manifesting love?

[DQueens]

in my life there seems to be a hole. I am an independent woman and it makes me feel kind of sick and shallow to think that this hole might be filled with a boyfriend, or some of romantic affection, but that is what my mind keeps telling me is true. i feel like there is a big gaping hole of physical and emotional affection in my life.

Does anyone have any thoughts on manifesting love and a romantic relationship? right now there arent even any prospects that i am interested in, or any prospects that are interested in me. How can i control other people's thoughts and impressions of me?

[madgeylou]

dqueens, i know exactly how you feel. i didnt have a serious boyfriend until i was 31! and although i had some connections over the years, even some really nice ones, i also had some seriously looooong dry spells where i thought i might die if i didnt get touched soon.

for me, a lot of the issue was in my own head. i had a lot of "what's wrooong with me? why doesnt anyone want me?" thinking going on. i had to let go of that -- it is shite and is neither accurate nor helpful. there's something "wrong" with everyone, and yet lots of people still manage to find love. so i had to stop thinking of myself as specially cursed in the romance department. i had to open my mind and accept that there was love out there for me.

dont feel sick and shallow for wanting a boyfriend. most everyone wants love -- it's not sick or shallow, it's a basic human desire.

it is hard to admit as an independent woman-type though, i know. you sort of feel like youre falling into the worst possible desperate woman cliche. but, you are not. you are a lovely and lovable person, and you deserve the opportunity to give and receive love in your life!

the key for me was to get involved doing something that i loved. when a person is doing something that makes him or her happy, that person is instantly made beautiful.

another thing that helped was getting my physical appearance together to a point where i felt cute most of the time. feeling cute is half the battle!

also i made an effort to be friendly to people. my outlet was music -- i hosted an open stage every week with my band. so it was part of my job as host to be friendly and talk to folks rather than sitting on my barstool like a lump, and i met a ton of great people that way, including the young man who became my first love.

as far as the touch thing -- sigh -- that is really hard. when i would feel touch-starved, there were a few things i did that helped:
* petted my cat, took friends' dogs for walks
* babysat for my niece who i adored and loved to hug and cuddle
* get massages.

none of these can substitute for romantic touch, but romantic touch isnt the only kind we need, you know?

if all else fails, go out to a bar, find a doable boy, conk him on the head, and drag him home. maybe that doesnt suit your morals, but it helped tide me over a few times until real love came around.

[Dharma]

In the way you see the world, is being an independent woman incompatable with having a boyfriend? Like, I feel this hole, but I don't need a man, do I? Just wondering where you're coming from.

So you're choosing, and it's becoming more conscious, that you want more intimacy in you life, both physically and emotionally... now. I say now because I want to know if you're going into the future with the whole idea (oh god, a relationship, i don't know if I'll have time for one, what if he wants to be really serious and I don't want to be?, if I fall for him does this mean I'm co-dependant?, etc. etc.) This might not be what runs in your head, but I'm asking if you have any expectations when considering opening to relationship?

(actually this is very good for me, and I'll ask myself the same questions since I'm in the same boat as you)

There is no lack of affection or love, but just the walls we put in front of it ourselves. And we look at those walls and say what we want doesn't exist.

Originally Posted by DQueens

How can i control other people's thoughts and impressions of me?

Look at what your thoughts and impressions are about yourself.

[Radical]

Just a thought.

You say you are an independent woman, so why don't you be proactive about it, and start approaching some men.

Action speaks louder than thoughts/intentions (Men aren't mind readers!)

I kind of know the feeling you have, because I have never had a girlfriend, although I am only 19.

Also, you can't control peoples thoughts, just be yourself and if they don't like it then that's their problem.

[Angela]

DQueens, a girlfriend of mine gave some advice that changed my lovelife, and maybe you would find it valuable. She suggested that when I'm with a man, any man, postman, boss, man-on-the-street, whether you find him attractive or not, practice saying to yourself (not out loud!) "I LOVE this man!!" and if you find him attractive, add to yourself, "this guy is one of the most ATTRACTIVE men I've ever seen!"

Sounds goofy, I know, but your whole body language will change and you'll exude something really brilliant. I'm not talking about sexuality; don't worry about seeming like a floozy. Just try it with someone you feel safe with, and watch how he reacts.

The other advice she gave me was go out with everyone who invites you (within reason). If a man asks you out, he sees something valuable in you that you might not be aware of, and you can use that mirroring to build your own confidence, openness, and self-awareness. Not to mention pathways to new friendship and/or romance. Watch carefully what makes you say "no" to an invitation -- if you're making a snap judgement about someone, try to see how that judgement might apply to you, yourself. (and of course there are occasions when saying "no" is perfectly appropriate! Just make sure you are clear with yourself about why you're saying no.)

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by DQueens

in my life there seems to be a hole. I am an independent woman and it makes me feel kind of sick and shallow to think that this hole might be filled with a boyfriend, or some of romantic affection, but that is what my mind keeps telling me is true. i feel like there is a big gaping hole of physical and emotional affection in my life.

Does anyone have any thoughts on manifesting love and a romantic relationship? right now there arent even any prospects that i am interested in, or any prospects that are interested in me. How can i control other people's thoughts and impressions of me?

Yes, I'm intending "Quiero tener una relacion amorosa buena", similar to "I want to have a good love relationship". My story is already on the "How to find a love partner?" thread...

[songwriter]

Originally Posted by DQueens

How can i control other people's thoughts and impressions of me?

Try to guess what they're thinking about.
I think one of my mistakes is the way I behaved, I've caused the women to think I am a "player", and I'm not. So, now I'm trying to let them now I'm not like that.

[JJP]

Originally Posted by Angela

DQueens, a girlfriend of mine gave some advice that changed my lovelife, and maybe you would find it valuable. She suggested that when I'm with a man, any man, postman, boss, man-on-the-street, whether you find him attractive or not, practice saying to yourself (not out loud!) "I LOVE this man!!" and if you find him attractive, add to yourself, "this guy is one of the most ATTRACTIVE men I've ever seen!"

Sounds goofy, I know, but your whole body language will change and you'll exude something really brilliant. I'm not talking about sexuality; don't worry about seeming like a floozy. Just try it with someone you feel safe with, and watch how he reacts.

The other advice she gave me was go out with everyone who invites you (within reason). If a man asks you out, he sees something valuable in you that you might not be aware of, and you can use that mirroring to build your own confidence, openness, and self-awareness. Not to mention pathways to new friendship and/or romance. Watch carefully what makes you say "no" to an invitation -- if you're making a snap judgement about someone, try to see how that judgement might apply to you, yourself. (and of course there are occasions when saying "no" is perfectly appropriate! Just make sure you are clear with yourself about why you're saying no.)

I'm not a woman, but that sounds like really nice advice! But you already knew that, I'm sure

[Ati]

There sure are some great ideas and insights on this thread. One thing that strikes me is that this is a life long consideration. Lots of people who are married or otherwise "hooked up" with someone can feel a lack of love in their life. People every age until off to the next world can either feel they have love in their life or not, no matter what their externally detectable relationship status (I mean to include all sorts of intimate relationships here )

So, some of these ideas about love in general seem every bit as important as the question of how to establish a long term relationship. I do think the latter important to most everyone. Seems that the two things really go hand in hand, so to speak.

Be in love, be with someone, be in love with someone... all of that...

all best

Ati