Holy Wow, I observed my ego.

[cylon]

I was writing in my journal.... trying to put some finality on the job situation so I can put it behind me in a positive way, and focus on what I want. In my entry I sort of lashed out at my co-workers. I noted that many of them were grown up wounded children who never believed in themselves and find themselves in co-dependent relationships with an abusive authority figure who were like the parent who never gave them love. A bunch of people who have no awareness of their true talents and will settle for a toxic environment because they can't do any better. And all led by the ringleader owner who is the most wounded of all.

Boy do I have egg on my face. Because when I am honest with myself... I realize that is my story. That's the identity I gave myself. The wounded child with too much pain who doesn't have the confidence to express his true talents.

I REALLY wanted to say "I am better than all these people and they can all go to hell" but as I wrote it, a little alarm went off and the cylon mind said "hey that's you dude!"

Now my anger is gone. I'm not sure where to take this. Please tell me my abusive horrific work experience was put there to awaken me to this fact that I am surrounded by people who have the same wounds I do. It started as a rant against my boss but now I don't know what the hell just hit me.

[Angela]

Wowee!! That's wonderful! Now you get to be free!

So, what way of being would work better? What could you take on, and what are you willing to let go of? What would really inspire you, if you were being it?

[Maguru]

Originally Posted by cylon

I was writing in my journal.... trying to put some finality on the job situation so I can put it behind me in a positive way, and focus on what I want. In my entry I sort of lashed out at my co-workers. I noted that many of them were grown up wounded children who never believed in themselves and find themselves in co-dependent relationships with an abusive authority figure who were like the parent who never gave them love. A bunch of people who have no awareness of their true talents and will settle for a toxic environment because they can't do any better. And all led by the ringleader owner who is the most wounded of all.

Boy do I have egg on my face. Because when I am honest with myself... I realize that is my story. That's the identity I gave myself. The wounded child with too much pain who doesn't have the confidence to express his true talents.

I REALLY wanted to say "I am better than all these people and they can all go to hell" but as I wrote it, a little alarm went off and the cylon mind said "hey that's you dude!"

Now my anger is gone. I'm not sure where to take this. Please tell me my abusive horrific work experience was put there to awaken me to this fact that I am surrounded by people who have the same wounds I do. It started as a rant against my boss but now I don't know what the hell just hit me.

Congratulations! You have just projected your inner self onto others and mirrored yourself. It may be true that they are wounded also but maybe not. Try not to get caught in making up others' stories. This is all about you now, not about others. This is awakening to yourself and you have done that. What can you do for yourself now?

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Angela

Wowee!! That's wonderful! Now you get to be free!

So, what way of being would work better? What could you take on, and what are you willing to let go of? What would really inspire you, if you were being it?

I want to be around confident, self-respecting people who are good to thesmselves and other people. I want a more creative life where the work I do is seen as something that gives value to others, and to get value back.

To do that I have to let go of self-judging because that's where judging others comes from. All the ego stuff of having to be better than others to feel good about myself.

Essentially, I want to live a creative life surrounded by loving people and prosperity. That's pretty basic but it covers it all.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Maguru

Congratulations! You have just projected your inner self onto others and mirrored yourself. It may be true that they are wounded also but maybe not. Try not to get caught in making up others' stories. This is all about you now, not about others. This is awakening to yourself and you have done that. What can you do for yourself now?

I've known these people for years, we all have similar experiences. That's what I'm seeing. But they are not my responsibility, and I'm not theirs either. Now that I realize we are all responsible for our own happiness I can let go of of trying to get it from others. And to be around people who are happy and like themselves. Of course I have to actually be those things, myself to be able to receive it from others.

[Lil Chris]

Cylon,
I'm trying to understand the whole EGO thing as well. Could you explain a little more about what you experienced...?

[torilink]

Originally Posted by cylon

I was writing in my journal.... trying to put some finality on the job situation so I can put it behind me in a positive way, and focus on what I want. In my entry I sort of lashed out at my co-workers. I noted that many of them were grown up wounded children who never believed in themselves and find themselves in co-dependent relationships with an abusive authority figure who were like the parent who never gave them love. A bunch of people who have no awareness of their true talents and will settle for a toxic environment because they can't do any better. And all led by the ringleader owner who is the most wounded of all.

