My intention is a bit different than most peoples...

[Rockchick26]

Someone cheer me up,please!! :-( I was SO sure this was going to work...i was getting signs from the universe about it and everything. I had never been more sure of anything in my life. And then...tonight after the concert i met him again,and it was almost like the universe kneed me in the gut. He came walking up to my group,and he wasn't even going to come over by us,it was like he was avoiding us. Then we called him over,and he came over and didnt seem into it at all (it was only 5 degrees out,maybe thats why he wanted back on the bus so bad). Then a girl asked him a question and as he was answering it,he was getting ready to pose for a picture with me,and i dont think he was done talking to her until the camera snapped and then in a flash he was gone,he turned and got onto the bus. And that was it. I dont think he even looked at me. How could this have turned out so bad!? :-( I dont know what i should do now,i'm seeing them again in 2 months and i could keep trying,telling myself that maybe he just had a bad day or didnt wanna stand out in the cold,but right now i just feel like i could cry.

[cylon]

Sorry to hear it. I don't think this is too healthy. I know what it's like to idolize someone and want them more than anything. I didn't get it, and along the way I too had several signs and things happening that convinced me it was going to happen. My attachment to the outcome was so strong that I pushed it away.

Seems like what you're going through is looking for something to give you meaning. It's not in another person. It's in you. You may be more satisfied attracting a relationship with a person who is well suited to you. But you don't know if you've met that person until you get to know them. Start filling yourself from within so you don't feel the need to be filled from without.

Anyway, me "losing" the person I wanted so bad started a whole chain of events and now I am in such a better place becasue I accepted that I was seeking happiness from outside. I decided to seek it from within. It's working. It's changed my whole life, I do everything differently now. For me, it was a huge wake-up call and I see how what happened was almost necessary for me to get to the point I'm at today. Perhaps this is one of those pivotol moments that will force you to get in touch with yourself and learn to meet your own needs. No one else can do that for you.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by cylon

My attachment to the outcome was so strong that I pushed it away.

I don't believe this is true, unless it caused you to behave in an unattractive way or send out some impression ("vibes") that would give the other person an intuitive sense to stay clear.

Which may be happening in the situation at hand. I'm one of the people who thinks it's not such a plausible idea to use LoA to attract a specific person as a life partner. But even if you are, you certainly aren't going about it in a light-hearted way, as shown by your emotional collapse when he didn't respond to you. First off, I don't know what level of rock stardom this guy has achieved, but musicians (let's focus on men for the moment) who are successful on just about any level know they can have a bazillion women anywhere they go, and I think almost all of them get to reading women pretty good from a mile away. Maybe subconsciously he's put off by your intense focus on him. Maybe he's not interested in finding a soulmate now, maybe he just wants to be free. Maybe it's not meant to happen right now -- maybe later. Maybe you project some sort of "vibe" that he knows you are likely to be hurt if he gets involved with you. You're already hurt, and you don't even know the guy!

Or, he could have just had a bad day and didn't want to stand out in the cold. Who knows. You're not reacting to any of this in a healthy way, though, as cylon said. You're certainly not accepting one of the tenets of LoA which is "This, or something better."

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

Sorry to hear it. I don't think this is too healthy. I know what it's like to idolize someone and want them more than anything. I didn't get it, and along the way I too had several signs and things happening that convinced me it was going to happen. My attachment to the outcome was so strong that I pushed it away.

Seems like what you're going through is looking for something to give you meaning. It's not in another person. It's in you. You may be more satisfied attracting a relationship with a person who is well suited to you. But you don't know if you've met that person until you get to know them. Start filling yourself from within so you don't feel the need to be filled from without.

Anyway, me "losing" the person I wanted so bad started a whole chain of events and now I am in such a better place becasue I accepted that I was seeking happiness from outside. I decided to seek it from within. It's working. It's changed my whole life, I do everything differently now. For me, it was a huge wake-up call and I see how what happened was almost necessary for me to get to the point I'm at today. Perhaps this is one of those pivotol moments that will force you to get in touch with yourself and learn to meet your own needs. No one else can do that for you.

