Infatuation problem....

[JKrump]

I know you guys are tired of me and my multiple topics (btw thanks for all your help on every single one of them; gets me one step closer to understanding IM), but recently I have been extremely infatuated with this guy. I know it's just lust but I really do want to get to know him. I think about him almost constantly(mostly in a positive way), I even check to see if he's online every couple of hours.( Iknow I'm acting like a big fat teenager) The reason why i'm so infatuated with him (I've known him previously through one of my best friends) is because he showed interest in me IE said I was sexy, cute, smart, etc.

Anyways, I know by me thinking of him (in a positive way) means I will manifest a visit from him, vice versa, or one way or another we will meet up again. I need some tips on to how to take my mind off of him so that if that does happen it will happen smoothly, quickly, and effortlessly. thanks again you guys I am very grateful to be here.

[alexb5784]

I'm going through the same thing , so I know how you feel. In the past whenever I became interested in someone, I'd immediately go out and learn as much about them as possible. And in the end it would never work out for one reason or another. I was always trying to find a way to "win" the person over

Presently I've found myself falling for someone, but I've taken a step back and have really gotten honest with myself. The first thing I did was ask this question:

How would a relationship with this person make me feel?

I realized that being with this potential mate would possibly make me feel loved and more confident. Then I asked myself if I was feeling confident and loved in my life as a single person. At that time, which was a few weeks ago, my answer was no. I was working at a job that was dragging me down and I stopped going to the gym. In other words I was feeling down.

My answer to that question was a wake up call for me to get back on track. Since then I've gone back to the gym. started dressing to the 9's again, and am looking for a new job.

Now of course I still like my crush, but I'm not spending too much time trying to figure out if they like me or not. Instead I'm taking it slow and investing more time creating the life I want.

In the beginning this approach might seem awful because you have to detach yourself from thinking about your love interest all the time. But the more you think about wanting to be with them, especially wanting to be with them and only them, you actually push them away. When you want to attract something or someone into your life, you have to know what you want, but be willing to let go of how it will manifest. That means wanting to be with the person, but only if it's for the highest good. Perhaps this person might be for you, or may there is someone more suited. But only the Universe knows that.

So intend to manifest a relationship with this guy, but be open to how it will happen. And if it works out great, if not it's still okay. Perhaps there is someone better suited for you waiting around the corner.

I hope my answer has helped. Sorry it's sooo long

[JKrump]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

I'm going through the same thing , so I know how you feel. In the past whenever I became interested in someone, I'd immediately go out and learn as much about them as possible. And in the end it would never work out for one reason or another. I was always trying to find a way to "win" the person over

Presently I've found myself falling for someone, but I've taken a step back and have really gotten honest with myself. The first thing I did was ask this question:

How would a relationship with this person make me feel?

I realized that being with this potential mate would possibly make me feel loved and more confident. Then I asked myself if I was feeling confident and loved in my life as a single person. At that time, which was a few weeks ago, my answer was no. I was working at a job that was dragging me down and I stopped going to the gym. In other words I was feeling down.

My answer to that question was a wake up call for me to get back on track. Since then I've gone back to the gym. started dressing to the 9's again, and am looking for a new job.

Now of course I still like my crush, but I'm not spending too much time trying to figure out if they like me or not. Instead I'm taking it slow and investing more time creating the life I want.

In the beginning this approach might seem awful because you have to detach yourself from thinking about your love interest all the time. But the more you think about wanting to be with them, especially wanting to be with them and only them, you actually push them away. When you want to attract something or someone into your life, you have to know what you want, but be willing to let go of how it will manifest. That means wanting to be with the person, but only if it's for the highest good. Perhaps this person might be for you, or may there is someone more suited. But only the Universe knows that.

So intend to manifest a relationship with this guy, but be open to how it will happen. And if it works out great, if not it's still okay. Perhaps there is someone better suited for you waiting around the corner.

I hope my answer has helped. Sorry it's sooo long

Long is good.

The thing is: we've flirted around and cuddled and everything which is what is causing me to think about him all the time. Also because of this, I know that he likes me. Also I have not acted upon my strong emotions IE constantly contacting him, quite the opposite actually, I rarely contact him. how exactly do you detach from that when you're infatuated?

