|05-28-2008, 11:28 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2008
Changing my life through IM
I'm interested, willing, and ready to explore this topic in earnest. There are many areas of my life which I want to change--drastically, in some ways. I'm planning to use this thread as a record of what I do with IM and how it affects my life. I've done a little bit of experimenting with IM already, had some positive results, and have no reason to believe it can't work in much bigger ways.
For reference, I'm a 30-something married woman with kids.
First, I need to pick some focuses for IM. There's so much to change, but I don't want to get scattered by trying to change everything all at once. Here are the areas, feel free to give opinions as to what I might work on first and/or how to go about doing that:
My Health / Body / Appearance
I've been working on this for about 6 weeks. I started by deciding to give up coffee for 30 days, because I knew that would be easy for me to do--I firmly believed I could do it, and I did, and it wasn't painful at all. (I'm still off of coffee except on occasion.) Getting off coffee began a chain reaction of changes--I had to figure out a new daily breakfast and how to start my work day, since coffee was an integral part of that both physically and emotionally. My diet became naturally healthier as a result.
Then a month ago I decided on a new 30-day trial of giving up sugar. I'd done this before in my life, so I knew it would not be hard to do if I committed to it. On May 1st I stopped eating sugar. This caused an even greater chain reaction of positive changes in my diet and a reorganization of my eating habits overall. I'll be continuing with this "habit" as well, because I know that it's so essential to my physical/emotional/mental well-being: Compared to 6 weeks ago, I feel amazingly good, I look great, I'm on a healthy whole-foods diet, and I've lost 11 pounds so far. (I have about 130 more to lose.)
Last week I worked on manifesting a 3-pound weight loss for the week. I should have tossed in there "in an easy and healthy way," because I came down with strep throat and was severely ill for about 4 days Result was a 4 pound weight loss for the week. GO IM! ...but I may need some work on my technique.
My overall goal for my health / body / appearance is to be at a healthy weight, have a low bodyfat %, be physically strong and enduring (including my immune system), look good for my age, etc. Right now this area of my life feels like great changes are underway; so perhaps it doesn't need a ton of specific IM attention, since I've got a low-level positivity happening all the time.
I'm a data analyst and have a job that is marginally challenging and interesting, with a large corporation. I really have no desire at all to climb the corporate ladder or even to take my "career" elsewhere and do this exact same thing, but in another environment. My company is comparatively great, my pay is comparatively OK (if I was a single person and not the sole provider of my family as is fact--in that context, it's terribly inadequate). I'm just completely non-passionate about the whole thing.
I want to engage my passions in my work. Since I am the sole provider for my family, there's no possibility of just up-and-quitting; and I don't think that would be the solution anyways, as that could lead to drifting.
Ah, but what are my passions? And what am I really good at? That's probably too long to write about here. Suffice to say, I know in my heart what my passions and skills are, but they don't seem to easily translate to a particular career. All I really know is that I want to work for myself.
I'm not exactly sure how I'd go about IMing changes in the work/career/profession area of my life, but it seems like an area ripe for change. And it would change me hugely and undoubtedly be very positive for my family.
My home is cluttered and not clean enough. I live with it, but I hate it. My husband is a terrible packrat and I've let that tendency take over. My house feels like there's no room for anything good in here, since we have probably 500% more total crap than actually fits.
I've started bit-by-bit doing decluttering and cleanup, but there's so much more to do. It's highly unlikely I will have any significant support or assistance from my husband in doing this. Perhaps IM would be helpful somehow in working on my energy level, my motivation, and my habits of decluttering-cleaning-organization.
I love my husband, but I'm not in love with him and haven't been for quite some time. Our relationship feels to me like co-parents and roommates, with decent-to-good sex a few times per week. The only thing we enjoy doing together is watching TV; our interests diverge in almost every other conceivable way. (And the fact that I get bored of things he likes to do, even if I'm initially enthusiastic about trying stuff out, is a major point of resentment for him.) We don't talk about personal issues or feelings much at all, so there's almost no emotional support or real friendship between us. I don't trust him to listen to how I feel about things.
My husband is an extremely negative and pessimistic person, and I actually find this aspect of his personality very toxic; complaints and rants make up a large portion of his conversational repertoire, with criticisms and hurtful teasing close behind. He believes that nothing good ever happens, and that everything he could want to do is doomed to end in failure; so why bother trying? Talking to him and pointing out how negative he is, or pointing out that I need compliments and nice words and not just criticism, has never been a helpful solution; he doesn't change, even if he seems to understand the issue.
In the past I've tried a number of ways to improve our marriage, but nothing has really helped in the long run. Generally speaking, my husband will be vehemently opposed to participating in some portion of whatever potential solution I find, so we've only ever been able to partway participate in any program of changes. Really, I think that any solution which -requires- his participation is not going to work.
