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10-09-2007, 06:52 PM
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 How to 'Let go' and get a great relationship? How would you suggest manifesting a wonderful women into my life if I’m still having a hard time getting past my last one? I have a strong belief that I did manifest her and also manifested our downfall without knowing it, how can I get back into the proper mindset to truly let go? I am in a very deep depression about it and other things in my life so my thoughts are very negative now and I want to learn how to get past this point of depression (8 months and counting). Thanks for everyone’s help. Any articles/books that might help? What should my next (or first) step be in overcoming depression?      |
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10-09-2007, 07:31 PM
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| Tyler, I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling pain in your life right now. You may be putting the cart before the horse. I'm getting from your post that you believe that if you could let go of your old pain and start a new relationship, then you would be happy. But I believe you've got it backwards, if you want to create a life you love. You say you're very deeply depressed about the last relationship "and other things" in your life. Manifesting a woman while you're feeling this way, you're likely to create the kind of relationship that is not going to work for you when you've overcome your depression. In other words, like attract likes -- what kind of woman do you think would be perfect for a very deeply depressed guy? Not exactly the kind of woman you're really looking for, right? I think you would be going much further in creating a live you love if you begin with manifesting joy, freedom, satisfaction, fulfillment, or some other quality that inspires you and gets you heading in the direction you'd like to go. Get yourself some momentum going in being the powerful creator of your own magnificence FIRST, and then watch women with similar momentum fall into your orbit. We've been talking in another thread about "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" by the Hicks's, which I found really helpful for turning around a minor depression, and others have posted lots of books and resources (EFT?) here in these forums for tools you might find valuable. One method I've used for letting go of old pain is to visualize the weight of the pain in whatever part of your body it lives (for me it was my abdomen), picturing it as a physical entity, and visualize lifting it out and putting it down -- in the trash, in the fireplace, down the disposall or toilet. It sounds a little whooooo-whooooo, but it had a very relieving effect for me. Best wishes to you in being everything you want, Angela |
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10-09-2007, 07:49 PM
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| Angela's pretty smart (darn cute too) so there's a lot of value in what she says here. I'd like to pick up on something that she mentioned and expand on a bit, with your permission. There are, of course, countless blessings that come when one is in a healthy, sexually active and commited relationship. But there are also countless blessings that can arise out of the freedom of singlehood. So instead of bemoaning the fact that your last relationship is over, you might try re-framing your current status as gratitude that you now have certain freedoms you didn't have before because you were in a relationship. Enjoy those freedoms! Revel in them! Expand your circle of friends, work on strengthening your finances, examine other opportunities that you couldn't before because of your relationship. When the time is right for you to open yourself up to a new relationship, you'll probably find - as I did - that suddenly there's an abundance of attractive, sexy, willing women fawning all over you. (it's a tough job, I know, but someone's gotta do it) I honestly have no idea why it works this way, but I don't really care about the whole "why" about it, I'm just happy and thankful for it. |
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10-09-2007, 07:57 PM
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| You are so right, cdn! When you're clearly a happy single person, you'll find an abundance of like-minded people around you. And when you're in that "If only I could find one good (wo)man, then I would be happy!" mindset, there's no one to be found for miles. Amazing. Plus: being single and dating for fun, not in order to get into a relationship, is a blast! |
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10-09-2007, 08:03 PM
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 The point, my friend TylerDurdan, is to spend less energy on manifesting a relationship and more energy on cultivating your own internal garden so when a relationship gets planted, it will be rooted in healthy soil. |
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10-09-2007, 08:28 PM
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| Wow you guys are really on top of this! Thanks for getting back to me so quickly, and be kind to my ignorance and I’m very fresh and kind of feel like an idiot even typing this. I guess I feel like I’m in a major rut right now, I’m not sure what would bring me joy, freedom ect… How do you manifest that if you’re not sure? Any suggestions on finding those things? I feel very lonely day-to-day that’s why I guess I am looking for a relationship because that defined me for so long, and can’t seem to break that mold. The bad thing is I have more then I thought I would ever have when I’m 26 so I kind of feel like a jacka$$ even complaining, which only makes me feel worse about myself. Material things used to be really important to me so I would focus on exactly what I wanted until I got them. At the age of 26 I own 2 houses and have wonderful material possessions, please don’t think I say this to impress you, but I just wanted to show that I do believe in LOA. But I can’t seem to find happiness out of them. How does one focus on what would make him happy though, since I’m not even sure?! I’m a fresh slate so anything you tell me to do I would be more than willing to try! Again sorry for my ignorance, I’m just really lost, thanks so much! |
