When Your LOA Is Way Different Than Another's

[Lola]

SilverMoonDancer -
I am just now reading this thread and have to tell you I felt shivers of fear for you throughout and am seconding Angela's *revised* advice.

Get out now.

I was you. I held a "marriage" together for 20 years because of my vows, my committment, my guilt at breaking up the family, my "love" for who he "really" was. I walked on eggshells everyday of my life with him. Staying provided my tacit agreement with his behavior. Every day I stayed gave him license to get worse. Every day I stayed, another little piece of me got chipped away.

These facts about abusers helped me to see the truth of my situation. Perhaps they will help you step back and see with clarity.

Domestic violence is the sole responsibility of the abuser. Couple's counseling is ineffective. His abuse is not a couple problem, it is not a marital problem, it is most definitely not your problem. It is HIS problem.

Individuals who are abusive to their partners minimize, deny and blame.

A batterer abuses because he wants to, and thinks he has a "right" to his behavior. He may think he is superior to you and is entitled to use whatever means necessary to control you.

Men who batter minimize the seriousness of their violence, act impulsively, distrust others, need to control people and situations, express feelings as anger.

A batterer covers up his violence (emotional, mental or physical) by denying, minimizing, and blaming the victim. He often convinces you that the abuse is less serious than it is, or that it is your fault. He may tell you that "if only" you had acted differently, he wouldn't have abused you. Sometimes he will say, "You made me do it."

He is using abuse with you as a means of power and control, to manipulate, intimidate and rule you.

Domestic violence perpetrators seek control of the thoughts, beliefs and conduct of their partner. He punishes you for resisting control. The punishment will only continue to escalate.

Sweetie, please protect yourself.

PM if you need to talk.

[Lola]

Are You in Danger?
All battering is dangerous; one push or shove could result in death. Battering increases in frequency and severity over time. Certain behaviors, actions and words by an abuser, however, indicate particular danger for you. If you see any of these in your abuser, you should know that your relationship could become deadly.


Signs to look for:

Threatens suicide or homicide. If he says he will kill himself, understand that this likely means he will kill you as well.

Fantasizes of homicide or suicide. If he sees this as a "solution" to his problems, he may attempt it. Beware of your abuser threatening to kill himself. Usually, it means he plans to kill you first.

Possesses weapons. If your abuser owns weapons and has used them or threatened to use them in the past, he has a potential for lethal assault. The use of guns is a strong predictor of homicide.

Ownership issues. If your abuser believes you "belong" to him," or "death before divorce," he is more likely to be life endangering.

Idolizes you. If your abuser idolizes you, or depends heavily on you to sustain him, and has isolated himself from others, it is likely he will retaliate against you if you decide to end the relationship.

Separation violence. If your abuser believes you will leave him, and he can't imagine life without you, he may try to kill you. Many homicides occur when a woman is leaving her abusive partner. Please understand how dangerous this time is. Seventy-five percent of women are seriously injured when they leave or try to leave an abusive relationship.

Escalating danger. When your batterer begins to act more and more as if he has no regard for the consequences of his actions--legal or otherwise--you are at extremely increased risk of danger.

Lethality risk factors by Barbara Kidd, National Domestic Violence Prevention Trainer

[SilvermoonDancer]

Lola, I understand and I know you are right....but, I will share with you more on Monday.

It's the weekend....my husband is half way home from work...and everything I do from now on must be off limits to him knowing. Just so I have a safe place where I can be free to talk and be me.

So, everyone that has been sharing their lives with me this week, do know I love you and do know how much I appreciate you being a part of my life!

HUGS!

[Acting Like Godot]

Hi Silvermoon:

I was once a Deputy Public Prosecutor. That means that I work within the criminal legal system. The police investigate their cases, and then they present their case to me, and I decide whether I want to take the relevant people to court or not.

I've seen my fair share of domestic violence cases. I want to warn you that what often happens is that the violence grows, incrementally, but continually, getting worse and worse over time. Along the way, your free will to assert yourself gets sapped by the abuser's alternating behaviour patterns.

What I mean is that the abuser will be violent one day; next day he will say he's so sorry and he'll never do it again; the day after, he will be Mr Charming and Suave ... and then on Day 4, he'll be back in Violent Mode.

This will sap your ability to think clearly. Over time you will find yourself growing accustomed to ever-increasing levels of violence, followed by ever-increasing levels of "I'm so sorry" and so on.