I see what youre saying,but i dont think i'm like that at all (looking outside for love). I've only had a boyfriend for 2 years out of my 35,so i've had plenty of time to learn to love myself. About 3 years ago i got over this guy that i wanted for about 12 years,and in that process i woke up and discovered who i was,and i havent even cared about dating since then,i've just been happy exploring all the things in life that interested me. I have been a totally different person. So thats why i felt so strongly about this guy because i felt like it kinda came out of nowhere like it was meant to be,because i certainly wasn't looking for a relationship,although since i've been into this guy,it finally felt like i was ready for one for the right reasons. I know you're all probably laughing at that,being that i only met the guy once,but normally when i date guys,i have slim to no amounts of interest in a relationship or even sex with them,it quickly fizzles out because i would just rather be alone than be with them. So i dont get why the drive for this guy was so strong if it wasnt meant to be,thats all.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

... i only met the guy once,but normally when i date guys,i have slim to no amounts of interest in a relationship or even sex with them,it quickly fizzles out because i would just rather be alone than be with them. So i dont get why the drive for this guy was so strong if it wasnt meant to be,thats all.

Fantasies are pretty darned powerful... you believe them and belief feeds more belief. Pretty soon if feels like not having your fantasy come true is a real threat, and it inspires what feels like real fear. The worst part is that it blinds you to the wonderful real life that is right in front of you, and robs you of opportunities for real relationship that are right here, right now.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

First off, I don't know what level of rock stardom this guy has achieved, but musicians (let's focus on men for the moment) who are successful on just about any level know they can have a bazillion women anywhere they go, and I think almost all of them get to reading women pretty good from a mile away.
Maybe he's not interested in finding a soulmate now, maybe he just wants to be free. Maybe it's not meant to happen right now -- maybe later. Maybe you project some sort of "vibe" that he knows you are likely to be hurt if he gets involved with you. You're already hurt, and you don't even know the guy!

Or, he could have just had a bad day and didn't want to stand out in the cold. Who knows. You're not reacting to any of this in a healthy way, though, as cylon said. You're certainly not accepting one of the tenets of LoA which is "This, or something better."

I know im reacting in a bad way,i tried to deny it,and see the bright side (at least he posed for a picture with me) but the more i repressed it,the more upset i felt. I couldnt control my feelings any more and i just had to admit it was bothering me.
I know he is looking for love though,if you didnt read my other post,he said recently that he is looking for someone to help him love again. He's looking for exactly what i am looking to give! I didnt understand how our vibrations were not matching.
You are right though,i completely didnt leave it up to the universe to do it for me,i kind of expected it to happen my way. But thats only because what other way CAN it happen,if i only meet the guy once or twice a year? Wouldnt it have to happen on one of those days? But yeah youre right i should remember "this or something better",its just hard for me to give up on what feels right to me. I guess i always stick with one thing until i want something else then i can easily let go of the first thing. But i dont like to abandon hope for something unless i can SEE a better option. I guess i'm good at being loyal,but not open minded.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Angela

Fantasies are pretty darned powerful... you believe them and belief feeds more belief. Pretty soon if feels like not having your fantasy come true is a real threat, and it inspires what feels like real fear. The worst part is that it blinds you to the wonderful real life that is right in front of you, and robs you of opportunities for real relationship that are right here, right now.

But thats the part i dont get...how is this a fantasy when it just involves a different person? We're all just human beings,i have just as much of a chance to attract him as i do any other guy,just like a million dollars is the same to the universe as one dollar. Its not like i am dreaming...this guy is REAL! He is going to end up with some girl out there,why it couldn't be me just doesnt make any sense since we're both humans and we're all the same deep down.

[Angela]

Forget about him and he wants for a moment. The reason I call it a fantasy is because you haven't given yourself a chance to know what there is to know about him, before *choosing* him. You made up your mind pretty quickly that there was a connection between you that was supposed to lead to a romantic relationship, right? You are arguing for: well, I FELT it so it must be real. But what you were feeling was based not so much on what was transpiring between you as what you wished were transpiring between you .. in other words, what was missing was willingness by both parties to explore a relationship, and without that, he's just not available.

I think you think he WOULD be available, if only he could see into the depths of your heart and know what magic lies there. The thing about a real relationship is that he is ready, willing, and able to know and be known. And that willingness, readiness, or ability (or maybe all three -- you just don't know) are not there. That's the irritating thing about love -- sometimes it's just not there.

