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Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more. You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today. If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics. |
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03-01-2008, 04:52 PM
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03-01-2008, 11:08 PM
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03-01-2008, 11:16 PM
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03-02-2008, 03:59 AM
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| ive been reading your posts for awhile now. you need to stop worrying about finding love with a guy and start finding love within yourself and your life. i know you say/think that you love yourself, but i think its very apparent to myself and others that you have some issues to work through. the fact that you don't see those issues is an issue in and of itself. you come across as desperate, needy, and quite frankly, obnoxious. i have yet to see you take initiative in changing your perspective or expectations of the situation. |
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03-02-2008, 04:13 AM
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03-02-2008, 04:50 AM
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03-02-2008, 04:56 AM
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03-02-2008, 05:10 AM
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| why are you worried about what other people are doing or how you compare to others? we are talking about you, not everyone else. this is a reoccurring theme in your posts, you vs. everyone else. stop comparing yourself to everyone else! the truth is that everyone is unique, it's impossible to compare your circumstances with another. eliminating that mindset would do you a world of good. what other people are doing/living/being DOES NOT MATTER. what you are doing/living/being DOES. you come across with a very 'woe is me, the world is unfair, everyone else has it easy' attitude. i see you say this again and again and its troubling and in no way productive. another thing i noticed is that you frequently like to say 'i honestly think i am _____' or 'i think i am ____',. why are you not simply saying 'i am _____'? your lack of doing so leads me to believe you don't really believe the things you are saying - consciously or not. you can spend thousands of dollars and a lifetime reading self-help books, but that's looking to an external source to solve the problem. same with LOA. until you can look within yourself and recognize and/or embrace some of the things others have pointed out to you, those books won't be of much help. i would actually recommend taking a step back and re-reading your posts on this site with a critical eye as if they were posted by someone else. |
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03-02-2008, 06:36 AM
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03-02-2008, 11:08 AM
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03-02-2008, 11:41 AM
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03-02-2008, 12:28 PM
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| Well, it is difficult to give meaningful advice without knowing much more about you. Just one thing I thought of after writing my previous post: Remember, if you continue to do things in the same way you always did, you shouldn't be surprised that you get the same results as you always got. Try to think in totally new directions; consider possibilities you never thought of, or always believed unsuitable for you. I can't tell you *how* to do that, you have to find out yourself. |
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03-02-2008, 12:38 PM
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| Rockchick, If deep down you really want to move, why does your family have move as well? You’re 35, not 15. At 35 I sold everything I had, packed my bags and moved overseas and started a business, (with very little cash I might add). There were plenty of people who thought I was crazy but more than decade later I’m still here. It was a big risk but I didn’t want to live a life of if onlys and it was better to try and possibly fail than to never had tried at all. But then that was me, and it was something that I really, really wanted to try, and the universe supported me all the way. My friend’s and family are still there when I go home to visit and sometimes they come here, plus I have made plenty of new friends. What I am trying to say is if moving is something that you would truly like to try, stop making excuses and start taking steps towards making it happen. Go back to LA or wherever and stay longer than a week to really get an idea if it is where you would like to be. |
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03-02-2008, 04:50 PM
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| One thing you may want to keep in mind about Los Angeles: the place is crawling with young, drop-dead gorgeous women -- model and actress hopefuls, the women who were the most beautiful girls from their town and are now just little fish in a big pond. The men you are interested in -- musicians and rockstars -- have their pick of the youngest and most beautiful of these girls. Which is not to say you can't find a great man here. But if you are a 35 year old woman who is less than stunning, and extremely picky as you have admitted, it doesn't matter how much you know about or love music. Why do you think men become musicians in the first place?  |
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03-02-2008, 05:26 PM
