Okay, here's a real life example:

[jawillie]

How do I handle this differently?

I run a daycare.

Child 1 is usually picked up at 4:30 at the latest.

Child 2 is usually picked up at 5:30.

Today, Child 2 was picked up at 4... So, I get to be done early today, right???

HAHAHA

No.

Child 1's mom is LATE.... not getting here until a little after 5, due to "unusual circumstances" today.

Thanks.

So my attitude stinks about this, I know it does. But it stinks because it ALWAYS happens. If Child 1's mom would have picked up on time I would have been done at 4:30 instead of after 5.

It may sound petty, but I rely on some sense of predictability, you know? Pick up on time so I can know what my night will be like! Instead, I am sitting around waiting for someone who is normally not even supposed to be here this late. AND... I also rely on getting done early now and then because this job is DRAINING!!!

So, do I really bring this on myself?? If so, I need to change this because it annoys the ever-loving tar out of me!

[jawillie]

I suppose I could charge a $50 late fee. That may take care of it.

[RT Wolf]

Even in a non-LoA sense, I eblieve everything in our lives is there because of our choices, even if its a subconscious choice ot do nothing.

Why have you not charged them extra for picking up kids later, as an example?

Lol, yea, or start rewarding parents for picking up kids on time. pretty simple behaviourist psychology thing.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Even in a non-LoA sense, I eblieve everything in our lives is there because of our choices, even if its a subconscious choice ot do nothing.

Why have you not charged them extra for picking up kids later, as an example?

Lol, yea, or start rewarding parents for picking up kids on time. pretty simple behaviourist psychology thing.

Ooh. I hate the idea of punishing them for being late as that would lead to a confrontation. But, I do like the idea of rewarding them for being early..... hmmm..... Thanks for the insight. Sometimes we do need to have outsider show us a different view point.

When I ask other providers it just turns into a big ole rant-fest and nothing gets accomplished!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by jawillie

I suppose I could charge a $50 late fee. That may take care of it.

Yes, definitely! Your time is valuable, and you should not give it away. But you said this ALWAYS happens -- do you mean that literally? If so, I would raise that mother's rate across the board. She might fire herself as your customer, but who needs customers who don't honor the contract?

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Angela

Yes, definitely! Your time is valuable, and you should not give it away. But you said this ALWAYS happens -- do you mean that literally? If so, I would raise that mother's rate across the board. She might fire herself as your customer, but who needs customers who don't honor the contract?

I was kinda kidding about the late fee. I know it is the norm to charge late fees but I have such a hard time with that as I DO recall times I had to call in sick and not one parent complained. SO.... why am I even complaining in the first place?

See how jumbled my mind is? No wonder I struggle.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by jawillie

SO.... why am I even complaining in the first place?

Because someone's exploiting you, and you're trying to convince yourself it's okay, but deep down you know it's not okay to do that.

Calling in sick once in awhile is not the same as "always" being late to pick up your child. One is a necessary and rare occasion (and I'll bet you scramble to make other arrangements for the moms when it happens, right?), and the other is habitual disregard of your agreement.

You've come down with PPS - People Pleasin' Syndrome. Nothing a little money won't cure.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Angela

Because someone's exploiting you, and you're trying to convince yourself it's okay, but deep down you know it's not okay to do that.

Calling in sick once in awhile is not the same as "always" being late to pick up your child. One is a necessary and rare occasion (and I'll bet you scramble to make other arrangements for the moms when it happens, right?), and the other is habitual disregard of your agreement.

You've come down with PPS - People Pleasin' Syndrome. Nothing a little money won't cure.

Well, child's 1's mom isn't ALWAYS late. But, she IS often late when I COULD be done early. Or, if not her than another parent. I have six families in my daycare. I was just generalizing so it made sense. Most my families left by 4:30 today (even my usual 5:30 crew), but I told myself, "I bet someone is late" and SURE 'NUFF! But I said that because it DOES always happen that way!

