A question on detachment

[petewilliams]

Having only discovered the LoA and IM a couple of months ago, I'm still a relative newcomer to the idea that our thoughts create our reality.

I've spent a lot of time reading about various aspects of it, from anecdotes to scientific proof, and have come across some really compelling stuff. But despite all this evidence, I was having great difficulty breaking down and replacing my old beliefs. I decided that the only way to overcome this was to experience IM for myself, so that I'd have no choice but to believe it.

So I started sending out a variety of intentions. Some manifested and others didn't - my results could be described as hit-and-miss at best.

I think one of the biggest obstacles is that of detachment. From what I've read, you have to remain detached from the outcome of your intention in order for it to manifest. I'm currently finding this extremely difficult to do, because whenever I set an intention, no matter how small, I find myself constantly looking for its manifestation so that I can 'prove' the LoA to myself.

To make matters worse, when I find myself becoming attached to the outcome, that starts off a downward spiral where I tell myself "If you don't detach, this won't manifest", and I find myself in a constant battle with myself, trying to detach but finding it increasingly difficult.

Does anyone have any advice on how to successfully detach?

Thanks,

Pete

[dancer]

Why not try sending out an intention to detach from future intentions. Worth a try, think I'll try it.

For more practical advice see linked thread. Lil Chris posted Chopra's Law of Detachment, plus there are more tips from other members.

hopeless....

[torilink]

Originally Posted by petewilliams

Having only discovered the LoA and IM a couple of months ago, I'm still a relative newcomer to the idea that our thoughts create our reality.

I've spent a lot of time reading about various aspects of it, from anecdotes to scientific proof, and have come across some really compelling stuff. But despite all this evidence, I was having great difficulty breaking down and replacing my old beliefs. I decided that the only way to overcome this was to experience IM for myself, so that I'd have no choice but to believe it.

So I started sending out a variety of intentions. Some manifested and others didn't - my results could be described as hit-and-miss at best.

I think one of the biggest obstacles is that of detachment. From what I've read, you have to remain detached from the outcome of your intention in order for it to manifest. I'm currently finding this extremely difficult to do, because whenever I set an intention, no matter how small, I find myself constantly looking for its manifestation so that I can 'prove' the LoA to myself.

To make matters worse, when I find myself becoming attached to the outcome, that starts off a downward spiral where I tell myself "If you don't detach, this won't manifest", and I find myself in a constant battle with myself, trying to detach but finding it increasingly difficult.

Does anyone have any advice on how to successfully detach?

Thanks,

Pete

attachment to the outcome does not hinder manifestation.

attachment to beliefs which do not align with your desire hinder manifestation.

For example if I desire to manifest a long term relationship with a quality person - then I must actually believe this can happen & that this person exists and will desire such a relationship with me. I don't detach from the desire, I create beliefs which align with the desire and detach from those which do not.

If I desire to earn an extra $10,000 this month - I must detach from all beliefs which would negate this manifestation and form beliefs which will propel it. So I need to detach from beliefs in lack, difficulty, and so on and form beliefs in possibility & abundance.

[dancer]

Originally Posted by torilink

attachment to the outcome does not hinder manifestation.attachment to beliefs which do not align with your desire hinder manifestation.

Wow, that was insightful. Thank you.

[torilink]

Originally Posted by dancer

Wow, that was insightful. Thank you.

you are welcome.


this way works best for me - hopefully it will help others as well.

[RT Wolf]

Heh, clearly you're too attached to the outcome of whether IM works or not.

Detach from that, relax and let go, and trust. The trust part is the hardest. You'll be fine whether IM works or not. Remember that IM is a skill and a process so this might help:
If IMing is a skill...

Another question to ask yourself is what do you get from not detaching? Perhaps you believe that without attachment, you would not want it anymore, and you equate desire with attachment. And so on.

I would suggest reading Failing Forward (to give you a new perspective on failure, and whether IM works or not and feel better about, especially the chapter on getting over yourself), and the Power of Now (to realize that attachments come from the ego and to relax and Accept things more).

Another thing that has helped me a LOT with detachment and my skepticism is meditation, especially first thing in the morning. It puts me in the right mood to receive all day, and I generally put out some intentions int he morning, too.

