Confused

[Jersey]

I will try to make a long story short...basically, I am heart broken which has driven me to search out some positive things/readings just to get me through the days. A missed connection with a girl led her to begin dating someone else; looking back (which i know i shouldnt do) there were tons of signs for us to get together. We have since become good friends and confided in each other about our feelings. We enjoy each others company and talk all the time. Unfortunately, I am friends with her and her significant other which makes it even harder for me. I justify to myself that what is meant to be will be, and the timing is just not right for us. But truth be told, its killing me. I can't stop negative thoughts from creeping into my head like "they will be together forever". (Which now I know is big time resisting) So one day, when I was feeling horrible about this situation someone handed me a book The Secret and said that someone gave it to them to read but they had not had time yet. They didnt even know what it was about but was told it had a positive msg. so they gave it to me. I read it in two days and now am onto another book, Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting. So that is how I first found out about LOA. But I find it totally confusing and difficult. Its very difficult for me to get through a day without feeling bad about not being with this great girl; so right there I'm putting out some negative energy. Then I tell myself that I have to forget about being with her ("if it was meant to be then it will be"); that seems to go against what LOA says? Because to bring something in, I need to feel like I already have it. It's kind of a depressing and confusing situation...thinking about her makes me upset. I have tried to "feel" like what it would be like to be with her. I imagine what it would be like to come home to her, etc. I can make it very vivid in my mind and put myself there. But this goes against my whole tactic of trying to not think about her?? Is it even possible to bring another specific person into your life? I could go on and on but I think this is a good start?

[Holistic Star]

Instead of focusing your efforts on the particular woman, focus on generating the feeling of being loved (without it being conditional on any external influence).

the 4 steps of EMYLIW are

work out what you don't want - easy don't want to feel unloved
work out what you do want - want to feel love, connection, happiness etc
work at really feeling those emotions - ok so generate feelings of love and connection, really feel them, that feels good right?
allow those feelings of love and connection to come back to you. Don't focus on the HOW, just allow good feelings to come back to you.


I would also recommend using someone to work on any limiting beliefts you have. Check out EFT EFT Home - World Center for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) - things like "this is the only person in the world that will make me happy" "this is my last shot at happiness" would be good to neutralise.

[Jersey]

I am so new to all of this...

what does "EMYLIW" mean?

I feel like everytime I try to think about good things, like being loved and happy and I try to generate those things by saying that everything will happen when the time is right and I picture the type of girl I want...other negative feelings pop up like: I will never find a girl like the one I missed out on. I have a hard time trying to block out the negative emotions but then some people say dont try to block them out, just let them be?? I did just get the EFT manual sent me to so I can try to do some research on that?

[Holistic Star]

EMYLIW = Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting.

yes EFT will really help with that.
hope you enjoy the manual. There's a LOT of information in it so take it slowly.

I'm happy to help with set-up statements if you like.

[Jersey]

Thanks....in reading through the threads, all your posts always seem to say just the right things. you sound like you have this whole thing down. I am about half way through the book, so i will let you know how its going or if I need help. One thing I have the hardest time with is "feeling good". Obviously I am hurting and it feels like such a contradiction to feel good? I have such a hard time keeping my thoughts positive, those negative ones always seem to fill my head? Any suggestions?

[viking4525]

Originally Posted by Jersey

Thanks....in reading through the threads, all your posts always seem to say just the right things. you sound like you have this whole thing down. I am about half way through the book, so i will let you know how its going or if I need help. One thing I have the hardest time with is "feeling good". Obviously I am hurting and it feels like such a contradiction to feel good? I have such a hard time keeping my thoughts positive, those negative ones always seem to fill my head? Any suggestions?

Hi Jersey, sounds like your "awakening" process has already begun. Are situations are not too disimilar but with some differences which I won't go into at this stage.

As you are starting in the LoA/IM or as I like to call all of this The Process as Holistic Star says there is a LOT to take in so take it easy. Just to say there is no formula to follow to manifestation, the whole process starts and finishes INSIDE of you.

First thing is actually be gentle with yourself. As the process starts inside of you you will start to understand more about yourself. What you are creating in your life etc. To combat the neg thoughts the first thing you must do is "accept" the "situation" you are in and then accept them. Accept that you have the thoughts, but then "observe" the thoughts but make NO JUDGEMENT on them. "Umm thats an interesting thought, I will never find another girl like her." Observe non judgementally. Observe the feelings inside of yourself and then explore your surroundings and life outside of the romantic situation. Find out the SMALLEST thing that you can be grateful for. FEEL what its like to be grateful (for that wonderful meal, beer, tree whatever).

Thats a start.

For The Process, well I suggest intutitive question/answer writing (Steve Pavlina suggested that in 1 of his audio blogs). Find out with yourself why did you "intend" the split in the first place. Are you experiencing what it is like to be away her so you can UNCONSCIOUSLY weigh up and make a decision? Do you really want her? Regardless of your answer The Process will be there always for you.

Just a kinda "heads up" be aware of your thoughts and what you say. If you say they will be together forever, then they will. Thats one of the basics of The Process, you always get what you want, by thought, word and deed.

