successfully manifesting an ex-love back
i came across this forum today and have spent many hours reading thread after thread, and let me first say, what a fantastic group of supportive and enlightened people!
i too have used LOA for many years - well before the secret - but then, my mother just referred to it as the power of "positive thinking". i think we've all been aware of this awesome power for practically forever, but it's fantastic that the secret was put out into the world for everyone to share.
i manage to manifest little things constantly, but my main current intention is to rekindle the relationship with my ex, which i would say, i am doing successfully thus far. i am still in the early stages of success ;)
this time last year, my ex - whom i will refer to as M, due to the fact i think "ex" is a negative turn - and i broke up. we never fought, we lived in a lovely apartment, always had fun and loved each other's company. i entered a period of my life suddenly and without warning where i stopped caring about myself. i'm still not really sure why - underlying issues from my past i expect - and i went into a spiral of doubt, depression and disinterest. i didn't care about looking nice, i felt fat and unattractive (definitely attracted THAT for myself - i felt that way, so i started to look that way) and did not want to have sex. i also didn't really appreciate what was happening to me so i didn't talk to M about it.
needless to say, the misery i was attracting started to turn towards fear of M becoming distant with me, and the fear of us breaking up. i spent all my time worrying about us breaking up, and my daily mantra became "we can't break up, we can't break up".
which of course, we did.
now, i'm not saying that i totally created the split - there were things he could have done to help me, i guess - but i definitely created the end result. however:
a year down the track (and believe me, it DOES take that long) i am a completely different person. i dress differently (for the first year in 27 years, i wear skirts almost every day: i was NEVER a skirt/dress person), i take care of myself, i take care of my surroundings. i feel grateful every day, for everything and most importantly, i LOVE myself. if the universe hadn't stepped in and put a halt on that relationship, i would probably still be in that depressed state: not caring, not loving, not living. i owe everything to the universe for seeing what i could not see. it gave me chances to do it myself - i see that now - but then it realised i just couldn't do it by myself, and the ONLY way to jumpstart me was to take away what i was fixated on.
i would never have discovered all the new spirtual things i've learned since the break if it hadn't happened. it was probably the greatest thing that happened to me, in a backwards way. of course, everything happens for a reason AND for the higher good, and i can see no better testimonial for that than my experience.
as soon as i finally and TRUTHFULLY came back to myself (a better, more learned, more secure, more beautiful me also) and forgave myself and M, suddenly i started to see very odd things.
i've always wanted us to get back together. however, the universe just would NOT help that on the way until i intending it for the right reasons. first i tried to do it because i missed him/needed him/missed our life. we ended up having a huge argument and not talking for a couple of months. the 2nd time was because i THOUGHT i'd gone through all the issues and resolved things. i hadn't. we ended up having another argument and not talking for a few more months.
last month i really realised what i needed to do and be for myself. i started swimming for fitness, eating well, cutting down on bad things. i loved myself, i loved my world, i would never let myself get down. i am radiant with positivity.
suddenly, he agreed to come to a party at our friends house with me. it was awkward for a while, but we soon had each other laughing again. it was great to reconnect and find that the initial reason we loved each other so much was still there: the mutual likes and the laughter.
next, i was approaching last month's full moon eclipse with trepidation. i was sure it was going to be the make or break test for us - full moons are about closure, something ending. eclipses more so. i was sure it was something to do with our relationship, but i intended that it would be more along the lines of our "old" way ending and a new start happening.
then the universe threw me some help. we were having a potluck dinner the weekend AFTER the eclipse but then my flatmate brought it forward to the night OF the eclipse. i was a bit nervous, but still didn't let it worry me.
that night, M and i sat up till 4am after everyone else had gone, watching tv shows we used to watch together and joking together. it was the first time in probably 6 or 7 months we'd done anything like that. it was my intended new start.
M says we're not ready for lunch dates etc yet, but i'm definitely intending to manifest that this week :)
i put out a strong intention yesterday that we would have lunch together this week and he would hold my hand. almost immediately i got an alpha moment where i went to pick up a pen and my hand started tingling like i'd gotten an electric shock. LOA in action!
anyway, i hope this has been helpful to some; i just wanted to share my joy and love to you all, and for those of you hoping to have a lover back - it IS possible; you just have to do A LOT of work on YOU first. it's common knowledge that if YOU don't love yourself, then how can anyone else? :D
let us know how you get on and what happens at lunch.