Move out now, before your free will goes. Tell him that if he wants to get back together, he must go for counselling first.

[junyang]

Originally Posted by Angela

I believe that the way to achieve real abundance in this marriage is to find a way for both of you to feel free to live in accordance with your values, with love and support from each other rather than judgement. Or to let go of each other with love, so that you can both be exactly who you are and exactly who you aren't.

Hi Angela, I am new to this forum but I think I am facing a similar problem with silvermoon dancer. I believe that when two person hope to get together, they can compromise on the values they are holding and create a new common value that both will uphold. Is there anything wrong with this belief?
I am also just into this LOA and I think that the trick is probably creating a common visualization that we can both share, a bit from my side and a bit from hers. Correct me if I am wrong.

[Lola]

Originally Posted by SilvermoonDancer

...and everything I do from now on must be off limits to him knowing. Just so I have a safe place where I can be free to talk and be me.

Perhaps you can recognize that this is another sign of abuse. I use a psuedonym online to this day because the fear of him "checking up on me" was so deeply instilled. In spite of the fact I've been divorced two years now and he lives in another state. Some self-protective mechanisms are tough to abandon.

I also want to affirm that what ALG says is absolutely correct. Understand that my ex-husband was one of the nicest, friendliest, most charming guys I've ever met. (There are still people in my own family that don't really understand why I ended my marriage to the "greatest guy on earth"). The anger and violence didn't erupt in any big, one-time, monumental event. It was just a little bit more and a little bit more. It ALWAYS occurred in privacy - no one witnessed this other side of him but me. And it was ALWAYS followed by heaps of apologies, long "heart to heart" talks, and vows to be better. I thought I was crazy and had very little sense of myself left after 20 years of it. Thankfully there was enough of an atom of who I used to be still alive and kicking. It saved my life. Not because I believe that he would have escalated to the point of homicide but because I undoubtedly would have killed myself.

Perhaps, like me, you are reluctant to leave because of kids. I stayed for years because I didn't want to be the "cause" of breaking up our family until I realized that even though they didn't see it all, my son was learning that this is how a man is to treat a woman, how a husband is to treat a wife. My daughters were seeing a horrible example of how to behave in their relationships and what to allow. I could not continue to play my part in the charade.

Be safe, Silvermoon. Know that you have lots of support here. I've regained a lot of my "tough girl" strength and will be happy to share.

[munish]

Too good to leave, too ... - Blogs - Revolution Health

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Ok, all of my other advice is null and void. I know the one thing I can always count on, LoA or not, is that my boyfriend would never lay a hand on me to harm me physically. I think you should leave and do what you have to do to stay safe. Don't listen to any of his entreaties to bring you back. He will have to decide on his own to change. And then he will have to change on his own. And then, maybe after years and years with no outbursts of violence, he could get down on his knees and beg your forgiveness. But even then, I would be reluctant to take him back.

Get out now.

[torilink]

Originally Posted by SilvermoonDancer

Angela,

Okay, so I can accept that, as I have had till today to think about it and yes you are right. And, I don't have the right to manifest a change in him, no more than I want him to do that with me.

So, what I hear you saying is to make an intention to manifest change in me, that will help me to love and accept him the way he is and it will free him to go on being who he is, in the way he chooses?

What might work better? An awakening within yourself about what you are creating for yourself right now -- a clarity for yourself about what you're doing to sabotage joy and love in your life, and clarity about what you really want and how you can generate it. That's where your real power will lay.

I think I know what you are thinking of here. And, I know what feels right in my heart and my heart wants the best for us, but I just seem to get it out from my heart and into words, that won't conflict with the LOA in a proper way...meaning, where it doesn't sound manipulative.

All I know is that I made my vows to him and meant them and just because he's reneged on his end, I did not stop loving him and my heart just can't renege on my end of this agreement.

And from what I understand from The Secret and other things that I read about the LOA, and how I am supposed to apply it in a situation I do not like, such as my marriage....is to ask for a loving and healthy marriage, believe that I have it now and think of it as such in the now, and wait for the Universe to open the way or the opportunities for me to receive a loving and healthy marriage with him.

But, according to what I have understood as well, is that if I have a shred of doubt or any inkling to give up, then the receipt will be exactly what I emotionally and mentally focused on...which in this case I would not get the positive return which feels better, than a negative one. So, it's aggravating to me to figure out how I can wish for my dream to come true while not stepping over his need be who he wants.

