Did i attract this guy??

[Rockchick26]

Last night i went out with a girl friend i havent seen in 2 years. She (unbeknownst to me) invited along 2 guy friends,and it felt like a double date. I was NOT happy. The friend she was interested in was good looking,in shape,funny,intelligent,fun to be with,i could go on. The guy i "got stuck with" was overweight,bald (the opposite of my type),rude,obnoxious,perverted,and annoying. He made sexual comments to me,kept touching me and bothering me even though i had my back turned to him and barely talked to him all night. Did this happen because i subconsciously attracted it? I dont see myself as any of those things,i'm the opposite of him in every way,so how could i have attracted it? As some of you know,i've been trying to attract this specific guy but then realized a week ago that isnt working so then i decided to just focus on the type of guy i want,not anyone in particular. So if i've been doing that,how did i get the complete opposite?! I tell ya,this IM stuff seems to backfire on me,when it comes to meeting guys :-l I honestly thought it would be different now since i've been intending true love,but even my thinking doesnt seem to matter,i always attract guys like this no matter what positive feelings i've been having.

[Ree]

Have you been thinking about the kind of guy you DON'T want?

Rather than thinking about the kind of guy you want or don't want, perhaps you should focus on the state of being you want to achieve. In other words, focus on the sorts of feelings one normally has when one is in a successful relationship: contented, secure, peaceful, loving and most important, feeling loved! The last one is important because you have to love yourself in order to have that loving lasting relationship.

I've thought about this while reading your other thread and I've wanted to share this with you. What you really really want is a loving, lasting relationship; right? Perhaps the "other guy" was not the right pathway for you to arrive at that sort of relationship. Perhaps you can stop focusing on the how and just focus on the state of being in the relationship you desire. It may come in any number of totally unexpected ways, but it will come

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Ree

Have you been thinking about the kind of guy you DON'T want?

Rather than thinking about the kind of guy you want or don't want, perhaps you should focus on the state of being you want to achieve. In other words, focus on the sorts of feelings one normally has when one is in a successful relationship: contented, secure, peaceful, loving and most important, feeling loved! The last one is important because you have to love yourself in order to have that loving lasting relationship.

I've thought about this while reading your other thread and I've wanted to share this with you. What you really really want is a loving, lasting relationship; right? Perhaps the "other guy" was not the right pathway for you to arrive at that sort of relationship. Perhaps you can stop focusing on the how and just focus on the state of being in the relationship you desire. It may come in any number of totally unexpected ways, but it will come

yes,i HAVE been focusing on what i want. Totally! Every night when i go to bed i imagine laying in bed with someone i'm married to,someone who is loving and sweet...every time i see a happy couple out in public,i imagine thats me and MY husband. This is all i've been thinking about for the last year and a half (except up unti last week it was a certain guy) but even now,still,i think about the perfect relationship all the time! And i feel like i DO love myself,i really dont know what else to try because i feel like i can do no more.

[Angela]

Rockchick, although I don't see the Law of Attraction as the be-all end-all answer to all of life's questions, you seem to be really trying to reconciling what's going on in your life versus what you desire, and I want to just let you know that you believe you want a loving, long-term mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR), and yet almost all of your posts belie the belief that you can have one.

In LoA terms (at least the Hicks version) what's going on is your core belief, which you hold so deeply that you can't even see that it's a belief, is that you can't find the right man. And that inhibits the fruition of your conscious desire to have a LLTMBR.

In non-LoA terms, (the Angela version), it looks like maybe you've got some deep-seated and possibly unexamined belief about yourself, maybe about what you deserve or don't deserve, maybe about who you are at your core that means you can't have the LLTMBR that you dream of.

LoA or not, I think your core self is knocking you on the head, trying to get you to examine your beliefs about yourself more deeply than you have ever even conceived possible, so that you can unlock the key to being in a rewarding romantic relationship with a man.

Is that something you are willing to do?

[LoveFreedom]

Hi Rockchick26, sorry to hear about your awful night. As I read your post I kept thinking that your night might have nothing to do with the perfect guy that you are attracting. The perfect guy may still be coming - in its own time. He may be busy with some closures of other relationships or geting experiences he needs befor he meets you. you never know.

But the night you desribed had more to do, at last in my opinion, with your relationship with your friend. She re-appeared in your life after two years; did she need another girl for this double date?

