Attractiveness

[ArtVandelay]

I hear a lot of people say that "you can make a huge difference in your attractiveness if you put in an effort." Well, I'd love to do that, but I really don't have any idea where to start. So, here's some background:

- I'm a white, male, 16 years old.
- I have mild excema on my cheeks. It makes them look a little rough and red sometimes, but it's usually not particularly noticeable.
- My teeth are "spacey." They were good enough not to need braces, but they don't look so great when compared to all the kids who had braces and now have perfect teeth.
- I'm average weight.

Any tips on clothing, personal body/face care, and body language? Thanks a lot!

[The David]

Sorry. It doesn't sound like there's much you can do at this point.

Just kidding!

I doubt that excema will hold you back. Given your age, be glad that's all you have. As far as clothing, I have no idea. Body language? Smile, but do more than smile. Be genuinely happy. The whole 'soften' thing is overrated. Charisma and friendliness is what counts.

Some of the girls here will give you better advice. I'm just regurgitating a bunch of information that I haven't even learned myself.

[ArtVandelay]

I'm not worried about anything holding me back, although my teeth are more of a concern. One thing I forgot to mention is that they're not exactly evenly white. I used swallow toothpaste when I was a little kid, so parts of my teeth are abnormally bleached by the extra fluorine. That wouldn't be so bad, except that it highlights the other yellow parts. I keep trying to bleach them, but I can't stand those darn strips. I'm going to try them again, though, because I really need to fix that.

The "spaciness" is another issue, because it makes my smile look a bit strange straight on. Some of my side teeth look almost like they're from a vampire - well, that's an exaggeration, but you get the point.

Anyway, thanks for the reply !

[Shamou]

Hello and welcome aboard ArtVandelay...

Attractiveness has a lot to do with charisma... there are limited things that you can do to change your physical appearance... but there is a lot that you can do to increase charisma... that is, how people perceive you...

Charisma may be an elusive subject... but you can always start by loving people... be cheerful and positive... and make people feel better about themselves...

When people like you... no matter what you look like... they will find you attractive... if not... looks will not matter much...

Good luck to you... and keep on smiling...

.

[RT Wolf]

You're a guy looking for a girl? Looks are not the determining factor for most women when they are looking for someone, as it is for guys. Women are more influenced by things like personality and touch rather than looks, as for guys.

[StarFish]

I guess the real question is how much money do you have to blow? I would think if the gap in your teeth bothered you enough, a Dentist would be able to give you braces. And you can get laser treatment on them too to make them WHITE!

As for clothes, what ever you pick they need to FIT. I don't know about other girls, but I can't stand when guys where shirt and pants that are too big.

Other then that, I agree with those comments above me, girls are more into a good personality. I dated a guy once who had a lame eye and was kind of gangly. I didn't really bother me much because he was so out going and fun.

[The David]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

You're a guy looking for a girl? Looks are not the determining factor for most women when they are looking for someone, as it is for guys. Women are more influenced by things like personality and touch rather than looks, as for guys.

I was thinking the same thing. Being a guy gives you a bit of an edge in that way...IF you have a good personality, that is. Some people don't, and they have to have massive amount of plastic surgery to cover it.

[bdp]

ArtVandelay,

You and I are quite similar, besides my 10 extra years of experience, so this advice should be quite relevant to you:

I have excema too, on my arms and hands. It was REALLY bad when I was in middle school, and everybody would ask me about it. After a while I realized that it was partially aggravated by weather changes, and partially by my diet. I think that wheat gluten and animal products are part of the problem in my case.

Aside from the diet, I realized that it was just skin. Some people have worse problems like obesity, or multiple sclerosis or something. I don't try to hide my excema, and I'm downright confident about it. People only care about it if I care about it.

Regarding your "average weight," what is average? Average for the USA means overweight. At any rate, being lean will make you look and feel a LOT better, and give you tons of confidence. All other things being equal, leanness makes you look more muscular and attractive, and you'll feel fantastic. I have much more specific advice on this topic, if you want. PM me and I'll post it here.

This brings us to confidence. Confidence is one of the keys to success in life. I never got anywhere with girls, my career, and life in general until I gained confidence in myself. Frankly, I just faked confidence for until it developed (it took a good 6 months or so, and I made a fool of myself a lot!) So pretending that I was confident actually made me confident after a while. Your mileage may vary.

[Stargirl]

Hi!