I should have said SOMEONE is late on those rare occasions I COULD HAVE been done early, meaning I have not been done early without me, myself saying, "I am closing early."

It seems silly, I know it does. It's just... on a Friday, after a long day, a long week.... 4:30 looked REALLY good to me!

[RT Wolf]

you'd be amazed at how ok people can be with these things. You can always try it for like 30 days, let them know that
if too many people give you too much hassle, drop it

alternatively, make the punishment equal to whatever you get paid anyway.

Alternatively still, give a small discount to people who are on time for 30 days or whatever.

You don't necessarily have to make it a monetary reward, a certificate, or a photo on the wall, and jokingly call it the Perfect Attendance Award, like they had in schools.

Heh.

[Angela]

Even if it's not just one mom all the time, it's a group culture thang. It's just accepted (because you accept it) that the moms are not strictly held to the rules that govern your time.

So now you're thinking, well, I should reward the parents who abide by our agreement. Like they're doing you a big favor. Uh-uh.

It doesn't seem silly at all. It's basic human economics, and it's important. Somehow, you've got yourself thinking you can't demand that your customers live up to their end of the agreement you made with them, or pay the consequences if they don't. Why is that? What are you hiding from yourself?

I don't mean to be harsh -- I just think time is a precious asset, and not one to be squandered.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Angela

Even if it's not just one mom all the time, it's a group culture thang. It's just accepted (because you accept it) that the moms are not strictly held to the rules that govern your time.

So now you're thinking, well, I should reward the parents who abide by our agreement. Like they're doing you a big favor. Uh-uh.

It doesn't seem silly at all. It's basic human economics, and it's important. Somehow, you've got yourself thinking you can't demand that your customers live up to their end of the agreement you made with them, or pay the consequences if they don't. Why is that? What are you hiding from yourself?

I don't mean to be harsh -- I just think time is a precious asset, and not one to be squandered.

Wow. I never get this from other providers, I am glad I found this board.

Okay... you got me thinking. What am I hiding from myself? I am not sure.

I will think about it, though.

[Ree]

Having been on the receiving end of day care situations when my kiddos were small, I have to say that I think if you plan to be in this line of work you should try to be a little more flexible. If you were working a nine to five job, would you always without fail be able to manage to arrive and leave on time????

I remember being put in a situation where I HAD to leave work 15 minutes late occasionally, where I truly had no choice. It wasn't that I went out shopping for 30 minutes before picking my children up.... I had a boss who expected the job to be done! Thankfully the individuals who cared for my children were patient and understanding and flexible. That's what made them so great!! The whole situation was stressful enough as it was, without an angry resentful daycare provider coming down on me at the end of the day.

Most moms, myself included back in the day, are involved in daycare situations because we HAVE to be, not through choice. I found that working together with the care provider in a spirit of cooperation, and always thinking of what is best for the child, naturally made for a better situation all around.

The people who provide care for the children of working moms and dads are the most underpaid, under-appreciated people I know of. Your job is amazingly vital and you may not know it now, but years from today those children, as young adults, and their parents will remember the role you played in their lives. I know my sons and I do

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Ree

Having been on the receiving end of day care situations when my kiddos were small, I have to say that I think if you plan to be in this line of work you should try to be a little more flexible. If you were working a nine to five job, would you always without fail be able to manage to arrive and leave on time????

I remember being put in a situation where I HAD to leave work 15 minutes late occasionally, where I truly had no choice. It wasn't that I went out shopping for 30 minutes before picking my children up.... I had a boss who expected the job to be done! Thankfully the individuals who cared for my children were patient and understanding and flexible. That's what made them so great!! The whole situation was stressful enough as it was, without an angry resentful daycare provider coming down on me at the end of the day.

Most moms, myself included back in the day, are involved in daycare situations because we HAVE to be, not through choice. I found that working together with the care provider in a spirit of cooperation, and always thinking of what is best for the child, naturally made for a better situation all around.