That's wonderful, please keep us posted.
I agree with a lot what you said. I had to learn it the hard way that it has to start with me. I had to start loving myself before I could see the real truth of what was going on.
May you and M always be vibrationally matched...wishing the best for you :)
Although I haven't been manifesting the situation, I am trying to reconcile with my ex.
We separated 6 months ago. Since then, and shortly before he left, I had started making big changes in my life - to my health and my finances. When he left I was devastated, but I had an amazing friend, who helped me pick myself up and work through the panic and anxiety of my loss to focus on myself and getting through it and better.
I am on my way to great health and emotional stability. I am seeing a counsellor and making good progress. However, I still miss my ex every day and want a chance for us to be together again.
Small positive steps I am making every day are good, but I am not sure what else to do. I have kept my distance since the separation. I wanted to talk after it, but he wasn't interested. Now, 6 months later, he made contact and wants to talk about how we are both doing. He's heard I am doing well and said he isn't very happy, although he is dating.
This time has been a great time for personal growth, and I feel stronger every day, yet I miss him terribly.
What can I do? Initially, when talking to him all those months ago, I was in tears most of the time. Now I am stronger, but I wonder if talking to him on the phone or face to face will bring the same reaction.
I'm doing my best to work through unexpressed feelings and emotion.
While I'd love to be able to talk and laugh with him like we used to, I don't want to just be friends, I want more.
Any thoughts and advice?
Best wishes t33ny, sounds like you are well on your way to rekindling your old relationship!
Keep us posted
Attracting an ex into your present is something I've always been a bit iffy about. What if there's someone better for you now?
I had a best friend a few years ago who I miss dearly whenever I think of her. I honestly don't think I'll ever have another friendship like the one we shared ever again (and.. I'm probably going to manifest as such. D'oh), but I'm leaving it be.
My first suggestion is search inside yourself DEEPLY ... do you REALLY want him back in your life. My experience is that we "create" situations in our lives and experience BOTH sides of an equation, so we can TRULY choose what we REALLY want.
If you HONESTLY answer yes then search inside as to WHY did you "intend" the time apart. You mentioned just before you started bringing changes ... it normally is because of a change of desires. Maybe (I am in a similar situation to you ... but not at the same stage as you) your soul/spirit created for you to see if you truly wanted him or not. Be aware that the "pain body" that exists in all of us will still be in him and you, and so IF you have completed all the work on YOURSELF, your limited beliefs, concepts of "failure", etc etc and are finding you are more "aligned" or "centered" WITHIN yourself (and as you have already created the contact from him it sounds like you are almost finished :) ) then continue creating him back.
The Process allows you to create ANYTHING you want ... so IF its him, keep doing what you are doing. The Process is all about the JOURNEY, not the end result of the manifestation. You never stop manifesting, because WHEN you get what you want, do you stop there? :) NOT A CHANCE, you keep going, you keep LEARNING and GROWING INSIDE.
My view is ensure its your TRUE desire, if not, then choose another man, BUT if it is keep going "baby steps" like t33ny was saying. There is NO TIME constraint to this, if its true UNconditional love then you still have the rest of your lives together, so you don't need to have him in your arms at this very second. Tomorrow is just as good :)
Well done! :)
What do you mean I am manifesting it?
What I have done is limited contact and focussed on my self.
I don't know how to manifest love. I can't make someone love me. I know he still has some feelings, perhaps of care and friendship only.
How can I expect more when I haven't seen him for quite a while and we don't talk as friends?
I do love him. Things weren't great in the end - distant, and had been for a while. At the time he said change had to happen and this was progress.
I really value this man. I don't know how to manifest him back.
I don't know where to go from here. Should I contact him, talk as friends, talk about us? How we are doing? Or wait for him to contact me.
you can say to yourself sth like this:
If this man is yours by Divine Right,then he will naturally come back to you;but if he isnt...you can ask to attract to you THE REAL "ONE"of yours,and he will come to your life.
you have to "let it be".
Do I stay friends, or keep contact reduced?