Boy do I have egg on my face. Because when I am honest with myself... I realize that is my story. That's the identity I gave myself. The wounded child with too much pain who doesn't have the confidence to express his true talents.

I REALLY wanted to say "I am better than all these people and they can all go to hell" but as I wrote it, a little alarm went off and the cylon mind said "hey that's you dude!"

Now my anger is gone. I'm not sure where to take this. Please tell me my abusive horrific work experience was put there to awaken me to this fact that I am surrounded by people who have the same wounds I do. It started as a rant against my boss but now I don't know what the hell just hit me.

YES! this is egoic projection at it's best. what we believe we are and what we truly are isn't the same thing. We tell ourselves a story about ourselves and create an identity which is a covering really. The aspects we want to deny or rid ourselves of end up projected out onto "others". This is because this is what resistance always does - it projects and perpetuates.

Now that you've seen this in yourself, if you observe and allow it to be it will dissipate and be released. When it is released then it will fade also in the outer reality.

this is huge for you cylon, observing the ego in all its dysfunction - huge huge step on the path my friend!! congrats!!!

[cylon]

Originally Posted by torilink

...The aspects we want to deny or rid ourselves of end up projected out onto "others".

This is what I'm thinking. Even now it sounds weird, but these people have aspects of myself I need to let go of. And interestingly, the thing that bothered me most in someone else, over time when I've grown past it, I have had better dealings with certain people when I accepted their flaw as mine, made peace with it, and decided to see them as more than just that behavior.

But it's not about them as was pointed out earlier, it really is about me. It probably means there is something in me that they are reflecting. And I can see that. I lose the righteous indignation which gives me adrenaline, but there's peace underneath it instead.

Originally Posted by torilink

Now that you've seen this in yourself, if you observe and allow it to be it will dissipate and be released. When it is released then it will fade also in the outer reality.

this is huge for you cylon, observing the ego in all its dysfunction - huge huge step on the path my friend!! congrats!!!

Thank you.

[fellowtraveler]

Originally Posted by cylon

I want to be around confident, self-respecting people who are good to thesmselves and other people. I want a more creative life where the work I do is seen as something that gives value to others, and to get value back.
To do that I have to let go of self-judging because that's where judging others comes from. All the ego stuff of having to be better than others to feel good about myself.
Essentially, I want to live a creative life surrounded by loving people and prosperity. That's pretty basic but it covers it all.

That's very good; you've had a major breakthrough by really seeing what's in the mirror.

Good luck in your travels. Perhaps at this point you need warm fertile soil in order to heal and grow. But maybe later on when your fruit is maturing, you will choose to share your light with those lost souls in a mature and subtle way and help them to step into the light as you are doing. I've found that to be the most satisfying occupation of all.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by fellowtraveler

Good luck in your travels. Perhaps at this point you need warm fertile soil in order to heal and grow. But maybe later on when your fruit is maturing, you will choose to share your light with those lost souls in a mature and subtle way and help them to step into the light as you are doing. I've found that to be the most satisfying occupation of all.

I sure hope so. When not beating up on myself (lol) I am writing songs, and it seems most of my lyrics are about this self-transformation. For me that would be the ultimate... writing songs that may seem kind of dark on the surface but are really about finding yourself and celebrating life.... and having others find them and maybe it resonates with them too.

[Wax Frog]

Originally Posted by cylon

Boy do I have egg on my face. Because when I am honest with myself... I realize that is my story. That's the identity I gave myself. The wounded child with too much pain who doesn't have the confidence to express his true talents.

This whole thread is totally in line with the Presence Process (and, being the first thing I read after coming online, no doubt a 'reflection' aimed at me!).

[wolfgang]

Cool observation you made.

Others can be wacked out without your projections, btw. The part of denial in yourself, that shows up, is what gets all worked up about others being wacked out. As long as there's a reaction to someone else's stuff - it's something you have too.

Then what? You have to own it, make it your identity - stop resisting that you have that trait too. I know that doesn't sound too Tolle - to make it part of your identity. But I think that is a step to stop denial. Once you claim it as "yours", then you can realize it doesn't have to be yours or it doesn't define you. That happens when you forgive yourself for supporting that behavior that you you are projecting. I suppose.

[dancer]

Way to go, Cylon! Congratulations.

