a horrible attitude

[cylon]

So I'm talking to my friend. He has a co-worker who needs a job. He says the guy's wife isn't helping out because she has dreams to be an actress and refuses to do anything but that, etc. Whatever, not my concern.

So, my friend says "yeah you have to realize that when you're in your 30s if you haven't made it by then you're probably not going to be some famous actress, I had dreams but if I didn't focus on my career instead I wouldn't have my own apartment and no one wants to pay for art in this country you don't get paid to do what you want you get paid to work hard and some people are lucky but you have to be realistic and..."

CANCEL! CANCEL! Damn.

Some of you may know my "dream" is to release music and I have a bit of a struggle between devoting myself to my career and putting more time into my music, I've talked about it before. I don't think it's a real conflict, just in my mind. I wonder if I "attracted" this conversation as a reflection of my own dilemma.

I would never tell someone that, "ah, you know if you haven't made it yet you should probably think about putting those dreams behind you". I think I need more positive friends. This does not help me. We are who we are around.

But it's all opinion. You can't prove an argument like that. So why is it taken as fact? It has no basis. Have you guys had doubts like these about your dreams and overcome them? Wouldn't most successful people say "I never gave up, never doubted I could be the best (abc)."

[mintyway]

I agree with you. You know, I have a corny model that refers to my teenage years, but nevermind I try to keep it in mind whenever I feel discouraged : you know the famous multi-million albums selling band No Doubt (I listened to them a lot 12 years ago )? Well, they stayed together and kept playing music with no discouragement, even auto producing one of their albums because no record company would care listening to them, during 10 years before finally releasing a successful single. Are there many teenage garage bands that can keep focusing for so long?

Anyway, do what you love, believe in what you do, and be surrounded by people who believe in your success. Sooner or later, it's going to pay back.

There's no point having something you don't truly love as your main activity.

Good luck with your music

[cylon]

Yeah, that's a good point. No Doubt are from my own backyard. I remember seeing them play when they were just another local band playing fun music. Never would have imagined what would have happened to them.

Originally Posted by mintyway

Anyway, do what you love, believe in what you do, and be surrounded by people who believe in your success. Sooner or later, it's going to pay back.

Thanks... we only have one life.

[Angela]

I think this guy is definitely your teacher! Looks like he's mirroring for you the part of you that is resigned and fearful. (Interesting that he's married to someone who is apparently extremely focused, which is also a mirror for you.) You have both extremes within you, and that's why you can see it in them.

So how about making a bold inquiry about what is true for you -- you already know you have a choice in determining your way of being, regardless of what anyone else, including your friends, is being.

What way of being inspires you?

[moonrambler]

Mary Higgins Clark got her first suspense novel published when she was 46.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Angela

What way of being inspires you?

I can have an 8-5 and still pursue my dreams. Lots of people have done that.

I have to do it otherwise I'll be on my death bed thinking "what if". If I gave up I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

And all from buying bs arguments that are just opinions masquerading as "real world knowledge".

[cylon]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Mary Higgins Clark got her first suspense novel published when she was 46.

Good. I need to remind myself of stuff like this.

[Angela]

Great! What way of being is that, as a pithy, inspiring statement you can stand boldly in, in the face of doubt or resignation or naysayers? "I am ________."

[cylon]

That's a good question. I'm going to have to think about this.

[Angela]

cylon, one very effective way I've found for distinguishing an inspiring new way of being is to courageously look at the impact of your old or habitual way of being -- the price you pay for being that way, and the price others pay for you being that way. When you see how high the cost has been for believing a thought, inspiration for a new belief tends to arise naturally out of that.

[Lil Chris]

Cylon,
Look, whether you think you can or can't, either way you're right... (think about that, while your thinking)

You can Do It!!! (in that Tony Little inspiring, yet annoying, screaming voice)

*For those who don't know him, Tony Little sell cheesy exercise equipment / videos late night on TV.

