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| Health & Fitness Health issues, diet, exercise, sleep, fitness, endurance, flexibility, strength, physical skills, sports, health habits, healing |
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| | #32 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,566
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2. Everyone's Wired for Sexual Addiction | Reuniting I gave up ejaculating on my own from time to time and really liked the dreams that I'd have. Probably only a couple weeks at a time inbetween. I would find that the energy of being turned on can be moved up the body and kind of used to energize me, instead of tossing the energy away all the time. That I would try to feel the electricity through my body instead of just with my member. Playing with that awareness as sort of redirecting the focus or helping to amplify energy sensing in the other parts of me. It's a balancing thing, I think. And the sperm factory has a way of trying to keep up with what ever level you are doing, kind of. The less you do ejaculate, the less sperm gets produced. Of coarse it gets backed up too. Eventually it starts to not feel good down there, the backing up will ache too much, and you will either do yourself or have a fun dream. The other thing about ejaculating is it changes your brain chemistry, you get a dopamine high that goes through a withdrawl period. The withdrawl period is the brain trying to eqaulize what's missing and the instinct is to orgasm again, since that will make another brain chemical spike. It may be healthier and more satisfying to wait out the withdrawl and then the act will be more loving and full even if you are by yourself. Sort of like waiting for fruit to be ripe before picking it. Not sure how long the recovery period is to wait out the withdrawl though. | |
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| | #33 (permalink) | |||
| Member Join Date: Jun 2007
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| | #34 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 502
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I am really lost here now... Why is not masturbating for a certain period considered "delayed gratification", but sticking to a nutrition and workout plan, much of which isn't easy, for a certain period of time in order to have a leaner, stronger, and healthier body NOT "delayed gratification" and also a bad way to strengthen willpower? If I'm saving up to eventually buy some land and build a house on it, is that not a form of "delayed gratification"? Does anything I learn about delaying gratification for a greater purpose or strengthening willpower by not taking a chunk of that money to run out and buy a brand new, top of the line computer with a big stack of games, become void if I masturbate daily while doing it? |
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| | #35 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 62
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You may ask me how does the following that I say tie in with masturbation. I'd say very much so, especially, for many of you I suspect (it has for me) in a personal way, individual to the self. Quote:
This modern society thrives on keeping people apart at a deep sexual level, while at the same time stimulating the **** out of them with sexual marketing and such, which encourages rampant spending and social games, all of which is like a hamster wheel, none of that **** gets anyone anywhere. Even those who are "gettin laid" and "in relationships" are connecting on mostly a societal level, and have too much society garbage getting in the way of any real sexual connection. In fact, without society's influence, many of these relationships would never have happened, or they wouldn't have had all the B.S. and would have gone much better. In a way, sexuality is repressed even worse than by older, religion based societies. It's worse because now, people are becoming perceptual slaves as opposed to slaves of a deadly force. It's sort of a "rich get richer" thing now. Basically, natural sexuality is even more ruthlessly (yet in a hidden way) repressed than before, and those who are slaves to societal influence, and not their own people, 99.999% of them will forever be torn from their inner sexuality. However, since the repression is no longer violent and forceful, those who are connected with their true sexuality are experiencing a golden age, since ain't nobody gona stop them. By the way, especially in the U.S. and certain metropolitan areas world wide, men are losing their natural masculinity and women are losing their natural femininity. Men are becoming the bitches, and as long as they disconnect from their core masculinity, they will be unable to connect with women on a natural sexual level, unless the woman is naturally masculine and dominant, which most women are not. Even then, if a man is not inherently a ♥♥♥♥♥, if a woman makes him one, he probably will not take it well. Ain't no puritan or religious **** going on here, yallz. No morality either. This is strictly biological although we can get into more ethereal realms with this ****, but we're all too drained energetically to comphrenend that stuff in a practical way. | |
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| | #36 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2007
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| | #38 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 44