The aforementioned Law of Detachment is also a great thing to read, as well as the rest of the book Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

HTH.

[Angela]

Detachment from a particular outcome offers you a great gift, and that is the possibility of something that you don't know you don't know -- something so much more wonderful, appropriate, enriching, enlivening, or useful that you don't even have a concept of it.

Maybe you're thinking of detachment as a negative, undesirable price you must pay in order to get what you're attached to -- a successful incident of IM. Like a diet or giving something up for Lent. Perhaps you'd like to try being grateful for the experience of being detached and what that makes possible in your life.

Some people do that by adding ".....or something better!" to the end of their declaration of intent. These are sort of *magic words* that create an openness to unknown possibility, and they give you the chance to relax and trust that you're not responsible for all the hows in the universe. Interestingly, relaxing and trusting are two very effective ways of increasing your bandwidth for receiving!

Another approach I like is one of the Abraham/Hicks processes: "Wouldn't it be nice if......" which helps me be relaxed and gentle with my thoughts and desires.

[jeff3]

Attachment, to me, is associated with doubt, which does hinder manifestation. A doubt is actually a belief, a belief that what we desire is not going to happen.

For example,when I order something from Amazon.com that is in stock I am reasonably sure that it will arrive when they say it will, I know this because of their track record with me as well as the many positive reviews testifying to the same thing I have experienced. So, when I place an order with Amazon, I just basically forget about it because I know it will arrive, right on time, rain or shine, I'll come home and find it on my doorstep. When I place the order I think about receiving the object, not what it will be like if it doesn't show up, not being upset that it is late, not dissapointment..... I focus on the satisfaction and assurance of delivery and accepting the package. I have faith in their system and the result of that faith is trust and that trust allows me to detach from the outcome because I know the outcome will be good. Actually, I can go a step farther with this analogy and say that if I am not satisfied with what I get I can send it back and get something else, pretty good service.


Now, what if my first order to Amazon is a new heart for my wife or the money needed to keep me from filing bankruptcy or to send my kid to college. These things are important, very important (especially if you need the heart ) and, since I have no experience with them, I may worry and constantly think about the order----this is a symptom of attachment. There are a few ways around this roadblock. One is to adopt the belief that "everything happens for the best", that "everything is OK, just as it's supposed to be" , no matter what happens. If you can really get to that place, there is no attachment, no worry because of your acceptance of the possible outcomes. Another way to deal with attachment is to never want or desire anything, to have low expectations, or no expectations. Taking this attitude guarantees you will never be let down, but, only if you truly accept this way of life. The best way , in my opinion, to handle the dilemma of attachment is to cultivate TRUST in the system with small, unimportant things, do this frequently to build trust and work your way up to bigger things, building your comfort level with the system you are using until you can just "order it and forget it" .

[wellbeing]

@jeff: What a great analogy! I know that, as I think more about this topic, it will help me tremendously. Thanks!

[Angela]

I love that Amazon analogy, too! Wouldn't it be nice if we could log on, leave a karmacredit card on file, order peace, love, and joy and then, if they're in stock, they would arrive in 3-5 business days? Maybe we'd get a deal on shipping if we order Everything We Want!

It would be fun to send gift cards, too.

[BringTheDarkness]

I too think that attachment is a big no-no for the PROPER use of LOA/IM. In fact, I think it is probably one of the biggest reasons people fail at this, especially at first.

Training yourself to not anticipate or attach to an idea is a great step forward in getting this to work.

BTD

[petewilliams]

torilink, I'd never thought of it that way before, that's a real revelation to me! I was trying to detach from the outcome itself, almost like I had to tell myself that I didn't care whether my intention manifested or not. This didn't sit well with the idea that I should hold positive feelings towards my goal - after all, how can you feel positive and passionate about something and at the same time not care whether you get it?

So am I right in thinking that I can still be passionate (attached?) to the outcome itself, but I have to detach from how it will manifest? That seems much more achievable!

RT Wolf, I completely agree that I have been attached to the outcome of whether IM works or not. I think the problem stems from the fact that I really want to believe in LoA, but I also need to see some proof in my own life before I can do so. I guess I'm still a little unsure of how to prove this to myself, because it seems that I need faith for the LoA to work, but I need the LoA to work for me before I develop that faith - it's a Catch-22 situation.

