Did i attract this guy??

[rake]

Rockchick, exactly what type of guy are you into? Based on your age, I'm getting the feeling you're into 80s hair metal and hoping to get someone like Richie Sambora. Or are you into Rivers Cuomo or Chris Martin? How about the Christian Rock scen? Does he have to be in a successful band that's signed to a label, or is it ok if he's a clerk at Guitar Center? What if he's a guy who's just really into Karaoke? What if he's the cowbell player for Blue Oyster Cult?

If you want to really get into LOA, be really really specific. Hair length, height, weight, race, age, music genre, instrument, what his favorite bands are.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Angela

Rockchick, today at my workout I was remembering a time I went to see two of the biggest jazz acts in "The Wave" genre -- what would now be called easy jazz or something. I was always reluctant to take anyone to hear the music I was really into because I didn't want to hear them yammering away while I was focusing on the music, so I would go by myself to these shows. Guys tend to play "for" women who show up alone and are clearly interested in the music as opposed to meeting men; ironically, I would usually get asked out by the musicians.

This particular night, three of the guys, 2 from one band and the very well-known sax player from the other, all asked for my phone number -- at one point, all three gentlemen joined me at my table. I was so shy, but I focused on listening generously.

Anyway, one guy was interesting, but he was so famous and looking more for a groupie-type interaction -- he called but we never went out. The second one (the sax player in the other band) I was so attracted to, and we did end up going out several times, but he was christian so that didn't work out. The third guy was so cute, and so into me, and we became friendly and had a few non-romantic dates, but I was too busy chasing after Mr. Savingitformarriage.

Okay, cut ahead 20 years. I had just broken up with my recovering heroin addict rockstar love of my life boyfriend (!) and one of our mutual friends invited me to hear him play at the Baked Potato. His sideman on sax was the famous sax guy from 20 years before. Unbelievably, he remembered that night, and asked me out -- and we ended up dating for around six months (he is a great guy, but the chemistry just never completely clicked). In those six months, I helped him regain kilter after a bad divorce, and he helped me through my mom's illness and death, along with my own bad breakup. It was great. After Mr. Sax and I stopped seeing each other, I went on eHarmony and was matched to one of my favorite studio guitarists, and as it turned out, he was the best friend of Mr. Just Friends Guitarist from that night 20 years before. When I saw Mr. JFG, who had become quite successful in the interim, it was like no time had passed at all, except he had grown much more gorgeous (and been long married.) My eHarmony match didn't pan out.

A similar thing had happened with Mr. Recovering Heroin Addict -- I was a big fan of his when I was 18, and ended up meeting him and beginning my 3-year debacle at age 35. Time is funny. Well, after one more foray into romance with yet another musician (he won a grammy this year!) -- no wait, there was also the guy that played with Frank Zappa, but he was 30 years older than me -- I swore off musicians for awhile and only because of that did I find Danger Man, who is enjoying the fruits of getting dragged around to hear all of the wonderful music I love and meeting all my marginally famous old beaux. He loves it.

The point of this saga? #1 -- go to shows alone. Musicians will approach you much more readily than if you're in a gaggle. #2 -- wait 20 years and see what happens. #3 -- try guys who are not musicians. There are some very good ones.

The End.

Wow! Thanks for that story! Did you WANT a musician guy before you met all these men? I have gone to shows alone but,thats where my luck differs from yours,the band spends their time talking to outgoing MORE BEAUTIFUL women. I'm shy and quiet and i never seem to get guys attention (like i said,not the ones i WANT anyway) I was after this guitarist of this one local band,for a whole summer i saw them every week. He posed for pics with me but thats about all. I seem to never know what to say. I have a problem with thinking of things to say,and i just giggle and look around and dont know what to do LOL This is most likely what is turning them off from me,but,i dont know how to change my personality. I usually can only hold a decent conversation with someone if i've known them for months,and they have to do most of the work. I have the worst time speaking to people,i dont know why,cuz i can speak just fine with people i'm comfortable with. About going for guys that arent musicians...ugh LOL I HAVE dated those guys,and every time i feel like something is missing. I'm ALWAYS fantasizing and dreaming about musicians,how can i settle on something i dont want? I like musicians because i love music so much and they PLAY it. There is NOTHING better for me than to watch a man sing or play something. With enough musicians as there are,famous or not,i shouldnt have to settle on someone else.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by rake

Rockchick, exactly what type of guy are you into? Based on your age, I'm getting the feeling you're into 80s hair metal and hoping to get someone like Richie Sambora. Or are you into Rivers Cuomo or Chris Martin? How about the Christian Rock scen? Does he have to be in a successful band that's signed to a label, or is it ok if he's a clerk at Guitar Center? What if he's a guy who's just really into Karaoke? What if he's the cowbell player for Blue Oyster Cult?

If you want to really get into LOA, be really really specific. Hair length, height, weight, race, age, music genre, instrument, what his favorite bands are.

REALLY!?!? All i've been hearing is you CANT be specific,you have to be open to all possibilites. But to answer your question,i used to be into 80's hair band guys (yes Richie,for a while LOL) I like all kinds of rock,and over the years i've had probably 200 "favorite musicians". For the last few years i've been completely into the emo/new rock/hardcore scene. But I love everything from Queen to My Chemical Romance. I would be happy with a musician who wasnt famous,yeah...a clerk in a record store,sure! As long as his passion is music and it would be GREAT if he could sing or play something,i just get immense amounts of electricity flowing through me when i'm watching a guy i like play music. Its the only thing that puts me into a mindset of pure bliss.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Jasmine

Rockchick if you are shy, timid and passive and your Mr Right should be unsure of himself its no wonder you’ve never met him. Someone unsure of themselves isn’t going to have the courage to approach you, and you being timid will be the same. Maybe that’s why you’re getting the desperate ones, they aren’t afraid to approach you.