Remember, this is PERFECT for you (and me), there is a reason why you are awaking at this point, and why its through love that you are awaking. For my story I realised in self reflection it was out of fear, I was receiving and giving unconditional love for the first time in my life, and I "manifested" our "time out" (thats what I am calling my situation).

Be gentle with yourself, as I say you have already begun your journey, and its not the end result that counts, its the journey itself.

[macabhay]

Dear Jersey,

I hear you. It sounds like you are in a situation that has become emotionally difficult for you. You're attached to a girl, who is a friend, who is also in a relationship with another friend.

This is causing thoughts and feeling such as, "I will never be as happy with another girl", like you have lost something forever and that can never be replaced by anything/anyone else.

It also sounds like since the beginning you have been in a place of resistance towards the painful feelings that you were having, rationalizing that they are obstacles to your life.

There is a well known saying, "what you resist, persists".

Therefore, along with becoming clear about what you want in a loving, intimate relationship - as holistic star was advising - I would encourage you to allow the painful feelings to come.

Not that you let them tear at your mind and heart, but give them a proper audience.

Just like a qualified judge will even give a murderer a fair trial to express himself, give these painful, hurt feelings an audience in that way.

You can be in the company of these hurtful feelings without identifying with them, and in giving them due attention, you may find that they begin to settle.

-Abhay Khurana

[Jersey]

thats where i am confused?? from everything i read about the process, i need to be putting out positive energy/vibrations. when these thoughts come to me, i am so far from "feeling good" there can be nothing but negative coming from me? It seems like such a contradiction? Everytime I begin to make progress in this area, something will happen to throw me back two steps?

[macabhay]

Dear Jersey,

I think the key is to understand that you can positively address the painful feelings that you are feeling.

Pain need not always have a negative connotation. Pain exists in this creation for many reasons.

One is that it serves the purpose of helping us realize what we don't want, and more importantly what we do want.

I would encourage you to think about that and come from that place.

-Abhay Khurana

[Jersey]

I think I know what to do? I just have a difficult time with my thoughts...I keep hearing, listen to your thoughts, acknowledge them and then let them go? How does one "acknowledge" a thought, especially a negative one (like being heartbroken), and not have it make you feel bad???

[viking4525]

Originally Posted by Jersey

I think I know what to do? I just have a difficult time with my thoughts...I keep hearing, listen to your thoughts, acknowledge them and then let them go? How does one "acknowledge" a thought, especially a negative one (like being heartbroken), and not have it make you feel bad???

The Process needs you to work on yourself first. It makes no difference what part of The Process you do, you will be eminating conflicting intentions.

Before you go any further look inside of yourself and work on yourself. Find the peace and happiness inside yourself and look at the reasons why you met at the very beginning and the reasons why you split. Deal with the fear, anger, upset, resentment and all those negative feelings. Find a point in time when you will accept them, don't hide them as they will always be there and they will arise at a future point.

Once you have done all the digging, probing, testing of yourself internally, seen why and then get to the point of NOT CARING why anymore, you will feel MORE FULL inside. You will be aligned internally and you will come from a place of FULLNESS and not lack. Then you will have lived life WITH her and lived life WITHOUT her and you can then see IF you truly desire her back in your life.

Then, and only then can you IF you decide - truly intend her back properly and you can then follow The Process completely. The Process will SEEMINGLY give you all what you need.

Its your internal journey that you need to work on, and you are. Once you have completed your internal journey then you will find the relationship BACK to her OR with a newer improved equivalent of her. Its WHATEVER you truly decide.

Be aware that IF you want her back and you go through your journey and when you get her back, the relationship will NEVER be EXACTLY the same as it was previously as you both have gone through your journeys BUT it will be better than either of you could ever expect.

Your choice is in your hands, and no matter WHAT your decision it will be perfect for you and for YOUR GREATER GOOD

[young]

Hey Jersey,

I feel what you're going through. Trust me, I have been there. I respect Viking4525's words.

The key is accept, surrender, let go of the illusion of thoughts. It is an illusion because the moment you become aware, they disappear instantly. If they disappear, are they any real than you make them?

Another thing, did you know that you are simply seeking yourself in this great girl? You are seeking joy & peace from this girl when, in fact, you are already that joy & peace.

Of course, it is difficult to live intellectually so I advise you to reflect on my & others words rather than remember them through mind. Feel it!

[Jersey]

I think so many people on this site have such good things to say but I have to admit...it all sounds good but its so hard to put into practice. I am just about finished "Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting" and I am a little disappointed. I understand what the author is saying but its just not that easy to do? Recognize the thoughts and release...thats difficult to do?

[Zas]

Originally Posted by Jersey

I think so many people on this site have such good things to say but I have to admit...it all sounds good but its so hard to put into practice. I am just about finished "Excuse Me Your Life Is Waiting" and I am a little disappointed. I understand what the author is saying but its just not that easy to do? Recognize the thoughts and release...thats difficult to do?

A good place to start with this (or just an additional place) might be to tell yourself that this is all very easy and natural to do.