I have a question to people experienced in LOA

[Vasilisa]

I have started working on Master Key System about a week ago. Plus I've been using the Ekhart Tolle book "The power of Now" for a while.
On my 3-rd and 4-th meditations I was experiencing a lot of thoughts and pictures of my child traumas, which I was just watching and "alowing" like it was a movie or somebody else's life. After that at night I experienced amazing dreams, when I saw bad things which had happened to me long time ago, but I watched them with a smile and a great detachment and I heard a beautiful, deep voice which kept saying: "Allow, let it be, it doesn't matter".
I woke up with tears in my eyes and feeling of relief.
I kept practicing every day and now I am experiencing a lot of anger and tearfullness. It seems I am on the edge of crying or some other emotion all the time.
I have really control myself not to cry on every ocassion or not to argue with somebody. But on the other hand I have more awareness now, I can "watch" and "analyse" my emotional states how they come and go, not just to feel like I did before.
The question is Is it normal to feel increased emotions and desire to argue and anger when you start working on your mind?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

The question is Is it normal to feel increased emotions and desire to argue and anger when you start working on your mind?

I can't claim to be a master at LoA, but to your question, I think it is normal. I say this because for me at least it seems that when I started working on myself all of the things I'd been supressing and pretending weren't there could no longer be hidden. As time goes on, you are able to observe what emotions arise without identifying yourself by them. And then the moments where it feels like your emotions are taking over become less and less.

Not sure if this is the answer you were looking for, but I do hope you find the answer you need. I am interested to see what other people have to say about this, because I experience it as well.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

I have started working on Master Key System about a week ago. Plus I've been using the Ekhart Tolle book "The power of Now" for a while.
On my 3-rd and 4-th meditations I was experiencing a lot of thoughts and pictures of my child traumas, which I was just watching and "alowing" like it was a movie or somebody else's life. After that at night I experienced amazing dreams, when I saw bad things which had happened to me long time ago, but I watched them with a smile and a great detachment and I heard a beautiful, deep voice which kept saying: "Allow, let it be, it doesn't matter".
I woke up with tears in my eyes and feeling of relief.
I kept practicing every day and now I am experiencing a lot of anger and tearfullness. It seems I am on the edge of crying or some other emotion all the time.
I have really control myself not to cry on every ocassion or not to argue with somebody. But on the other hand I have more awareness now, I can "watch" and "analyse" my emotional states how they come and go, not just to feel like I did before.
The question is Is it normal to feel increased emotions and desire to argue and anger when you start working on your mind?

Yes, that is normal to have those feelings, I'd say. Once one stops suppressing so much - well, you start to feel more. Anger and tears are two opposing emotions. I used to have those two locked into each other without expression. I'm not sure where it fits with IM (I'm not a big IM "user") but it sounds like you are working on yourself and seeing your dark side, which is part of the journey. To be able to acknowledge what you are like, truthfully, in all it's grityness. To be able to see yourself as you are is a relief and also requires acceptance of yourself. That acceptance is to be extended to the other people you want to pick fights with - it is really a projection that is happening that you feel like getting angry at others. Or could be just not wanting to put up with the bull sh$t that doesn't seem to fit anymore. Also that part of detaching from the childhood stuff - good work! That must release a lot of blaming and judging that is great for getting on with your own life.

I would say do stuff that moves your body to keep the feelings from going at other people. You get get some great workouts with all the energy that you are releasing. Channel the feeling energy, in other words. Or guide it into something creative. It also sounds like you have made a switch to not be identified with your feelings. Like you describe watching them instead of saying "I am angry". It is not you that is anger, it is you experiencing the feeling of angryness.

