Did i attract this guy??

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

They're attracted to me for both reasons. I'm not disputing that fact. I just wanna know where are the guys I WANT,i cant ever attract those! And i still dont think i'm desperate so i dont get why i'm attracting desperate guys. I dont act anything like they do.

Well I don't think there's a village you can go to where they all live, first you have to believe you're worth something, then you just have to be in the world and let it happen. They are mixed in with all the other guys. Don't even worry about that part, this is the IM board after all. Just be clear on what you want, and see if different things in your life happen.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Angela

Rockchick, in almost every post, you express the vibration of lack. You don't realize it, but you're holding yourself vibrationally apart from your own desire. Read what Abraham has to say about pure desire:

Yeah i remember reading that,cuz i have the book. But its not like i'm always just focused on attracting a relationship...i feel like i'm happy and full of love in my life already and a lot of times i just sit and think to myself 'gosh im so happy and excited right now and i dont really have a reason why!' and i am still practicing a few of the 22 Processes every day. Maybe my posts reflect a sense of lack because i have to explain something but its not like i sit around all day thinking about those words i typed. 99% of the day i am enjoying whatever i'm doing,chatting online to friends,listening to music,playing piano,dancing,reading,meditating...and while doing those things i am not thinking about things i don't have as much as it might seem in my posts. I do have this underlying optimistic feeling that my life is going to change and things will be different,isn't that desire?

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

Well I don't think there's a village you can go to where they all live, first you have to believe you're worth something, then you just have to be in the world and let it happen. They are mixed in with all the other guys. Don't even worry about that part, this is the IM board after all. Just be clear on what you want, and see if different things in your life happen.

lol Yeah it would be amazing if there was one city i could go to that only had my type of guys! Then i'm sure at least one out of that whole city would like me :-) But you know what i was thinking the other day...i think the reason why i'm not finding these guys is because of where i live. I like the types of guys that live in places like Los Angeles,and here i am in a small hick town not even close to a major metropolitan area. I have NEVER not once seen a guy my type anywhere in or near this town. I've been told i'm just too picky so i know that's true. I could have had a million guys by now if i settled on whoever wanted me.

[beel]

ive been reading your posts for awhile now. you need to stop worrying about finding love with a guy and start finding love within yourself and your life. i know you say/think that you love yourself, but i think its very apparent to myself and others that you have some issues to work through. the fact that you don't see those issues is an issue in and of itself. you come across as desperate, needy, and quite frankly, obnoxious. i have yet to see you take initiative in changing your perspective or expectations of the situation.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I've been told i'm just too picky so i know that's true. I could have had a million guys by now if i settled on whoever wanted me.

Fear of intimacy. Being picky is a shield that protects you from being exposed. You've set it up in your mind that you plan on being lonely a long time. It's tough, but this is the IM board. Which means, you get what you focus on. Start focusing on the good qualities in yourself, then you will meet people who have the same qualities. That's what I'm working on at least.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by beel

ive been reading your posts for awhile now. you need to stop worrying about finding love with a guy and start finding love within yourself and your life. i know you say/think that you love yourself, but i think its very apparent to myself and others that you have some issues to work through. the fact that you don't see those issues is an issue in and of itself. you come across as desperate, needy, and quite frankly, obnoxious. i have yet to see you take initiative in changing your perspective or expectations of the situation.

I realize i have issues,but doesnt everyone? So youre saying in order for LoA to work,you have to be 100% mentally and emotionally healthy? And maybe i need someone to point out to me exactly how i am being desperate because i see desperate people out there and i honestly think i am nothing like them. In fact when i see desperate people doing something that reflects that,i say to myself,'i'm glad im not like him' and then i'll tell him he needs to relax about it. And the obnoxious thing...i guess i dont know the real meaning of the word then cuz to me,obnoxious is someone who talks loudly and too much and doesnt care if they hurt someone's feelings. And about your last sentence,that is why i'm here,because i wanted to learn what im doing wrong. That is why i have spent hundreds of dollars on self help books,in fact i just got home from the bookstore,i bought a book on past life regression and a workbook on self esteem,because after posting in here some people have told me i need to work on it. So i spent $20 solely because i am taking someones word for it that i need it. And i also ordered that book someone referred to me,about how to love yourself first and then the LoA will bring love to me. So i am definately trying to change and take intiative in making this work.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

Fear of intimacy. Being picky is a shield that protects you from being exposed. You've set it up in your mind that you plan on being lonely a long time. It's tough, but this is the IM board. Which means, you get what you focus on. Start focusing on the good qualities in yourself, then you will meet people who have the same qualities. That's what I'm working on at least.

