30 day trial - intense focus meditations, 2x day

[pyrogen]

I'm having a hard time right now and I'm hoping this'll pull me through.

I just broke up with my partner, am still living together as roommates but don't know anybody in this town I'm in, and am feeling very insecure/lost/scared with situation. The fact that it looks like he's starting to date again makes me feel even more weird and insecure, like I could get kicked out at any moment, I know that isn't true - I know him pretty well - but I still feel this cold knife twisting in my gut. I have a lot of logistical problems to solve in order to move out, and once I move out. I need a plan.

I feel like I have this sheer whopping magnitude of logistical things to solve and I need to use everything in my power to stay focused on the future I'm creating.

I'm kind of following a format that a lot of religious people use, 2x a day (morning and evening - I got that idea from the Nichiren Buddhists) I'll be doing about half an hour of manifestation oriented meditation and prayer, in the morning and at bedtime... starting off with a gratitude roll. I need intense discipline to fight the sheer levels of negativity I'm dealing with.

I used to practice Buddhism so this kind of a schedule isn't strange to me.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

I'm having a hard time right now and I'm hoping this'll pull me through.

I just broke up with my partner, am still living together as roommates but don't know anybody in this town I'm in, and am feeling very insecure/lost/scared with situation. The fact that it looks like he's starting to date again makes me feel even more weird and insecure, like I could get kicked out at any moment, I know that isn't true - I know him pretty well - but I still feel this cold knife twisting in my gut. I have a lot of logistical problems to solve in order to move out, and once I move out. I need a plan.

Is it safe to assume that you two broke up for good or it's like an off period?

Since you said you don't have any friends in that town, can you communicate with your friends via phone, etc?

Do you have an idea where to move out? Possible plans, is something that you'll need as you mentioned, do you have options?

I feel like I have this sheer whopping magnitude of logistical things to solve and I need to use everything in my power to stay focused on the future I'm creating.

I believe you can do it.

I'm kind of following a format that a lot of religious people use, 2x a day (morning and evening - I got that idea from the Nichiren Buddhists) I'll be doing about half an hour of manifestation oriented meditation and prayer, in the morning and at bedtime... starting off with a gratitude roll. I need intense discipline to fight the sheer levels of negativity I'm dealing with.

I used to practice Buddhism so this kind of a schedule isn't strange to me.

You mentioned previously that you'll keep a journal. I think this is a good idea.

Update us often. Good luck.

[pyrogen]

Magi, I don't think you realize this but your drilling all those logistical things into my head just now made my anxiety worse. I'm trying to create options, not wonder if I have options.

[Judge]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

I feel like I have this sheer whopping magnitude of logistical things to solve and I need to use everything in my power to stay focused on the future I'm creating.

Step back and observe. Truly relax, drop the ego negativity and simply be as life is right now. The easiest way to get over negative thoughts is to not replace them with positive ones, but to drop all thought and observe.

Neutral non reaction is the key to allow life to take care of the situation.

It's not a problem, a challenge maybe, but the way to get the right action is to stop reacting. Maybe some effort might be required by you, maybe not, but to add emotive focusing sessions into the challenge is not (IMO) the best approach. They may help fight the negativity, but they create expectations that may or may not resolve the challenge.

Just my opinion.

Judge

[supertom]

I would like to do this with you too, with a special Intent for you in finding a statisfying solution. You might find it better to first go into imaginary sanctuary than do your meditation there, it'll help keep off the negative.

I'll put a post to say i did it

[magi13]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

Magi, I don't think you realize this but your drilling all those logistical things into my head just now made my anxiety worse. I'm trying to create options, not wonder if I have options.

Sorry about that. Move at your own pace. That was not my intention.

Take Judge and supertom's advice. I've tested Judge's advice a number of times and applied to between me, my friends and my subordinates. It works. I also do a variation of what supertom mentioned. except that I superimpose visual images on the location which I fear and neutralize it with something positive. I do hope you keep an open mind.

Again I'm sorry.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

I have a lot of logistical problems to solve in order to move out, and once I move out. I need a plan.

I feel like I have this sheer whopping magnitude of logistical things to solve and I need to use everything in my power to stay focused on the future I'm creating.

Ask him to help you solve the logistical problems and move out.

[pyrogen]

I think it's about day 3 now.

What I've observed:

1. I need to carve out a niche of time at night and actually go to bed BEFORE I am tired. IE while I am still at a high level of attention. If I don't hope to drift off and fall asleep.

2. Sometimes the in between sleep and wake state, is VERY useful... this is where I'm most likely to have a lucid dream or any dream about my inquiry, is if I fall asleep in the middle of a meditation. It works better though if I use a guided meditation on a tape or MP3.