I best start off saying that there is no hard formula to this, The Process really starts and ends with your INTERNALS. Thats why I am pleased for you as you have said you are concentrating on yourself, because if not then you will manifest the same situation again down the line.
You are spot on, you cannot manifest someone love you. There is loads written on The Process about finding someone NEW but little or nothing about reunions ... the thing is you have a HEAD start because you ALREADY have the connection.
Ok you love him, but in what way? Does he "complete" you or are you already completed but now you understand just HOW much you love him?
Its kinda spooky because my I am in the middle of The Process of manifesting my previous love. She has done ALMOST exactly what you have done. The "basic essence" of "that story" is that towards the beginning of our "time out" she became very aggressive towards me, total confusion, she tried friendship contact then she couldn't deal with that.
In our previous contact together via email I could see that she was super cold, really in her "dark" place, but I finished off with a totally "in the moment" email, telling her my love and gratitude for her and left the opening for her.
Now - you want me to answer (especially from a fellas point of view) ... you may not like what I am going to say but I would say ... what does your INTUITION say? If you can take away logic ...stop looking for external validation of does he still love you? Does he love you romantically or platonically etc etc etc. Don't use your energy on your CONSCIOUS side.
If you completely clear on your inside, you don't NEED anything to MAKE you happy, you don't NEED anything to FEEL love, that you love and respect yourself, then use The Process ... ask, receive and then DETACH and KNOW that he is yours.
When your LOGICALLY mind calms down from the constant chatter, you will have the most intense urge for "something" DO that thing.
He is just an extension of you, and make no mistake in that with The Process you CANNOT manifest something from OUTSIDE yourself, it can only come if its ALREADY PART OF YOU. Manifestations are actually externalisations from inside all of us. Thats why when you read how to operate The Process the points of belief, faith, visualisations of the object in the PRESENT tense, that you have ALREADY received it etc is SO important. You have to believe that its part of you ... a previous love already is!
Be aware also of the Law of Detachment ... if you have come to terms inside of yourself, and ready, as T33ny said you will have to put the hard effort into it and be prepared to LET GO. The more "neediness" energy that you put out to the universe the longer it will take.
The timing is critical, NOT for your reunion (IF you want it), but for when YOUR JOURNEY has completed (but also HE may have his journey to!)
In my case I am still working on my inside, my situation has shown me the areas that I need to work on, PLUS it gives time for my previous love to work on her things. I am at a place were I can continue to manifest her or choose a new one. Its my choice, and I must honour it as I now realised HOW I manifested the time out.
Honour your TRUE gentle inner voice, and do what it says, with no reation, emotion, revenge etc, it is your feedback that has always and will always guide you.
The choice has been and always will be yours :)
Intent Manifestation does not overcome free will, if the other person dislikes you it will not work. In most circumstances I M is a one way street and you get what you ask for. If two people are involved it has two different demands to handle. However you can ask for someone like you ex, you cannot use LOA on someone unless the feeling is mutual. If the person is neutral it will take some work but it should turn out good in the end.
I'm still a bit confused, so when you try to reconcile relationship with your ex say, you need to love yourself first. In that process, do you ask universe for the reconciliation, or do you focus on yourself, loving yourself etc and keep the relationship (what you truly want like get back together) away from your mind and by not thinking about it you detach yourself from it? Would then universe bring you what you truly want without you even conciously asking as you are then in the right vibration?
In short, should you think about your ex in the process of loving yourself? Hope this makes sense.
If you love yourself first you don't "need" to have somebody else in your life. You are OK with being alone. I had to look at the reasons why I wanted someone in my life. I realized I was coming from "ego" I thought people would think more highly of me, I didn't have good self esteem. My life was boring, I wasn't good enough. I couldn't live without him etc. Once I accepted that I had these beliefs, I worked on why I felt this way. One was I afraid of feeling lonely. So I allowed myself to feel lonely, didn't try to run from it or distract myself. Eventually I didn't feel lonely anymore. I spent most of my time working on me and not thinking about him, although I still thought about him quite a bit.
I think sometimes we go through these seperations in order to learn these lessons otherwise we have to repeat them again.
Well, I am lately working on manifesting a relationship with the person I think is right for me... but I have some issues, even though I am clear about wanting him.
