What do you say....

[jawillie]

.... to those who are struggling???

I just listen and offer a hug, because I don't want to sound "preachy," kwim?

I hear so many stories of financial struggles and they are panicked and they say, "when it rains it pours"... "there is no way out".. etc. They are TRULY struggling.

So, what do you say so you don't sound preachy? Is there anything?

TIA!!!

[Mags]

Hi Jawillie

Eckhart Tolle gives a few examples of where he encountered people who were struggling with various issues, and he suggests just being intensely present while you are with them. Either you will be inspired by the right words to say, or maybe in some cases the "right" thing is just to listen and really be with the person.

It sounds like you may already be doing this

[jawillie]

I have been resisting reading The Power of Now. I guess I need to cave and read it. I wish I had read it before Oprah endorsed it. Why do I care if Oprah endorses it? I don't know... I need to release that I guess. lol

I will pick it up this weekend....

Thanks Mags!

I wrote this post kind of out of frustration because it "bugs" me to see others struggling at this early stage, I think. I am learning that *I* still struggle though... I am careful to not get full of myself here... you know what happens when we do that. I am feeling really good about life and it is hard to listen to others gripe the way I used to (not that long ago). But I am also remembering what I don't like in someone else I REALLY don't like in myself... So, clearly, I have to work on myself in this area.

I really do get that.

Wow. My brain is tired today. lol

[Mags]

Originally Posted by jawillie

I have been resisting reading The Power of Now. I guess I need to cave and read it. I wish I had read it before Oprah endorsed it. Why do I care if Oprah endorses it? I don't know... I need to release that I guess. lol

<giggles> I read both Eckhart's books a couple of years ago, way before Oprah's endorsement of them - probably a good thing since I can be completely otherwise sometimes and refuse to do things "that everyone else is doing" . That stood me in good stead during high school as I was completely immune to peer pressure, but it's something that I have to watch in myself these days... I'm learning to discern the difference between a fad and something that could actually be good for me!

I wrote this post kind of out of frustration because it "bugs" me to see others struggling at this early stage, I think. I am learning that *I* still struggle though... I am careful to not get full of myself here... you know what happens when we do that. I am feeling really good about life and it is hard to listen to others gripe the way I used to (not that long ago). But I am also remembering what I don't like in someone else I REALLY don't like in myself... So, clearly, I have to work on myself in this area.

I know what you mean... when I wrote my initial reply to you, I was very careful to state that that's what Eckhart suggests rather than this is what I do since this is still something that I'm learning too . When we care about people, we want them to be happy - especially if we've been through it and we know it can be done. We've also grown up in a society in which advice-giving is the norm, and so not saying anything but just being with the person can feel strange. I'm learning to step out of my own way with this and let source energy through by being present - the times that I've managed to do this have been very beautiful experiences.

I guess the best way to help those that are struggling is to really live what we've learned, not in a self-righteous or preachy way, but rather in a sincere and loving way. Your posts contain a great deal of graceful and gentle loving energy, and I'm sure that this connects with those who are struggling.

[Patricia]

After a lot of struggling myself with trying to help someone who is struggling and having fallen into the trap of trying too hard, I finally came to terms with the fact that there's only so much I can do. Being fully present with the person has worked better in some situations than trying to help by verbally expressing solutions, ideas and even words of comfort. It's not easy to see someone we love struggling with anything, but the fact is that the changes that could reverse whatever situation they are going through need to come from within them. And it wasn't until I fully accepted that, I mean, FULLY accepted it (because I already knew this intellectually), that I was able to feel more in peace about not being able to help.

Each person has their own path to follow. Sometimes they are open to a solution you are trying to give them, sometimes they are not. And sometimes what makes sense to us, just doesn't work for them. Accepting them for who and where they are seems to be the best we can do in many situations.

If you can't change THEIR struggle, at least don't struggle yourself with not being able to help. You being in a state of struggling doesn't put you in a better position to help anyway. So lead by example whenever possible, be present whenever appropriate and love them always.