And Rockchick, that does not mean anything about you. You are loveable, you are a brilliant light, you are a person who makes a tremendous difference, and without you the world would not be the same. Your perfect mate is getting ready for you, and by going through all this, you are getting ready for him. You can't force it, though; so give yourself the gift of a break. Let go of what there is to let go of, generate what there is to generate, and be available for a wonderful relationship, if that's what you want. Real love. That's what I wish for you.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Someone cheer me up,please!! :-( I was SO sure this was going to work...i was getting signs from the universe about it and everything. I had never been more sure of anything in my life. And then...tonight after the concert i met him again,and it was almost like the universe kneed me in the gut. He came walking up to my group,and he wasn't even going to come over by us,it was like he was avoiding us. Then we called him over,and he came over and didnt seem into it at all (it was only 5 degrees out,maybe thats why he wanted back on the bus so bad). Then a girl asked him a question and as he was answering it,he was getting ready to pose for a picture with me,and i dont think he was done talking to her until the camera snapped and then in a flash he was gone,he turned and got onto the bus. And that was it. I dont think he even looked at me. How could this have turned out so bad!? :-( I dont know what i should do now,i'm seeing them again in 2 months and i could keep trying,telling myself that maybe he just had a bad day or didnt wanna stand out in the cold,but right now i just feel like i could cry.

That kind of sucks, ha? You got your hopes up. I'm not sure how that happened to the degree you took it to. Those signs? The universe may not be able to respond to ego desires, you know what I mean? I'm sorry you had a bad experience. Hang in there.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

But thats the part i dont get...how is this a fantasy when it just involves a different person? We're all just human beings,i have just as much of a chance to attract him as i do any other guy,just like a million dollars is the same to the universe as one dollar. Its not like i am dreaming...this guy is REAL! He is going to end up with some girl out there,why it couldn't be me just doesnt make any sense since we're both humans and we're all the same deep down.

Is that true? I would think you'd have a better chance to attract a guy that is not aloof like this rock star. I'm not sure how real this guy is in the sceam of things. I mean, does he hang out at Starbucks or some place that would allow you to see him not in his rock star role? What kind of guy is he without all that ego of being on stage and such? Do you know anything about him other that his professional side? How is it to become a one to one thing? I'm sorry again to inject realism. Just take it easy. Watch out for strong desires- they are usually set ups for hard disappointments when they don't work out. But that's a choice.

[cylon]

Rockchick, I'm a guy. If I heard this story I would be scared of you. It would not turn me on or make me feel close, it would scare me. Again, this is not healthy. I'm not laughing at you, I know this is very real for you, I'm serious. You have to get over this fantasy thing. It doesn't work like this. You DON'T have the same "chance" with him as every other girl, if only for the simple fact that if you're looking for a unique type of relationship, it has to be with a unique type of man. Not just "that guy!" Same with men. We if we're looking for a serious relationship then we're looking for unique characteristics and compatibility... something that is totally invalidated by the "one size fits all" method you're looking at. You can't sidestep the process of getting to know someone THEN deciding where you want to take things.

You seem to realize this sounds tripped out, and yes, it is.

I'm not sure why EVERY SINGLE GUY IN THE WORLD other than him does nothing for you. I have a hard time believing that no guy you come in contact with floats your boat. But, I have a hard time believing that you think you can force the universe to make decisions for other people.

You have the right to make your own decisions, just like this rock guy has the right to make his own decisions. It's not right for you to make his decisions for him.

Figure out what it is that is keeping you lonely and afraid of genuine connections with real people. I'm doing exactly that. Otherwise your life is passing you by.

<yeah but!>

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Angela

Forget about him and he wants for a moment. The reason I call it a fantasy is because you haven't given yourself a chance to know what there is to know about him, before *choosing* him. You made up your mind pretty quickly that there was a connection between you that was supposed to lead to a romantic relationship, right? You are arguing for: well, I FELT it so it must be real. But what you were feeling was based not so much on what was transpiring between you as what you wished were transpiring between you .. in other words, what was missing was willingness by both parties to explore a relationship, and without that, he's just not available.

I think you think he WOULD be available, if only he could see into the depths of your heart and know what magic lies there. The thing about a real relationship is that he is ready, willing, and able to know and be known. And that willingness, readiness, or ability (or maybe all three -- you just don't know) are not there. That's the irritating thing about love -- sometimes it's just not there.

