Childbirth Thread by popular request

[momo3bur]

Originally Posted by aelle

Mamas, were your babies planned, or more of a surprise? If they were planned, did you do anything to prepare for pregnancy and labor - improved diet, supplements, exercise? Any prep in your relationship? Or did you kind of go "alright, let's do this" and dealt with changes as they came?

I love talking about these things! My first baby was unplanned, but I lost it. A year or so later, we did plan my first daughter (one night) and did nothing but...you know...to conceive. I did take prenatal vitamins when I found out I was pregnant with her, continued regular exercise, and pretty much ate whatever. So I guess with her it was an "alright, let's do this" situation. She was born at 37 weeks gestation because I had preeclampsia, but she was 6 lb 12 oz and 20 inches long. She had no problems other than needing a little oxygen. That labor was induced and lasted about 19 hours.

With my son we decided we wanted to have a boy. I applied a method (not proven) of trying to conceive a boy where you make sure you only have sex the two days you are ovulating (or something like that, I can't remember specifics, but I'm sure it's available through google). The whole theory is that male sperm travel faster; die faster, female sperm travel slower, live longer, so if you want to conceive a boy, have sex within that ovulation period. If you want a girl, have sex about 48 hours before. Anyway, it either worked or it was a coincidence. I'll probably never get the chance to try again to test it a second time! LOL. With him, I took prenatals before I got pregnant for about 3 months, ate a very balanced diet, exercised. He decided to come at 39 weeks right in the middle of me sanding my bathroom cabinets down (I was wearing a mask ). That labor was ALL natural but was only about 6 hours long once I got to the hospital. I had been having contractions for about two days, though, so I'm not sure when real labor began. He was 7 lb even and 21.5 inches long.

My youngest daughter was a complete surprise birth control fail. LOL. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I was still taking prenatals since I was breast feeding. Found out I was pregnant with her when my son was four months old. She was induced because she didn't want to come at all! LOL. And I think my doc wanted to make sure I was there while she was on call. She was 8 lb 9 oz and 22 inches long. That labor was a little more difficult and I had an epidural which didn't work. But I think once the induction really got off to a good start, it was only about 5 or so hours.

Originally Posted by aelle

While pregnant, how strict / paranoid were you with the various "no alcohol, no second hand smoke, no coffee, no chocolate, no seafood, no cheese, no hot tubs, no cats, nothing fun" rules that seem to spring up and change every few years?

I was really strict with most of those things. I never drank, never smoked, was never around smoke (unless I couldn't avoid it), no coffee. I did eat chocolate, no seafood, cheese is fine here as long as it's pasteurized, no hottubs (this a pregnant woman should NEVER do), cats were ok (you can be tested for toxoplasmosis and if you've been exposed to it before, you and your baby will be immune), still had lots of fun!

You can exercise normally throughout your pregnancy as long as there are no complications. THere are only really a few things you shouldn't do, like horseback riding, jumping on trampolines, climbing ladders or mountains...lol. It's good to stay out of saunas, hot tubs, very hot baths, etc., because you can overheat, but usually you'll feel sick before it happens. I think scuba diving is against the rules, but I wouldn't know for sure. I would definitely say no sky diving. LOL.

The few things I'll recommend to anyone planning to have a baby is to read a lot and educate yourself while you're pregnant, take your vitamins, don't stress too much about small things (most likely inavoidable in first pregnancy), and if you can avoid being induced with pitocin, try to go into labor on your own. It seems to make the whole thing faster and go smoother. The contractions are also easier to deal with and you won't be worn thin by the time the big ones start.

[momo3bur]

Well...I guess I need to add that all of that is according to my experience. But everybody is different, so just get lots of support from family and friends and your doctor/midwife to help you out with all the decisions and planning for birth. It's always really helpful to have a wonderful team of ladies behind you during such a significant time.

[ButterflyWoman]

One thing I'll say (and this will be controversial, I'm sure ), is that for me, the introduction of pain medicine actually made the experience worse in every case, except for the Entonox, which pretty much did nothing at all but gave me something to do (holding the inhaler, listening to the thing rattle as I inhaled, etc.; it gave me a focus).

With the pethidene (Demerol), it made me SO sleepy that I couldn't keep any kind of focus going. I'd actually drift off between contractions, and then be rudely awakened by the peak of the next one. It was very disorienting and I hated it (and I haven't had it since, not even when I broke my arm!).