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You guys are perfectly right - I can't have a faintest idea what does it mean to be a man, because I'm spending this journey in a body of a woman. But... maybe in previous life I was a man? I think it's quite possible concerning my usually close rapport with men. Maybe it's only my wishful thinking and the reality is different and every man who said that only I can truly understand him wanted just try one week without masturbation and hoped that I would help him in some way... Anyway, I'm not a man but I think I know something about gym, drugs and masturbation. First of all - the gym certainly is not a delayed gratification. Maybe it is for some fatty, but for an average person the pleasure is almost instant. Protein shakes are delicious. The atmosphere of a place - the meeting of brave warriors. And this feeling after workout - feeling of an accomplishment... And even pain (which is followed by a release of endorphins) is the pain that you control - and this is very gratifying... The gym very easily can serve as an illusion of control of yourself or your life. I don't mean that you are not supposed to use it but it's about building your muscles not about building your soul. And back to the topic - what's this vital thing which masturbation can detract you from? For sure you will never know if you never try to live without it. You cannot mourn for something you're not aware you had it. You cannot regret unless you know that you loose something. It's very true that in modern oversexed society sex is even more absent than in more restrictive times. First, we have to answer one question - what sex really is? I should have started with that - from my point of view masturbation is not sex at all, because sex is about connection and through masturbation you cannot connect with anybody. You cannot even connect with yourself because you are splitting yourself during the act and to connect you have to be integrated. Masturbation in itself is very narcissistic and feeds narcissistic delusions (especially about the self-sufficiency). For me it's somehow funny because this thread in itself show how far went the decadence of Western culture - an idea to stop masturbating for a while aroused interesting discussion. very symbolic |
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| | #39 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 502
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I do agree with you about the gym becoming a compulsion, I've done that for quite a while before and think it's pretty common, especially in people who used to be shy and underconfident (me when I was younger) and found a way to build themselves up both physically and mentally by working out. It can become destructive as you tend to overwork. At it's core though, I just don't see how a properly followed workout is plan is anything but delayed gratification- it isn't as if you can go in looking like a boy band member, and walk out an hour later to be mistaken as Arnold. It takes a lot of time and hard work! I also see the point about masturbating having the potential to become an addictive problem, however it seems to me that we're demonizing masturbating in that regard instead of focusing on why one would rather do that as an escape... Some people can go overboard with alcohol and become alcoholics, but that doesn't mean that beer itself is a nasty or negative thing. Maybe I'm just an overly horny 24 yr old male, but I could only imagine what I'd be like after a full week of not doing it and seeing a decently attractive woman- I'd be foaming at the mouth and acting like a starved animal. | |
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| | #40 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 502
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| | #41 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 502
| Why then should anyone do anything that's fun, or can cause an endorphin release? Something, anything, that you enjoy doing can cause the release of chemicals that drugs can as well... Again, this sounds eerily like religion to me- "Doing anything that feels good physically is a nasty, evil act- It might feel good to your body but will destroy you spiritually!"
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| | #42 (permalink) | ||
| Member Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 62
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Notice how this thread has actually resulted in a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of mental masturbation? It's like we're shootin' our wads over the internet. | ||
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| | #44 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 219
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But I have been experimenting with spiritual connection using the internet to make it work better, and it's worked out pretty well. I once had a shared orgasm with a long-distance lover who I was very close with in every way, and the energy definitely was transfered between us, and was also more satisfying than it is alone. ~ David | |
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| | #46 (permalink) | |||
| Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 3,811
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The sexual process is as follows... arousal… gratification… and orgasm… but how you achieve those three stages is irrelevant… Quote:
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| | #47 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 44
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Shamou: your definition of sex differs from mine. For me sex is not a psychophysiological phenomenon but something more complex. I find a psychophysiological perspective very flat and narrow. We are something more than animals with well-developed brains. I think that boys had more pleasure from squeezing the lemon in XIX century than today, because it was forbidden fruit and then they were playing with devil not only with their ♥♥♥♥♥. | |
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| | #48 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: CA
Posts: 5