If i have a fear of intimacy,why do i want it so bad? I'm not disputing this,i mean,obviously something is wrong here,but why do i crave to have a deep meaningful lasting relationship? People that i know who have a fear of intimacy,they go around having cheap meaningless sex and then they never call that person again,THAT is avoiding intimacy. I only avoid it with the guys i meet because i can tell they are not the one for me. People dont date people that they are disgusted by or have nothing in common with,so how come by ME not doing it that means i am afraid? I cant even prove this wrong because i've never had a guy that is my type ask me out,but i can promise you 100% that i would date him in a heartbeat if i ever had the chance. Now I hope the universe heard me and sends him my way so i can tell everyone it worked! LOL

[beel]

why are you worried about what other people are doing or how you compare to others? we are talking about you, not everyone else. this is a reoccurring theme in your posts, you vs. everyone else. stop comparing yourself to everyone else! the truth is that everyone is unique, it's impossible to compare your circumstances with another. eliminating that mindset would do you a world of good. what other people are doing/living/being DOES NOT MATTER. what you are doing/living/being DOES. you come across with a very 'woe is me, the world is unfair, everyone else has it easy' attitude. i see you say this again and again and its troubling and in no way productive.

another thing i noticed is that you frequently like to say 'i honestly think i am _____' or 'i think i am ____',. why are you not simply saying 'i am _____'? your lack of doing so leads me to believe you don't really believe the things you are saying - consciously or not.

you can spend thousands of dollars and a lifetime reading self-help books, but that's looking to an external source to solve the problem. same with LOA. until you can look within yourself and recognize and/or embrace some of the things others have pointed out to you, those books won't be of much help. i would actually recommend taking a step back and re-reading your posts on this site with a critical eye as if they were posted by someone else.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by beel

another thing i noticed is that you frequently like to say 'i honestly think i am _____' or 'i think i am ____',. why are you not simply saying 'i am _____'? your lack of doing so leads me to believe you don't really believe the things you are saying - consciously or not.

you can spend thousands of dollars and a lifetime reading self-help books, but that's looking to an external source to solve the problem. same with LOA. until you can look within yourself and recognize and/or embrace some of the things others have pointed out to you, those books won't be of much help. i would actually recommend taking a step back and re-reading your posts on this site with a critical eye as if they were posted by someone else.

Apparently i have a hard time putting my thoughts into the correct words because i have to re-explain myself a lot LOL sorry. I dont mean to give off the impression that i feel sorry for myself...i just wonder why one person has to do more work to get a result when both people have issues. And the reason why i say "i think i am ____" is because i'm saying you guys dont think so but i do. I dont mean 'well,um,i THINK i am ___" i'm saying it more like "i know you guys dont think so but i do". Once again,my way of wording things is getting taken the wrong way LOL And i dont read self help books thinking THEY will help me,i read them thinking that they will help me to help myself.

[Arboretor]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I like the types of guys that live in places like Los Angeles,and here i am in a small hick town not even close to a major metropolitan area.

What about going to the places where those guys are living? Do you HAVE to stay in your small hick town?

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Arboretor

What about going to the places where those guys are living? Do you HAVE to stay in your small hick town?