My story with the guy goes back some time, and I know now that he has a relationship with another girl. We couldn' t be together when I met him (lots of problems), and after a time I tried to remain friends with him even though I was totally in love. He rejected me when I spoke about being in a relationship, his latest reasons being that he cares about me as a friend and not sexually (but we have had sex some times). We live many miles apart and I always harvested the hope that circumstances would be right sometime and we would be together.
Well, I stopped fooling myself that we could remain friends. I haven't spoken to him for some days, we talked a lot as friends lately but I could' t take it any more and I stopped contacting him. Instead, I do visualizations about us being together, and other LOA stuff. And I am open to let him go, if he doesn' t contact me either. But, truth is I can' t be in the right vibrations when I think of him, due to my hurt ego and some painful thoughts that keep coming in mind.
So my question is, can you intend to manifest someone who says he likes you as a person and cares about you, when you know he is in a relationship and he has rejected you already in the past?
Oh, and t33ny and lisalisa, any news about your stories? :)
Simply yes you can, but when and only when you are completely aligned internally. If you hold conditions internally as to how, when and why the reunion MUST be, then it will be impossible to manifest, and if it does it will be a CONditional love.
From the little bit you have said about yourself, the first step in your process is understanding is it do you really love him. Then when you answer that ask yourself why do you love him. If you find that you can truthfully to yourself say you have an open and honest love for him regardless of conditions then the really next BIG step is forgiveness. Unless you can let go of the hurt and pain you feel, that is what you will continue to manifest.
This always works for the GREATER GOOD, and I wholly agree with rawxstasy and t33ny. When you have come to terms with everything inside of yourself, then you can properly intend with detachment in that you no longer NEED to have your previous love with you to be happy, and then the manifestation occurs ... when you least expect it.
Seek your internal truth and happy manifesting :)
I don't want him back if it's not meant to be. I have to trust that it may not be.
However, he has said he's not completely over it and it would be amazing if we didn't have feelings for each other.
That doesn't mean he wants to be together.
I want happiness for us both. I don't want to be with someone who won't talk about a future with me. Either this time apart has helped him work out what he wants in life or it hasn't.
I want love, I want marriage, I want a family, a home, a happy life. I desire to be a mother, but honestly, I am glad I am not yet. I think I needed this to truly look inside myself.
A quick update. Was having dinner with a friend in the city and he happened to walk down that street, stopped in and said hello. I was shocked. Had a quick online chat with him one night a few nights later. His initiation.
I am sensing that you are starting to come from an internal place of "fullness" and no longer lack ... that is a major synch for you ;)
When you give up the neediness, and "let go" (of that need), then as t33ny said above, the "magic" starts :)
However you are feeling inside of yourself now about "life" as a whole (not just your fella), KEEP IT GOING, its that that is working for you.
Good on ya ;)
Its strange but this sounds like the girls I have dated, probably because this almost happens to everyone. It takes awhile to get over people on both sides. On manifesting a relationship, you can be totally aligned, but if the otherside dislikes you that is what he is manifesting it will not work out. However if he or she is neutral or likes you as well, you have to take action. LOA should be considered as the fuel, to make your dreams come true. BE- DO- HAVE
Ok, I am in a place where we haven’t spoken for 2 weeks… I know the time isn’t right yet, I am still working on my internals (as Viking says :)) and since he hasn’t made contact yet either, I suppose I send the signals “I want some time-out”. But I am doing LoA stuff everyday regarding us getting together, I intend to be with him but I have erased all the needy feelings. (Apart from some thoughts and worries that I am distancing myself from him now… since lately we had been talking every day as friends.)
Well, I am ok with the situation, but what about people asking me about him? My friends, my sisters… At first I told a friend of mine that we aren’t speaking now and he is with another girl, but at some point in the future we will be together – I know it. She gave me a disbelieving look and didn’t comment. From then on I just reply that me and him... we don’t have communication... and my friend/sister exc. goes on like “at last, this situation wasn’t good for you, time to get over him!”