Jeff, I like your Amazon analogy. I guess the thing for me is that I've experienced Amazon's great customer service, so I've got something to base my faith on, whereas I haven't really experienced any deliberate IM, so I'm still looking for that proof that will cement my faith.

dancer, thanks for the link to Lil Chris' post, it's certainly an interesting read and more stuff for me to chew over.

Angela, I don't think I view detachment as a negative thing, it's just that I've been finding it really difficult to do. Perhaps it's because I've been trying to detach from the wrong thing all along. I like your "Wouldn't it be nice if..." approach too, it seems to make the whole thing somehow a bit more light-hearted!

Pete

[RT Wolf]

Actually you don't really need faith for LoA to work, just an open mind that allows the possibility of that. I would suggest keeping a journal to note any similarities between your thoughts and the outside world, as well as meditation.

Another thing that people think is that they have to suddenly start seeing these synchronisities and doing no work. Just relax and go with it. Why do you need to see proof before you believe it? "I believe six impossible things before breakfast". If you believe in the wrong thing (and somebody calls you on it), its not really a big deal, since you probably believe many wrong things. The only difference is that you're knowing choosing to believe something that may be wrong, and if it is...well poo.

Believing is Seeing | Inspired Money Maker - How To Make Money Doing What You Love

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by petewilliams

This didn't sit well with the idea that I should hold positive feelings towards my goal - after all, how can you feel positive and passionate about something and at the same time not care whether you get it?

Ah yes, I had the same questoin many a month ago:

Detachment or Desire?

Its not that you don't care about it, you just realize that feeling positive and passionate has nothing to do with external things and that those good feelings can be generated within you to the point that having the thing only adds to those feelings, while not having it does not retract from them.

I think it would be a good idea to define the ideal state that we are all striving towards, and I'm sure others can offer their own experiences:

It is an easy, free feeling. Instead of trying to work towards non-resistance of one thing, just work towards non-resistance to everything. It is an open feeling, aware of possibilities, possibly with a twinkle in your eye. For me, it has been a high energy, high-focus state, with a deep sense of joy and peace. It is light-hearted and without any burdens on my shoulder. This state has usually come about when I have Accepted all that is around me and remembered the greatest secret of happiness: That it does not require a reason. It feels like you're simultaneously exposed to the world and yet totally protected from harm, because you have a deep sense of trust in yourself, that you can do anything, and if you can't, then you grow to a place where you can. It is a feeling of strength, but not rigid strength, of knowing that your greatest strength is your ability to grow and learn and adapt. It is knowing that you are the creator of your existence (in a conventional sense or an IM sense) and that you can make choices today to create the future you want tomorrow, but you know that the created future will only add to your happiness. I find it easier to reach this state after meditation and excersize, for both energy and focus as well as detachment.

So you see, detachment is not a "bad" thing, it is easy freedom from worries, from being dependent on anything external.

[petewilliams]

Thanks for the link RT, I'll read through that thread thoroughly tomorrow.

Your description of the 'ideal state' ties in well with how I'd describe it. The feeling you get from being completely at ease and accepting the moment is fantastic, and whenever I experience it I suddenly feel energised.

I agree that meditation is a great way to achieve this state. In fact that's what I'm about to do now before bed

Pete

[petewilliams]

Hey RT, I just got around to reading that link you sent me and it had some really great advice. I've now got a MUCH clearer idea of what attachment is. I think the point that many so-called 'desires' are actually feelings are lack was in particular a real eye-opener. Thanks.

Pete

[TheColonel]

I hacked at IM for 2+ years with almost no results, until I started EFTing.

Learn EFT, resolve your inner conflicts, and tap your way into knowing and being grateful that your intentions are unfolding around you.

When I started doing this daily, it was like I flipped a switch.

[petewilliams]

Sorry if I'm being a bit thick, but what's EFT?

Pete

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by petewilliams

But despite all this evidence, I was having great difficulty breaking down and replacing my old beliefs. I decided that the only way to overcome this was to experience IM for myself, so that I'd have no choice but to believe it.