Why did she re-appear? What were your motivations to go out with her? Why did you stay with them all night? I don't want to sound judgemental, but it seems strange - if you are working on IM and LOA to expose yourself to the WHOLE evening of negative feelings that the guy clearly evoked in you (and justly so if he kept making stupid, sexist comments)?

Don't dismiss these questions. Maybe you did attract this guy... to teach you something, to show you ways to further self-improvement. It is important to value your time as part of valuing yourself, if you want to atract a great relationship.

Good luck!

[LoveFreedom]

One more thing, part of the 'process' is letting go. The universe knows what kind of guy you want, you made it clear enough. Now to let the universe do its job, you need to let go. Desperately seeking him everywhere is not a good vibe. Have you noticed that people often say that they found their best relationships after they stoped searching.

let go and have some fun. he will come. most likely not until your life is good and you feel great with or without him.

[dancer]

I think it is interesting that last week when you met your LOA guy, you felt ignored by him and then this week you ignored the guy you got stuck with. Perhaps there is something to learn from him, aside from creep behaviour?

[Acting Like Godot]

I can kinda guess what happened.

The first guy on the date (the non-obnoxious one) - does he fit your idea of the guy you wanted to attract?

[Ree]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

yes,i HAVE been focusing on what i want. Totally! Every night when i go to bed i imagine laying in bed with someone i'm married to,someone who is loving and sweet...every time i see a happy couple out in public,i imagine thats me and MY husband. This is all i've been thinking about for the last year and a half (except up unti last week it was a certain guy) but even now,still,i think about the perfect relationship all the time! And i feel like i DO love myself,i really dont know what else to try because i feel like i can do no more.

Examine your thoughts and feelings and be sure that you are not coming from a place of LACK and SCARCITY. Know that you have everything you need in this world right NOW, and know that you are complete just as you are.

And relax! This may help you:

The Work of Byron Katie

[Joely]

Originally Posted by Ree

Examine your thoughts and feelings and be sure that you are not coming from a place of LACK and SCARCITY. Know that you have everything you need in this world right NOW, and know that you are complete just as you are.

And relax! This may help you:

The Work of Byron Katie

Ree, I just wanted to say that I clicked the link (having been curious about Byron Katie for a while) and it's fantastic. Thank you.

[Ree]

Originally Posted by Joely

Ree, I just wanted to say that I clicked the link (having been curious about Byron Katie for a while) and it's fantastic. Thank you.

You're welcome! I think so too.

[fascinoma]

Rockchick, the best book I've ever read about LoA with love/attraction/sex is Finding Each Other by Don & Mary Kelly. One of the authors of this little known gem is the author of "Path of the Pearl". The two are husband and wife, and talk about theirs' and others' experience with LoA and love. Their system is very effective. They have led workshops for years that have high rates of success, and the book is the course material.

This is the only book I'll even read on the subject. It is a course/workshop, meaning that you read the book cover to cover and do the exercises one by one. You don't skip steps.

It talks about the inner work you have to do before you even START intentioning love into your life. And they say that the inner work (the book gives lots of processes similar to Abraham-Hicks' processes) can take UP TO A YEAR OR MORE! The book has some very powerful and effective techniques for dealing with your own feelings of unworthiness, loneliness and emptiness and helps a person let go of the neuroses and attachments that keep them from attracting others or having good relationships.

The second half of the book gives LoA techniques for attracting others, but trust me, you really don't want to do the second half without doing the first half... BECAUSE the techniques work.

I really, really, really wish this book would come back into print. I buy it every time I find myself single, and when I'm in a relationship, I give the book to someone who could make use of it and tell them "pass it forward - when you find someone, give the book to another lonely person".

[fascinoma]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

every time i see a happy couple out in public,i imagine thats me and MY husband.

One of the techniques in the book 'Finding Each Other' is that when you see a happy couple out in public, instead of imagining it's you and your husband, *bless* that couple and thank them for being so loving to each other.

[Jennihul]

I noticed in another post of yours, you lamenting your lack of relationship and your tone was one that was very wanting and very needy. Angry even. Certainly sad. I'm not sure if that was pre-bad evening or post-bad evening but you have to live your life as if you need for nothing, that it's perfect already, that anything else you get is icing on the cake. Otherwise you aren't even near the emotional place you need to be for this to work. If you have to fake it, so be it. But why not really LIVE IT that way? You'll be much more successful in all areas of your life.