The people who provide care for the children of working moms and dads are the most underpaid, under-appreciated people I know of. Your job is amazingly vital and you may not know it now, but years from today those children, as young adults, and their parents will remember the role you played in their lives. I know my sons and I do

I don't come down on my parents. I AM flexible. I do appreciate my parents. I won't even get into the list of things I do because I don't want to sound like I am defending myself.

I am always thinking about the children. I AM good at my job. I am flexible up the wazzoo for six families.

I guess.... I was just.... I don't know. It's been a long week, a shorter day once would be HEAVEN. But "murphy's law" kicks in and someone will ALWAYS be here until 5:30, even when they are supposed to be picked up by 4:30.

It's Friday... on to the weekend.

Thanks, guys!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Ree

The whole situation was stressful enough as it was, without an angry resentful daycare provider coming down on me at the end of the day.

Just one more thing: a daycare provider is first and foremost a BUSINESSWOMAN (or -MAN). She contracts specific time to provide her services in exchange for payment, just like any other entrepreneur. If the parent is unable to fulfill her end of the agreement, regardless of the stressful circumstances, it's her job to do what it takes to correct the situation, for the good of the children, as you say, Ree. Having children doesn't mean you are no longer accountable for keeping your word. As with any contract, you can expect to pay a price if you don't keep up your end of the bargain, and that doesn't disappear just because there are babies involved.

There is being flexible for occasional overtime, and then there is being a patsy, being bulldozed by customers who consider their time more important than yours.

(p.s., if your boss habitually requires you to work over the time you agreed to work in exchange for what he's paying you, it's time to renegotiate your contract.)

[Angela]

*sorry, jawillie, I don't mean to stress you out even more. I just went into Norma Rae mode again.

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Angela

*sorry, jawillie, I don't mean to stress you out even more. I just went into Norma Rae mode again.

lol.. NO... no stress here.

Were you a provider in another life???

I was expecting to have someone come up with the other side view-point. I am back to Politically Correct mode. Providers can't complain about their jobs because we work with children.

[Angela]

Okay, maybe I was projecting!

just one more thing, really this time, because I forgot to say the thing I started to say in the last post: it's not about an angry and resentful daycare provider, it's about a daycare provider who receives payment for services rendered, in accordance with an agreement. You don't have to be angry or resentful about making a stand for yourself -- that would just be robbing yourself even further! And it sounds like peace and quiet is what you're craving.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by jawillie

How do I handle this differently?

You don't need to know how. You merely need to ask, and it will be given.

Example - here, I ask for more personal time, for myself:

Creation & Other Adventures: Time & Energy

And see what happened five days later:

Creation & Other Adventures: Wow, (Almost) Instant Manifestation!

[jawillie]

I have been thinking about this thread all weekend. Pretty sad, huh? As I was cross country skiing I was thinking, thinking, thinking....

First, I was upset with myself that I got defensive towards Ree.

But, then I realized why I did get all up in arms.

I don't want this lot in life.

I don't want to have to be flexible.
I don't want to be the one at everyone else's beckon call.

I want to call my own shots.

I don't want to be at other people's mercy anymore!

I realize I brought this on myself, but I want to change it now! NOW!

I will never forget getting hired for a job at a facility that hosts wedding banquets. The manager hired me right on the spot because he said I had a "subservient" demeanor. That was over ten years ago and those darn words came back to me again this weekend.

At the time I thought that was awesome because I got the job, but now I see it as.... meaning I will forever be at other people's mercy!!!

My husband's grandmother LOVES that I do daycare. She is 87 and she will gush and gush to me about how I am just "meant" to take care of these little kids. She visits us a couple times a month to read to the kids, so she does see me in action with them.

This weekend as I heard again about how I am MEANT to do this I thought to myself, "Great, thanks a lot for this lot in life."

I feel I am at a major crossroads here.

I feel at the edge of something. I don't know if I feel that way because I just desperately WANT to be on the edge of something new, or because there is actually HOPE for something new for me.