It's just so painful to think that all that dreaming we did together and the dream board we created together, that I hold so precious and desire with everything inside of me to see it manifest, is something that I now dream alone....and if I keep dreaming it alone, it steps over his changed dream.

It hurts a lot. And, because I am a creature who is strong enough to stay secure and straight on the path of my LOA that we made together, come what may, it's hard for me to know how to remain faithful to my word, yet let go. My counselor has helped me word my pain, but she does not believe in the LOA and can't help me resolve this with me. So, this is why I came here. To get help from anyone that has any idea that could help me.

p.s. I don't get the idea it's about getting rich.

What I meant by that is that you had said that getting rich was a smoke screen and I was trying to say that when I spoke of the getting rich, it was the least of my worry, that you were right, it was more than that.

Anyway, please be patient with me, I am in new territory that I am not sure how to walk on, in regards to a painful marriage and the LOA. It's like I said, I can get it down and see miracles of the LOA manifesting it's self to me on other levels...just having a problem understanding how to put it into practice with my marriage with an unwilling partner.

I think you are missing the point - it isn't about him - not one bit, it is all about you.

Fear is a very big factor in remaining in an unloving and unfulfilling relationship. All those things you say you desire, I believe you think you want - but perhaps your attention to outward circumstances (drama) allow you (or prevent you) from focusing on that inner emptiness.

Nobody else can fill that void, even if he did an about face today and changed completely, that hole will still be there, and it is the fear of that emptiness that motivates you to cling onto a non-loving relationship rather than to be alone and face yourself and dig deep within and see what's happening there.

My advice, leave and be alone for awhile get out of the drama and look deep inside yourself, you will be amazed at the strength and truth you find there.

This entire drama of relationship is a distraction - and a not-so-fun one at that. Don't let fear of being alone or pride of not having it work out keep you from your self and peace.

[SilvermoonDancer]

Godot,

Yeah, I know what you mean about the free will being zapped....during the day when he's at work IS the ONLY time, I really do get to do what I want without him breathing approval down my back....or having to put his two cents in worth of how I should do something differently, because he feels that it's more efficient or whatever else better he deems is better. To the point of doing the dishes even. I am 45 years old and I have been washing dishes since 12 years old...according to the standards of my mother who had a paranoia of germs. Why does he feel I need his guidence on how to wash dishes now?

He's already proven himself to be totally unstable...one moment I am his wife, the lady whom he loves and adores and can't live without....and then the next moment I am the monster, a woman he despises and thinks I am of the lowest level of creatures that he wants to throw away like garbage...this can mess my head up faster than anything, if I let it.

Lola,

The changing of his behavior has been the thing that has baffled me to no end. I see him act like a civilized human being out in public or around my family and friends....like, the most supportive and loving husband I could ever bow down and adore....and he has the ability to control his temper when anyone on the outside of our walls offends his weak ego...except for the moment he's got an eyelock on some pretty thang and she doesn't flirt back or when a woman at work doesn't want him to be a part of her social circle, then he gets unglued....and usually, I get the blame and I get punished for a woman rejecting his advances and attention....he never shows them the ugly side that he shows me.

Clairty

You said, "And then, maybe after years and years with no outbursts of violence, he could get down on his knees and beg your forgiveness. But even then, I would be reluctant to take him back." That's what and how I feel like doing at times.

Torilink,

I am not afraid of being alone and I don't feel empty. Being on my own for the few years that I did have was wonderful and I know I can be alone without being lonely...and to be honest, he wants me to feel empty and he can get enraged when I behave fulfilled by myself, as it somehow shows his own soul just how empty he is. These two are not my issues.

However, after reading everyone's responses over the weekend, I figured out it is fear....but it's fear of being the one to blame for causing this entire family to break up. There is his daughter from his first marriage, two daughters from his second marriage, my daughters from my first marriage, two sons from my second marriage...all these kids to watch their parents go through another break up.

In my heart, I know his abuse is the reason that our marriage has grown toxic and I know that staying in this marriage in it's toxic state of being is giving him the message that it's okay to keep treating me the way he has. But, damn it...we made dreams together that were so awesome before we got married and we talked about how we were going to take the law of attraction and make intentions that would manifest these dreams.