The epidural was just... annoying. It has all this "overhead" with it. You have to have an IV, a urinary catheter, you're confined to the bed, you have to have a fetal heart monitor, etc. And it was incredibly BORING, to say the least. At least with actual labour you can feel, you've got something to do. I was just twiddling my thumbs and being utterly, utterly bored. Husband said, "Hey, if I'd known you were going to get an epidural, I'd have brought along a deck of cards," which is pretty much how I felt about it.

I also had really nasty side effects from the epidural, including ferocious itching and then a severe headache, and it lasted about six weeks (not kidding; I don't know that it was entirely the fault of having had my spinal column punctured and drugs pumped into it, but I had a severe headache and it didn't go away for weeks, so...).

I much prefer childbirth where I'm not doped up or dazed or numb. In my experience, if you're prepared and you don't panic at the experience of pain, it's honestly not that bad. I've had far worse pain, including a toothache (and that six week headache was pretty bad, too!). And the thing with labour is you get a breather between contractions, so you can take a breath and regroup and wait for the next one. It's not like a toothache or a headache, which is continual.

[Curious cat]

Originally Posted by aelle

Mamas, were your babies planned, or more of a surprise? If they were planned, did you do anything to prepare for pregnancy and labor - improved diet, supplements, exercise?

My pregnancy was planned, so i thought i did the right thing by going to see a GP to have everything checked out and make sure everything was good to go. The doctor completely dismissed my request and insisted that i just go ahead and tht there wasn't anything to worry about. I insisted with bloodwork anyway and had them done. I was told the results were 'fine'., but she forgot to mention that my rubella vaccination was low and a booster should have been recommended. So if anyone is ttc, please have your vaccinations checked, unless you are against vaccinations.

I took prenatal vitamins during pregnancy, and am continuing with it as i am still breastfeeding my 16 month toddler. It does wonders for your hair

Originally Posted by aelle

any prep in your relationship? Or did you kind of go "alright, let's do this" and dealt with changes as thy came?

My husband and i felt that we would grow into our roles as parents and take things as they come. However, we were both adamant that we need to support each other and be consistent with our approach. We want to be a team and don't like the idea of good cop, bad cop.

We also talked about me not working. i was a hardcore career woman, but the moment i was pregnant, i knew i just wanted to be with my child and not go back to work. That means we would be a single income family and had to adjust our spending and make sacrifices, but it has been well worth it for our little family. I feel very lucky that i am in a position to do this. And it's great that my husband is so supportive.

Originally Posted by aelle

While pregnant, how strict / paranoid were you with the various "no alcohol, no second hand smoke, no coffee, no chocolate, no seafood, no cheese, no hot tubs, no cats, nothing fun" rules that seem to spring up and change every few years?

I wasn't much of a drinker before i got pregnant so it wasn't hard for me to cut out alcohol completely. I was a heavy coffee drinker and went cold turkey as soon as i found out. I did still occasionally had coke, like half a can once a week. I avoided seafood (mercury), salad at restaurants as some restaurants don't wash their lettuce (risk of listeria), thoroughly cooked food (no ham, salami etc unless it was zapped in the microwave for at least 30 seconds, again due to risk of listeria). We don't have a cat but i do have a dog and i was relieved from poop duties. My husband and i don't smoke so that was easy, but we hate the smell of cigarettes so we always make a point to not inhale everytime we pass a smoker

Other professional recommendations that i followed included sleeping on my side from the second trimester onwards. Making sure i wear my seatbelt properly, so that it is secure and not loose, and below my bump. Oh and kegel exercises

[aelle]

Research has shown that babies can differentiate languages in utero, and imitate their mother tongue's inflections from birth. BBC NEWS | Health | Babies 'cry in mother's tongue'

Now I wonder if to have the best shot at multilingualism (the boy and I being natives of different languages), we'd need to expose the fetus to both languages. Tricky, because while I plan on talking to my hypothetical kids in French, I don't have any reasons to use the language until they're here!

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by momo3bur

I've never heard that before, either! It's actually really incorrect, too. Babies born via C-section are much more likely to develop pneumonia and have trouble breathing right at first, lack of oxygen right after birth, etc., because they weren't forced through the birth canal which helps force fluids out of a babies lungs.

The birthing process is difficult for a baby, but every single bit of it is useful in one way or another. Having a c-section is generally more difficult (in recovery for mom and baby) than vaginal birth, I would think, and comparing my experiences with my friends.