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There's plenty of variety here in so-cal, a large mixture of all sorts of people. Actually the super hot spoiled chicks aren't very attractive, at least beyond physically, to me. There's someone for everyone. You just have to STOP MAKING EXCUSES ON WHY YOU CAN'T CHANGE your circumstances. I think I post in this thread because it parallels my own experience, about making excuses, false obligations to other people, being overly picky. These are shields we erect when we are afraid of being hurt. When we're scared, we come up with reasons that make sense, maybe but they are really meaning "I AM AFRAID TO TAKE CHANCES AND LIVE MY LIFE ON MY OWN TERMS ". So you want someone special in your life, you are afraid to get it. You know you need an excuse to not get it other than fear, so here comes your nephew, what your Dad said, most men that like you are sleezy. There. Now you have real legitimate reasons to avoid intimacy and being close to someone else that sound better than the real one, which is that you probably have very low self-esteem and the idea of being close to someone and living your life to the fullest in other areas terrifies you because you don't think you are good enough, and this cycle will repeat forever unless you do something about it, be introspective and stop making excuses about how things "outside" of you are influencing your decisions. Not to be too harsh on you but you're afraid to live. I know the feeling. You have to change it. You get one life. |
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03-02-2008, 05:40 PM
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| You're right, cylon. I was joking -- a little. In my own rather vast experience with men who are musicians in Los Angeles, along with the desire to make music, to convey beauty through the wonderful art that is sound, to perfect their craft, there also lies in these men a craving for women to be attracted to them. My point for Rockchick is that coming to L.A. to couple up with a hot male rockstar (who, by the way, is neither overweight nor bald, who is not confident, who feels like women will never like him, who doesn't care about money, is under the age of 25, and the rest of her endless list of qualifications), she will encounter a magnified version of what she's experiencing now -- a rather serious dearth of potential suitors. If there does exist such a beast as what she's dreaming of, she'll be hoping and dreaming surrounded by a crowd of other hopers and dreamers, many of whom are 18 and look like Elisha Cuthbert. What I'm saying is: the issues Rockchick has about relationships are not going to be magically solved by moving to Los Angeles. |
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03-02-2008, 06:10 PM
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Wherever you are you are going to get who you are. You can feel isolated in a major huge city or isolated in a small town I suppose. Hell I feel a little isolated and I'm where she's dreaming of being and there are infinite possibilites outside my door. Working on embracing those. Of course I'm getting the itch to move to a bigger city that is more dense, so I could enjoy city life more without driving all over the place. But this ain't about me lol. |
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03-02-2008, 06:17 PM
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| It's not about me, either, but I have definitely found in my extensive travels, whatever it is, personal development-wise, that needs attention, it becomes bigger and more apparent for me when I go to a new place. Maybe because there is not the usual support system and routine to fall back on. Also because, I think, I travel with the intention of being self-aware, so that I can be more and more present for others -- which in a foreign country can be even more challenging than in L.A.! Lots of good luck with your music (and attraction ) Cylon, and lots of good luck to you, Rockchick, in aligning your vibration with your desire. And never underestimate gossipy, whiny old women -- some of us know a lot of musicians we can introduce you to! |
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03-02-2008, 08:13 PM
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This too is where I start thinking, the qualities specified by Rockchick for Ideal Man are so opposite from "rock star" or even "successful band member" that it's astounding. It's like saying, "I want Mexican food. But I don't want it to be spicy. And I don't want it to have any cheese. Or any tomatoes. And I want it to have a name that's not in Spanish. And there can't be any rice. And the restaurant should be playing rap music. And everyone who works there should be Asian." Rockchick. You've done a lot of posting and gotten a lot of responses from many people. What I see is this. You say something. Somebody responds as to how they perceive you. You protest and say that isn't you at all, and give a long explanation of what you actually are like. This has been repeated over and over and over. You come across as frantic. (Now you'll respond and say "Really, I'm not frantic!") The way you are coming across on this forum is probably the way you come across in real life. You need to take a deep breath and CALM DOWN. (Now you'll say, "Honestly, I was already calm!") LoA is supposed to be about going with the flow, being in the zone. If you've stopped clinging to the bank and you're floating freely along the river of life now, and you tried to grab a lily that was floating by and you missed it, you don't get freaked out. You say, "Well heck. Probably an even better lily's up here somewhere. Or maybe not even a lily. Maybe some flower I don't even expect. Cool. Let's see what's up ahead." My suggestion would be to start with your first post and take a look at how people answered you, and continue up through your most recent posting. When somebody answers you, instead of shifting into protest mode, stop for a second and think, "Ok. I see what you mean." And then for real, see what they mean. Most of what everyone here is telling you runs along the same lines. I don't think the whole group can be totally wrong. P.S. It probably doesn't have to be L.A. You know there's a terrific music scene in the Twin Cities. |