Lately about 50% of our interactions lead to me feeling angry and hateful toward him. I have no desire for him; I'm not really interested in spending time with him. I'm sure that shows.
My marriage could be worse, but it could be better; on a scale of 1 to 10, I feel like this is maybe a 4 or 5. Re-reading all the above it looks like I'm blaming my husband totally, but I fully admit that at least 50% of our marital problems are my responsibility. My primary motivations for fixing my marriage at this point are that we cannot financially afford to support 2 households on the 1 income that's barely supporting us now, and that I believe it's better for the kids for us to remain a family unit so long as my husband and I can remain civil with one another.
So, I would possibly like to use IM to change my marriage in many ways so that my relationship with my husband is positive and beneficial to us both, but that seems like a big kettle of fish to fry.
Any opinions on which of the 4 areas of my life I should work on first? And/or how I should do that?
|05-29-2008, 05:46 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
I could not help smiling as I read your post. That's because you reminded me so much of myself (and I really mean so much!) when I first started to investigate the LOA.
Like you, I had some small little successes with LOA and was prepared to try for a lot more, on a systematic basis. Like you, I was very interested in making written records of the whole process. Like you, I methodically divided my life into various areas - career, family, finances, health and so on.
And then I jumped into it! Like you soon will. You're gonna love it.
Allow me to get a little sentimental and nostalgic, and tell you a little about my own journey. The main difference between you and I was that initially I was a little more skeptical than you seem to be.
When I started, I called my exercise "The Great Experiment" because I was not entirely sure that the LOA was genuine. However I had had enough "weird" experiences to know that I surely had to investigate the LOA in greater detail, and find out for myself.
Thus I formally began commenced my Great Experiment on 27 November 2006. This is what I wrote on my blog then:
The Great Experiment is Over « The Magickal Mind
You will have your own intentions and your own life, and you will explore in your own ways. From all my own personal experiences, I will now give you only one piece of advice for you, but I believe it may be very very useful for you. Here it is:
Whenever you seem to have gotten stuck, and the LOA just seems not to be working, remember this. You can ATTRACT the answer. You can DRAW the knowledge & understanding to yourself, as to what you need to know about the LOA, in order to progress to the next stage.
Put out the intention that you shall know what you need to know next, about the LOA, and the answers will come to you.
Last edited by Acting Like Godot; 05-29-2008 at 05:49 AM.
|05-29-2008, 06:58 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2008
Very intriguing and powerful thought above--I hadn't considered that at all. I'll work on intending this today. I'm realizing that I really must put LOA to work on my marriage first, because akin to how my physical health affects all the rest of my life, my marital health is a big chunk of the emotional underpinnings of my life.
*a few minutes later* Intention done for the moment in a few minutes of meditation/thinking at my work desk. Letting it go and moving on to other tasks for now.
|05-30-2008, 05:54 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2008
More thoughts about my husband: The truth is that he's chronically depressed and has been for probably 7 or so years now, pretty solidly. Some periods are better than others, some worse. It's actually possible that he's had depressive tendencies throughout his life, and I just didn't really see them before--we've only been together 11 years.
The vibrational level of depression...level of consciousness and so on...is somewhere in the guilt to anger range, I would say from my own past experience of depression. My level of consciousness / vibrational level is probably in the willingness and trending upwards to acceptance range right now. That puts a huge gap between me and my husband and is a source of tension and major conflict.
Example: The other evening I was rearranging stuff in kitchen cabinets, throwing out junk, and picking things I don't need to be donated to a food bank. He freaked out about the fact that I'm giving away a 5-lb bag of white flour that was purchased 5 or 6 weeks ago. He accused me of being "wasteful." My perspective is that I don't have room in my cabinets for the good stuff I need to put in there to support the whole-foods diet I want to have; and I don't want to eat that bag of flour. So, end result, big fight between one person coming from a total "fear and lack" perspective and another person coming from a "courage and abundance" perspective.
In the past I've solved this by dropping to his level, because that's the easiest thing to do. That's what I'm emerging from, again, right now. I feel stronger in pulling myself up again this time and I'm not sure why--perhaps due to feeling very detached from him. I love him, I want him to succeed, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my own well-being.
According to Steve, if someone is below the level of courage (I think it was), then they are probably going to need outside assistance in order to rise.
So, if I want to stay married and achieve the marriage that I really want (which I have a vision of but really need to write down), then I will have to work on raising my husband's level of consciousness / vibration. It's not really optional.
Right now he is very afraid that I will leave him, and he's operating from that fear--I can feel it just emanating from him. He's not wrong to be afraid of that, because I indicated to him recently that I'm coming close to that but still looking for other options to save our marriage. But ultimately, working from fear will not be the healthy way for him to try to stay married to me.
