can you make somebody stop smoking pot?

[quaoar]

Hi everybody,

This is my first post, so let me briefly introduce myself (sigh), I'm a broken heart mother and a broken heart lover, I've been living in intense pain for the last couple of years trying very hard to cope with my situation, without friends, without family. I was able to find some peace through much reading, yoga, even some rare happy moments, but my heart is bleeding as my son is totally unhappy, I can't go into details, and the worst part is that he's smoking pot. Could I try from a distance (he lives in Europe, I live in Canada ) to make him stop smoking? I strongly believe that pure love can break any barrier, do I really need special techniques ?, should I just try just send my love to him.....I love him dearly... he's not talking to me, there is no way I can make him stop, other than try to make a 'miracle'....

[Angela]

Hey there and welcome.

If your son's smoking pot is the worst part of your problem, pardon me for saying so, but you're doing pretty well.

It sounds to me like, on the contrary, your son's smoking pot is the least of the things that are bothering you. Other than making your preferences known, or setting him up to get busted, you don't really have any power over his choices, so you might want to consider letting go of your attachment to that idea and take a bold look at what it would really take for YOU to be satisfied, fulfilled and happy.

Are you willing to do that? Or will you only be satisfied, fulfilled and happy if your son stops smoking pot?

[jeff3]

If you could somehow get him to start smoking crack he would drop the weed like a bad habit (pun intended). No, seriously, I wouldn't want my kids smoking weed but covert tactics of manipulation through manifestation have a way of backfiring on you, he may actually drop the weed for crack or heroin. Confront him directly, make your wishes known, then butt out. At the most, "intend" for him to be truly happy.

[quaoar]

Thank you both for your answers.

Angela, yes, I want things for myself, but I can't find any peace knowing that he's not well. I am well aware that he's an adult and he has his own life, but I can't just ignore the thought that my son is unhappy and smoking pot and I'm not willing to work on this. I've been trying though all the time not to let myself paralized by the whole situation, not to hit rock bottom, as I mentioned before that I also go through break up which happended 2 years ago, from which I still did not recover, and as seen from this point I might never be able to fully recover.

Jeff, you might be right, it did not cross my mind that he might drop pot and start on something even worse.

[seanner689]

Originally Posted by quaoar

my son is totally unhappy, I can't go into details, and the worst part is that he's smoking pot.

I'm going to second the fact that if that's "the worst part", he's pretty well off. You didn't mention any of his other problems so I can't really comment on that stuff, but I live in Canada. I went to university for engineering, I have a good job, and many of my friends at least occationally smoke weed (I'm 25, by the way). The culture in Canada is very lax towards pot, I'd be as worried about someone who gets drunk several times a week as someone who smokes several times a week. I'm not sure how often he is smoking though.

With that being said, why don't you just try to think about what you can do to make him feel better? You tell us that he's totally unhappy, and then totally skip over his major problems and go straight to what sounds like a superficial coping mechanism, an outlet, a manifestation of his REAL problems.

That being said, it doesn't sound like you know how to make yourself happy; you claim to have no family, no friends, and have a heart doubly broken. To think that you can turn your son's life around from overseas, over the phone, by nagging at him to stop smoking weed, sounds like a bit of a stretch. My suggestion is this: be there for him, listen to him and if he asks for your help, work with him to get through his problems. Unfortunately, the answers to life's problems aren't as simple as "just stop (weed, crack, overeating, etc)".

[Angela]

It's true... you're not going to solve your son's unhappiness problem by being unhappy yourself.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by seanner689

The culture in Canada is very lax towards pot, I'd be as worried about someone who gets drunk several times a week as someone who smokes several times a week.

Aha. If you were scientifically minded, you would be more worried about the person who gets drunk several times a week, than the person who smokes pot several times a week.

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by Angela

It's true... you're not going to solve your son's unhappiness problem by being unhappy yourself.

Yup. Put another way...

My boy has a problem. After considering some comments in here, I confirmed for myself that we are inextricably "psychically" connected. I stopped fretting and decided to work on myself, and it's working bigtime for him. He's coming out of his illness to the point where he sort of told me to piss off yesterday, which is a good, a great, a magnificently stupendous thing in our case.

As it was told to me, just hold a loving intention for him that the best will happen as needs to. That and actively working on yourself will do the trick, but not on your schedule.