My question is… does talking about your intention influence any outcome? I mean, I still go on intending and visualizing, but when I talk about it with people who know about the situation and are negative towards him, I feel I am losing some power over the matter. That my energy, instead of being directed to my intention, is wasted. Or even worse, is directing the possible outcome to the opposite direction :confused:
Here's my 02. I think that talking negatively to others can attract the situation. If they ask, you could just say, "I haven't heard from him" or whatever. The other thing you should look at you might need to be seperated from him alot longer. The guy I liked, I haven't seen him in a year. I know Viking has a long seperation from his girl. (months)
Alot of times people in our lives see things that we don't. For example, people saying "he wasn't good for you." Ask yourself, why would they be saying that? Is he not treating me well and be honest with yourself.
I sense from your words that you are more focused on the manifesting aspect. I sense that you "need" him too much. What you really need to do is look inside yourself. Meditate, journal do the audio from Steve on intuition writing. Work on yourself. Otherwise even if you get the guy the relationship won't work because you need to resolve the inner issues.
"losing power" This is exactly what I thought until I got the negative response from my guy last week. I thought this way because I was still thinking "my life is crappy without him" among other negative thoughts. Completely erase this kind of thinking. Even when you think you have worked through the issues, look deeper, I bet you find more issues. You are very powerful. Look deeply inside yourself. You will realize you are powerful and you can create what you want. You are "wasting" (misdirecting) energy that is not focused on you. It is more important to focus your energy on you than him.
Be in the present moment as much as possible. You will become more aware of any emotional blocks to your manifestation. I found in my case, it is my own blocks that delayed my manifestation.
This no contact period is good for both of you. It will give him a chance to "miss" you. He will start to see that what he gets from you, he won't find in another.
Well, it's been a long time since he ended our relationship (8 months) and he's been seeing someone else for 5 months.
I have been doing a lot of focussing on me, but still come back to thoughts of him.
He wants to catch up and talk sometime. I don't know why. He is with someone else.
Although I do want us to be together, I can't pretend that I can just be friends. We were together for 10 years.
I can't let go of the negative feelings that I am no longer good enough for him. There is still a lot of hurt I am processing. I know if we see each other the outcome won't be what I want (reconciliation), so I know I'm still not ready to see him if I am so focussed on the outcome or worried I will become upset.
While I am not obsessively thinking about him, I do still think about him a lot. Even last night I had a dream about him, that we were getting back together. But there was obvious disappointment when I woke up that it was just a dream. Perhaps it was because I watched the Notebook on tv last night and he looks quite a bit like the lead character!
Just not sure how to process this all on my own. How to get to that point of being ok no matter what. Whether I should see him or not, or keep no contact because he made his choice. That is the hardest part. I don't want to feel like I am controlling the situation by not seeing him. But he is with someone else.
I would not recommend you to meet with him, talk to him or communicate with him in any way.
Give yourself a year without communicating with him at all. Delete him from all your contacts.
And tell yourself : "This is the end! And I'm going to live with it." Once you will realize it fully you will start to recover. There are a lot of plenty good and fun men out there don't waste your life on obsessing over your ex.
He wants to meet because it's pleasant to feel loved even if you don't feel the same.
I can't let go of the negative feelings that I am no longer good enough for him. There is still a lot of hurt I am processing.
Keep working on letting go of the hurt and forgiving him and yourself. Stay in the present moment, observe your thoughts and feelings as they come up, allow them to be and then release them. You will have to do this for awhile, but eventually you will notice you can let go of the hurt.
so I know I'm still not ready to see him if I am so focussed on the outcome or worried I will become upset. That is exactly true. You have good insight.
How to get to that point of being ok no matter what. Whether I should see him or not, or keep no contact because he made his choice. If you keep following the steps that I mentioned earlier and that Viking also wrote about, you will get a point where you feel you don't have a "need" for him in order for you to be happy. That is the key. When you have enough love for yourself that you know even if you never get another relationship again, you can still be happy. At that point, you can decide for yourself whether you actually want to try to get back with him or not. It will come from a place of fullness inside of you, instead of "longing" to fill an empty hole.
I see what you mean about the place of fullness. I also see how much fuller his life was than mine. Although his relationships are mostly 'catch up at the pub' type friendships, he had loads more friends than I, so probably keeps himself busy out every night. He was always rushing out the door to do something, or going from work to something before coming home...a lot of the time I felt like an afterthought. He wanted to spend time with others, but less so with me it seemed. Like 'we' or I was never the priority. I don't know if he sees that now...he did say his attitude to 'together' had to change.