[cylon]

Thanks guys. Angela if I think too much about what the consequences have been and what they would be I'd probably be forced to change my behavior because it would be too painful.
Wait a sec.

Yeah I have to let this stuff sink in. That's where my mantra will come from.

Wow this thread isn't what I thought it'd be but it's sure helping. Part of my resitance purge.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by cylon

Thanks guys. Angela if I think too much about what the consequences have been and what they would be I'd probably be forced to change my behavior because it would be too painful.
Wait a sec.

[SuperManny]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Mary Higgins Clark got her first suspense novel published when she was 46.

Colonel Harland Sanders was 62 when he sold his first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise in 1952. By the time he sold his franchise operations in 1964, Kentucky Fried Chicken was a household name.

[Tigerlilly]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Mary Higgins Clark got her first suspense novel published when she was 46.

Ian Fleming published his first Bond novel when he was 44. And I think it was Al Pacino and Dustin Hoffman who were elected "most unlikely to succeed" in film school. What if Woody Allen had said to himself, oh geeh, with my looks I guess being an actor is out of question? What if Bob Dylan's folks had told him his voice sounded like a rusty saw dragged over a violin cord and he had believed them and stopped singing? And Baryshnikow was really considered too short for a classical ballet dancer by some. But it didn't stop any of these people from acchieving their desire because they hang in there and kept going.

In my eyes saying No to any of your cherished dreams is never the right idea, cause it's denying God and it's always the people who aren't following their dreams who tell you to give yours up and be realistic.

Do it your way and keep on going.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Tigerlilly

it's always the people who aren't following their dreams who tell you to give yours up and be realistic.

Good point.

Now I have to ask myself why someone else's negative opinion can affect the way I choose to experience my own life.

[dancer]

Or deal with the part of you that believes them.

[cylon]

Yeah I've come to discover I have belived many things for many years that should seriously be reconsidered.

[smartile]

Hi cylon,

I think everybody has doubts (in the beginning). With persistence and faith those doubts loose their power.

I also agree with what you said,

I wonder if I "attracted" this conversation as a reflection of my own dilemma.

If you did attract this conversation my guess is that it came through your sub-conscious thought. Ironically, I'm putting together a series of posts on counter-intentions, intentions that are opposing your desires.

It's common that false beliefs or counter-intentions may provide resistance to your goal to release music. The sub-conscious is many times more powerful than conscious thought.

If you're interested to learn more, have a look at my post,

Introduction to Series - How to Change Your Beliefs with Praxis

Stephen Martile — Personal Development Made Simple

[cylon]

Cool! Yes I believe I have counter-intentions. I've called many of my recent posts part of my "resistance purge™" because there's layers and layers of counter intentions that must be eliminated. Destroyed! Banished!

So I'm very interested to see these articles.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by cylon

Cool! Yes I believe I have counter-intentions. I've called many of my recent posts part of my "resistance purge™" because there's layers and layers of counter intentions that must be eliminated. Destroyed! Banished!

Cylon, that's so ironic, cuz destroying and banishing your counter-intentions is just another way of resisting them!

I would invite you to take on boldly looking at those counter-intentions and where they come from. Seeing things for what they are, free of your old pain-based beliefs, makes it possible for you to disappear their power over you. It's like looking at a ghost in the daylight, and seeing that it's only your clothes draped over a chair. Poof! You're free, just by seeing!

Smartile, I'm looking forward to reading your links.

[cylon]

Well I'm doing a lot of questioning of where this stuff comes from. I don't want to resist them, I guess I just want to see if they are valid. 99% of what I believe about myself is "invalid".

The freaky thing about doing something like this is if you keep at it, you're not sure who you are anymore. During the years I picked up this or that belief and identified with it. I'm questioning and discarding many of them. So that means my identity goes along with it. So now I'm not even sure who I am. I'm sort of creating a new identity. I just want to keep the good stuff about my personality and beliefs of course.