How do I raise him up? Some thoughts:
-- Lead by example. Right now I'm eating very healthy, getting some exercising, being positive, and being clear with him that I don't want to hear negativity.
-- Ask him to eliminate sugar from his diet. He's already agreed to do this at some future nebulous time, but he's not committed to doing it yet. I believe very strongly that stopping sugar would work powerfully to change his physical and emotional energy and clear up his mind.
-- Use LOA specifically to raise his vibration. I guess I could do the "talk to his spirit guide" thing. I'm having some kind of a conceptual block with that. Is it wrong/manipulative to just try to use LOA directly, when he's sick with something that is truly a life-threatening condition?
-- Teach him about LOA. He will probably think I'm crazy, but it wouldn't be the first time. And he knows that sometimes my crazy is right.
-- Talk with him about the fact that he is depressed (we've talked about it before, but it's probably been a couple of years) and advocate for positive change with the goal of getting him to see it as a problem and believe that he can change it.
Input is welcome. I'm wondering if knowing that I need to change my husband's vibration in order to save our marriage is the LOA knowledge I was waiting for; not sure about that. Perhaps something else is still coming.
This seems like such a huge and nearly insane thing to try to accomplish. Is it? Am I wrong to contemplate trying?
|05-31-2008, 02:54 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
I would strongly recommend the Subjective Communication technique (if you don't know what's that, go to this thread (The LOA Experiment (DIY)) and read the parts about it.)
Apart from that, I've some (limited) experience using the LOA in other ways to improve:
(1) relationships between me and someone else; and
(2) relationships between two other people.
And IMO, it works. Category 1 includes the relationship between me and my mother; Category 2 includes the relationship between my two children; and also the relationship between my wife and my maid; and also the relationship between my wife and my mother; and also the relationship between my mother and my sister-in-law.
The usual "Rule of Three" issue comes up - can / should we use the LOA to "manipulate" others? The word manipulate has negative connotations. I believe that there are ways to use the LOA on others, in an ethical way, and without negative karmic repercussions for yourself.
The way to do this is to raise the perspective of the intention, to some positive level so elevated that it pretty much becomes non-objectionable.
For example, if you put out the intention that your husband shall no longer consume white flour, this probably falls into the "no-no" category, as a violation of your husband's free will.
But if you put out the intention that there shall be greater love & understanding between you and your husband, this is much less likely to fall into the "no-no" category, since no one, presumably, would object to having greater love and understanding in their marital relationships.
If you still have some concerns about this formulation, then you could put out the intention that YOU yourself shall have greater love for your husband; and the wisdom and strength to do all the right things regarding your marriage. The focus of this intention becomes YOU, therefore there is no question of violating your hubby's free will.
Here are some notes on a mind session that I did, to improve the relationship between me and my mum. See, the trick is to avoid getting fixated on the details of the dispute, who's right, who's wrong, and all that kind of stuff. Instead, focus on the things that really matter - love, acceptance, forgiveness etc.
Creation & Other Adventures: Mind Session No. 8 of 2008 - Part 2
The above mind session was done on 20 January 2008, and the effect showed itself one week later, on 28 January 2008:
LOA and Human Relationships « The Magickal Mind
Last edited by Acting Like Godot; 05-31-2008 at 02:57 AM.
|06-04-2008, 08:53 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2008
I am still working on all of this, but something that feels like a barrier to me is not having a regular time / schedule specifically for IM. I work full-time, commute a total of about 1 hour per day, fit some exercise in, and have family/home responsibilities as well. Anyone have tips or ideas on when I could schedule in some IM time?
-- Could I do IM in my car, and if so, how?
-- Maybe I could do IM in bed right before I fall asleep?
-- Times/methods for fitting it in during the work day?
I really want to be able to focus on this and see some results, and right now it feels so scattered and un-methodological.
|06-05-2008, 02:21 AM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Well, we all have our challenges. Mine is that I have two little kids, who are at that age when they will run and play and shout and chase each other around the house, and do somersaults on my bed.
Not very conducive for IM.
I end up doing my IM early in the morning (before anyone else is awake); or late at night (in bed, before I fall asleep); or while out jogging (yes, this is very possible) and also at lunchtime during working days (I go to a nearby public library, find a comfy seat, sit down and close my eyes. This looks entirely normal to everyone else, because there are always individuals dozing off in the library).
|06-22-2008, 04:41 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2008
At night before bed!
I have a toddler who apparently does not need much sleep so this was a problem for me at first also, by the time she was alseep I was almost asleep also and we woke up at the same time. I have since realized that my favorite time for IM day dreams is at night right before I fall alspeep anyway! I get in a more dream like state and sometimes I fall asleep but thats OK!
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