| First of all I want to wish this goal you have set for yourself is still going well. When you do complete the 30 days, at the least you will now know you have the will power and the self control to do things you thought were difficult at one time. I've actually read that even if you don't ejaculate by having intercourse or masturbation, your body automatically ejaculates small amounts of semen naturally, when you are sleeping. |
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| | #49 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 3,811
| That post got a good chuckle out of me... and I thank you for it... However, again, I must disagree with you... the best sex that I ever had was when I let that intellectual part of my brain fly out the window... and got down on the purely primal animalistic level... Raw passionate sex is not a time for quantum physic... it's time for the basic the satisfaction of the primal instincts... Granted, we should fully respect our partner's feelings and considerations... but, beyond that... no holds are barred... . |
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| | #50 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 44
| Sure, I meant that during the act you split yourself for a passive and active part. The passive part is focused on fantasy and receiving pleasure and active part is ekhm, creating/giving pleasure. Without this splitting masturbation would be very boring. Of course people differ in their fantasies and their intensity, sometimes more conscious is this active part (in more mechanical masturbation), but IMHO splitting always occurs. And you can see the danger in this splitting - for a while you become disconnected from the world as a source of pleasure and have an illusion of being utterly independent (=separated) Quote:
I hope that we are not spunking our keyboards yet (for me it's even impossible) but I meant that issue is to stop for a while because it's obvious for anyone that everybody is doing it all the time. That's what I called "decadence" - the connection is rare and considered as an option which demands a great self-sacrifice. | |
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| | #51 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 44
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You are not disagreeing with me. I've never said that to have a really good sex you have to think about Plato during the intercourse. But even "getting down on the purely primal animalistic level" you are still a human being experiencing his fantasy of being an animal. What you describe for me is rather a kind of deep connection safe enough to express your true self. It can tell you a lot about yourself if for instance this kind of connection is not attainable in long-term relationship. | |
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| | #52 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Singapore
Posts: 30
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wow.. sex is always the hottest topic, no matter where, even in a personal development forum! As someone has mentioned, the urge of man to have sex is the nature's way of preserving a specie. Masturbation is a natural way to release our build up urge to have sex and when there are no immediate partner available. It is healthy, although it can becomes addictive. It is definitely a good training on our mental discipline to control it, especially when the urge comes, it attacks your thoughts directly!! But I have to say it is very difficult in the beginning, as I have tried this 30 days challenge myself before. I failed miserably the very first attempt after just a few days. Subsequently I find it easier if I occupy my thoughts with other things and exercise regularly. Cheers! Albert Lee |
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| | #53 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Moscow, Russia
Posts: 452
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Oh, I've almost missed the fun Good luck to the guys doing trial. I'm not sarcastic... almost. However I think this is one of the cases, when 30 days is a wrong duration for the trial. Remember, that Steve got the idea of the 30-day trial from shareware development. What is good for software is not necessary good for the body. I wouldn't advise 30-day fast, or 30-day water fast. 30-day abstinence falls into the same category. Unless I misunderstood and the guys want to stop masturbation, but allow other sexual activities. I think that whoever tries 30 days abstinence is bound to have wet dream in the second week. So one week trial should be enough to see the benefits. And hardships. I've done something like this trial in my teens, when I was ashamed of masturbation "marathons". And indeed, when you go from 12 times a day to say one every other day, suddenly, the productivity have risen and I got much more energy. Surprise! Shamou expressed doubts that it takes time to recover from ejaculation. I noticed it to be true and different for masturbation and having sex with a woman. I'm not sure about underlying physiology, but I guess some endorphines play their role in it. I noticed, that if I have two orgasms in a row, the first one is draining and the second one is energizing, so it may have something to do with a length of the arousal stage. Anyways, if this habit stays in moderation (and moderation is different for different ages) it is healthy and actually useful. Currently, we have a PUA infestation here in Russia. Young kids, who have no experience, little money and an acute testosteron "poisoning" are going to seminars that "teach" them how to get laid. It is extremely uncool among them to masturbate. Of course they do it anyways, starting yet another tradition of masturbation hypocrisy. This hypocrisy as usual make them ashamed of masturbation and does not let them explore their bodies, learn to control themselves and ultimately prevents them to become better lovers, fulfilled men. However frustrating, the period when I was a dork and couldn't get a girlfriend was very productive for me in terms of personal development in general and sexual development in particular. Masturbation was an important part of that development. If was cool and popular I would never learn the delicate techniques dealing with sexual energy, Tantric practices. I wouldn't know that men can have not one but at least three different kinds of orgasm and how to achieve them. I wouldn't know that the "usual" sex is just a start of an amazing path, I'm still walking and exploring. And I wish good luck to the participants of the trial, because, whatever the outcome, they take the first steps along the same path. I have doubts that the step is the most optimal, but it is conscious and it is a start. |