Whereas I have a few good friends and don't see them as much, but when we do it is meaningful. I have made efforts to catch up with people more, but it's usually once a week I am out if that. So my nights and weekends are quiet. Although I start uni again next semester, so that will keep my nights busy, but solitary. I am quite shy. Find it hard to keep conversations going, to approach people etc.
I know I need to get to the point where I am ready for a relationship with someone new. I know I don't need to rush it. I also know there is no point wondering why he got into a new relationship so quickly...perhaps she was the catalyst for the change. I don't know.
I wonder if he is looking for someone "out there" to fill up the emptyness inside of him. This is what I have found with people who break up and then quickly get into a new relationship. I think for a long relationship like yours a one year hiatus from relationships is reasonable. Even if he broke things off, he still needs to "grieve" the loss which it doesn't look like he's doing. So he will repeat the same mistakes he made in the previous relationship.
I am glad you have gained some insight and now see that he didn't treat you as well as he could have.
I am celebrating my 5th anniversary today and I saw this post and wanted to offer my own insights. In my experience, love happens when it's meant to. I don't think that constantly visualizing yourself together with another is going to really help much because it puts you in a place of need, like many others have already mentioned. You have already let the universe know that you want a relationship with someone and now you need to let it go. If it's meant to be then it will be. If it's not, then it won't work out. Pushing it will just lead to heartache and unhappiness. Many of the great teachers of the law of attraction will tell you that once you've put the idea out into the universe, trust that it will happen and then let go. I hope this helps.
Hey. I'm new here and even though I have been applying LOA before I didn't know it was actually LOA, I just wanted something really bad and then it'd happen out of nowhere. anyways, I came across this topic about manifesting your love back and I have mixed feelings about that.
my story (briefly): I met this guy (and I'd say he was my first love) 4 years ago. The problem is that we live in different countries (but I know that there's nothing impossible). then I haven't seen him for 3,5 years, we were keeping in touch though, but the contact with time was disappearing, but even though I liked other guys he was always in my head. But eventually I started to forget him when all of a sudden we started talking again several times a week (his initiative) and he said he started learning russian (which I speak) and wants to come to my country. and about the same time I started to plan my vacation and I knew I always wanted to go back to his country to visit friends I have there and ..him. and let me tell you that the trip worked out almost perfect! everything just matched so well (my visa, money, everyone i wanted to see was free at the time of my visit). and I knew that when i see him the feelings would be right there again, I knew it and I was right. it was a great vacation and after I came back home we would talk every day and we both fell in love, although we knew that long distance relationships are not easy so we knew any of us could meet someone else. (and he could only come visit me in a year or so, but I was ready to wait as I had a lot of hope). but then couple months ago he told me he was seeing someone else (it took him about 3 weeks to tell me because he wasn't sure). And even though we didn't have any commitments to each other I was hurt as he really made me fall for him during these months. But it didn't take me long to forgive him, in fact I wasn't mad at him, but at the situation of long distance itself and I knew he is not ready for serious relationship. The girl said she wasn't sure after like 3 weeks so now he's single again and I dont know much what is going there between them now, but we talk "as friends" few times a week and he's planning to come to my country anyways. I was very upset, but like many already said here it made me start thinking about what I really want and who I really am first of all. And I think I'm making progress :) I don't want to be desperate, but I really want love, I want a happy family and children and house, I don't really care where as long as I'm with the person I love and who loves me. And this guy..I just can't get him out of my head and I want to try again. Am I sure he is the one I REALLY want? No, but I know why I like him. And I just have this feeling inside that it's not the end. I'm not sure if this is really my intuition or just me being stubborn as we always want something we can't have more.. I know also the more you try to stick to something the faster it'll slip away. So I let go the situation and I do truly believe that if something is meant to be it'll be when time comes. It just wasn't the right time for us yet. But how do I know if it's not the time YET or if it's not meant to be at all?..
But my main question is can you actually manifest LOVE? You can't make someone love you, so I don't really understand how this works if you are talking about a particular person? What if when you are manifesting his love he's manifesting someone else's love?? And if you know you "manifested" your ex come back to you, how can you know it's real?... sounds a little like love spell to me :)
can somebody share their thoughts about this?
and maybe some advice too :)
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