Gratitude toward your friend would have been more appropriate, for giving you the perfect experience where you could see, incarnate, the man you don't want to have. For the contrast needed to conjure the feelings you need to attract the man you do want.

Besides, I have never been on a date that, love the guy or not, I still didn't have fun. But I don't expect my fun to happen through anyone but myself.

Jennifer

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Jennihul

But I don't expect my fun to happen through anyone but myself.

So true. One practice you might adopt, Rockchick, is finding something loveable in every man you meet, just for the fun of it. A specialized Rampage of Appreciation!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Angela

Rockchick, although I don't see the Law of Attraction as the be-all end-all answer to all of life's questions, you seem to be really trying to reconciling what's going on in your life versus what you desire, and I want to just let you know that you believe you want a loving, long-term mutually beneficial relationship (LLTMBR), and yet almost all of your posts belie the belief that you can have one.

In LoA terms (at least the Hicks version) what's going on is your core belief, which you hold so deeply that you can't even see that it's a belief, is that you can't find the right man. And that inhibits the fruition of your conscious desire to have a LLTMBR.

In non-LoA terms, (the Angela version), it looks like maybe you've got some deep-seated and possibly unexamined belief about yourself, maybe about what you deserve or don't deserve, maybe about who you are at your core that means you can't have the LLTMBR that you dream of.

LoA or not, I think your core self is knocking you on the head, trying to get you to examine your beliefs about yourself more deeply than you have ever even conceived possible, so that you can unlock the key to being in a rewarding romantic relationship with a man.

Is that something you are willing to do?

Of course i am willing to do this,thats the whole reason why i'm here. I am trying to find out WHY this is happening. It baffles me though because how can i truly believe that i deserve this when it isnt true? I beleive 110% that i deserve love,how can my belief be so strong if my core doesnt beleive it? This is why i posted that other post about loving yourself. I feel like i do,so how do you go about finding out if you are wrong about yourself?

[Rockchick26]

WOW! Thanks for all the awesome replies,everyone...right now i dont have time to reply in detail but i will,i just wanted to say you guys are really helping me see things i wouldnt have seen,and i REALLY want that book,you said it wasnt in print anymore? How can i find it? I'll reply more to these later when i have time! Thanks everyone! :-D

[fascinoma]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

WOW! Thanks for all the awesome replies,everyone...right now i dont have time to reply in detail but i will,i just wanted to say you guys are really helping me see things i wouldnt have seen,and i REALLY want that book,you said it wasnt in print anymore? How can i find it? I'll reply more to these later when i have time! Thanks everyone! :-D

Follow the link I gave and you can buy a used copy from someone.

Here's the link again.

I've bought a few copies over the past several years, all through online used book sellers.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by LoveFreedom

But the night you desribed had more to do, at last in my opinion, with your relationship with your friend. She re-appeared in your life after two years; did she need another girl for this double date?

Why did she re-appear? What were your motivations to go out with her? Why did you stay with them all night? I don't want to sound judgemental, but it seems strange - if you are working on IM and LOA to expose yourself to the WHOLE evening of negative feelings that the guy clearly evoked in you (and justly so if he kept making stupid, sexist comments)?

Don't dismiss these questions. Maybe you did attract this guy... to teach you something, to show you ways to further self-improvement. It is important to value your time as part of valuing yourself, if you want to atract a great relationship.

Good luck!

My friend reappeared only because she didnt have a computer for the last year and a half and she had a baby. I went out with her just cuz i simply wanted to catch up on things. I stayed all night because i had been drinking and i didnt want to drive until i had sobered up. I wasnt drunk though,barely even buzzed,but i just wanted the alcohol to get out of me before i drove. Thats why i didnt leave earlier than i did. And as for the guy maybe being there to make me learn something,that is interesting,because apparently i am not learning,since this is usually the kind of guys i always attract. Although there have been exceptions. I think its mostly just cuz i have spent more time in bars than anywhere else so of course i'm going to attract bar scum.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by LoveFreedom

One more thing, part of the 'process' is letting go. The universe knows what kind of guy you want, you made it clear enough. Now to let the universe do its job, you need to let go. Desperately seeking him everywhere is not a good vibe. Have you noticed that people often say that they found their best relationships after they stoped searching.

let go and have some fun. he will come. most likely not until your life is good and you feel great with or without him.