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10-09-2007, 08:37 PM
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| TD, there's volumes between the lines you've written. You already know that LoA works because you've got the material results. And you've discovered, at an age younger than most, that material possessions don't necessarily create happiness. That's a huge lesson that many, many people take a lifetime to learn. You are to be congratulated in coming to that realization. So you know LoA works. You've found that material possessions, by themselves, don't generate happiness. Starting to get the drift? Use LoA - in whichever way you do it - to allow the universe (or whatever) to bring you happiness "or something better." Let the universe/god/flying spaghetti monster bring you what you need, instead of you determining what it is you need. If the "universe" determines that you need a partner at this moment, you'll undoubtedly find a partner (and if she's got a cute sister, give her my number). If it's determined that a partner isn't in the cards right now, then be thankful for that. Regardless, cultivate gratitude for what you have and what you'll receive. |
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10-09-2007, 08:47 PM
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How do you do it? By changing your thoughts -- deliberately thinking thoughts that feel good when you think them. I like the processes outlined in the Hicks' books; there are 20 or so great ways to alter your thinking habits in such a way that you feel better right now. Those processes are briefly described by a wonderful poster here in threads with titles beginning, "Ask and It is Given...." (which is the name of one of the books) and I think he even did a post that contains a link that outlines all the processes in detail. (Maybe someone can help us by linking to that post?). And of course there are myriad other ways to deliberately think thoughts that feel good when you think them, and get you back on an upward spiral. Do a search here on "depression" and you'll find many suggestions. By the way, I don't think of "manifesting" internal conditions like joy, freedom, satisfaction and fulfillment; I prefer to think of it as "generating" because it is something you DO, not something you "get". And you have the power to do it right now, in this very moment, if you choose to. |
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10-09-2007, 08:55 PM
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| TylerDurdan, give me one of your houses  Angela and cdn2wheeler are so smart, I have nothing to add. Here's the link: Ask and it is Given, 22 methods in 30 days |
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10-09-2007, 08:56 PM
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what am I thinking now, hmmmm??? |
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10-09-2007, 10:19 PM
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 Tyler - Angela and cdn are so on top of their game today I have virtually nothing to add other than a nodding head and a big thumbs up. I do wish to highlight this part as, in my case, this was the key to getting myself out of the dumps of getting dumped. Quote:
And I'm happy. Because "being single and dating for fun, not in order to get into a relationship, IS a blast!"
__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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10-09-2007, 10:21 PM
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| And let me add this - cdn makes a good point, too, about all the things you DO have in your life when you're single. For instance, when I woke up at 3 in the morning Monday and couldn't get right back to sleep, I got up, had tea, and played the piano. Loudly. 
__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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10-10-2007, 03:34 PM
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| Thanks for the wonderful feedback everyone, this forum really is active. I have never been a big ‘poster’ online, but I’m getting great vibes from this one. I do appreciate your advice, it is very helpful I hope that I too could offer some soon as I learn more. I guess I have learned that material things don’t mean a lot since I have always worked very hard to achieve my goals in the past and have never failed at them. Then I met a wonderful women and everything was put in front of me and I realized sharing happiness is better then anything I could buy (or manifest ;-) ) Last night I did some major alone time with my thoughts, not sure if it was meditating as I have never done that, but I did come to realize even more about myself and I need some help. I thought hard about what would make me happy. I visualized a big house on the upper west side in NYC (yeah I dream big but it has never let me down before, ie the 2 houses and numerous other unnecessary possessions), with a family at Thanksgiving. Its my favorite holiday, the weather isn’t too cold yet and there isn’t the distraction of gifts. For some reason that image really got to me as a very happy thought. I could see details of everything. Then my thoughts started to drift as how I’m leading my life now. I’m not saying I’m a bad person or anything at all, which I think you can tell since I’m posting my deep feelings to a bunch of strangers. Anyway, I realized that the lifestyle I live, sometimes fast & wreckless, isn’t bringing me the happiness I want. It was horrifying, I realized that the people I surround myself with are not the people I actually want to be associated with, how scary is