I used to be Eeyore meself, so I knows whereof I speak. Listen to Arlo Guthrie's song about how somebody always has it worse than you, except that laaast guy - he doesn't even have a dime to call somebody and tell 'em how bad it is. Now that's bad...

[Revolution]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hey there and welcome.

If your son's smoking pot is the worst part of your problem, pardon me for saying so, but you're doing pretty well.

It sounds to me like, on the contrary, your son's smoking pot is the least of the things that are bothering you. Other than making your preferences known, or setting him up to get busted, you don't really have any power over his choices, so you might want to consider letting go of your attachment to that idea and take a bold look at what it would really take for YOU to be satisfied, fulfilled and happy.

Are you willing to do that? Or will you only be satisfied, fulfilled and happy if your son stops smoking pot?

I must say I pretty much agree with this

And remember quaoar, it is not your duty as a parent to control/force, but rather to advise/inspire.
The mere idea of trying to use intention/manifestation to get your son to stop smoking pot sounds very intrusive and inappropriate to me. Allow each soul to walk its own path and walk your own.

[Lil Chris]

Originally Posted by Revolution

I must say I pretty much agree with this

And remember quaoar, it is not your duty as a parent to control/force, but rather to advise/inspire.
The mere idea of trying to use intention/manifestation to get your son to stop smoking pot sounds very intrusive and inappropriate to me. Allow each soul to walk its own path and walk your own.

I agree,
quaoar It should be in your interest to let others live the life that they choose, regardless of your opinion of the choices their making. Do not let all the propaganda over marijuana get you all worked up over him smoking pot, it's truly not the worst thing he could be doing, forcing your way of life upon him is far more detrimental...

To quote from the science of getting rich...
"To set about getting rich in a scientific way, you do not try to apply your will power to anything outside of yourself. Your have no right to do so, anyway. It is wrong to apply your will to other men and women, in order to get them to do what you wish done.
It is as flagrantly wrong to coerce people by mental power as it is to coerce them by physical power. If compelling people by physical force to do things for you reduces them to slavery, compelling them by mental means accomplishes exactly the same thing; the only difference is in methods. If taking things from people by physical force is robbery, then taking things by mental force is robbery also; there is no difference in principle.
You have no right to use your will power upon another person, even "for his own good"; for you do not know what is for his good. The science of getting rich does not require you to apply power or force to any other person, in any way whatsoever. There is not the slightest necessity for doing so; indeed, any attempt to use your will upon others will only tend to defeat your purpose.
Do not try to project your will, or your thoughts, or your mind out into space, to "act" on things or people. Keep your mind at home; it can accomplish more there than elsewhere. "

[quaoar]

I just asked a simple question and I got an avalanche of judgements, but I keep as much as posible an open mind and jeff's blunt, cold answer was the one which made me think twice, and for those of you who are familiar with astrology, I have my natal Pluto in house XI, which suggests more gratiously than jeff did it, 'be careful what you wish for'.
I implied that there's more, much more to the story, I stated that he's not talking to me, and I'm left with no posiblity to advise/inspire/talk to him, things which you suggested, and in desperation I came up with this (bad) ideea, which I dropped off right away after jeff's reply; and I'll go back to astrology, I'm a triple air, my mind is running all the time trying to find solutions, discarding them, vacillating a lot, not a helpful thing in meditation.
So why don't you guys keep an open mind too and try to look behind my words but jump on judging me that I don't know how to make myself happy, I'm intrusive, controlling and so on. I know how to make my self happy, but I said that I have these two heart broken problems which I find hard to ignore, how far can we push the slogan :'be happy no matter what, think positive no matter what' ?? I am talking here about having a major problem with my son, which I love dealry and a man which was in my life, which I also loved dearly but who hurt me imensly. I read Seth's books, I read ex/esoteric astrology, so I don't need lectures about my relationship failure due to my own projectios and the whole nine yards.

So, I won't send my magical thought 'stop smoking pot' to my son and I never intended to send any magical thought 'come to me' to my ex and I'll mind my own business, which is my universe, which is sometimes full with so many mind blowing little things, but also has huge void in it, and much pain which I have to overcome. Am I in line now? Am I allowed to step out of line to cry out loud that I really want to be happy and I really try to make myself happy but my heart is still aching?