[Vasilisa]

Also I have this trait of falling in love with guys painfully and obsessively think about them until I realize there is no hope, then I get over it and move forward. I also push them away with that because once I am in love and he is not sure yet I am too obvious (can't help myself). I don't chase them but say everything on my mind (like you are so smart, wonderful, handsome, amazing, I would like to know everything about you and bla-bla) and become very giving, understanding (too much) and so on.
Anyway I just started realizing that those painful feelings are not love. It's pain ant trauma inside of me and I am trying to compensate for it with the help of those poor individuals. Once I realized that I am even more on edge of crying now. And more and more information coming about it to me. Like I start remembering my previous relationships and all those similar feelings of longing and pain.
I don't know what caused it yet, what kind of trauma in my past, but I feel I am close.
For example, I fall in love with guys who have traits I would like to have myself (outgoing, energetic, successful). Last guy was wonderful, intelligent and with a lot of self-control.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

Anyway I just started realizing that those painful feelings are not love.

That's a great realization! It seems to me that you are really getting deeper into what is running you and seeing everything for what it is. I think it's natural to get emotional and that the more you work on yourself the less these feelings will feel like they are overtaking you.

[Jennihul]

Anger during or after meditation is common. Especially in the beginning. People learn very crafty ways of supressing their negative emotions and they don't even realize it. Meditation bares all. The good, the bad and the ugly.

I meditated a few times when I first learned about LOA and in the post-meditation fury I felt in the beginning, manifested a few very bad, very specific things. To the degree where there was no doubt that I had manifested them. I had to chill.

The best part was that it was a total confirmation of the absolute POWER one can actually possess. The power is real. The controlling of that power for suitable purposes is the trick. You can't keep purging lakes full of horror andger and expect to achieve decent goals. I'm not sure there would be any more bad stuff left to purge but the experiences sufficiently scared me into dipping toes instead of diving in head-first. At least for awhile.

Now I meditate to guided imagery and guided meditations because it keeps my fury or other "scary" emotions out of the picture. Some Hemi-sync stuff. I do a few short non-guided mediations now and then and I use powerful grounding crystals to help control me.

So far, no more scary Jen...

Jennifer

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

I kept practicing every day and now I am experiencing a lot of anger and tearfullness. It seems I am on the edge of crying or some other emotion all the time.

I assure you that this is quite a common phenomemon when you first begin to meditate regularly. Here is my explanation (specifically, the 2nd half of the article).

[Tigerlilly]

I think it's totally normal when you start out meditating. The way I see it meditating gets you in contact with your inner child, and once it's allowed to speak it has got a lot to say. Imagine being locked up for decades and then freed from the prison and brought back to life. What would one do but cry and be furious?

Meditation and getting in touch with your soul is a healing process, the more you allow it, the easier you'll pass through the stages. F.e. you could imagine yourself as two, your inner child and your soul and after each painful outburst of your inner child, let your soul like a parent soothe it. Visualizing love pouring from the source of souls into me like a stream of golden warmth f.e. helps me a lot.

[Calisto]

Vasilisa,

I have been working with The Master Key on and off since I came across it in 1979. I will even go as far as to say that my whole belief system is based on The Master Key. Like yourself, I was struggling with the fallout of an abusive childhood. I needed something in my life. I needed something to believe in. The Master key fulfilled that need. I have read it many times. And now, with all the new information that is around, I realise that The Master Key was just the beginning. It isn't perfect and falls down in many places but for someone who had nothing, no sense of self-worth and nothing to believe in, it was God sent.

It is normal to go through a lot of different emotions when becoming more self-aware. You may become overwhelmed with elation, realisation, regret, anger, and lots of tears. You are opening up and you are not only letting stuff in you are letting stuff out. When it happened to me I was afraid that I might be having a nervous breakdown, I sat waiting for the sky to fall, but it turned out to be a break-through.

[Vasilisa]

Jennihul, what is "guided meditation" and "guided imagenary"? Do you have a teacher, who guides you or something?

[Jennihul]

I have had teachers in classes but mainly I prefer the privacy of my own home and guided-imagery CDs. Guided meditations involve someone speaking quietly about the meditation with a background of soothing music.

Personally, I think I get a better, deeper, more meaningful meditations on my own, no music, no guidance. But those were the occasional times when I got angry and manifested bad things so I got gun-shy and only do them for short periods and not that often.

Jennifer