Don't always think about your negative beliefs and how to break them down. What you resist has this annoying tendency to expand.

Instead think of your positive beliefs and expand on them ...

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by petewilliams

Sorry if I'm being a bit thick, but what's EFT?

Pete

Emotional Freedom Technique

I must sound like a broken record now - but EFT has worked wonders for me in getting over the suicide of a loved one. If it works on grief, guilt, trauma, anger, etc. that comes with suicide...it can work on a lot of other things.

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Don't always think about your negative beliefs and how to break them down. What you resist has this annoying tendency to expand.

Instead think of your positive beliefs and expand on them ...

That is a very profound and helpful statement...thanks!

[elisabeth]

Wow! What great info in this thread and the other one, the one about desire and detachment!

That Chinese food analogy was the clearest I've ever come across, and the Amazon.com ordering one is really cool as well. The Chinese food one works even better for me only because I imagine that I'd be hungry while I wait, yet know that the food will arrive soon and there's no reason for worry!

I've been known to actually forget about an Amazon order by the time it shows up (so I'm a bit distractable and/or maybe just way too busy), something that would NEVER happen with Chinese food ;-)

I remember being driven to distraction by the concept of "allowing". Just "allow" they would say. My first and most vivid memory of that comes from a workshop where I was learning a form of energy healing (Quantum Touch), and I felt I was missing a key part because I absolutely didn't "get" allowing.

I finally got it when listening to an Abraham tape where they said that allowing is simply the act of refraining from resistance (i.e., the resistance caused by the belief that it wasn't possible etc.), and that the ultimate way to "allow" was meditation.

Until that point, I had been very resistant to the mere concept of meditation, but when I heard that, and especially when Abraham said that 10 minutes a day would do it, I immediately went to my bedroom, lay down, and meditated for 10 minutes. And repeated it the day after and the day after that. And within 2 or three days, things started happening!

So now I do it most days, and I can tell the difference if I've been slacking off. I wish I had discovered this years ago!

Another thing: Some of the most amazing things that happened in my life I can look back on now and see how I desired them but because they seemed just so out of reach I didn't expend any energy on them, especially not the kind of energy that focused on the thought that I would never get it. I just thought, oooh, I would like that!

And a while later, sometimes years later, sometimes much more quickly, there it was!

Harder to do deliberately, of course, but now that I'm getting a better sense of what it seemed to have taken, and with the great examples in this forum, I feel I'm getting a whole lot closer.

In fact, I'm getting MUCH better at stopping myself in the middle of negative thoughts and asking myself, "What WOULD I like?" And yes, "wouldn't it be nice to have..." And so on. Just enjoying the thought of what it would be like to have it. And always adding, "This or something better!"

Now the hard part is doing this one with money. But progress is being made...

Thanks for all the great information and inspiration!

I can hardly wait to discover what will happen next!

[jawillie]

Pete, thanks for starting this thread! I have learned so much from everyone.

I have nothing valuable to add, as I am a contradictory newbie who finds herself saying one thing, wanting to believe in another and doing yet another!

But, that's the joy of life, right? We get to have fun with it, experience so much and grow as much as we will allow ourselves to grow!

Getting better everyday....
Janelle

[petewilliams]

ALG, good point about not focusing on and trying to resist my negative beliefs, I'll be sure to spend more time expanding the ones I do want instead.

uberinquisitive, thanks for the link about EFT, looks interesting, I'll have a read over it after this post.

elisabeth, I love meditating too, and I'm currently trying to do it at least once a day, preferably twice. Sometimes I combine it with visualisation and sometimes I just relax and clear my mind, whatever feels right at the time.

jawillie, I couldn't agree more. That's one of the joys of personal development - you can enjoy the journey just as much as the destination (if there is such a thing).

Pete

[Paleo]

Originally Posted by Angela

I love that Amazon analogy, too!

I really liked it too. So much so, that I just made an Excel order form, and placed my order. I am hoping it will help me detach. Thanks for the suggestion!

(first post here after a few days of lurking and reading.)

[Angela]

Welcome, Paleo! I hope you have a great time here!

I hope the Universe gives you expedited shipping!