For me at least, clothes make a huge impact on how a guy looks. Dress well and you will be attractive. It's hard to describe dressing well, but I'll try. Well-fitting clothes definitely look much better. (Especially if you are fit. So another way to become more attractive is to work out.) I like those collared blue-stripe shirts, collared white shirts with an undershirt, black polos, regular t-shirts, etc. Look in magazines to see clothing ideas. But make sure they fit well.

Also, a nice haircut does help. As I said, look at magazines and at the actors/models girls think are hot for ideas.

Girls do tend to care a lot about personality as people said. So being well-dressed and confident is the key. Confidence is definitely good on guys. I don't remember ever being interested in a guy who wasn't confident.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by bdp

ArtVandelay,


This brings us to confidence. Confidence is one of the keys to success in life. I never got anywhere with girls, my career, and life in general until I gained confidence in myself. Frankly, I just faked confidence for until it developed (it took a good 6 months or so, and I made a fool of myself a lot!) So pretending that I was confident actually made me confident after a while. Your mileage may vary.

Good post bdp... the old, "Fake it 'till you make it" is an excellent approach... if it does not kill you... it will make you...

.

[Beloved]

I haven't read all the other replies but I wanted to add my 2 cents worth. You are only 16, give it a couple of years and I am sure you will be a ladykiller. At this age you shouldn't have your wisdom teeth, I bet when they come in your teeth may move a little. I had to get mine removed because they made my bottom teeth push together and the dentist said they would eventually push the teeth out of alignment. In the meantime just do the best to look after yourself, look into natural treatments for your excema, even get an allergy test lots of foods can cause excema, be well dressed and be the best person you can be. Don't forget to have fun.

A lot of the guys I went to school with that I thought weren't great looking or putting it bluntly ugly at the age of 16, when I have seen those same guys as adults I can't get over how great they look. A lot of the guys I thought were hunks at school have gone the other way and don't look that great. I've seen pictures of my own husband at 16 and believe me I would not have been attracted to him back then, he had spacey teeth and looked like a skinny runt. A celebrity example of runt turned hunk would be Anthony Michael Hall.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Good hygiene. Eat healthfully. Smile genuinely. Treat people with respect. Believe in yourself.

If you do these things, I think it will matter very little what shape your teeth are in or if you have a little excema. If it will make you more confident, try to whiten your teeth and look into some natural cures for excema (I would think a change in diet might be helpful, but I am no expert).

Best wishes. I am sure you will do very well as you sound like you have your head on straight at 16.

Edit: PS As for clothes, clean and neat are good. I don't have a particular style of clothes that I prefer to see a guy wear, but if he's got clean clothes that don't look as if they've been piled on the floor it's a plus. Smell good (a good shower, deodorant and maybe a subtle cologne will do you wonders). Stand up straight, look people in the eye, smile.

[ArtVandelay]

Originally Posted by Beloved

've seen pictures of my own husband at 16 and believe me I would not have been attracted to him back then, he had spacey teeth and looked like a skinny runt. A celebrity example of runt turned hunk would be Anthony Michael Hall.

Does he still have spacey teeth?

Thanks for the replies, guys. On the topic of being charismatic and confident, what's all this I hear about an "open posture"? What constitutes an open posture? Can my hands be in my pockets? Where should I put my hands when I walk, stand, and sit?

[RT Wolf]

Should be able to see the ahnds, so not in pockets. Nothing crossed, arms or legs. shoulders back, too, but not too back. You want to look comfortabley confident, not like a manequin.

Thing is, you start feeilng the emotions of the posture you're in, so it should be easier.

[ArtVandelay]

What am I supposed to do with my hands then?

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by ArtVandelay

What am I supposed to do with my hands then?

Simply suppose that you are an actor playing the part of a confident, charismatic person (not unlike Shamou ) or Donald Trump or Tony Robbins... or Steve or whoever you know that is confident and charismatic...

Remember Shakespeare said,

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

And... if you want to get it right what you need to do is to practice... practice and practice...

.

[RT Wolf]

Stop thinking about it.

Seriously, though, just keep them at your sides or on your lap or on your knees or something. JUst don't cross them or hold them together or use them to form some sort of a barrier. Watch a "confident" person and see what they do with their hands. If you're getting interested in body language, I would recommend some books on body language to help you learn a bit more about what people say with the 55% of their communications. A good one is The Definitive Book fo Body Language.

[Ree]

Be yourself. Don't worry about what others think and don't blindly follow the crowd. Find your own way and be your own person. That is amazingly attractive. Get comfortable with who you are. "You are a child of the universe. As much as the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here." It's true.

