| | |||||||
| Register | FAQ | Members List | Calendar | Search | Today's Posts | Mark Forums Read |
| Intention-Manifestation Manifesting intentions, law of attraction, vibrational harmony, synchronicities, luck, share your intentions, practice group manifesting |
|
Welcome to the Personal Development for Smart People Forums, the place for lively, intelligent discussion of all personal growth issues -- physical, mental, financial, social, emotional, spiritual, and more. You're currently viewing as a guest, which gives you limited read-only access. By joining our free community, you'll be able to post your own messages, access many members-only features, see the new messages posted since your last visit, and of course remove this header message. Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please join today. If you arrived here from a search engine, you may want to explore the main site first, which includes hundreds of deep and insightful articles on a variety of personal development topics. |
| | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
| |||
| lol Well,obviously its POSSIBLE to get married after youre in your 40's,but its WAY harder to find someone to begin with. Most people this age are either married,divorced,or have children,or issues. Its all baggage. A lot of people dont want someone who has an ex and kids. I'm lucky that i dont have either,but i still have the problem that i'm too old for most guys. I almost exclusively like younger guys so that doesnt help. |
| |||
| Okay, so based on specifics you've listed in your posts, here's how you see your perfect mate: Younger than you and/or No baggage (ex-wife, kids, issues) Very attractive (hot) a musician (preferably a rock star) not cocky feels like girls will never like him shy unsure of himself doesn't think he has anything special to offer not bald not overweight not confident doesn't have a lot of money down to earth And here's how you see yourself: Not beautiful Old Loves herself, but that's not enough any more *always have to defend myself in every situation Can you see where there might be a vibrational mismatch? Last edited by Angela : 02-26-2008 at 04:25 PM. Reason: *edited to include your recent post |
| |||
| Quote:
That is true. A couple I know lived in two different states. She went to a seminar in his state and met him and now they are hitched and living in a third state (neither his nor hers). |
| |||
| Quote:
Lots of younger guys like older women. You need to think of yourself as "sexually experienced hot older woman" not as "old bag". |
| |||
| Quote:
|
| |||
| Well i'm not sexually experienced really,i've only had sex with one guy and it was maybe 5 times and i didnt like it. Most 16 year old guys are even more experienced than me LOL And I dont think of myself as an old bag,i just stated that i'm too old for MOST younger guys. I certainly dont feel or look old,so what happens is the younger guys think i'm their age and they are shocked to learn i'm 10-15 years older,and thats where i lose them. |
| |||
| Quote:
Ahhh, so the clock is ticking.... I love how, sooner or later, the crux of the problem reveals itself.... Jennifer |
| |||
| Quote:
I am sorry if I am wrong, may be, guys sense that you don't like sex? |
| |||
| But i dont want kids though! I dont feel like i have to have a guy before i cant have kids anymore,i just dont want to go through the entire prime of my life without experiencing this. I dont want to find myself in a nursing home and THEN i find the love of my life because then i dont even have any time left in my life to enjoy it! |
| |||
| I only didn't like sex with my ex bf because i didnt really like HIM. It felt wrong so of course sex wasn't going to be good. I actually have a very healthy sexual appetite,i think about it all the time! When i go out,i dress to show off my body (not slutty but,i almost always get compliments or comments about how good i look). One guy that i got rejected by,we used to dirty dance all the time LOL So,obviously,i am not giving them the wrong impression. I DO although,want to wait until i've been dating someone a bit before i have sex,i am not into casual sex at all,otherwise i would be doing it with this other guy that is after me right now (the one that wants a friends with benefits thing). I've always thought THAT was my problem,that guys just want one thing and i'm not willing to lower myself to that,i need it ALL. |
| |||
| Rockchick, are you seeing a therapist? Do you even WANT help? The major message I get from you here is "I want (exactly specifically precisely) what I want, and I'm not willing to change anything about myself or let anyone's -- not even people who HAVE what I want -- advice in so that I can have it! Why can't I have what I want?" I don't think you're going to move towards your desires as long as you're so stuck in your thinking. The good news is, it's easier to move than it is to think or argue about moving! |
| |||
| Quote:
|
| |||
| Rockchick, who you are is perfect, whole, and complete. There is no need for you to change anything about yourself. Here's what the people here have noticed: you can't change anyone but your self. People won't change because you demand that they change, or because you think it's fair that they change, or because you want something. You can change yourself. Again, you don't have to, and there are no *shoulds* about you changing, either. And, if what you're doing is not working in generating a life you love, one of the most powerful tools we have to transform that is to transform ourselves -- often all it takes is a small shift in what we're being. It's a pretty good deal. And we can hear in your posts that you would really like to transform at least one area of your life -- knowing how powerful it can be to take 100% responsibility, and pulling for you, being on your side in you getting what you want -- that's why people get a little frustrated with your stubbornness. We want you to have what you want, because then we have what we want. Maybe you've noticed I've changed my way of being with you a lot, because