By the way I used to be shy, timid and passive as well. If it is something that you want to change it is possible but it does require some work and it doesn’t happen overnight.

Well here is where it gets interesting LOL I want a guy like that to BRING OUT my outgoingness,my openness,my agrressiveness. I dont want a guy who is outgoing because that only reinforces the fact that i am shyer than him. I want someone who is good for me,not someone who makes me painfully aware that i am shy. I open up like nothing,if i need to do it to open someone else up. By helping others,i help myself. Thats what i want. I'm like that with friends too,i tend to become friends with people who are like me,so i can push myself to open up,and i love that! Also,i can relate to a quiet,shy person more than i can relate to a loud obnoxious outgoing person.

[Jasmine]

Originally Posted by Angela

Jasmine, it happened for me overnight - well, actually in one weekend. The Landmark Forum Advanced Course.

Wow! I wish I had known about something like that way back when. It took me considerably longer than that.

[Jasmine]

Rockchick, I wasn’t saying that wanting to be with someone who is similar to you is wrong, just that meeting them is more difficult because both parties are afraid to make the first move.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

And yes i know there are plenty of guys my type in the Twin Cities,i see them at concerts so i know they're here somewhere LOL I just never see them in my daily life which is the problem,because i live 45 minutes from there so i only go there for concerts. I hate driving there though because i am not a city driver so it freaks me out driving up there,thats the only reason why i havent moved up there. I've gotten lost up there so many times,a few times for HOURS and i guess it traumatized me LOL I feel comfortable where i am,as far as getting around. It just sucks that the people in my town do nothing for me.

You see how you always have a "yes but" for any suggestion people give. After all this talk about how much you want to move to L.A. and even tried talking your family into moving there because you can't stand to be apart from them, now you're saying you won't move to the Twin Cities because you don't like city driving and have gotten lost there for hours. You have to know that driving in the Twin Cities is a walk in the park compared to driving in L.A.!

How in the world are you going to deal with life in L.A. if you can't really even imagine moving to Minneapolis?

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

You see how you always have a "yes but" for any suggestion people give. After all this talk about how much you want to move to L.A. and even tried talking your family into moving there because you can't stand to be apart from them, now you're saying you won't move to the Twin Cities because you don't like city driving and have gotten lost there for hours. You have to know that driving in the Twin Cities is a walk in the park compared to driving in L.A.!

How in the world are you going to deal with life in L.A. if you can't really even imagine moving to Minneapolis?

This is exactly why my friend told me LA would eat me up and spit me out LOL But i DID drive in LA though,and i had people waving their arms and honking their horns at me,UGH! Then i accidently got on the Santa Monica freeway,we're talkin' 6 or 8 lanes wide (i forget now cuz i was freaking out so bad LOL) all i have to say is thank GOD we had a GPS in the car! lol But in all seriousness,if i lived in LA,i would most likely sell my car,live by the beach,and take a bus everywhere. You really dont need a vehicle when living there,they have every type of public transportation known to man LOL

[Vasilisa]

Hey, Rockchick, don't you think that if you date an open and outgoing guy you will become more open yourself?
It always happens to me. I am shy and timid, but when I am with really outgoing people I tend to become more like them. Sometimes I even get shocked how much interacting with people like that can open you up.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

Hey, Rockchick, don't you think that if you date an open and outgoing guy you will become more open yourself?
It always happens to me. I am shy and timid, but when I am with really outgoing people I tend to become more like them. Sometimes I even get shocked how much interacting with people like that can open you up.

Yeah,a little,but i'm still not going to ever FULLY BE as outgoing as them,but with someone who is quiet,that is a constant motivator for me to be more open. I dont want to be the "quieter" half,i want to be the "more outgoing" half,of a couple. Or to where its equal. But i could never be happy with being with someone who is always more outgoing than me. This has happened with some friendships i've had,and i've always felt like a follower. Like people would say 'oh she'll do whatever he does" just because i'm quieter than him. I HATE that. I want to be equal or more outgoing than the person i'm with,or a friend i'm with.

[Vasilisa]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Yeah,a little,but i'm still not going to ever FULLY BE as outgoing as them,but with someone who is quiet,that is a constant motivator for me to be more open. I dont want to be the "quieter" half,i want to be the "more outgoing" half,of a couple. Or to where its equal. But i could never be happy with being with someone who is always more outgoing than me. This has happened with some friendships i've had,and i've always felt like a follower. Like people would say 'oh she'll do whatever he does" just because i'm quieter than him. I HATE that. I want to be equal or more outgoing than the person i'm with,or a friend i'm with.

You know, IMHO "outgoing" is not the same with "pushy" and "bossy".

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

You know, IMHO "outgoing" is not the same with "pushy" and "bossy".

No i dont mean pushy or bossy,i just dont like when i'm around people who talk way more than me,it makes me feel like a wallflower. They dont even have to be pushy,they are just more talkative and easier to get along with and that makes me feel less important. Like for example,the best friend i had up until a few years ago,he was the more outgoing one,and i met all his friends and i felt like i was just following the group. Like they talked to him more,and they treated me like i was "his friend" not theirs,even though i knew them for the same amount of time,which was like 15 years.