But i am not "desperately seeking" though. I only went out with my friend to catch up with her,i was disappointed when i learned she had invited some friends out with us. If i was desperately seeking a boyfriend,i'd be on dating sites,or going out to bars alone to see who would pick me up. That couldn't be farther from who i am. Thats why i dont get how people are getting this "desperate" vibe from me. I have this guy that is kinda after me right now but he only wants sex,and he is GORGEOUS but i refuse to answer the phone when he calls because i want more than sex and i'd rather not deal with him at all since that isnt what i want.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by dancer

I think it is interesting that last week when you met your LOA guy, you felt ignored by him and then this week you ignored the guy you got stuck with. Perhaps there is something to learn from him, aside from creep behaviour?

In other words you are saying that in order to attract the RIGHT guy,i have to pretend that i like all the WRONG ones,and lead them on?

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

I can kinda guess what happened.

The first guy on the date (the non-obnoxious one) - does he fit your idea of the guy you wanted to attract?

I guess i made him out to sound better than i thought he was LOL No he wasnt my type of guy either. Although he was slightly better looking and slightly not as piggish and obnoxious,he still did nothing for me. Besides,my friend has a thing for him and he likes her too.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Jennihul

I noticed in another post of yours, you lamenting your lack of relationship and your tone was one that was very wanting and very needy. Angry even. Certainly sad. I'm not sure if that was pre-bad evening or post-bad evening but you have to live your life as if you need for nothing, that it's perfect already, that anything else you get is icing on the cake. Otherwise you aren't even near the emotional place you need to be for this to work. If you have to fake it, so be it. But why not really LIVE IT that way? You'll be much more successful in all areas of your life.

Gratitude toward your friend would have been more appropriate, for giving you the perfect experience where you could see, incarnate, the man you don't want to have. For the contrast needed to conjure the feelings you need to attract the man you do want.

Well i didnt need my friend to show me what kind of guy i dont want,i have known what i dont want for years LOL (and what i want,of course),it just seems to be repeating itself over and over,why does it have to keep happening? I KNOW what kind of man i want,the universe shouldnt have to keep ramming it down my throat what i DONT want. And i'm not sure which post you are referring to where i seemed angry and sad,but it was most likely AFTER the big letdown with that guy i was after. I felt angry because i truly thought this was going to happen and i truly beleived i was doing everything right,and i was just upset to find out i was wrong. I know its wrong to have bad feelings,but my bad feelings only happen when i get my hopes up for something and then am let down. Its only because i put so much faith into things. I thought faith was a good thing. :-l

[fascinoma]

There's actually a really mundane reason you keep meeting people who aren't your type... because everyone does, when they're dating. If you met five people a week who WERE all "your type" you'd be writing here about the problems THAT caused.

[Vasilisa]

Sometimes it takes time for the right person to manifest in your life. Just have some patience and keep working. It will definitely happen.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

In other words you are saying that in order to attract the RIGHT guy,i have to pretend that i like all the WRONG ones,and lead them on?

No this is not what I meant. Absolutely not. It was more an observation.

[Parthon]

I read through all the posts and it's been echoed a few times, I wanted to touch on a few points to see if I can offer some insight.

Firstly: It really doesn't sound like you are a vibrational match for your desire. You've done all the steps and thought all the thoughts, but it still hasn't given you the outcome, which means something is blocking you. Much like pushing on a door that says pull will not open it no matter how hard you try, desiring something greatly will not work unless you are matching that desire.

You hang out in bars, but the sort of guy you want doesn't hang out in bars. You also have the tag Rock Chick, and it raises the question, "Are you the sort of person that kind of guy would like?" It comes down to, not what you do, but who you are inside, your vibrational match, to what gets attracted into your life. If you want a nice family guy, but also to party hard every night, that's not going to match up.

On top of that there's some soul searching to be done. Start with WHY you want a particular guy in your life, what kinds of ways would he fulfill you and see if there is a vibrational core between them. Find similarities in how you would feel if that was fulfilled and where you life would go if you had everything you wanted. Find the basis for your desire, the very bottom of all the reasons, and you will get closer to the core. Then you just find ways to bring it into your life. Not through another person but through yourself. For example: If the core is love, then you give love to all those you meet, through smiling and being friendly, honest and caring towards other. Once you are a vibrational match, the right guy will come along.