[JKrump]

Also, almost everynight I imagine him in my bed with me flirting and cuddling and what have you even though that borders on the crazy side. I don't know if that helps or not because we're supposed to act as if it's true.

[alexb5784]

Well if he clearly likes you, then why not pursue it? Perhaps you're afraid something bad will happen and the potential relationship will fizzle.

If you are feeling scared for one reason or another, you should read Steve's article about being afraid of success.

I have been reading the article a lot as I'm making so many drastic changes in my life. I'm uncovering a lot of unconscious reasons why I have been pushing good situations away

What do you think it is that's keeping you from reaching out to this cute guy?

[JKrump]

well it was made clear that because of his situation we cannot date (long story); well, at least not now. but I like hanging out with him. The purpose of this thread was to figure out how to detach from this so that things will happen smoothly instead of me thinking about him all the time. (Sorry if this sounds rude; it wasn't meant to be.)

[Asmoday]

Oh that's easy -- you're obsessing at this level because of a chemical in your brain, the name is something like phenylatheline (sp?) -- point being, its giving you a blood-pressure rush, fluttering, and more importantly, causing your mind to focus on him to the exclusion of other things.

The chemical that neutralizes that and helps you "detach" so you can be more reserved until the right time is produced during strong moments of disgust.

SO, either find out things about him which you don't like (very good to bring you back to the reality that he's a person, and not the perfect idea in your head), or picture him being/doing things that are a turn off for you.

Remember, if the vision is strong enough, and repeated often enough, the mind can't tell the difference between a fantasized event and a real event.

[Asmoday]

Of course, you might also be thinking, "But that will cause him to be/do those things, and I'll be creating a future without him".

Yes, this is potentially true -- if you did it for a long enough time period. But don't do it forever, and keep it at, for example, a 1:3 bad-to-good ratio. You're just trying to get your brain to neutralize the uber-crush-drug, not stomp out the attraction.

[alexb5784]

Don't worry about it, you're not being rude. Perhaps I misunderstood what you were asking.

How can you stop thinking about this guy? Hmmm...

Maybe there's nothing wrong with thinking about him after all. But then I can understand your hesitation because of his personal situation.

[Rafael Perez]

Hhhhmmmm.... I'll start off by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little infatuation. Now if you cross over to the realm of obsession, then it gets a little hairy.

We all fear a failed relationship. Our problem is that we look back at relationships that we have had and focus on the problems and project them on to our new relationships.

The problems in our relationship has nothing to do with you not being good enough. It has to do with honesty. From your statement and correct me if I am wrong, he has treated you in a positive way. Do you feel that you need him in order to feel good about yourself. This could be dangerous, it is a high expectation of someone to put them in a position with that much power over your emotions.

You start to feel like you need this person. Try focusing on the things that make you happy for you. If he pops into your head for most of the day, that is ok, as long as you are doing things for yourself that make you happy.

Put your focus on you. what do you want out of life? Go for it, try to stay away from the thought of "I need him to be happy"

Most infatuation and obsession stems from the fear of being alone. Take this time to focus on how wonderful you are. Take what he has told you and start to believe it for yourself... So much so to the point that you really don't need him to say these things because you already know them.

Remember that we all choose our own path in life, he may choose you he may not... Choose your path for you and focus on what you want out of a relationship, it may be him it may be someone better coming along.

Ask yourself these questions..

Do I need this person, if yes... why?
what do I want out of life?
Am I compromising who I am or compromising who he is?

I went through the same thing... I stopped obsessing about her, I think of her all the time but I am not limiting my happiness to being with her. I love her with no conditions or expectations.

What if he said he never wants to speak to you again, would you still think he was amazing.

[alexb5784]

Well said.

[alexb5784]

Rafael,

I just downloaded your e-book and so far I like it

[Rafael Perez]

Originally Posted by alexb5784

Rafael,

I just downloaded your e-book and so far I like it

Thanks Alex I really appreciate the feedback, you rock!!!

[JKrump]

well I sent him an email saying I had fun. It's been almost 4 days since and he hasn't responded.