Wish you all a wonderful weekend!

[Angela]

quqoar, I'm sorry for the pain you've been feeling, and I hope you feel better.

Had you ever read the forums before you posted here? I ask because the responses you've gotten are pretty in line with what we tend to be up to around here: taking responsibility for our lives, granting others to do the same (or not), giving clear, concise advice (which can sometimes appear blunt), and throwing in a little good natured humor.

Sometimes we get irritated with each other's advice, but often the irritating advice turns out to be the most valuable, if you look boldly for your inner truth. Posters here are required to follow some rules that are designed to help us remain positive and contributive with each other, and I think the general feeling around here is: if you come here looking for advice, try your best to accept what you get. Of course, that's not always possible, and you don't have to; but I reckon it's a great way to get and give value here.

I hope things turn out well for you and your son. (And hopefully he's not a Scorpio! )

[Lil Chris]

Originally Posted by Angela

I hope things turn out well for you and your son. (And hopefully he's not a Scorpio! )

I hope things do work out for you quaoar, as well...

Angela,
I must ask you opinion of the scorpio's, please enlighten me.... (yes, I'm a Scorpio and curious)

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Lil Chris

Angela,
I must ask you opinion of the scorpio's, please enlighten me.... (yes, I'm a Scorpio and curious)

I was referring to Scorpio's notorious propensity towards drugs and addiction.

I should tell you: I think astrology is fun, but it's hooey baloney. That said, Scorpio's are supposed to be the sexiest sign!

[quaoar]

Originally Posted by Angela

I was referring to Scorpio's notorious propensity towards drugs and addiction.

I should tell you: I think astrology is fun, but it's hooey baloney. That said, Scorpio's are supposed to be the sexiest sign!

Angela, I think you are talking only about commercial horoscopes.
Great minds embraced astrology, Einstein, Carl Jung, Freud, Dane Rudhyar and I could go on and on.
'Astrology is a science in itself and contains an illuminating body of knowledge. It taught me many things and I am greatly indebted to it'.
Albert Einstein

'Twenty years of practical studies convinced my rebellious mind of the reality of astrology.' J. Kepler

Esoteric astrology is a wonderful tool for soul seaching, exoteric astrology is a wonderful tool for understanding your personality, and both of them develop those scorpionic traits which are in all of us, to go deeper and deeper to the core of everything.
I feel bad that I had to contradict you again, but I give you a hug to forgive me

Lil Chirs, no worry for you if you are a Scorpio, traditional astrology postulates: Scorpio men and women in Kansas are bestowed great fortune

[Lil Chris]

Originally Posted by Angela

I was referring to Scorpio's notorious propensity towards drugs and addiction.

I should tell you: I think astrology is fun, but it's hooey baloney. That said, Scorpio's are supposed to be the sexiest sign!

Oh, you might be right though... I used to love my pot, years ago... And I AM sexy, sexy...

Originally Posted by quaoar

Lil Chirs, no worry for you if you are a Scorpio, traditional astrology postulates: Scorpio men and women in Kansas are bestowed great fortune

What about the Scorpios in missouri ... Oh, CRAP!!!

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by quaoar

I stated that he's not talking to me, and I'm left with no posiblity to advise/inspire/talk to him,

That's what you think.

Use the search engine. Under "Name of Poster", type my name - "Acting Like Godot". Under search terms, type "subjective communication".

[Lil Chris]

I'm glad to see you're still around ALG...

[Liara Covert]

Lots of meaningful relfections are presented here. Another way to view this is to realize that when a person allows herself to get proccupied with someone else's life, then, this is actually a distraction, or a way to procrastinate or seek diversion rather than address what is really bothing her.

It is a conditioned response to presume we know what is "good" or "bad" for another person. More often, we are unaware of what is best for ourselves or we would concentrate on it and not allow fear or doubt to distract us. Fundamentally, each person is making choices every moment. They do so with a degree of awareness, and are setting themselves up to learn lessons. Each person has opportuities to learn different levels of responsibility. Each person chooses to learn (or not) at their pace. Resistance has consequences just as taking any action. How you perceive your own matters.