Trust me i agonized over this for years. I even drew out a pros and cons list. The main reason i decided against it was because of my family. I have a 2 year old nephew and i dont want to be the wierd aunt he only sees on Christmas. Right now i babysit him every week and he loves me,i couldn't stand to be away from him and have him not remember me anymore. I visited LA last year and i came back practically begging my family to move there with me but none of them wanted to even VISIT let alone live there,and my dad said "Its easy to say you want to live someplace when you're only there for a week,but you wouldn't feel the same if you lived there." So...i guess i started to realize maybe Minnesota isnt that bad and i just had to change my perspective on it. If i have to give up my job i've been at for 17 years and give up my family and friends,i'm not sure if that's worth moving for. I know i'm blocking myself but its the kinda deal where if you change your life to fix one problem,you're still creating other problems,so you might as well have as few problems as possible.

[Arboretor]

Well, it is difficult to give meaningful advice without knowing much more about you. Just one thing I thought of after writing my previous post: Remember, if you continue to do things in the same way you always did, you shouldn't be surprised that you get the same results as you always got.
Try to think in totally new directions; consider possibilities you never thought of, or always believed unsuitable for you. I can't tell you *how* to do that, you have to find out yourself.

[Jasmine]

Rockchick,
If deep down you really want to move, why does your family have move as well? You’re 35, not 15.
At 35 I sold everything I had, packed my bags and moved overseas and started a business, (with very little cash I might add). There were plenty of people who thought I was crazy but more than decade later I’m still here. It was a big risk but I didn’t want to live a life of if onlys and it was better to try and possibly fail than to never had tried at all. But then that was me, and it was something that I really, really wanted to try, and the universe supported me all the way.
My friend’s and family are still there when I go home to visit and sometimes they come here, plus I have made plenty of new friends.
What I am trying to say is if moving is something that you would truly like to try, stop making excuses and start taking steps towards making it happen. Go back to LA or wherever and stay longer than a week to really get an idea if it is where you would like to be.

[Angela]

One thing you may want to keep in mind about Los Angeles: the place is crawling with young, drop-dead gorgeous women -- model and actress hopefuls, the women who were the most beautiful girls from their town and are now just little fish in a big pond. The men you are interested in -- musicians and rockstars -- have their pick of the youngest and most beautiful of these girls.

Which is not to say you can't find a great man here. But if you are a 35 year old woman who is less than stunning, and extremely picky as you have admitted, it doesn't matter how much you know about or love music. Why do you think men become musicians in the first place?

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Angela

Why do you think men become musicians in the first place?

Because music is awesome Angela.

There's plenty of variety here in so-cal, a large mixture of all sorts of people. Actually the super hot spoiled chicks aren't very attractive, at least beyond physically, to me. There's someone for everyone. You just have to STOP MAKING EXCUSES ON WHY YOU CAN'T CHANGE your circumstances.

I think I post in this thread because it parallels my own experience, about making excuses, false obligations to other people, being overly picky. These are shields we erect when we are afraid of being hurt. When we're scared, we come up with reasons that make sense, maybe but they are really meaning "I AM AFRAID TO TAKE CHANCES AND LIVE MY LIFE ON MY OWN TERMS ".

So you want someone special in your life, you are afraid to get it. You know you need an excuse to not get it other than fear, so here comes your nephew, what your Dad said, most men that like you are sleezy. There. Now you have real legitimate reasons to avoid intimacy and being close to someone else that sound better than the real one, which is that you probably have very low self-esteem and the idea of being close to someone and living your life to the fullest in other areas terrifies you because you don't think you are good enough, and this cycle will repeat forever unless you do something about it, be introspective and stop making excuses about how things "outside" of you are influencing your decisions.

Not to be too harsh on you but you're afraid to live. I know the feeling. You have to change it. You get one life.

[Angela]

You're right, cylon. I was joking -- a little. In my own rather vast experience with men who are musicians in Los Angeles, along with the desire to make music, to convey beauty through the wonderful art that is sound, to perfect their craft, there also lies in these men a craving for women to be attracted to them.