I made up a dream board that I put together of our dreams and I made a beautiful dream video with music and all, even. I went through all this work to get our dreams up for our visual reminders, just to have him renege on every promise he made to me and then to get this monster treating me horrible....and feeling so stuck at how to let go of my vows and how to let go of what the dream board that remains on the wall in mockery and let go of the beauty in the dream video.

It just friggin hurts! It hurts so much....and even now as I paused to look up at our dream board...I see a picture of him and me, with my arm around him and I see something almost eerie....I am holding him, he's not holding me back and when I think of all the other pictures we have of us, it's the same way. Just struck me is all.

Then, there are our kids....all but the boys see what's going on and all three of his daughters have gone through the history of his temper and abandoning them out of anger towards their moms. My daughters don't have a clue yet and my sons either...and they worship the ground my husband walks on, because he's not abusive to them like their dad and his new wife.

So, here I sit and just feel this gut wrenching quandry as what to do and how to do it and when to do it....all throughout my life, I have never once gave up on something that I really really really wanted. And, when I went into this marriage, my intent was forever...to keep my bloody word to remain faithful and loving to my husband and then to help him build up our dreams, which included at the time, to try and provide a loving home for all the kids to come to where they could learn how true love should be, in spite of our past mistakes with our exes.

And, now I am feeling like I am betraying my own self because I am wanting to renege on my word to him and the kids, I feel the once beautiful LOA get so twistedly sick and perverted and exhausted because I am the only one holding up on this marriage, my end of the deal with my IM.

What really is pathetic...I am wondering if his first wife left him for another man because of this....and his second wife, who he lamented about for letting the house and herself go unruley went into a dark depression because of the way he treated her. Since they divorced, this woman has allowed their daughters to fall so horrible in their grades, doesn't do their laundry or teach them how to do their own laundry and they stink like cat pee and dog poo, even when they go to school...and other things.

And, now he recently hired a lawyer to modify the child custody order to where he can get custody of the girls...and just the other day they came over to visit me...which they do often...we live right across the street from his ex...and they never come over when he's home...and they finally told me that he has hit them several times for things and he confessed that he did it when I talked to him, but justified it by saying they disrespected him.

Here I just wonder if this was all a part of his dark scheme...first he moves into a house right across the street, probably to stay in contact and make her life miserable...then, he marries me to use me to cause his ex to be jealous, hurt or angry...then, use me to swoon over his daughters to come stay with him...after all, we are the perfect daddy and mommy (which I would never steal another mom's daughters) and his daughters would want to even come live with us now, because we are so wonderful. PUKE! Talk about darkworking!

This is not me and this is not how my own integrity and honor works...and in my world, that Law Of Attraction is something you just don't go over the line and do without thinking very careful as to how everyone is affected by it...and if what you want to attract in life is for the better for the Universe (not just selfish ole me alone), then do all that intending and manifesting ya want...like, how hard of a concept can this be?

I just want to scream at times! Trust me, I feel only empathy and true understanding of his past two wives and why they both chose to go the way they went...if I didn't have my own personal love and respect that I do have, the way they chose could have been the way I went. And, as far as I am so dead on covinced about...is that those girls from the second marriage would be far better off with their mom, who could do herself and those girls a favor by getting therapy for post traumatic from this man and start being free from his crap so she can be the best mom in the world to these girls. To be honest, I have developed such an empathy for both of his previous wives, that I actually like them and see good in both of them..and this jerks his chain to no end when I don't join in when he's going through his bitter attidude moments.

So, he pulls out the big guns and gets a lawyer and now a Guardian Ad Litem ins involved and without me having warning of how to deal with all this crap. I don't have just me to worry about...I have my sons who are going to go through heck when and if I leave my husband...and I have the two girls to worry about, because somehow this Guardian Ad Litem needs to know the truth about my husband, without my safety being at risk.

Meanwhile, I have this dream board and dream video to deal with and feeling all that trust and hope for a lifetime adventure of OUR intents to manifest and working TOGETHER to use the lightworking law of attraction to send out to the Universe...and live life happily ever after...just spiral down into the dark hole of nothing. And, although I try to focus on gratitude for what I do have and just keep focusing on more good...laying aside HIM...it still hurts so much that I can't stand it.