I'm curious how your work day goes today and if you notice any difference in the office dynamics. Also,curious about how long an internal change reflects into the external reality. Read somewhere it can change immediately or that there can be a lag before the changes are reflected.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

Then what? You have to own it, make it your identity - stop resisting that you have that trait too. I know that doesn't sound too Tolle - to make it part of your identity. But I think that is a step to stop denial. Once you claim it as "yours", then you can realize it doesn't have to be yours or it doesn't define you. That happens when you forgive yourself for supporting that behavior that you you are projecting. I suppose.

Tolle says it is in you, but not you. I kind of like his version because in a weird way accepting something as part of who you are makes it heavier and with that comes guilt/shame and a lot of beating yourself up. Whereas if it is in you, you are still responsible, but it is lighter and easier to accept.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by dancer

Tolle says it is in you, but not you. I kind of like his version because in a weird way accepting something as part of who you are makes it heavier and with that comes guilt/shame and a lot of beating yourself up. Whereas if it is in you, you are still responsible, but it is lighter and easier to accept.

Psychological projections are denials of who you are. But then Tolle says we don't need to define who you are. So then it seems something was missing or not covered with the Tolle stuff I've read/listened to.

How can one stop denials of who you are (projections of a fractured self) and also not end up define a "me" more so? It may take two steps. One to reclaim the fractured self, then another to realize you aren't that self.

I suppose if you look to reclaiming a fractured self and take it to infinity - you would eventually see you are everything, in which case identity (self) is oneness.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by dancer

Way to go, Cylon! Congratulations.

I'm curious how your work day goes today and if you notice any difference in the office dynamics. Also,curious about how long an internal change reflects into the external reality. Read somewhere it can change immediately or that there can be a lag before the changes are reflected.

Thanks. Considering I excused myself from a meeting Thursday morning and called in sick Friday as an immediate reaction to being insulted by my Boss, today is going eerily calm. I half expected to be let go as soon as I walked in.

I had five days to really put my job and my self-esteem in perspective. Then I read something that steve wrote in a blog about listening to the voice that says "this is wrong." (it's the voice that told me instead of arguing with the boss, just go home and make the point that way.) To journal about it if possible, so I did. I was totally pissed off at the owner, five days of brooding, then instantly, I just saw what my life had become and that it's no way for a young man to live. Always feeling bad about himself. No thanks.

As of now, I still have a job. For what it's worth, love and understanding are what I'm trying to focus on.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by dancer

Tolle says it is in you, but not you. I kind of like his version because in a weird way accepting something as part of who you are makes it heavier and with that comes guilt/shame and a lot of beating yourself up. Whereas if it is in you, you are still responsible, but it is lighter and easier to accept.

I like to think of it more as it's them, but LOA made me find them because we had something in common. But at the same time, they are me. Or something.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by cylon

For what it's worth, love and understanding are what I'm trying to focus on.

Trying? or focusing?

[cylon]

do or do not, there is no try.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

Psychological projections are denials of who you are.

Are they only denials? Can't they also be limiting beliefs.

But then Tolle says we don't need to define who you are. So then it seems something was missing or not covered with the Tolle stuff I've read/listened to.

Hmmm. I might be mixing up teachings. Even so, when you are observing, you become aware of ego and in that awareness become aware of what ego is doing, it could be denial or any other ego behaviour. He also points to it when he discusses recognising ego in others, here he points to compassion and often compassion is reached from recognising similar ego behaviour in oneself.

[/quote] How can one stop denials of who you are (projections of a fractured self) and also not end up define a "me" more so? [/quote]

Wouldn't it be fantastic if there was a magic switch. Tolle points to being in the Now. Since reading Tolle, I'm recognising things I've been denying or am more open to others pointing to what I'm denying. As I said in my previous post, accepting that a behaviour is in me is easier than to accept it as my idenity.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by cylon

I like to think of it more as it's them, but LOA made me find them because we had something in common. But at the same time, they are me. Or something.

That's an interesting way of looking at it. Not sure I'm going to try it, though. I might risk falling back into my old friend: "victim mode".

[cylon]

Dancer, it's not victim mode though. You can't be a victim when you are creating your own experiences/drawing others towards you. And you're REALLY not a victim when you are consciously doing it.

It's a new way of looking things. For the last five days I've gone back and forth, back and forth, between feeling like a victim of other people's actions, and empowered because I realize how I've simply found myself in a perfect reflection of my primary thoughts and emotions. Back and forth. The "victim" part of me is the mad part. The "whole" part of me is the wise part.