and I was loving him from an egoic perspective. I did alot of journaling and introspection and went through alot of growth. Now I know I love myself. I also awakened spiritually on this journey. After working on myself for a a year, I felt that I now loved him from a place of unconditional love.

Last July I developed a cough. This was a horrible cough, I would wake up 6 -7 times a night practically choking. I also had this uncontrollable cough several times a day. Over the counter meds only gave me temporary relief. I went to two doctors and a craniosacral therapist. The cough went away for a week then came back as bad as before. Last March I started feeling like I really needed to email this guy and tell him how i was feeling. When I finally decided to actually email him, my cough DISAPPEARED. I didn't make the connection though until a couple weeks later when I was fearful of sending the email and thought about not sending the email, then the cough came back. Then I realized I had to send the email.

I also recieved many amazing synch's and alot of positive intuition to contact this guy. So I emailed him and told him how I felt and I how I thought he felt about me and about all the synch's and the amazing connection I felt we had and that I would like to keep in contact with him and get closer. The response I got was "stop emailing me. there is nothing between us." I was hurt. I cried a little and was in shock for a while. I was totally expecting a positive outcome. My being upset about it tells me I was still too attached to the outcome. I am working on my inner self to see what lessons I can gain from this. I don't regret sending the email, I actually feel that I had the cough because I needed to "get things off my chest."

My question is, how come I had so many positive synchronicities and intuition leading me in this direction only to have it BLOW UP IN MY FACE????

Oh, the heartbreak email, I know that state of shock. It's got to be the worst feeling ever. It's so impersonal too. But personal rejections are no better. actually worse.

I have done a lot of IM work and for me I find if I'm working on a serious issue (like Love) I can only create amazing things if I'm doing daily meditation/visualization work and like Viking says - be detached. It's almost better to more more excited about the process than any 1 person. In that sense an email message might just say - hi, let's get coffee. That way you're not putting too much energy one one person. With new potential relationships it's generally better to hold back as not to overwhelm someone. Even with LOA it's important to still use your best judgment because you can sabotage any manifestation.

Like you have noticed, with synchs sometimes we make the events out to be much more than they really are. At one point I was working on a relationship manifestation, right before it actually happened I started attracting lots of romantic partners so I felt that might be a sign that my energy was changing to where I wanted it. But I was still cautious.

Maybe your intentions did have some effect but you revealed too much info too early? Would he be receptive to just being friends at this point?
If not then you can always begin the process of finding someone who will give you similar feelings.

[rawxstasy]

Thanks everyone for the input. I don't know if this guy is going to be receptive to being friends. I'm not not going to worry about it. I am taking what lessons I can from the experience, realizing I still have alot of growth to do. I felt like the information I put in the email was the right thing to do. I prayed about it for about six weeks and got alot of confirmation from the Universe that this was the right thing to do. One thing is I hadn't been meditating regularly since last February so I think this is what I needed to get me back on track.