God, I am sorry for this long one....I know it has to be a novel...but today I dont' feel like holding back and just want to get it out of me...just so I don't hurt anymore. Thank you, if you got this far. But, I do know and feel deep in my heart...that I do love me and I am content in who I am...and I know that this could get taken away in time the longer I stay...just don't know how to do it for the best of all who is involved.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

There are a lot of kids involved, but my advice remains the same. Leave. Your children will eventually know how he treats you. He may try to do the same to them. Your daughters need to know that they do not deserve that treatement and your sons need to know that they cannot treat women (or anyone) that way. He needs to be prosecuted for hitting his daughters. Does their mother know about this? He shouldn't have custody, maybe supervised visits.

Please leave.

[allina]

Hello Everybody,
All you are saying here is so familiar to me. I just canceled a divorce that i filed after 8,5 years of living with my second husband and which was scheduled for 1.7.08. I am 39, and i got so much wiser for the last 3 months intensively reading spiritual books. If you don't mind i'm going to post one of my latest letter to one of my friends numerologist, Angie (sun-angel.com). Forgive me for being too explicit and bold in that letter, but all of us are humans and "nothing of a human is repulsive", as the Russians say ) If you'd find this letter too much, I'd try to delete it; however, i very much hope that it would be somehow helpful. Enjoy.

"
The thought of taking a serious action toward a divorce was born after i got closer to my new Russian friends, ladies i met at Wal-Mart. One of them (her name is Tatiana) called me a half a year later to ask me to assist her in buying a house. Eventually we bought her a great house and I started thinking, "If this 50-year-old lady got married to a millionaire 4 years ago, had a great life with him until he died and great money after his death, how come i,being 12 years younger and all that, can't be happy with a rich guy ? I'm sick and tired of getting deeper in debt, being absolutely different with my husband who calles me crazy when i start talking about LOA and other spiritual things."

The other lady (Tamara), the old and best friend of the first one (Tatiana) and the same age as Tatiana, is married to a retired accountant and lives two streets down the road from Tatiana's new house. Tamara's house was always so warm and inviting. I forgot when i last felt so special: the meal she served was presented in such a beautiful way with all a beautiful table cloth, napkins and white table dishes and all kinds of appetizers before the entreé. Getting closer to them i realized how low I've fallen living with this peasant man. So, I decided to stop waisting my life on that pathetic world, i decided to file for a divorce and get back to the level i was so many years ago before the marriage. And i felt so right.....


I love America. It has a lot of rules and regulations that make a lot of sense. The 90 days which are given for a couple before bringing to the court for a final settlement could be a time for a great awakening. First I thought it is a great torture, but decided to get best out of it and concentrate on my own growth to get ready for my new life as a single mother. At that time I had discovered that my mind is the best tool for getting what i want, so i started digging even deeper looking for some more knowledge how to make your wish come true. I knew that all I need is to think positively every day focusing on the wish i want to come true; sending positive messages to the Universe. And it worked. In two weeks after i filed for a divorce I got a buyer who wanted to buy 10 buildings at the same time. I was so excited to earn five-digit commision at the end of the year that i decided to use this example for my future lectures/teaching on how to get your wish come true. I even shared it with the buyer himself. But somehow the deal started going down and I couldn't understand what was wrong? In the mean time I was interacting with my new Russian ladies more and more and one of them said that I sound just like Louise Hay and suggested me to read the book lending it for a while. I'd read that book in two-three days and felt like i wrote it. The only new things were the explanation what pain means what. For example coughing means that you have unspoken thoughts to say; back pain means you have lack of support, etc. So after finishing this book i felt I'm ready to do miracles using my power, mind. But something wasn't quite enough: the deal was going south and other thoughts weren't materializing either. So, I started digging deeper.

One morning during my usual morning cigarette outside the house staring at the frozen nature and thinking what's the formula for the wish come true, i had a clear thought. I realized that only positive energy is not enough for realizing the thought. I thought that just as a molecule can't have a solid physical body without having both positive and negative parts, the wish also has to have two parties involved in materializing. So, i thought, the Universe is the positive part of the wish, so in order to bring it to the earth, something has to give negative energy to complete the physical body of the wish, ground it. Grounding!! Earth!! This is it!! The Earth is the second ingredient for giving a solid body for a wish. I run into the house and instantly shared that thought with Tamara emailing her. And she said, you know, I have one book that you might find very useful and she gave me " Earth: Pleiadian Keys to the Living Library" by Barbara Marciniak. So, I started reading. First, i couldn't get into it; i'd fall asleep or just couldn't grasp what's said. But then I got used to the style i started reading very fast. I was sharing my progress with Tamara and she'd always say, you get advanced so fast, you go very well on your spiritual path.