My point for Rockchick is that coming to L.A. to couple up with a hot male rockstar (who, by the way, is neither overweight nor bald, who is not confident, who feels like women will never like him, who doesn't care about money, is under the age of 25, and the rest of her endless list of qualifications), she will encounter a magnified version of what she's experiencing now -- a rather serious dearth of potential suitors. If there does exist such a beast as what she's dreaming of, she'll be hoping and dreaming surrounded by a crowd of other hopers and dreamers, many of whom are 18 and look like Elisha Cuthbert.

What I'm saying is: the issues Rockchick has about relationships are not going to be magically solved by moving to Los Angeles.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Angela

You're right, cylon. I was joking -- a little. In my own rather vast experience with men who are musicians in Los Angeles, along with the desire to make music, to convey beauty through the wonderful art that is sound, to perfect their craft, there also lies in these men a craving for women to be attracted to them.

Ok fine I'm gonna give you that one. I love making music but I can't say I don't get some pleasure from women being interested in it too, lol. Of course I'm not playing live yet but that's going to be part of the plan.

Wherever you are you are going to get who you are. You can feel isolated in a major huge city or isolated in a small town I suppose. Hell I feel a little isolated and I'm where she's dreaming of being and there are infinite possibilites outside my door. Working on embracing those. Of course I'm getting the itch to move to a bigger city that is more dense, so I could enjoy city life more without driving all over the place. But this ain't about me lol.

[Angela]

It's not about me, either, but I have definitely found in my extensive travels, whatever it is, personal development-wise, that needs attention, it becomes bigger and more apparent for me when I go to a new place. Maybe because there is not the usual support system and routine to fall back on. Also because, I think, I travel with the intention of being self-aware, so that I can be more and more present for others -- which in a foreign country can be even more challenging than in L.A.!

Lots of good luck with your music (and attraction ) Cylon, and lots of good luck to you, Rockchick, in aligning your vibration with your desire. And never underestimate gossipy, whiny old women -- some of us know a lot of musicians we can introduce you to!

[cylon]

Thanks Angela!

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Angela

My point for Rockchick is that coming to L.A. to couple up with a hot male rockstar (who, by the way, is neither overweight nor bald, who is not confident, who feels like women will never like him, who doesn't care about money, is under the age of 25, and the rest of her endless list of qualifications), she will encounter a magnified version of what she's experiencing now -- a rather serious dearth of potential suitors.

. . . down to earth, doesn't run around, doesn't have a big ego, and is just looking for someone to teach him how to love again . . .

This too is where I start thinking, the qualities specified by Rockchick for Ideal Man are so opposite from "rock star" or even "successful band member" that it's astounding. It's like saying, "I want Mexican food. But I don't want it to be spicy. And I don't want it to have any cheese. Or any tomatoes. And I want it to have a name that's not in Spanish. And there can't be any rice. And the restaurant should be playing rap music. And everyone who works there should be Asian."

Rockchick. You've done a lot of posting and gotten a lot of responses from many people. What I see is this. You say something. Somebody responds as to how they perceive you. You protest and say that isn't you at all, and give a long explanation of what you actually are like. This has been repeated over and over and over. You come across as frantic. (Now you'll respond and say "Really, I'm not frantic!") The way you are coming across on this forum is probably the way you come across in real life. You need to take a deep breath and CALM DOWN. (Now you'll say, "Honestly, I was already calm!")

LoA is supposed to be about going with the flow, being in the zone. If you've stopped clinging to the bank and you're floating freely along the river of life now, and you tried to grab a lily that was floating by and you missed it, you don't get freaked out. You say, "Well heck. Probably an even better lily's up here somewhere. Or maybe not even a lily. Maybe some flower I don't even expect. Cool. Let's see what's up ahead."

My suggestion would be to start with your first post and take a look at how people answered you, and continue up through your most recent posting. When somebody answers you, instead of shifting into protest mode, stop for a second and think, "Ok. I see what you mean." And then for real, see what they mean. Most of what everyone here is telling you runs along the same lines. I don't think the whole group can be totally wrong.

P.S. It probably doesn't have to be L.A. You know there's a terrific music scene in the Twin Cities.