[Cristal Lilly]

Originally Posted by quaoar

....yes, I want things for myself, but I can't find any peace knowing that he's not well. I am well aware that he's an adult and he has his own life, but I can't just ignore the thought that my son is unhappy and smoking pot and I'm not willing to work on this. I've been trying though all the time not to let myself paralized by the whole situation, not to hit rock bottom, as I mentioned before that I also go through break up which happended 2 years ago, from which I still did not recover, and as seen from this point I might never be able to fully recover.
....

the bolded parts and everything else after the bolded parts just scream certain things to me. you're panicking and freaking out and pointing the finger at pot smoking your son does. apparently, him lighting up distresses you to the point of being paralysed.

seriously.. I get that there's a lot of things going on and have been going on. I get we don't have even half of the story. but I also get this isn't about your son smoking pot, this is about you desperately fighting to hold your focus on something other than what's really bugging you.

I have no clue what it is that is really bugging you, but judging by the words you used and how much you're fighting to get control over your sons life and how much you've turned into a defensive when we suggested you consider your own stuff it is BIG and THERE (instead of say telling you you're such an awesome mother for worrying like this and you're totally right and should just take a trip to europe and ditch everything in your life just so you can show your adult son the right way to live and not worry about your pesky life back in canada).

so basically what I'm saying is leave your son alone. he's not distressing you one bit, he's finding his own way to live. YOU need to find another way of living YOUR life. give up the perceived right to control his life and reclaim your god given right to control your own. there is something there's you're not dealing with, and that you're avoiding so much you're ready and willing to freak out and panic about everything and anything. your son's smoking is just an excuse and you know it deep down. and judging by everything you wrote, I have a feeling this thing is there and in your face for a long time now, and it's only growing. deal with it now or it WILL grow. and get tougher. and more resilient. and more destructive.

I don't know what that particular it of yours is, and I don't have to know, but I see you have an it and I see what it's doing. this is all wellmeaning advice. I intend to respect your choice, so if you decide to go on a defensive frenzy fit again and hiss at me for not seeing that this indeed is about an adult son who likes pot, I'll just shrug it off and I won't communicate anymore, as I have no desire to insult you. however, realise it IS a choice you're making. and if you happen to make the other choice and try to examine what is it you're trying to avoid, and if you try and improve YOUR life alittle, I'll be more than happy for you, and I can assure you people here will try to help you with everything.
and I can also tell you that it's the best possible thing you could be doing for your son, since he will only consider taking your advice about life IF you show/prove to him that you know how to lead a happy healthy one.

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by Liara Covert

Another way to view this is to realize that when a person allows herself to get proccupied with someone else's life, then, this is actually a distraction, or a way to procrastinate or seek diversion rather than address what is really bothing her. <snip>....

As a corollary to this (not that I really know what a corollary is, LOL...)...

If you accept that we are are all connected to one degree or another and that what we do and how we are can affect others in ways we can't readily see, and if you then reason that our genetic offspring are probably more tightly connected to us than most other people, you begin to see that you just being the way you are can have an effect on your child.

If the original poster will read some of my previous posts, she will see that I've been trying to make my son better. I used intentions, and was looking into remote healing when the lovely soul named Davidya intuitively confirmed that my boy and I are inextricably entwined in our spirits, and that I should just hold a loving intention that things work out for the best, and work on myself in the meantime.

That was a very short time ago...but the effects on mine and the boy's condition have been striking.

Now, he's never more than 50 feet away in his room when I'm home, but I don't think physical distance matters a whit. Now that he's getting better I will turn my attention to my daughter who lives 3,000 miles away (who doesn't need as much help, but still...) and other family members.

Give it a try, quqoar. "Fix" yourself, be happy, and good things will happen. 100% guaranteed to work or your money back!

[quaoar]

Originally Posted by Cristal Lilly

the bolded parts and everything else after the bolded parts just scream certain things to me. you're panicking and freaking out and pointing the finger at pot smoking your son does. apparently, him lighting up distresses you to the point of being paralysed.

seriously.. I get that there's a lot of things going on and have been going on. I get we don't have even half of the story. but I also get this isn't about your son smoking pot, this is about you desperately fighting to hold your focus on something other than what's really bugging you.