Lastly, you want to live your life. I can hear that perhaps your life is kinda on hold until you meet Mr Right. When you meet him, then everything will happen. In fact the hidden truth is that it's the other way around, when everything is happening you will meet him. Life never gives you what you want before you've earnt it. You need to get in there and get involved before life will reward you. Find out what your life's purpose is and follow it. It is then when the good stuff happens.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

Sometimes it takes time for the right person to manifest in your life. Just have some patience and keep working. It will definitely happen.

This answer works if you're in your teens or twenties,but its a little redundant when youre going to be 36. Its a good thing i dont want children because i wouldnt want to have kids this old. You can only hear this so many times before you start to realize,ok,people have been telling me "just wait,your time will come" for 20 YEARS! Surely the odds are in my favor for finding the right guy in THAT much time! Thats what leads me down this path,realizing the problem has to lie with me.

[aabbcc]

Hey, Rockchick ... you're just a young thing.

I'm in my forties and still single. My sociology professor loves to say that after 40, a woman's chances of ever getting married are in the toilet. I want to throw my notebook at his head!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Parthon

You hang out in bars, but the sort of guy you want doesn't hang out in bars. You also have the tag Rock Chick, and it raises the question, "Are you the sort of person that kind of guy would like?" It comes down to, not what you do, but who you are inside, your vibrational match, to what gets attracted into your life. If you want a nice family guy, but also to party hard every night, that's not going to match up.

On top of that there's some soul searching to be done. Start with WHY you want a particular guy in your life, what kinds of ways would he fulfill you and see if there is a vibrational core between them. Find similarities in how you would feel if that was fulfilled and where you life would go if you had everything you wanted. Find the basis for your desire, the very bottom of all the reasons, and you will get closer to the core. Then you just find ways to bring it into your life. Not through another person but through yourself. For example: If the core is love, then you give love to all those you meet, through smiling and being friendly, honest and caring towards other. Once you are a vibrational match, the right guy will come along.

This post really made me think LOL Here's what i have to say: I dont really feel like i'm waiting around for a guy in order to make my life happen,i've had countless of the most wonderful experiences ever that had NOTHING to do with a relationship or any man. What i want is to experience love with another person. I have already felt like i've experienced it enough with myself. I feel left out that everyone else knows what love feels like except me. Not just to receive it but to give it,and want to give it. (i wasnt in love with my ex bf,i know that now) THOSE are my reasons for wanting a relationship. And what i dont get is,how do other people find them so easily when most people dont really love themselves? I dont get why i have to do these certain things but other people dont even have to. And why do i get questioned for wanting this when its a normal thing to want? Its the most basic human desire,to love. I just get the feeling from some of these posts that i'm not supposed to want it. And about the hanging out in bars thing,yeah i do want to attract musicians and where else can i find them besides bars? Bands play in bars. I cant rely on meeting them at major concerts because its hard to meet them and if you are able to,you get 30 seconds to talk to them if youre lucky. And you cant "get to know" a guy in a band in that situation. I had my hopes up that this guy would be different (the one in the band that i like) but as you all know,that didnt happen. And actually,i dont really "hang out in bars",last week was the first time i've been in a bar in about a year. Its just the normal place to go with your friends. But there ARE some musicians that hang out in bars,just WAY more of the other guys. And as for being the type of person they would want,i feel like i am! I know shitloads about music,i can talk music 24/7. I can play piano by ear and i love to sing. I usually feel like i have a hard time being involved in any conversation UNLESS its about music. So naturally i would perfectly fit in with them. So if that isnt matching your desire,i dont know what is. And i realize it may sound contradictory to say i want a rock star/musician type but then say i want to get married...but those types of guys DO get married and settle down,and even if they dont,that's the kind of life i want...i want more than anything to be with a guy that is in a band because i could tour with them and live that life all the time. To be totally immersed in music and being around everyone else who loves it too,that is what i live for. So it would only make sense that i would be with a guy who is into that too. And it is possible to be in a serious,commited,loving relationship with a guy like that. Oh,i'm sorry this is all one paragraph but every time i hit return and space a few times,it doesnt show up in my post so i dont know how to break up paragraphs LOL