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| | #54 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 502
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For me to understand what you're talking about here, you'd have to explain between "higher and lower" pleasures to a nasty old skeptical atheist like me... Why is anything that feels good physically considered a "lower" pleasure? Why can't physical and mental/spiritual ever seem to go hand in hand when it comes to societies rooted in either Christianity or Islam? | |
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| | #55 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 502
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From having once a been a newly-masturbating boy, I can assure you it was NOT more pleasurable back when you were terrified of getting caught. Thinking that if you're parents caught you (who really wouldn't have cared and probably did more times than you knew), you'd be sent straight to the insane asylum (I was going to kill myself if caught for the sake of saving face, not kidding- I was 11 or 12) and were probably going to Hell anyway since you were committing a nasty sin wasn't particulary fun or relaxing. Nor was that moment of realization the first time I ever had an orgasm (which was through masturbating- even though I didn't realize I was masturbating per se at the time) when I realized what I'd done, and thought "Oh my God... I must be gay!". I guess the fact that I was fantasizing about my *hot* female sixth grade teacher at the time didn't cross my mind in the sheer shock afterward. I can only imagine how much less fun this would have been if I'd thought I'd be circumcized, beaten, or burned at the stake for doing it. Edit: The stake-burning wouldn't have happened in the XIX century, I thought you had typed XIV until I just re-read your post Last edited by mlc82; 08-01-2007 at 02:33 PM. | |
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| | #56 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Moscow, Russia
Posts: 452
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Moonlite, I actually agree with some of your ideas. The theory of splitting is interesting. However it seems to me that using these arguments to condemn masturbation is an overkill and leads to a comic effect. Bringing higher matters to sex, should happen after basic sexual problems are sorted out. And the most basic problem of sex for most men is its insufficiency. You do not talk about high cuisine to a starving person. And after a couple of days, a relatively young man who hadn't have release is starving for it. So if someone does not have a girlfriend, they should masturbate and then, when satisfied, they would be able to think about splitting themselves, about whether sex is about animalistic instincts or the connection with other soul. Without partner, these thoughts would be theoretic, but so are your attempts at male view of the situation. The truth is - you start with making peace with your inner animal. The human in us is just a few thousands years old, and in sexual area we are still very close to animals. Being ashame of it is social conditioning and leads to disjointed and problems in sex area. Accepting the primal nature of sex frees the mind from upholding social dogmas. It allows to "be in the zone" during sex, to experience total immersion. Even the connection you are talking about becomes ultimate, when the chatter inside my head shuts up and suddenly, two souls merge into one, two breaths become the one, two minds and two hearts become the one and bodies seem to disappear altogether. Then, when this becomes the usual, it is possible to become conscious of what's happening. Conscious in a very special, non-verbal way. Then it is possible to elevate the natural act to the level of art and transcendence. To start with as I might say top down approach, seems unreasonable, at least from the male point of view. |
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| | #58 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Detroit
Posts: 772
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That's a good point, though, and her time frame (2'nd week) seems about right, too. Are any of you challenge takers brave enough to fess up if and when that wet dream happens? For the record, I've had that happen only once in my life and that was after (surprise, surprise) an approximately 2 week period with no release. | |
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| | #59 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 789
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As I said earlier, I went 12 days without shooting before Monday. And no wet or even moist dreams. I did have some graphic content in my dreams but nothing spilled over into my pants. Well, maybe I was just lucky. But I wasn't exactly downright horny either(except the very occasional dream).
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| [Adult] Masturbation as a tool for growth | Christian223 | Health & Fitness | 49 | 10-16-2007 07:18 PM |
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