that???!!! I think it’s a direct association with the industry I am in and the success I have had so quickly. Now I realize I need to change my day patterns and do more deliberate thought. So I then repeated to myself out loud that I would be happy and I would start to go towards that happiness. Today I am feeling much better about myself. Plus my ‘mentor’ that I really look up to in many ways knew something was wrong with me lately, but I hadn’t actually told him. Today he gave me a necklace (or a chain as he called it, its much more masculine) that he has worn for years, and got from his mentor when he wasn’t in a good place and struggling. I was very touched by this, but had to ‘man up’. Also, he gave me a copy of a Tony Robins cd, has anyone used one of these? He said it has helped him and thought I should try it. One last thought, sorry for the rambling. I’m scared that I might even be more alone once I start to cut out some of those things in my life, any suggestions? How can I instead focus on what kind of happiness I will start to receive once those things are out of my life? |
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10-10-2007, 03:40 PM
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10-10-2007, 03:44 PM
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How about focusing not on "what will happen when these things are out of my life" (letting go is not the same as focusing!), but rather, put your attention on the freedom you have in creating space for possibility in your life, and think thoughts about how you would like to fill that space that would inspire you. The NYC house filled with family at Thanksgiving is an inspiring image! You know that loving, connected, happy feeling you have when you think about that scene? Why limit it to one day a year? Why not create it all the time? That or something better. Oh yeah, another nice feeling about Thanksgiving you could have all year 'round? Gratitude -- it makes all the difference in the world for being in love with your own life. happy thanksgiving today! |
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10-11-2007, 08:45 PM
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__________________ ~Lola~ "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e e cummings |
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10-14-2007, 06:45 PM
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| This is an interesting thread, as I am in a similar situation to Tyler, i'm not questioning any of the advice which I think is great. But the thing that makes me think is you are all saying Tyler should sort his own mind out before manifesting a relationship, as the type of woman he would manifest would be negative due to his depression. But could'nt Tyler manifest a caring and understanding woman that could help him out of his depression? I've always heard people saying that the best partner is someone who is with you through the tough times and the good. |
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10-14-2007, 08:05 PM
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The first approach places the responsibility squarely where it does not belong -- with someone else. If you're depressed, or otherwise not living a life you love, it's your responsibility to generate a life you love, whether or not you're in a relationship. It is asking far too much of someone to rely on them to make you happy or help you out of a depression, especially at the beginning of a relationship! The second approach is magical thinking. Again, you would be relinquishing your power to generate happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment in favor of a "someday, somehow" mindset. If you go into a relationship with that mindset, at the first sign that she is not "making you happy", you feel let down and betrayed; it's all her fault that you're not happy. There is no love or freedom in creating that for yourself or for her. The best way to attract a caring and compassionate partner is to be caring and compassionate for yourself and others. If you are not making your own well-being your first priority, you can bet that you'll probably attract someone who will feel the same way. |
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10-14-2007, 10:51 PM
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| Agreed with Angela. Sorry. Only you can save you. And nothing is sexier than a happy person. No one is obligated to help you, and is any happiness which is contingent on something/someone outside yourself true happiness? Happiness attracts beauty and love. Not the other way around. I have learned this through no fault of my own.
__________________ <jamariquay> I never understood the need for people to kill for their religion. Then I remembered, "Wait. If Optimus Prime tells me to gack someone, that ****er's going down." |
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10-15-2007, 04:22 PM
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| I have a question about LOA and positive thinking. Are negative thoughts that give me powerful emotions just as ‘powerful at manifestation’ as positive thoughts that also generate strong emotions? Say of instance, I’m trying to meditate on something that will bring me joy and happiness. I think about a home, with a beautiful loving wife and all the good times we shared, yada yada yada, then I get this rush of negative emotion because I had that and now its apparent that I don’t. Is the fact that I’m trying to think positive about something, but then the emotion of negativity comes along with the same strong emotion wipe out the positive side according to LOA? I was really trying lately to think positive, but it seems the things that would bring me happiness I already had and I can’t seem to break that cycle of being positive, then realizing ‘sh*T I already had that and now I don’t’ NEGATIVE EMOTION. Any suggestion on deliberate thought patterns? If this cycle continues, will the negative emotions prevail? |