I have a good sense of humor, I think I'm a warm guy, and I enjoy art. That's literally all I have right now to say "that's me". It's really weird. I have other good qualities of course but again, so much of my beliefs are things I picked up from other people.

Yes the bad ones are just monsters under the bed.

WHY do I believe this or that, is the question I can't stop asking. Which must be good.

[RT Wolf]

I know what you mean, cylon. I'm studying personality now, and a lot of the PD stuff we do is about changing our personalities (becoming more optimistic, positive, action-oriented, decisive, etc). I've thought about that, what if I change everything about me, then what's me, left?

Reminds me of being a teenager again.

One of my thoughts on the subject was that this is a self-worth/ego question. Another thought I had was that I am human, and all that is human is me, and thus the whole variety of human experiences are open to me (except child birth), sorta like shifting my identity out from me-as-individual to me-as-member-of-species.

[cylon]

It is like being a teenager. Which is good because you can feel young again.

I'm glad you brought that up because that's the time a lof of people ask the big questions and ingest the wrong answers, which is what I did. I had a crappy adolescence and decided lots of things about myself and life that were the result of horomones and social conditioning, which I have long since outgrown, but those opinions and things stay with you until you weed them out.

When I was going through it I didn't have the internet and the ability to ask these types of questions and get a response from an objective party. Just lots of books goth music.

[eblight]

I have friend who lost everything that people would consider important and precious to them. She lost her family, her career and all her money through bad investments. Seven years later she is still rebuilding her life. Yet she has never lost her optimism or her perseverance and belief in herself that she will succeed again. Certainly through poor choices she attracted more of the same but now through refocusing on her life's dream she is attracting greater prosperity and abundance.

[bigeyesbigbrains]

people go through things in the past that can make them lose motivation to do things...for ex. if someone repeatedly gets turned down for jobs, eventually they usually just sit down on benefits coz the motivations gone.

But, every day is different. Keeping a negative attitude doesnt help. This is why with the benefits example, they get stuck. Because they think negatively about the response they are going to get, theyve been turned down before and they assume its gona happen again. You cant think its not happened yet so its not going to...you havent been run down by a bus yet but it might happen tomoro!

Im sure you get the jist of what im saying, you cant walk half way down a road, stop and complain that you need to get to the other end...when you are not actually doing anything to get there..you might actually be doing what you should to get there..but this could be a bloody long road you dont know, it could be round the next corner.

Life is uncertain but one thing is for certain, if you dont try, life will pass you by..

I wana get rich or atleast die tryin!!..LOL

I am serious though and I know you were talking about your dreams but thats it, they're yours, its down to you to keep the determination and faith to pursue them.

There is a stereotype of women that Madonna overcame when she went spinning round and doing the splits in a leotard!..But there you go..that's what happens when you've got faith in yourself!

[bigeyesbigbrains]

yeahhhh....SEE...look..

Cylon,
Look, whether you think you can or can't, either way you're right... (think about that, while your thinking)

You can Do It!!! (in that Tony Little inspiring, yet annoying, screaming voice)

*For those who don't know him, Tony Little sell cheesy exercise equipment / videos late night on TV.
__________________
"It's like a warm cup of Christmas


I think that was lil chris?...but anyway, 'whether you think you can or can't, either way you're right' - this is a quote from a famous psychologist, Freud I think but then it could be einstein..n im doing psychology

[Acting Like Godot]

Ray Charles was doing public performances up to age 74. He died at age 75. Three albums were released posthumously. One of them won eight Grammys.

I figure you have lots of time.

(Incidentally Ray also fathered 12 children by 7 different women. What a rascal. Not bad for a blind guy )

[Arboretor]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Mary Higgins Clark got her first suspense novel published when she was 46.

"Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" was first rejected by eight publishers.

[Arboretor]

Perhaps you know this already, but there is this site:
CD Baby: CD Baby: sales and distribution for your music
where independent musicians can sell their work.