So, i learned that my feelings about Christianity is not just an inflamed and discriminated against ego; it's the right reaction/feeling to the things that are created by Higher Creators to balance the world, to suppress the females for their unfair treating males during matriarch times. And very soon the balance will be achieved. Two weeks before reading it in the book, i officially announced myself not being affiliated with the Church of Christ and believe it or not right after i clicked the send button the room became so bright instantly. I took it as a great sign. Right after detaching the church off me, i started feeling stronger and so much happier. I kept saying i should've done that long time ago. I saw all the hypocritical features of the church in my husband and was so happy not being related to that anymore. So, I got my harmony by giving my husband being where he feels comfortable, at Church of Christ and giving myself that comfort in a completely different place, LOA, etc. By the way, he was mad at me reading all those books and i told him that it's none of his business what i read as long as they make me happy.

So, the more i read, the more i understood my life. I understood that my appetite for sex could have been of something that i didn't know before. I could be having a symbiotic living with a creature who needed to use my body to learn about life on Earth the way we do. So, i called my Higher Self in a meditation and asked why I'm so sexual and she told me that I do have that creature living in me who gets the information from me and it affects my sexual appetite. I asked how and where i got it and i was told that i inherited it from my father. My father gave a permission to that creature to use his body. So, during that meditation i asked that creature to get out of me telling that it's time for me to focus on my own wisdom and cleaning. It thankfully left the body yet assuring if this is what i really want and i said from now on no one is welcome to my body as it's time for me to learn about it myself without any intervention to evolve to the next step. I actually cleaned my father during that meditation asking the same creature to leave my father as well. While cleaning him, i noticed some other sexual problems that came from his father and when cleaning my grandfather i found some other problems that he got from his father, so i cleaned my grand-grand father as well. I feel absolutely different about sex now: it seams like i could live without it happily ever after. By the way, in that book i found out that while having sex with a man you don't love you can contract some creatures who are eager to learn about life on Earth but their intentions could be fare from goodness/love. They are everywhere in different dimension looking for a possibility to get information, from the Living Library, Earth. So it is important to have intimate relationship with a man you love as Love vibrations won't allow any negative creature to get into you because its vibes are different from Love. Also, when having an orgasm with a man you could easily inherit all his problems, blockages in chakras. So, i hurried to dicord ALL the men i had sex with in my life ) through cutting karmic cords meditation.

...to be continued....

[allina]

...continuation...

So i came to the next task - getting rid of all junk that i inherited from my parents, previous boyfriends, etc, clean my chakras. I knew i needed some sort of a guide to teach me how to properly clean the chakras. So, i typed it in the Google and the first result/link was about "Energy Source Book". I liked the review saying that it actually guides you step by step as opposed to other books having nothing real to learn. I bought it on eBay. As soon as I started cleaning my first chakra, i realized that i could've avoided some problems having this chakra clean. I also recognized that my husband has blockage in that chakra as well, but it reveals differently in a physical world. On the next day i started cleaning my second chakra and reinforced my knowledge about having the same problems with him, so i instantly got a thought that the husband and the wife are attracted together because they have the same etheric body, same vibes, same junk in chakras . And the only reason why we get so annoyed by some features of our husbands is the lack of willingness/flexibility/wisdom to recognize the same features in ourselves. I was annoyed by my husband procrastinating fixing things around the house, but now I realized that i'm a procrastinator a big time myself, i've deliberately procrastinated my own growth, my own success being lazy. All the little things that we see in others are in much bigger scale within us - everything we see, talk to, feel, etc is the reflection of our OWN SELVES. Period. So, if something irritates you in someone, have a closer look at yourself ) And running away from your problems or better to say husbands won't cure the situation. You're drawn together because you have the same problems to work on and if you will leave your current husband, the next one will be with the same problems but times 10!

Sooooo...as soon as i've read about the second chakra, i realized that my time is ticking and it might be too late to turn everything back, the court date was three weeks away. At that time i knew that i'm destroying my own happiness and the happiness of people i love with my own hands. I realized that I can be a completely new person with a new life without ruining what i already have. In fact, breaking a family would through me back three-four steps behind as i'd need to struggle to adjust to a half me, half help, half time, half everything in my single life. Having a family, I could jump to my brilliant growth from the height of the fourth step rather than zero/ashes.