[Angela]

Exactly, Moonrambler! The Mexican food analogy is very apt and very funny.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Arboretor

Well, it is difficult to give meaningful advice without knowing much more about you. Just one thing I thought of after writing my previous post: Remember, if you continue to do things in the same way you always did, you shouldn't be surprised that you get the same results as you always got.
Try to think in totally new directions; consider possibilities you never thought of, or always believed unsuitable for you. I can't tell you *how* to do that, you have to find out yourself.

Yeah thats what i'm realizing now,although previously i couldn't even imagine that it was up to me to attract the kind of guys i want,i just thought i either didnt get them because they just didnt like me or because i just wasn't meeting the right one yet. I was in the group of people that just "believes" it will happen,not so much that i had anything to do with it happening. I'll keep you guys posted on how i do after i work on my self esteem and after i read that book i have coming. :-)

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Jasmine

At 35 I sold everything I had, packed my bags and moved overseas and started a business, (with very little cash I might add). There were plenty of people who thought I was crazy but more than decade later I’m still here. It was a big risk but I didn’t want to live a life of if onlys and it was better to try and possibly fail than to never had tried at all. But then that was me, and it was something that I really, really wanted to try, and the universe supported me all the way.
My friend’s and family are still there when I go home to visit and sometimes they come here, plus I have made plenty of new friends.
What I am trying to say is if moving is something that you would truly like to try, stop making excuses and start taking steps towards making it happen. Go back to LA or wherever and stay longer than a week to really get an idea if it is where you would like to be.

Trust me i've considered this. But i am not out to start a business,it would be a little different then. But i have no skills other than working in a folder factory,i cant just go out there and immediately make enough money to live on my own. And i dont want to quit this job and then go right back to the same thing. If i got a job in music,it wouldn't be for years,since i'm basically starting at nothing. I wouldn't even have money for rent let alone a $250 plane ticket every month to visit my family! And my mom and brother won't fly so they wouldn't come see me,like i said,i couldn't even get them to VISIT there. I think i would be really homesick and lonely if i moved by myself,i wouldn't even know anyone,and i do NOT make friends easily. I am shy,timid,and passive...LA would eat me up in a second (those are the actual words from a friend,after i told him i wanted to live there). I'm just not a risk taker,and i'm not sure if that is something i could even change,thats more part of my personality than my issues. I would go to music school here before moving there with no skills,money,or knowledge about anything.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Angela

One thing you may want to keep in mind about Los Angeles: the place is crawling with young, drop-dead gorgeous women -- model and actress hopefuls, the women who were the most beautiful girls from their town and are now just little fish in a big pond. The men you are interested in -- musicians and rockstars -- have their pick of the youngest and most beautiful of these girls.

Which is not to say you can't find a great man here. But if you are a 35 year old woman who is less than stunning, and extremely picky as you have admitted, it doesn't matter how much you know about or love music. Why do you think men become musicians in the first place?

Wait a minute,Angela even YOU are insinuating that there are people more beautiful than others? lol I guess i was expecting you to persuade me to go for this and dont even think about the competition...after all,thats what the LoA says,there is no competition unless you think there is. But,either way...i realize this,and i realize i would probably still have the same crappy luck there,which is also part of the reason why i decided against moving there. It was too much to give up for an unknown uncertain future. But i don't beleive all rock stars got into the business to get women,obviously they have a skill and that came first. Besides,most rock stars are hot enough on their own,why would they need to be in a band to get women? I believe there are many of them out there who would date a less than perfect looking small town girl from Minnesota LOL In fact i've seen some girlfriends of some of them and i think i'm more attractive than they are. So i know its possible. But at any rate,i still know my chances are better if I'M in the music business myself,which is what i'll just have to do. :-)

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

Because music is awesome Angela.

There's plenty of variety here in so-cal, a large mixture of all sorts of people. Actually the super hot spoiled chicks aren't very attractive, at least beyond physically, to me. There's someone for everyone. You just have to STOP MAKING EXCUSES ON WHY YOU CAN'T CHANGE your circumstances.