3. Reading my manifestation script before doing the visualization helps a great deal

4. So does doing rampage of appreciation (Abe-Hicks process) and/or gratitude journal, to get into right mindset

5. In the morning - it's best to do it after or during my morning coffee - I can have the coffee with slowness and mindfulness to get into the swing of it. If I do it before coffee I just go back to sleep.
Also, I don't have a productive session if I do anything else in the morning first. As close to waking is best.

[pyrogen]

Been doing this almost every day - it's most likely to be an "off day" when I'm at my job (I am a live-in caregiver two days a week) and I'm totally exhausted by bedtime.

Being disciplined about my sleep schedule and time management has been crucial!!

Results so far:

I am getting MUCH better at hooking up my emotions to my visualizations.

When I do "mate visualization" I FEEL the emotions of being in love, of being happy, even of being turned on by that person. I can almost feel that person with me, see that person's smile...

I have lower-heirarchy things to do (survival related), but shifting to something that makes me happy to think about helps me get my mind off of the sources of resistance for those lower-heirarchy things.

I've stopped doing "job visualization" or trying to figure out where to move, how to move, what car, et cetera. I am just doing abundance work. There is more than enough for everything! The visualizations have gotten quite fun - I will have an imagining (one involved people going crazy to shove stacks of money at me, and money falling out of the sky!) and the imagery will often be funny and make me laugh.

The hitch has been that when I do the deep trance type work, I black out. I know that this is a normal/optimal state for hypnotic stuff but I thought I was supposed to be consciously participating in my visualization? OK.

Material results:
So far what is happening is that I'm realizing that the things I wanted to solve are not big things to solve at all, they're fairly easy. I realized that I could just go down to a car dealership and get a car, for example. Really a no-brainer. I also discovered that I will have more money as soon as I move, get a different car and change phone plans, just by doing those things alone.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

The hitch has been that when I do the deep trance type work, I black out. I know that this is a normal/optimal state for hypnotic stuff but I thought I was supposed to be consciously participating in my visualization? OK.

Well, it happens. That's the technically difficult balance that needs to be achieved. You want to go deep, but not so deep that you can't consciously create any more.

One of the techniques I use is to start manifesting while simultaneously moving deeper. As I move deeper, I simplify the intention. In other words, at first, I am working with images and words and feelings. At the same time, I keep moving deeper. As I move deeper, I keep simplifying those images and words, so it's easier to maintain focus, even as I go deeper.

So finally when I reach a very deep state, it's all been simplified into, say, a single feeling or a single word or a single image.

[Strem2]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Well, it happens. That's the technically difficult balance that needs to be achieved. You want to go deep, but not so deep that you can't consciously create any more.

One of the techniques I use is to start manifesting while simultaneously moving deeper. As I move deeper, I simplify the intention. In other words, at first, I am working with images and words and feelings. At the same time, I keep moving deeper. As I move deeper, I keep simplifying those images and words, so it's easier to maintain focus, even as I go deeper.

So finally when I reach a very deep state, it's all been simplified into, say, a single feeling or a single word or a single image.

Nice. I like that tactic ALG.... Thank you.

[pyrogen]

I got the absolute perfect living situation that solved all of my problems and was everything I was looking for. I didn't visualize the outcome because I had no idea how to solve it, I just went into the "flow" of the law of the universe (technique called Flowdreaming that I use, it's similar in principle though not in actual practice to Nichiren Buddhism's theories) and asked for the best possible outcome for me and my dog.

That said, since then a piece of karma has ripened, I started working for "best possible relationship situation, solve problem with relationships" and something I needed the answer to, has unpacked... basically... I had a clear insight into my part of the badness of my relationship, how I was responsible, for the first time. I began to see exactly - almost mapped out like a flowchart in my mind - exactly how I triggered the various response chains in him that triggered the behavior/reinforced my perception of him. Really mindblowing, I never saw before how I was responsible for creating my negative experience of the relationship, I had always blamed him.

Very mindblowing, because under all of that crap I realized I love him very much, and I wish I could have done things differently, but of course at this point I still need to move.

I also ended up realziing some other stuff that was very heavy and deep... I'm still dealing with all of this, and have been sad a lot. I'm looking for an in-person community of people right now for support through this stuff... this is about the point I got to in my Buddhist (Tibetan tradition) practice years ago where I got overwhelmed with my own baggage that was unpacking in meditation, and quit.

[Strem2]

Good for you. Keep your goals general. Let the Universe guide you after that.

[WordKeeper]

Pyrogen - thank you for sharing this. I believe that I can learn much from following your lead.

I want to type a committment for 2 20minute meditation sessions per day for 30 days but I feel some fear about that. I'm going to make that commitment anyway.

I am especially motivated by the beauty of the insights and "unpacking" that occurred for you.