Because, honestly... I don't know what to do.

I love the kids. LOVE the kids.

But everything else... it's draining me big time.

But I need to make money.

So I just don't know what to do. It is so frustrating to me.

SO I try to stay happy about everything else in life.... and try to be thankful that I have a job and can make money, but... it feels fake.

I don't know what else to do, so I can't complain.

I have NO CLUE what else to do.

I have been trying to find an answer and nothing comes to me.

And now we are starting another week. I have to cut my weekend short so I can curriculum plan, and then shop for supplies and groceries and then be ready to "be flexible" all week long. I am starting to grow really resentful of these parents who bend this rule, blatantly break that rule and totally igore the rest.

I have to make changes, but I am afraid because we need the money.

And, again... I don't know WHAT changes to make because I don't know what I want!

Oh, I am so frustrated!

I just don't want to be at THEIR mercy anymore!

And, I can't stand being stuck in this house for 11 hours........ I can't work these horus anymore.

[Lisa McGregor]

Hi Jawillie. It sounds to me as though the bottom line is that you've definitely had enough of day care and it's time to move on. That doesn't mean you don't love the kids or that you have to in any way feel guilty for coming to that decision. You simply need a change and to develop your potention. Good for you.I wish you the very best for the future whatever direction you take.
Love
Lisa

[Jennihul]

There ya go, Willie.

(where is that clapping smiley? Oh, I forgot this place has lame smileys just like AnthonyRobbins.com.)

Jennifer

[RT Wolf]

You clearly like kids, perhaps there are other options that involve kids but not day. Perhaps trying for teacher's college or something?

[Angela]

It looks like you've been putting everyone else's well-being over your own. The kids, the boss, the parents, the wedding clients....you have been putting yourself second to everybody.

But you know the old saying about putting your own oxygen mask on first. Of course you can work with your natural strength, which may be being nurturing or organizing or supportive, but how strong will your natural strength be if you don't nurture, organize and support yourself first? You've gone into an energy deficit. Maybe it's time to make some deposits into your own account. To hideously mix metaphors.

If you were putting your own well-being over anything else, would that make a difference in your choice of path?

[jawillie]

Originally Posted by Angela

It looks like you've been putting everyone else's well-being over your own. The kids, the boss, the parents, the wedding clients....you have been putting yourself second to everybody.

But you know the old saying about putting your own oxygen mask on first. Of course you can work with your natural strength, which may be being nurturing or organizing or supportive, but how strong will your natural strength be if you don't nurture, organize and support yourself first? You've gone into an energy deficit. Maybe it's time to make some deposits into your own account. To hideously mix metaphors.

If you were putting your own well-being over anything else, would that make a difference in your choice of path?

You know what? IF I put my own well-being over all else, yes it would make a difference.

Now, just to just muster up the courage to do what I gotta do....

You guys are so helpful to me work through this, I can't even tell you!

[Ree]

Originally Posted by jawillie

I have been thinking about this thread all weekend. Pretty sad, huh? As I was cross country skiing I was thinking, thinking, thinking....

First, I was upset with myself that I got defensive towards Ree.

But, then I realized why I did get all up in arms.

I don't want this lot in life.

I don't want to have to be flexible.
I don't want to be the one at everyone else's beckon call.

I want to call my own shots.

I don't want to be at other people's mercy anymore!

I realize I brought this on myself, but I want to change it now! NOW!

I will never forget getting hired for a job at a facility that hosts wedding banquets. The manager hired me right on the spot because he said I had a "subservient" demeanor. That was over ten years ago and those darn words came back to me again this weekend.

At the time I thought that was awesome because I got the job, but now I see it as.... meaning I will forever be at other people's mercy!!!

What an amazing step you have taken!!

I've read your other post about changing careers. How exciting for you. Don't worry so much. You've figured out the "what" and now the "how" will happen naturally. Just go with the flow

YouTube - Abraham on The Stream - Esther Hicks