And Rockchick, that does not mean anything about you. You are loveable, you are a brilliant light, you are a person who makes a tremendous difference, and without you the world would not be the same. Your perfect mate is getting ready for you, and by going through all this, you are getting ready for him. You can't force it, though; so give yourself the gift of a break. Let go of what there is to let go of, generate what there is to generate, and be available for a wonderful relationship, if that's what you want. Real love. That's what I wish for you.

Yeah youre right,it sounds insane to be wishing for a relationship with someone i really dont know. Although i know enough,i think...i know what his interests are,how he carries himself,i know that he's a great guy,and that he wants someone who help him love again. Thats still more than you know about someone you just meet in a bar who asks you out on a date. I know what your point is though,i am prematurely wishing this to happen. It would be ok only if i could hang out with him on a regular basis and get to know him FIRST and THEN wish for love with him. But still,people date people knowing jack squat about them,and they throw all their hope into this person after the first meeting. But,nevertheless,i will take your advice and let this go. Just in doing that though,i feel worse. I hope this passes quickly so i don't ruin my chances with anyone else.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

Is that true? I would think you'd have a better chance to attract a guy that is not aloof like this rock star. I'm not sure how real this guy is in the sceam of things. I mean, does he hang out at Starbucks or some place that would allow you to see him not in his rock star role? What kind of guy is he without all that ego of being on stage and such? Do you know anything about him other that his professional side? How is it to become a one to one thing? I'm sorry again to inject realism. Just take it easy. Watch out for strong desires- they are usually set ups for hard disappointments when they don't work out. But that's a choice.

I know that he loves a lot of the same movies as me,the same books,the same music,he loves video games,he isnt THAT big of a rock star,in fact they still live in apartments and play the smallest clubs when they go on tour. He isnt like Jon Bon Jovi famous or anything. The other guys in the band all have serious girlfriends,so its not like these guys are egotistical holier than God groupie chasing scum LOL They're soooo normal.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

Rockchick, I'm a guy. If I heard this story I would be scared of you. It would not turn me on or make me feel close, it would scare me. Again, this is not healthy. I'm not laughing at you, I know this is very real for you, I'm serious. You have to get over this fantasy thing. It doesn't work like this. You DON'T have the same "chance" with him as every other girl, if only for the simple fact that if you're looking for a unique type of relationship, it has to be with a unique type of man. Not just "that guy!" Same with men. We if we're looking for a serious relationship then we're looking for unique characteristics and compatibility... something that is totally invalidated by the "one size fits all" method you're looking at. You can't sidestep the process of getting to know someone THEN deciding where you want to take things.

You seem to realize this sounds tripped out, and yes, it is.

I'm not sure why EVERY SINGLE GUY IN THE WORLD other than him does nothing for you. I have a hard time believing that no guy you come in contact with floats your boat. But, I have a hard time believing that you think you can force the universe to make decisions for other people.

You have the right to make your own decisions, just like this rock guy has the right to make his own decisions. It's not right for you to make his decisions for him.

Figure out what it is that is keeping you lonely and afraid of genuine connections with real people. I'm doing exactly that. Otherwise your life is passing you by.

<yeah but!>

You're only scared of me because you have read all this. That guy doesnt know this,so why would he be scared,or anyone else that meets me? I'm not out to harm anyone,not even control them,i just want to love him and help him love too (since thats what he's looking for). I know a ton of guys who would date me knowing thats how it would work. Which brings me to guys i do meet in real life. I could make this a long detailed description of why i dont like any of the guys i meet,but i dont have the time,i leave for work in a few minutes. I'll just say that i'm picky,and after being with my ex boyfriend,i realized that there are some traits out there that i dont want to have in a boyfriend,yet every guy i date has those same traits. Just today a guy that i briefly dated "bragged" to me that he ran into someones mailbox and took off,and he was also arrested for shoplifting a few months ago. I dont know any girl who would date him. It isnt just me. Now,i know that here are decent guys out there,but just because they are decent doesnt automatically make me feel that special something. I cant tell you why i dont like some of the guys i didnt like,it just wasnt there. Also,this might be of importance...i'm really shy and i dont talk a lot with people i dont know,and i'm not the best looking girl,so the number of guys interested in me greatly decreases right there. I work with ALL women except for a few men who could be my grandpa. I guess i just dont meet enough guys for my chances to become greater.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I know that he loves a lot of the same movies as me,the same books,the same music,he loves video games,he isnt THAT big of a rock star,in fact they still live in apartments and play the smallest clubs when they go on tour. He isnt like Jon Bon Jovi famous or anything. The other guys in the band all have serious girlfriends,so its not like these guys are egotistical holier than God groupie chasing scum LOL They're soooo normal.