Listen. Society is so filled with talking heads today that it is a rare person who will actually listen. Others, both male and female, will appreciate this quality and you'll learn a lot as well.

To the extent you can afford it, don't underestimate the value of seeing a dermatologist and using products which can really help you. Do your homework and get as much bang for your buck as you can. Dermatologists can do amazing things these days.

But always remember to value who you are inside, even while you work on improving the outside

[maclinda]

What I find most attractive is when a person truly listens to me. Being too focused on yourself appears as distracted or inattentive. Sure, do be clean and neat etc., but when you're with someone, be truly "with" them, and not thinking of how YOU look or are moving, etc.

Watch some "attractive" people and see for yourself.

[RT Wolf]

BTW, listening is probably the trait that comes up most often for being a good friend or boyfriend, I'd recommend grabbing a book on communications to help you with that. How to Make friends nad influence people is a good one. ANother one is Messages: The Communication skills handbook.

Contrary to popular belief, listening is a skill, and again, contrary to popular belief, most people don't know how to listen properly. So, learn to listen. It's probably one of the most beneficial things I did in terms of improving my relationships or making new friends.

[Jenny]

Originally Posted by Ree

Be yourself. Don't worry about what others think and don't blindly follow the crowd. Find your own way and be your own person. That is amazingly attractive.

I think Ree is giving you some great advice here. Particularly when it comes to how attractive it is to meet someone who is authentic.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

I'd recommend grabbing a book on communications to help you with that. How to Make friends nad influence people is a good one. ANother one is Messages: The Communication skills handbook.

The title of the book is: How to "win" friends and influence people... by Dale Carnegie... excellent book... except for the corny title...

.

[RT Wolf]

I had the feeling that title wasn't right. Thanks for correcting it. Good book. Some parts were a little bit iffy for me, but its actually a solid book on communication without being excessively manipulative.

[Plato]

ArtVandelay, for what purpose do you want to be more physically attractive? As a lot of people here have pointed out, looks don't count that much for guys unless you want to be a male model or something... What does count is grooming and fashion. Make sure you smell good, get a cool haircut (don't be afraid to splash out- it's worth it), and get some girls to help you out with buying clothes.....you could even make a date of it

Oh, and going to the gym probably wouldn't do you any harm.
Bodybuilding.com - The Future Of Bodybuilding! Huge Bodybuilding Site. will tell you everything you need to know there. And if you're looking for an ideal body to be attractive to women you wanna aim for the Brad Pitt in fight club look- lean muscle. If you want to gain the respect of guys being a bit bigger can make a difference.

You mentioned body language? You might like to consider the concept of 'mirroring' as a technique for building rapport rapidly. And if I was going to give one general tip for body langauge I would advise you to always be the most comfortable person in the room. Sit/stand where YOU want to be and then arrange people around you the way you want. Be the center of attention and be comfortable and relaxed.

Take it easy buddy...

[Plato]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

I had the feeling that title wasn't right. Thanks for correcting it. Good book. Some parts were a little bit iffy for me, but its actually a solid book on communication without being excessively manipulative.

It's a paradox... nobody would learn techniques for influencing or attracting people that were inneffective, but as soon as something IS effective it is labelled as manipulative. It's not the technology, it's how you use it.

[Kamma]

I think you've received some great advice here. I would just like to say that if this is about attracting girls then different girls like different things in guys, especially looks, clothing etc. I think the best piece of advice is to be yourself. It's OK to act confident as long as the things you are saying confidently are honest.

[bert eats dirt]

I've discovered a great way to dress yourself if you're a guy - take a female friend out with you and get them to pick all your clothes Personally I like this approach cuz I'm not so good with picking out clothes and girls usually are. Plus it's a fun change of routine - beats sitting on your computer the whole day!

As for attractiveness, everything I've read and heard about being attractive to women says that personality is king, far moreso than looks (but looking good won't hurt either). Chicks have certainly dig me more when I exude confidence

[AnnaC]

I'm basically repeating what the other people on here have said

being yourself and having a sense of humour is attractive

I think girls care less about whether you are physically attractive and more about whether you are confident, attentive and a listener and sense of humour is always good too.

Oh, and don't overdo the whole deodorant/aftershave thing!!

[Jenny]

Originally Posted by AnnaC

Oh, and don't overdo the whole deodorant/aftershave thing!!

Yes, I second Anna C on this point.

[jjclark]

If there is one piece of advice I could give you it would be... learn to love yourself! And I don't mean in a conceited way. But have an honest respect for yourself. When you do that you will be confident and charismatic, and hopefully the rest falls into place. Hope this helps.