Dead Babies

[nbebaby]

Ok, so sorry for the title of this thread. I needed to get a little shock value to lure you guys to read and respond. I am new to this forum and somewhat new to the LOA. I recently became familiar with it after I was given The Secret on audiotape. Also, my mom has always been big into metaphysics and the paranormal so I have been somewhat exposed to a range of related topics most of my life. I used to be pretty skeptical of this "mumbo jumbo." I'm an attorney so logic pretty much rules the day for me. But lately, I don't know. This intention-manifestation concept is actually starting to make quite logical sense to me. So here's where the dead babies come in.

My husband and I have been trying for a second child for some time now. In April we lost a pregnancy at 18 weeks (nearly 5 months). The baby was fully formed and nothing was wrong with her. She was tiny but other than that everything was normal. The doctors could find no reason for the miscarriage/stillbirth. Everything was going along fine and then at one of my routine checkups, the doctor could not find the heartbeat. Fast forward 5 months later. We get pregnant again. I show up at my first doctor's appointment and not only is there no heartbeat but there's no baby. The sac has formed, my body thinks I am pregnant, but Voila! no baby. Apparently, it's called a blighted ovum where the baby never actually forms.

(Guys, this may be a difficult subject for you especially if you are not very familiar with the biology of a pregnancy but really these details don't matter). So here is my dilemma. Under LOA, does this mean that I caused the babies to die or not to develop in some way. Did I have some negative thought that could have caused this? All I have wanted for the past two years is to get pregnant again. So much so, that I practically live in the fertility specialist's office. So how could I have "intended" this? My other theory was suggested in a blog by Erin Pavlina which basically goes something like this - sometimes when babies die in utero it's because circumstances have changed from when they chose their parents and their future will now change or the baby's soul has just changed its mind for some reason. Really?? I had two babies change their minds??

I really am just trying to understand this. We are in the process of trying again and I have begun meditation and acupuncture and visualization. I am going to have another child and it is going to be healthy and perfect in every way! How's that for intention?!

Seriously though, I welcome anyone's input and theories on the past losses and what this could mean for any future pregnancies.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by nbebaby

I'm an attorney so logic pretty much rules the day for me.

Hello, my learned friend. I am an attorney too and so is my wife. And we both practise the LOA too. (Actually I'm more into magick and she's more into the Silva Method plus psychic phenomena, but let's not get too pedantic.

But lately, I don't know. This intention-manifestation concept is actually starting to make quite logical sense to me.

Ahhh, you noticed.

Under LOA, does this mean that I caused the babies to die or not to develop in some way.

The short answer is yes.

The slightly longer answer is that it depends on what you mean by the words "I", "caused"; "the babies"; and "die".

Really?? I had two babies change their minds??

Not necessarily. It could have been more than just two candidates. In the end, none of them felt that this was the right time and place for them to take this particular incarnation.

However, all of this is not helpful. Now, this ....

I really am just trying to understand this. We are in the process of trying again and I have begun meditation and acupuncture and visualization. I am going to have another child and it is going to be healthy and perfect in every way! How's that for intention?!

.... is helpful.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by nbebaby

(Guys, this may be a difficult subject for you especially if you are not very familiar with the biology of a pregnancy but really these details don't matter). So here is my dilemma. Under LOA, does this mean that I caused the babies to die or not to develop in some way. Did I have some negative thought that could have caused this?

"Caused" might not be the right word, this implies you were totally responsible for your babies not coming to full term. I believe, on a soul level, each of your babies, you, your husband and possibly even extended family and friends agreed on this experience. In other words, each of you have something, on a soul level, to learn from it.

All I have wanted for the past two years is to get pregnant again.

LOA did work as you did get pregnant twice. Perhaps, you could extend your visualisations of the child as an infant in your arms, taking its first steps, first day of school, etc.

My other theory was suggested in a blog by Erin Pavlina which basically goes something like this - sometimes when babies die in utero it's because circumstances have changed from when they chose their parents and their future will now change or the baby's soul has just changed its mind for some reason. Really?? I had two babies change their minds??

I've also heard the baby's soul only required the experience of being in the womb.

I really am just trying to understand this.

Can you accept that you may never understand it?

I'm not suggesting you give up on healing and examining your limiting beliefs, just that you may never pinpoint exactly why.

My daughter died when she was three years old and I struggled with the why of it all for a long time. One thing I did know... when she was first born, we were told she could live 2 weeks or a maximum of 2 years. My heart broke, but as she lay on my breast, I looked at her and thought, all I could do was love her, my heart swelled. I believed in LOA and used it every day of her life. Ultimately, I intended a miracle and although there were many miracles... well, our souls had other plans.

We are in the process of trying again and I have begun meditation and acupuncture and visualization. I am going to have another child and it is going to be healthy and perfect in every way! How's that for intention?!

That is a beautiful intention and my heart is with you.

[ns123]

I had a neighbor who was in a similar situation. You are not alone.

She wanted her first child, so badly, but had multiple miscarriages. She went to fertility clinics, tried everything. She miscarried so many times, she gave up.

She met a friend who asked her to come to a prayer circle, and they would pray for her. I am irreligious so I was like, "ppffft!" But you know what? Several months later, she was pregnant! Her doc told her she would have complications. Her son came out perfect.