That is a different picture than the typical big rock star situations. Still you are set up to see more of him then him of you in this situation, which makes it difficult to get to just hang out with him.

It's almost like you'd need to become part of the band's business or part of the clubs or be a musician too or some other thing to be able to have something in common that would bring about a meeting and then see what he's really like at that point. I would think signals from the universe of that type would mean more than finding out he likes the same entertainment (movies, books, music, games) as you. You may have been falling for an image of this guy and not the guy at all. But, also watch out for wanting something really badly, OK? And be yourself. Don't try to become something just to think you can get close to this guy. It sounds like you already concluded to walk away, based one this disappointing experience and Angela's post. Which is probably wise but painful, I can understand that from where you are at.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I guess i just dont meet enough guys for my chances to become greater.

So basically you aren't happy, you saw this fantasy in your head, it made you happy, and you started clinging to it, that way you could ignore the other things in your life that you had more control over. If you're not meeting guys do something about it. Stop making excuses.

This fantasy you have is the perfect way to AVOID intimacy. You know it's not going to happen with this guy. So as long as you chase HIM, you can AVOID having your emotions be involved with a man in the REAL WORLD.

You've had plenty of time alone but you don't love yourself. You've already picked yourself apart and said reasons that guys wouldn't want you. Then you go another step and say "fine then I don't want you either" before they get a chance to meet you. You being so picky about men is a perfect way to prevent them approaching you and a perfect way to avoid real genuine human interaction.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

That is a different picture than the typical big rock star situations. Still you are set up to see more of him then him of you in this situation, which makes it difficult to get to just hang out with him.

It's almost like you'd need to become part of the band's business or part of the clubs or be a musician too or some other thing to be able to have something in common that would bring about a meeting and then see what he's really like at that point. I would think signals from the universe of that type would mean more than finding out he likes the same entertainment (movies, books, music, games) as you. You may have been falling for an image of this guy and not the guy at all. But, also watch out for wanting something really badly, OK? And be yourself. Don't try to become something just to think you can get close to this guy. It sounds like you already concluded to walk away, based one this disappointing experience and Angela's post. Which is probably wise but painful, I can understand that from where you are at.

Thats actually what my next idea was,to get somehow involved with bands (preferrably THAT band LOL)...even before i liked this guy,i've been interested in either working in a recording studio or on tour with a band somehow. I just dont have the money for schooling and i dont know the right people to get involved.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

So basically you aren't happy, you saw this fantasy in your head, it made you happy, and you started clinging to it, that way you could ignore the other things in your life that you had more control over. If you're not meeting guys do something about it. Stop making excuses.

This fantasy you have is the perfect way to AVOID intimacy. You know it's not going to happen with this guy. So as long as you chase HIM, you can AVOID having your emotions be involved with a man in the REAL WORLD.

You've had plenty of time alone but you don't love yourself. You've already picked yourself apart and said reasons that guys wouldn't want you. Then you go another step and say "fine then I don't want you either" before they get a chance to meet you. You being so picky about men is a perfect way to prevent them approaching you and a perfect way to avoid real genuine human interaction.

But i DID feel happy even before all this. I was happier than i ever was,i felt free,and i finally learned what it was that i wanted to do with my life. So why would i create a fantasy like this when i was already happy before?
I'm not picky like you think...i dont turn guys down before they have a chance to meet me. I have dated about 10 or 11 guys in my life,one of them i almost married. The part i'm picky about is looks (but EVERYONE has a type so don't call me shallow!),and im also picky about maturity. I've dated too many guys who acted like they were 10 years old. I'm also picky when it comes to how quickly i'll have sex. I dont like when guys make a move before i'm ready. I like to build a friendship first and have it slowly turn into something more,i respect myself too much to base a relationhip on sex.