I gave birth vaginally 3 times. All uncomplicated and very pleasant (except for ... well...the obvious stuff).

I think that's sort of the point, because babies born by C-section aren't pushed out the birth canal and thus can have some problems as a result, they're not as "tough" (or something???) because they didn't have to be pushed out.

It's like... errm...butterflies. If a butterfly is helped from its coccoon it doesn't develop properly. It actually has to break its way out to become a fully formed butterfly. I guess some people take that analogy to C-section babies??

All three of my kids were delivered via C-section so I can't go and compare them to each other and they seem relatively okay when compared to their peers so it's hard to say whether they'd have been better "fighters" had they been born naturally .

[Anneliese]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Thank you! I have many!!!!


How did you pick your midwife? Which questions did you ask? Did you get a recommendation? Did you go through several till you found the one you liked? Did you use the same for all births?

I did searches for midwives, then wrote out all my questions, then interviewed them. It was a lot of time and effort. I asked about what they would do in case of emergency, their views on labor, and other things I can't remember any more, sorry. I kept interviewing until we found one we liked (or in the case of the third, was the least worst). We used three different midwives because we lived in different locations.

Originally Posted by ssandra

Did it matter for the giving birth process (how easy/painful it was) how big the baby was?

Not at all. My second was the easiest, and she was the biggest.

Originally Posted by ssandra

What is your secret?

Did it hurt? Did you use hypnosis? Did the midwife gave you a massage? (my mom told me about that one).

Did the doctor try to push medication on you? Did you have home births or in a birthing center? Weren't you worried about the case that something MIGHT go wrong, and you wouldn't be near a doctor to do an emergency c-section?

No hypnosis. Relaxing as much as possible. Realizing that no muscles needed to be tense other than my uterus. Concentrating on noticing that the only thing in pain was my uterus, nothing else. Concentrating on the pain, going through it, and realizing it was squeezing, not pain. Slow, deep breathing. When the baby was coming out I didn't push at all; it's not necessary because the uterus does all the contracting on its own. I also tried to really relax down there. And also, the midwife provided counter pressure on my perineum, sometimes massaging a bit before crowning to loosen it up a bit.

Childbirth hurt, yes, the most difficult to bear with occurring during transition. But there were also good feelings. Horny feelings. Crowning burned but also felt like almost like an orgasm. I loved the feeling of their little bodies sliding through me after crowning.

I was in a hospital for the first, but the doctor was only there for 1 minute during delivery because at the time he was required to do so for midwife assisted births. The other two births I was at home. No drugs were ever offered to me, and I was never tempted to ask for or take any. There seemed to be no reason to take them.

In case something went wrong, we were very close to hospitals in both cases, so I was not worried. Even in an emergency situation, it takes time at the hospital to assemble all the necessary people. Bringing an on call anesthesiologist in from home takes time, too. With my son we did go to the hospital after he was born, in fact.

Originally Posted by ssandra

Did you consider a c-section for the last one? Or did the person in charge say something like "if it takes this much longer, we'll do a c-section" or something like that?

How was the pain? What does it actually feel like? Is it comparable with menstruation craps? Or completely different?

The midwife said that if things didn't start to progress we would have to consider going to the hospital, but it didn't end up being necessary.

The pain was like menstrual cramps, but much, much more intense. I should say though that my menstrual cramps are mild at the worst, just some gentle squeezing.

Originally Posted by ssandra

That's about 20 kilo's.... did you keep doing exercise? Do you think having a healthy body, and strong stomach muscles helps with it being less painful and easier delivery?

I did do some exercise with some pregnancies, but not really with my third. I think that a woman's level of health and strength VERY strongly influences the progression of labor and birth. Being heavier made it more difficult to move around, and really I wish I hadn't gained so much. I ate a ton of ice cream.

Originally Posted by ssandra

Why the difference? Did it had to do with your supply, or the personality of the child involved?

I plan to breastfeed (if everything goes as planned) for 9 months to a year, depending on the needs of my child of course.

What is the main argument that made you decide to breastfeed for that long?

I nursed my oldest until she weaned herself. The second I encouraged early weaning because I found nursing her rather unpleasant once her little brother was born. I made it two years, and feel a little guilty about how something that was special for her became something to endure for me. The third also weaned on his own.

I planned on nursing one year, then playing it by ear, and that's what happened. I wanted them to have the immune system boost and also the nutritional benefit. It also helped me to use up calories.