By the way, before reading the Energy Source book i kept trying all kinds of things with my husband and he was kind enough to participate in them. So the last one was to focus only on our positive features completely ignoring the negative ones. I was experimenting the theory "what you focus on, expands". We instantly stepped into a different dimension: from being annoyed by so many things and being cold and distant we became loving and warm. The very first thing that we did after agreeing to focus on positive things was hugging each other. It felt incredibly good after longs months not having it. After we were done hugging i asked him to do his best to be himself and by no means try to be someone else thinking that he's doing it for me. I understood that the most important thing that i missed when living with him was being myself. I tried to be him so he'd feel more comfortable with me, more secure. And that was a huge mistake. Always be yourself and mind your own self to make yourself happy, the rest will ad up accordingly: if you're not happy with yourself, the rest will reflect in a much greater progression around you.

So after he agreed to be himself he touched my hair ends sticking out on the top of the head saying, can he be himself to that extend. And I exclaimed, yes please be, this is exactly what was missing and what i wished you to have. I couldn't believe that he is actually not as limited as i thought. In fact, he is even playful and all that We started having wonderful time together. He started being sexually active every day instead of ones a month. It was actually too much for me now and i asked him to cut it down to every two days. Absolutely amazing! Even the things that i thought are permanently hopeless rose from nowhere and appeared the way i wanted. Only this time i didn't need it in that amount ))


In the mean time, my two Russian friends were working very hard on convincing me to cancel the divorce. It wasn't an easy task for them at first ) I was so determined and not willing to go back to my pathetic past that i was pretty abrupt with them every time they'd try to turn me away from the damage. Poor things ) But the books they'd suggested and the long conversations comparing their own lives, marriages-divorces, and their damaged kids after divorces did the job. I agreed that my daughter would not be safer in some body else's hands, my life would not be better with somebody else unless i worked on my junk first, my love wouldn't be better when leaving a person the voice of whom resonates in my whole body giving me a "hint" that i love that man, etc.


And one more thing. After reading one of those books I was convinced that I'm Goddess, a queen worthy of treating accordingly. So, I started cultivating that feeling within me and it worked everywhere. All my coworkers started treating me with more respect and care, all the people around BUT my husband and my daughter. Nothing was different in my family. I was amazed that i don't feel being higher than my husband, i didn't have that feeling of being somebody superior, i felt absolutely equal with him and a six-year-old. And I realized one more time that i am in my own kingdom with an actual king and a princess and i am the one who is destroying it without a mercy.

I looked at all the facts and decided to give my family a Christmas gift - a divorce cancellation. My attorney was shocked but I explained him that it was not out of force but wisdom.


Sooooo, the gold digging in the material world turned out into a gold finding in the spiritual one....."

P.S. I'm still working on a wish come true formula and am back to a nonsmoker )

[dave marshall]

Hi Helen,

this is a really difficult one. I have been exporing and teaching this stuff for a decade now and tried to make my marriage work using all that I know about the nature and power of my beleifs but ultimately had to realise that our ideas were different. Once I let go of the idea that I could make it work for us both and that i needed to change her my feelings changed greatly, I met a person who was right in line with who I was and how I wanted my life to be. I am with my new patner now and used what i know to create an amicalbel separation with my wife and we are still friends as is my new partner and her ex. I think relationships are incredibly hard in this area but as my life is a reflection of me I realised that getting my ex wife in the right place in my life, in the right relationship was going to be the best and most loving way forward. As I say we are all still talking and very amicable even with the kids involved. My ex is even seeing my partners ex so it all worked out very weel for all of which was the intention!!! strange world!

I hope that helps, I am not saying you will need to split but the loa applies in providing you with the experience that is best for you both! You can both win by having the right relationship with each other.

all the best

Dave

[allina]

Originally Posted by dave marshall

Hi Helen,

Once I let go of the idea that I could make it work for us both and that i needed to change her my feelings changed greatly, I met a person who was right in line with who I was and how I wanted my life to be.

Dave

Thats exactly what happens when you let go remaining treating each other with love, focusing only on positive features: if you have the same vibes you get closer to each other and your love grows bigger, and if you don't have the same vibes the split happens by itself with no pain but with love yet on a different level, friendship. I actually expected your scenario happen to us and was absolutely ready for being good pals with my "ex-to-be". However, to my surprise, it turned out the other way. You never know