I think I post in this thread because it parallels my own experience, about making excuses, false obligations to other people, being overly picky. These are shields we erect when we are afraid of being hurt. When we're scared, we come up with reasons that make sense, maybe but they are really meaning "I AM AFRAID TO TAKE CHANCES AND LIVE MY LIFE ON MY OWN TERMS ".

So you want someone special in your life, you are afraid to get it. You know you need an excuse to not get it other than fear, so here comes your nephew, what your Dad said, most men that like you are sleezy. There. Now you have real legitimate reasons to avoid intimacy and being close to someone else that sound better than the real one, which is that you probably have very low self-esteem and the idea of being close to someone and living your life to the fullest in other areas terrifies you because you don't think you are good enough, and this cycle will repeat forever unless you do something about it, be introspective and stop making excuses about how things "outside" of you are influencing your decisions.

Not to be too harsh on you but you're afraid to live. I know the feeling. You have to change it. You get one life.

I am not saying you are wrong,i'm just saying that i dont understand how i can CRAVE something so much yet be afraid of it. I've BEEN in a serious relationship before. I've dated probably 10 guys other than him. I've had male best friends that i've tried to get closer to. And when i think about what i would do if i had more money,the first thing that comes to mind is going to music school and moving because then i would have money to fly back here every month to see my family. I can admit that i'm afraid of not seeing them very often,i can admit that i'm scared to quit my job and work for minimum wage again,i can admit that i have no skills in anything as far as other types of jobs go,so if i can admit these things why wouldn't i admit i'm afraid of intimacy? I am REALLY afraid of not being important in my nephews life,i want to be like a 2nd mom to him,and how can i do that if i'm living 1000 miles away with no money to come see him? How is that not a real fear?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I am not saying you are wrong,i'm just saying that i dont understand how i can CRAVE something so much yet be afraid of it.

I feel the same way about Chocolate Mousse Royale from Baskin Robbins. It is my personal LoA genie looking out for me that makes that a seasonal product only. Phew!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

. . . down to earth, doesn't run around, doesn't have a big ego, and is just looking for someone to teach him how to love again . . .

This too is where I start thinking, the qualities specified by Rockchick for Ideal Man are so opposite from "rock star" or even "successful band member" that it's astounding. It's like saying, "I want Mexican food. But I don't want it to be spicy. And I don't want it to have any cheese. Or any tomatoes. And I want it to have a name that's not in Spanish. And there can't be any rice. And the restaurant should be playing rap music. And everyone who works there should be Asian."

Rockchick. You've done a lot of posting and gotten a lot of responses from many people. What I see is this. You say something. Somebody responds as to how they perceive you. You protest and say that isn't you at all, and give a long explanation of what you actually are like. This has been repeated over and over and over. You come across as frantic. (Now you'll respond and say "Really, I'm not frantic!") The way you are coming across on this forum is probably the way you come across in real life. You need to take a deep breath and CALM DOWN. (Now you'll say, "Honestly, I was already calm!")

LoA is supposed to be about going with the flow, being in the zone. If you've stopped clinging to the bank and you're floating freely along the river of life now, and you tried to grab a lily that was floating by and you missed it, you don't get freaked out. You say, "Well heck. Probably an even better lily's up here somewhere. Or maybe not even a lily. Maybe some flower I don't even expect. Cool. Let's see what's up ahead."

My suggestion would be to start with your first post and take a look at how people answered you, and continue up through your most recent posting. When somebody answers you, instead of shifting into protest mode, stop for a second and think, "Ok. I see what you mean." And then for real, see what they mean. Most of what everyone here is telling you runs along the same lines. I don't think the whole group can be totally wrong.

P.S. It probably doesn't have to be L.A. You know there's a terrific music scene in the Twin Cities.