I keep looking for a way to find a way of being that will make a difference! I selfishly want you to have a great LLTMBR in your life, because that would make me feel good. Of course I can't make you do anything, and I wouldn't want to anyway. But some things are so easy for me to see, and I want you to see it too -- I want to be the mirror in which you can see the back of your head. You just can't see some things without the help of other people. I am one of your other people. I think a good therapist could help you, but not until and unless you open yourself up to the idea that another person might be able to help you see what you're not seeing, and let go of defending yourself and being unwilling to experiment with ways of being. If you go to a therapist in the state you're in now, I think you'd probably have much the same experience you're having with us here -- feeling like "why should I change?". So my advice to you would be to practice recognizing that you are perfect exactly as you are and exactly as you are not, and at the same time, you can change who you are being JUST FOR FUN. Just because it's fun. You don't have to, and if you choose not to, that doesn't mean anything about you. It's just experimenting, with the aim of living a life you're in love with. See what I mean? |
| |||
| You know, a therapist might be a good idea,. I've never believed they can help. But... One of them helped my friend. Since she was 18 she wanted to get married, but nobody would marry her. She would date on and on, then she would get tired because it was going nowhere and break up. And her ex-boyfriend (who wasn't ready to commit before) would marry other girl in a couple of months. It happened with her several times. So, by 30 she got tired of it and went to a counselor. Halliluja, after adjusting her behaviour a little bit, she found the love of her life who is crazy about her and recently they got married. All of us, girls, got SO-o-o drunk, because we were absolutely happy for her! |
| |||
| Quote:
|
| |||
| Quote:
Adapting your behavior, or trying on a new way of being, does not mean you are not fine. I get the sense that you feel that if you change, then that means you're acknowledging there's something wrong with you, and you refuse to do that. Well, there is nothing wrong with you. And any new behavior or way of being you experiment with or are inspired by does not mean anything at all about you. If I hadn't tried on new ways of being, if I had stayed married to my point of view, there is absolutely NO WAY that I would be in my wonderful relationship with my wonderful boyfriend, Danger Man. And by the way, I was 43 when I met him. |
| |||
| Quote:
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Last edited by seeker5 : 02-27-2008 at 03:58 AM. |
| |||
| Hi Rock Chick, just came across this thread and found it very interesting. A couple of thoughts: Don't know if you've heard Alice Cooper Nights, Alice C's radio show, which until recently aired in my area, and which I listened to whenever I had a chance. He talked aobut his relationship with his wife (Cheryl, I think) several times, from which I gathered they seem to have a GREAT relationship and have had it for some 30 years, plus he's the kind of guy you're envisioning (never mind his "public persona." Now Alice is taken, obviously, but this shows these kinds of guys are out there, and so I wish you good luck with finding yours. And about the book: I just ordered myself a copy on Amazon.com, where it is available used for only 7 cents (for real! Plus 3.99 for shipping). Just type in their last name and title (finding each other) and it'll pop right up, only with just her name, but I'm sure it's the same book (the reviews sound about right). About age -- I have found that life only gets more interesting once you've crossed into your 40s... Oh, and try to let go of your assumptions about what younger guys want (or else that's what you'll get). Not ALL of them want younger women. Elisabeth |
| |||
| Heya Rockchick, just me again. Thanks for the response, and everyone elses too, this is a great discussion. I just wanted to expand apon this one point in relation to what other people have replied with. Quote:
I see what you mean by "why do i have to change all this stuff about me when nobody else has to change to get what they want". They don't have to change because they got it, but even that doesn't help the "why them, but not me" question. The only answer for that question is "You are not them." It comes down to what you personally can do yourself to have the life you want. Personal power and achievement of goals go hand in hand, and with changing yourself being the basis for personal power, it's not a suprise almost everyone in this topic has suggested it. For years I didn't want to change, pretty much though I couldn't or when I could refused to. It was when I realised that only through changing myself would my world itself change that I got real power in my life. Almost overnight I lost 10kgs, met lots of new people and started feeling good about my life. I push change of self so much because it really is the key to having a better life. That is all. This is the article which gave me the most insight into myself and my own relationships: The secret to finding your ideal partner As an aside, the questions I want to ask is: Why do you want to find out why you attracted this sleezy guy? and Why don't you want to change? Last edited by Parthon : 02-27-2008 at 08:26 AM. Reason: Typos |
| |||
| Rockchick, I can’t help but think that you may have some issues with your father, which is somehow tied into all of this ( I read your post on another forum). You need to deal with that first. You remind me of me a bit (nose and all) I could never find the right guy either for years. I think males can pick up when a female is desperate (and don’t say your not) you might be coming across as too intense for them as I did. Some of the best relationships start out as friendships first you know. By the way I got married at 39, and my husband is 10 years younger. |