When she wanted to have a 2nd child, her doctor told her she would not be very likely to have a 2nd child. But guess what? 6 months later, she was pregnant again, with a beautiful, perfect, healthy little girl.

She calls them her miracle babies.
And even though I am irreligious, I do believe her.

I don't know enough about IM to help you, but I do know this much, since I've seen it happen over and over: Just when you are about to give up, life surprises you, and just around the bend is hope and beauty and all that you ever wanted.

So take heart, miracles do happen, every day, to many people. It could happen to you.

[dali]

Somebody shared something that I found very affirming with me recently. It was this: The opposite of birth is death. LIFE has no opposite.

The more I read of the LOA the more I dont know. I do not want to comment on its values or lack of them for that reason .

As to choices made by our souls prior to birth, again for me this is a mystery and I cannot admit to knowing anything there either.

I do believe though that everything life gives to us , including life itself , passes. It is up to us to accept this truth or fight it. LIFE does what LIFE wants to do. We cannot do a thing about that. I think we are more like channels.

This being the case I think it more than helpful first to seek to still the mind which has the nasty habit of fighting reality. Meditation is a method designed to help us do this. We learn to stop the noise and listen to a silent voice within. Somehow as we become more practiced we open more so life can flow through us without impediment.

Get meditating! Go for acupuncture.Friends of mine had great success with acupuncture, a wild child called Bess actually, after years of pain and anguish.

By all means have intentions as big as the sky and hope and find the things that work for you. Before you do any of that though accept what has happened as what life wanted to happen. Go deep within yourself and find your gratitude ,not for what your thoughts are telling you, maybe that you failed, maybe your babies didnt want you TWICE . Not at all. You have been pregnant twice. Two beautiful pregnancies. Life wanted them exactly as they were. Life wanted you to have them both. Exactly as they were. I think it is important that someone remind you. There were times of great joy were there not? Only you know all the wonder you experienced. Life experienced everything you did too!!

Dead babies? Really? There are no dead babies only dead beliefs we have about them. Life one and Life two. Some parents give them names and find that beneficial. I dont know.

I wish you and your husband all the best with Life three!!!!

dali

[nbebaby]

dali, ns123, dancer and Acting Like Godot -

Thanks to all of you for your insightful replies. They certainly gave me a different perspective. I guess this is why I found my way to this site. I suspect I have been looking for this type of guidance for some time now but did not know where to find it. Now I do. I look forward to learning more about you (and me) during my stay here.

[Dharma]

(my normal disclaimer - In my POV, LOA is false) but I will try to give you a perspective on your dilemma.

Originally Posted by nbebaby

Under LOA, does this mean that I caused the babies to die or not to develop in some way. Did I have some negative thought that could have caused this? All I have wanted for the past two years is to get pregnant again. So much so, that I practically live in the fertility specialist's office. So how could I have "intended" this?

The mind wants a reason for everything, but there are no reasons. Things are as they are. At most I'd say things in the outside world are a direct reflection of our choices inside. "You mean I chose to not be pregnant?"

Yes. And also chose to be pregnant too. But who is doing the choosing? This is where you get stuck and get frustrated. nbebaby is not the one choosing what happens. You (all-that-is, the totality of life), is choosing what happens. You can do all the visualization and intentions you want, the little made-up self named nbebaby doesn't do the work. The consciousness that you are (and are currently not identified with) is the one that does the works.

You need to start identifying yourself with the real you. You are not the name and form you identify with. You are the awareness that sees what happens in the world. To realize this takes the pressure for anything to happen in the world. And when you take the pressure off yourself, and you can receive life as it is, not wanting a baby soooo badly, you allow the magic of life to move with you, and your desire now has a chance to manifest.

If you are worried, contracted, fearful, have expectations or wants inside, that's not a fertile breeding ground for manifestation to take place. Qualities like joy, ease, and lightness allow life to flow through you easily.

How to have joy, ease, and lightness? The short answer: don't care what happens. Be present with what is.

I'd recommend the works of Eckhart Tolle to assist dropping identification of yourself with the ego and also finding joy in everyday life. Byron Katie is also good too.

Originally Posted by nbebaby

I really am just trying to understand this. We are in the process of trying again and I have begun meditation and acupuncture and visualization. I am going to have another child and it is going to be healthy and perfect in every way! How's that for intention?!

Seriously though, I welcome anyone's input and theories on the past losses and what this could mean for any future pregnancies.

Don't try to understand it. Be present. Have peace with the moment and let go of expectations for the future. Live you life now, the future will take care of itself.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Dharma

But who is doing the choosing? .... nbebaby is not the one choosing what happens. You (all-that-is, the totality of life), is choosing what happens ....... You need to start identifying yourself with the real you. You are not the name and form you identify with. ...... I'd recommend the works of Eckhart Tolle to assist dropping identification of yourself with the ego and also finding joy in everyday life.

Nbebaby, this is what I meant, when I earlier wrote:

"The slightly longer answer is that it depends on what you mean by the word .... "I" ...."

Although Dharma and I disagree on the existence of the LOA, I do second Dharma's recommendation of Eckhart Tolle's works. Specifically I think "The Power of Now" is a good start and you will see quite clearly what we're talking about ...