You might not think my description of a guy can exist,but thats why i had this big thing for this certain guy,recently,because he WAS all those things. I dont know why it sounds so impossible anyway,because rock stars are human too and they have flaws,they arent all arrogant pompous sex crazed ********...they are NORMAL,at least the guy i like is. I hung out with the band like they were regular people,THEY ARE! lol Thats why i dont see it as impossible that i can date one. I dont think they are superior to me or anyone. Just more talented. And as for people's replies to me,i HAVE said "i see what you mean",i HAVE said "you are right",apparently nobody notices those LOL You guys are making me look into myself deeper and question myself which is good,i can tell this is all going somewhere. But its not like me to sit back and let someone say how i am when i know the situation better. But i still read and consider EVERY reply i get! And yes i know there are plenty of guys my type in the Twin Cities,i see them at concerts so i know they're here somewhere LOL I just never see them in my daily life which is the problem,because i live 45 minutes from there so i only go there for concerts. I hate driving there though because i am not a city driver so it freaks me out driving up there,thats the only reason why i havent moved up there. I've gotten lost up there so many times,a few times for HOURS and i guess it traumatized me LOL I feel comfortable where i am,as far as getting around. It just sucks that the people in my town do nothing for me.

[Angela]

Rockchick, today at my workout I was remembering a time I went to see two of the biggest jazz acts in "The Wave" genre -- what would now be called easy jazz or something. I was always reluctant to take anyone to hear the music I was really into because I didn't want to hear them yammering away while I was focusing on the music, so I would go by myself to these shows. Guys tend to play "for" women who show up alone and are clearly interested in the music as opposed to meeting men; ironically, I would usually get asked out by the musicians.

This particular night, three of the guys, 2 from one band and the very well-known sax player from the other, all asked for my phone number -- at one point, all three gentlemen joined me at my table. I was so shy, but I focused on listening generously.

Anyway, one guy was interesting, but he was so famous and looking more for a groupie-type interaction -- he called but we never went out. The second one (the sax player in the other band) I was so attracted to, and we did end up going out several times, but he was christian so that didn't work out. The third guy was so cute, and so into me, and we became friendly and had a few non-romantic dates, but I was too busy chasing after Mr. Savingitformarriage.

Okay, cut ahead 20 years. I had just broken up with my recovering heroin addict rockstar love of my life boyfriend (!) and one of our mutual friends invited me to hear him play at the Baked Potato. His sideman on sax was the famous sax guy from 20 years before. Unbelievably, he remembered that night, and asked me out -- and we ended up dating for around six months (he is a great guy, but the chemistry just never completely clicked). In those six months, I helped him regain kilter after a bad divorce, and he helped me through my mom's illness and death, along with my own bad breakup. It was great. After Mr. Sax and I stopped seeing each other, I went on eHarmony and was matched to one of my favorite studio guitarists, and as it turned out, he was the best friend of Mr. Just Friends Guitarist from that night 20 years before. When I saw Mr. JFG, who had become quite successful in the interim, it was like no time had passed at all, except he had grown much more gorgeous (and been long married.) My eHarmony match didn't pan out.

A similar thing had happened with Mr. Recovering Heroin Addict -- I was a big fan of his when I was 18, and ended up meeting him and beginning my 3-year debacle at age 35. Time is funny. Well, after one more foray into romance with yet another musician (he won a grammy this year!) -- no wait, there was also the guy that played with Frank Zappa, but he was 30 years older than me -- I swore off musicians for awhile and only because of that did I find Danger Man, who is enjoying the fruits of getting dragged around to hear all of the wonderful music I love and meeting all my marginally famous old beaux. He loves it.

The point of this saga? #1 -- go to shows alone. Musicians will approach you much more readily than if you're in a gaggle. #2 -- wait 20 years and see what happens. #3 -- try guys who are not musicians. There are some very good ones.

The End.

[Jasmine]

Rockchick if you are shy, timid and passive and your Mr Right should be unsure of himself its no wonder you’ve never met him. Someone unsure of themselves isn’t going to have the courage to approach you, and you being timid will be the same. Maybe that’s why you’re getting the desperate ones, they aren’t afraid to approach you.

By the way I used to be shy, timid and passive as well. If it is something that you want to change it is possible but it does require some work and it doesn’t happen overnight.

[Angela]

Jasmine, it happened for me overnight - well, actually in one weekend. The Landmark Forum Advanced Course.