I have no clue what it is that is really bugging you, but judging by the words you used and how much you're fighting to get control over your sons life and how much you've turned into a defensive when we suggested you consider your own stuff it is BIG and THERE (instead of say telling you you're such an awesome mother for worrying like this and you're totally right and should just take a trip to europe and ditch everything in your life just so you can show your adult son the right way to live and not worry about your pesky life back in canada).

so basically what I'm saying is leave your son alone. he's not distressing you one bit, he's finding his own way to live. YOU need to find another way of living YOUR life. give up the perceived right to control his life and reclaim your god given right to control your own. there is something there's you're not dealing with, and that you're avoiding so much you're ready and willing to freak out and panic about everything and anything. your son's smoking is just an excuse and you know it deep down. and judging by everything you wrote, I have a feeling this thing is there and in your face for a long time now, and it's only growing. deal with it now or it WILL grow. and get tougher. and more resilient. and more destructive.

I don't know what that particular it of yours is, and I don't have to know, but I see you have an it and I see what it's doing. this is all wellmeaning advice. I intend to respect your choice, so if you decide to go on a defensive frenzy fit again and hiss at me for not seeing that this indeed is about an adult son who likes pot, I'll just shrug it off and I won't communicate anymore, as I have no desire to insult you. however, realise it IS a choice you're making. and if you happen to make the other choice and try to examine what is it you're trying to avoid, and if you try and improve YOUR life alittle, I'll be more than happy for you, and I can assure you people here will try to help you with everything.
and I can also tell you that it's the best possible thing you could be doing for your son, since he will only consider taking your advice about life IF you show/prove to him that you know how to lead a happy healthy one.

Young man/woman, you mentioned in a reply that you are 23, it looks that you know much more about me, about my life than I do.
I find your reply very verbally aggressive and I am quite surprised that your post is permitted on a forum.

[Cristal Lilly]

it's woman and yes, I am 23.

I don't see how that has much to do with anything constructive. I can certainly see what bringing that up is supposed to imply, but I'm not going to go down that road, it's seriously not important.

believe it or not, I was honestly just trying to tell you what I see from your words. I do not claim to know you. I just see those things that I wrote about. I did get passionate and I guess I could be sounding edgy from quitting smoking, but I honestly just thought I was laying it out there as is. you know, you could be reacting like that in case I was actually right and your ego..ah hell. I'm giving up cause you'd only get more angry.

I'm sorry you think it was an assault. funny that. I was actually trying to help. but, as I've already said, I will stay away from this discussion in case you want me to, and by your reaction, I won't be found anywhere near this topic, so you don't have to worry.

p.s. you can still report me if it makes you feel any better.

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by quaoar

Young man/woman, you mentioned in a reply that you are 23, it looks that you know much more about me, about my life than I do.
I find your reply very verbally aggressive and I am quite surprised that your post is permitted on a forum.

Young lady: had I written a response like yours, I would expect someone to tell me I'm wound just a little too tight.

Yes, there are a lot of young people in here, but they are very smart young people (some not as smart as they think, but still...). The other young lady meant no harm, and said so. It's interesting and revealing, the posts to which you choose to respond.

Look for the good, look for peace for yourself.

BTW, I smoked pot for over 40 years. It had its drawbacks, but I made (make) a decent living, raised 3 kids who are perfectly acceptable in the ways that count, have a loving wife of over 30 years, and voila, have enough brain cells left to write this post! If that were the worst thing you had to worry about, you're lucky.

Or maybe it's t'other way 'round...you need something upon which to pin your bad feelings. Next time you feel bad, do your best to analyze: what came first, exactly...the feeling bad, or thinking of the thing that makes you feel that way. If you can be honest, the answer might surprise you. It did me.

[quaoar]

I shouldn't have opened my heart on this forum.

Thank you Acting like Godot, you reminded me that I have Silva's course and book, it's a very good material.

Wish you all all the best

[stellasky]

Wow what just happened? I read all the posts, well intended and pretty good advice, however cold hard logic doesn't always work. Perhaps the tone of some the posts were a bit harsh for someone reaching out for support, having openly stated being twice heart broken.

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by stellasky

Wow what just happened? I read all the posts, well intended and pretty good advice, however cold hard logic doesn't always work. Perhaps the tone of some the posts were a bit harsh for someone reaching out for support, having openly stated being twice heart broken.

Sometimes nothing helps. Sometimes one doesn't really want help, just a sympathetic ear. Sometimes we reject help because it doesn't fit what we think it should be.

This was probably the wrong place to look - Oprah doesn't live here.

I wish the lady well.