Anger with Job

[jawillie]

I am struggling here. Lately I have been so angry. I am aware I am angry, I am able to see it is not needed, but I still choose it. It's not a "lash-out" anger, it's a "steaming inside" anger. Even though I am not lashing out, though, I feel I am letting off a terrible negative energy. I also feel it is effecting my well-being, overall.

I just do not like my job. I hate it. Can I say that? I HATE MY JOB!!!!

Yet... what do I do? Move on to... what, exactly? I can't go backwards financially, and I do not want to go back to working for someone else, though, in reality I do work for others right now anyway (even though I am self-employed, I am ruled by others).

I want freedom.

I want Financial Freedom.

I want freedom to LIVE and not be stuck to an 11 1/2 hour job every day!!!

I want quiet.

I don't know how to get there.

I also doubt it is at all possible to get what I truly want.

"We can't all have cushy jobs, some of us are destined to work in the trenches." That is my true underlying belief. I dont' know how to kick it.

I also believe you need a college degree to be deemed "valuable." I almost have one, but it is in a field I no longer want to work in, so why finish it?

So, my belief is, "I don't have a degree, I will never make real money."

I haven't been meditating lately, so I need to get back to that at least twice a day. That will be step one.

Can anyone recommend tips or advise?

I am embracing my anger as a signpost... this is not working for you, time to move on. So maybe I am on the verge of a change-for-the-better? Maybe??

I do a lot of free-writing on it, and I am usually surprised by what comes up. I will keep doing that as well.

I don't know. It is just that today life felt hopeless to me. As I work down to the end of the day (FINALLY) I am feeling more hopeful... but that's normal. It's my JOB. I do not like my JOB. I only feel terrible Monday-Friday, 6:30 am - 6 pm. I am afraid if I allow myself to "feel good" during my job, I will be destined to be stuck here forever. It's like I am not allowing myself to have good feelings for it anymore. It's like a tangible feeling of blockage in my chest area. I just don't know how to completely work through this! I need to move on.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by jawillie

I am afraid if I allow myself to "feel good" during my job, I will be destined to be stuck here forever.

Girl, I'm right there with you. You saw my thread about purpose and how much I dislike the work I'm doing now. Go back there an look at what Angela said. Check out that podcast Dan linked. Go do the passion test (you can get a 30 day trial for a $2.00 donation). Those have helped me.

Now let me say that I've been experimenting with changing my attitude toward my current (hated) job. It seems to be all to do with me! The job of course is just a job. It's neutral. It's our feelings and declarations and attitude that make it unbearable. AND that doesn't mean you stay. It doesn't mean you have to do this job because someone has to do it. And for ***** (I bleeped that myself ) sake, you don't need a degree to be worthy or successful.

I believe that if you allow yourself to feel good during your job, you will have the clarity and peace and mental and emotional energy to find what you truly want to do and go for it. If you are in this angry state, hating your job (hello, me) then you will suffer and be stuck. Downstream, jawillie. Nothing you want is upstream. Stop fighting and float. Think thoughts that feel good when you think them. You know what to do.

It's only since I've stopped arguing with my job and fighting against it that I see it's not trapping me...I am! All you have to do to make it different is choose. Choose your attitude. Choose to focus on making a decision about what you want to do. Take steps to do it. You can do it. So do it.

Be happy, woman. You are amazing! And you deserve to love what you do. Start with where you are and then go where you want to go.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Girl, I'm right there with you. You saw my thread about purpose and how much I dislike the work I'm doing now. Go back there an look at what Angela said. Check out that podcast Dan linked. Go do the passion test (you can get a 30 day trial for a $2.00 donation). Those have helped me.

Now let me say that I've been experimenting with changing my attitude toward my current (hated) job. It seems to be all to do with me! The job of course is just a job. It's neutral. It's our feelings and declarations and attitude that make it unbearable. AND that doesn't mean you stay. It doesn't mean you have to do this job because someone has to do it. And for ***** (I bleeped that myself ) sake, you don't need a degree to be worthy or successful.

I believe that if you allow yourself to feel good during your job, you will have the clarity and peace and mental and emotional energy to find what you truly want to do and go for it. If you are in this angry state, hating your job (hello, me) then you will suffer and be stuck. Downstream, jawillie. Nothing you want is upstream. Stop fighting and float. Think thoughts that feel good when you think them. You know what to do.

It's only since I've stopped arguing with my job and fighting against it that I see it's not trapping me...I am! All you have to do to make it different is choose. Choose your attitude. Choose to focus on making a decision about what you want to do. Take steps to do it. You can do it. So do it.

Be happy, woman. You are amazing! And you deserve to love what you do. Start with where you are and then go where you want to go.

Thank you, ATC. I will check out those resources. I haven't been back to your thread, I will go back and see what others have said.

I dont' mean to beat a dead horse. It feels like I have been going around and around and AROUND this same ole mountain. (for like five years) I need to climb it finally!

I go through spurts of having a great attitude (April - September I was in a great state of mind). But now I am back at that spot where I just hate everything. UGH! It's so frustrating, because I thought I was over feeling sorry for myself but it's back again. I just dread facing the day. Dread doing the same things over and over and over again. I find I dread my "lot" in life.... the job I must do day in and day out forever because I can't see around it.

See? So I had a great frame of mind April - September, but no other answers came to me during that time. I was just "happy" (supposedly... or was I just faking it real good??)

I know complaining doesn't help, but today I just wanted to run away and not come back, I had to get it "out."

[fellowtraveler]

ATC's words are good.

Of course you are the limiting factor...how could it be otherwise? You can't go backwards in income? Says who? Who says you need the things you buy with the money? You.

The most wonderful thing happened to me two weeks ago. I was let go from the fairly lucrative job I'd never liked and which I'd grown to hate the past few years. It was clear from the events that they had no choice but to release me - it was meant to be. Now I have no money for anything but the essentials, and I couldn't be happier. I'm free.

Only you can decide what to do...but I suggest you simply put out an intention that things will get better for you in this regard, try to relax, be alert for opportunities and do the best you can until whatver is going to come along to help you arrives.

Oh yeah...and be grateful for what you do have, eh?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by jawillie

I know complaining doesn't help, but today I just wanted to run away and not come back, I had to get it "out."

That's perfectly understandable. And a lot of times I feel the same way and I struggle with why I keep going around in circles. But it feels better to be happy than it does to be angry and sad. It's really a choice.

One thing that stood out to me is that you said "no answers came to me." I think that's where you and I have been misguided. The answers aren't going to just come to you I don't think. You decide. You make a choice what you want the answer to be and then you pursue it. Waiting to be struck by a bolt of lightning is an exercise in futility! I guess it does happen, but what a pain holding out for it. How about instead just taking steps. Taking actions, whatever you feel the next right one is.

You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. Feel it. But then let it pass through and out of you. Don't hold onto it so tightly by fighting with it and reasoning with it. That's when you get stuck.

See if working on the Passion Test doesn't give you a little spark. The reason I think it works is because you are focusing on what you want, rather than what you don't. That leads you away from your defeatist thinking and into something that feels better. That's when things start falling into place and moving where you want them to go.

And read what Honeywith4bees wrote near the end. Remember to stay open. When we get in this funk and carry around a nasty attitude, we aren't open to the opportunities and signposts all around us.

Good luck dear. I didn't intend to make you feel badly about feeling so angry. Go ahead and feel it. But when that gets old give the rest a try.