Feeling a little Down... help?

[jawillie]

.. she asks sheepishly.

Today has been one of "those" days. Not terrible. I still felt joy and I still practiced gratitude... but... my business partner and I have decided to stop pursuing our New Business idea.

I feel a little..... let down.

I mean, I haven't been feeling inspired to chase it for awhile now. It was a good idea, but realities are making it more headache than anything else. Yes, it would be "possible" but I don't want it anymore. Dealing with employess, taxes and insurance totally zapped any income for us. We can't raise rates or no one could afford us.

So... what was it? A time waster? How could it feel so real and so doable in one moment and then later come to be... nothing? Am I doing something wrong? Am I just too lazy?

Or, maybe we are being saved from something. I do believe that. The liability would have been huge.

Or, maybe something better is in the works but I am just not there yet? How do I get there?

I don't want all my dreams to be pipe dreams. I don't want to have a lifetime of missed opportunities or "close calls" or failed attempts.

My current business is doing well. I am revamping it a bit to simplify (ie, let my employee go).

I just dont' have the answers tonight and I feel tired.

I am trying to tell myself that letting a dream die is courageous ~ if it wasn't meant to be, it would be foolish to force it (foolish and a waste of time). Right? Help.

[Rose of Cairo]

jawillie, first of all I send you a big, big hug. I love you You're wonderful no matter how many failed attempts you have made in your life.

It's normal to feel a bit down now, especially because you're going through another challenge at the moment too.

The more I learn about you, the more you sound to me like an unidentified Scanner. Does this book resonate with you in some way?

Much Love to you.

[mark7]

this might come across as nonesense
butmaybe you just need to ask yourself a couple of questions ?
and be honest with yourself

why do i need to be chasing this,
is it to provide myself with a sense of worth ?

do i feel people may look upon me disaprovingly if i dont succeed ?
if so why do i feel that way

my uncle is a multi millionare, and he allways has to be chasing something, more, more, more all the time!

his house is worth about 4.5 million pounds, hes had porsches ferraries and all sorts
and guess what
he never ever looks happy!!!
hes allways on his nerves edge
this is true by the way
me ive just packed in a 55 thousand pound year job, to look after old and disabled people, for 12 thousand pound a year
and guess what, ive never been happier or got more fullfilment from a job in my life lol
maybe you just need to re-evaluate happiness

[jawillie]

Thanks for the responses, Rose and Mark.

I have done a ton of re-evaluating in the last couple years. My job doesn't pay a "fortune" but I really do love what I do. I am a Home Child Care Provider (don't say babysitter.. lol). I went through a time when it felt like a burden to me, but in the last year I have totally found my peace with it and I realize it DOES make me happy. I love offering the kids a Natural Playground (we live in the city amongst manicured lawns where kids can't "touch" anything and I LOVE offering them mud, rocks and sticks to play with.. lol). I love teaching preschool. I love holding the baby.

My "problem" is that I do desire more. I guess I am not sure "Why?" Maybe it is all ego? I don't require more money, really. But, I do want more freedom in life. I am tied to my job 11 hours a day, five days a week.

I can do this job a long while, but I do desire to find some other form of income... a bit more passive... to supplement.

I have so many ideas. Writing curriculum for Child Care Providers (because I do not like any I have seen for sale thus far). Designing Natural Playgrounds. A child's book that encourages enlightment, consciousness, chasing dreams, etc.

I am doing The Artist's Way, and I have to say, in just one week I am feeling a "pull" to art again, big time. When I was 17 I explored Art Institutes on my own in the "big city"... Mom and Dad were supportive, but we just didn't have the funds and they didn't really want me to leave. Joined the Army instead. LOL In the Army I had dreams of a daycare. During my freetime I filled a whole notebook with ideas. Many of those I use now.

I see how life "flows".... even "failed" dreams lead to something. I do see that. I have been a cashier, waitress, soldier (weekend warrior, anyway.. lol), nanny, student, waitress again, Realtor, and finally Child Care Provider. They all had a purpose in my life. One lead seamlessly to another.

Sorry. Babbling. I should save this for my Morning Pages.

I do love to create. Being a CCP does allow a ton of creativity. But I do long for more... or do I? Hmm...........

[Angela]

You're doing great, jawillie, and I love you. I have every confidence that you will handle this. And I'm sorry you're hurting right now.

I wish my Grandpa George were around to tell you what he used to tell me:

It'll feel better when it quits hurtin'.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Angela

You're doing great, jawillie, and I love you. I have every confidence that you will handle this. And I'm sorry you're hurting right now.

I wish my Grandpa George were around to tell you what he used to tell me:

Thanks, Angela. Your Grandpa George was a wise man.

It's all for a reason, I know that. I know I will feel better tomorrow.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by jawillie

I have so many ideas. Writing curriculum for Child Care Providers (because I do not like any I have seen for sale thus far). Designing Natural Playgrounds. A child's book that encourages enlightment, consciousness, chasing dreams, etc.

Awesome ideas

I too know you'll handle it, and you know you're not alone

And you're a scanner, I'm so sure about that now you're a scanner, you're a scanner, lalala...

[jawillie]

"Scanner" seems to fit... (I took a peek at the book).

I also realized something else: I am way too focused on the "making money" aspect. With everything I think that I would like to do I have this thought in the back of my mind, "How will this make me extra money?" Even about charcoal drawings, something I used to love to do and haven't done in over 12 years!!!

I need to take the focus off of "money," for sure.

[dancer]

Hi Jawillie,

I've been following your inspiring accounts of your business venture and am sorry to hear it did not turn out to be viable.

You have shared some of your personal development along the journey and I'm sure you gained many valuable insights regarding the business aspect. Reflect over these lessons learned and take them with you. Just like that notebook, you kept when you were in the army, this experience will be of value in your next ventures.

I'm also feeling a bit down and disappointed after failing miserably at an interview. I'd kick my backside if it was physically possible.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by dancer

You have shared some of your personal development along the journey and I'm sure you gained many valuable insights regarding the business aspect.



I'm also feeling a bit down and disappointed after failing miserably at an interview. I'd kick my backside if it was physically possible.

You know, I have grown a LOT in the last six-nine months. I realized if I wanted to be a CEO, I had to fill the shoes in all areas of my life and stepped it up... keeping my house (business) clean, organizing paperwork, etc. I have been consistent in this area and it feels really good and that right there makes me feel successful. So, yes, I have learned along the way. Funny how we forget that so easily.

Sorry about your disappointing interview. Having been through a slew of them myself the last few months I know they can be horrid. Don't kick yourself, though... focus on what you want for the next one. (lol... again, advise I could use MYSELF... )

[mark7]

as far as money is concearned, one thing i have noticed in my life, is that when ever i have actively chased money it has always eluded me,
but when i have just got on with something that interested me reguardless of its monetary value, money has just come in from really unexpected sources.
i almost think you can seem to apply a type of negative energy to money and push it further away from yourself by actively chaseing it so hard. weather this is true or not i dont know, but it has always panned out that way in my life.