[momo3bur]

Originally Posted by votoshka

I think that's sort of the point, because babies born by C-section aren't pushed out the birth canal and thus can have some problems as a result, they're not as "tough" (or something???) because they didn't have to be pushed out.

It's like... errm...butterflies. If a butterfly is helped from its coccoon it doesn't develop properly. It actually has to break its way out to become a fully formed butterfly. I guess some people take that analogy to C-section babies??

All three of my kids were delivered via C-section so I can't go and compare them to each other and they seem relatively okay when compared to their peers so it's hard to say whether they'd have been better "fighters" had they been born naturally .

Haha! Well, that makes sense! I guess I was thinking of it more like C-Section babies might have to fight more sometimes after they're born to make it, but I see what this means now.

I wonder IF our births have any effect on the way we behave? I've never heard any of that before, but it is very interesting.

[ButterflyWoman]

I do think there's a case to be made for a baby picking up emotions and attitudes and moods from its mother. There are studies that show that babies born to women suffering from depression are more likely to show early signs of the same disorder (like, really early, in some cases) and I seem to recall one about babies born to very anxious women (like, women with anxiety disorder, or who are in terrible situations like a refugee camp or war zone or similar) having a higher percentage of certain kinds of traits (I don't think it was anxiety, but there was something; I can't recall now what it was).

I've always felt that my mother didn't really want me. Years later, I found out that I was conceived in the back seat of a car and that my mother was two months pregnant when my parents got married, and that she'd considered getting an abortion (which was then illegal, of course), and actually went to the abortionist's place but found nobody there so she left and never went back. She had me by default, and on some level, I always knew that.

Back to the subject of birth, I've always been convinced that I was born with the assistance of forceps. My mother says not, but she wasn't even conscious when I was born (it was 1964; they knocked you out cold as soon as you got into the delivery room!), so I don't think she'd have any way of knowing. Basically, I was born without my mother even being present...

[momo3bur]

Originally Posted by ButterflyWoman

I do think there's a case to be made for a baby picking up emotions and attitudes and moods from its mother. There are studies that show that babies born to women suffering from depression are more likely to show early signs of the same disorder (like, really early, in some cases) and I seem to recall one about babies born to very anxious women (like, women with anxiety disorder, or who are in terrible situations like a refugee camp or war zone or similar) having a higher percentage of certain kinds of traits (I don't think it was anxiety, but there was something; I can't recall now what it was).

I've always felt that my mother didn't really want me. Years later, I found out that I was conceived in the back seat of a car and that my mother was two months pregnant when my parents got married, and that she'd considered getting an abortion (which was then illegal, of course), and actually went to the abortionist's place but found nobody there so she left and never went back. She had me by default, and on some level, I always knew that.

Back to the subject of birth, I've always been convinced that I was born with the assistance of forceps. My mother says not, but she wasn't even conscious when I was born (it was 1964; they knocked you out cold as soon as you got into the delivery room!), so I don't think she'd have any way of knowing. Basically, I was born without my mother even being present...

Oh, I'm sorry BW. Yes, I definitely believe that babies pick up on their mother's emotional and hormonal state. I also believe that the condition a mother is in while pregnant can have some bearing on the child's personality, physicality later on in life.

In sociology or psychology (can't remember which one) in college I remember my professor telling us about a study that was done on babies whose mothers were pregnant with them during WWII. They found that a very high percentage of the male children turned out to be homosexual later in life, but not only gay, also very feminine in their behavior.

The theory behind that study was that stress levels the mothers experienced while pregnant caused her body to produce either too much estrogen or testosterone or something, causing the children to do the same.

I can't remember all the details of what I was told in that class and I wish I could find the study, so I can't promise it's legit. But I did find it really interesting.

Those forceps caused a LOT of trouble, BW! My mother has a cousin who was brain damaged by being forced out of her mother with those things and has lived her life mentally disabled. She's not severe, but bad enough that she is not allowed to drive or have children. I have heard her mother say that doctors have told them she has the mental capacity of a 13 year old girl. I'm so glad forceps aren't used any longer.

[ssandra]

All this talk about nasty nurses and uncooperative doctors scare me....

In the Netherlands I am used to talking to doctors as if they are normal human beings. And I'll ask them whatever I want to ask if something isn't clear....

Here, doctors are used to being seen as the All Knowing, and don't particularly like it when you ask questions or hesitate to accept their judgment (even when it is clearly not what is going on).

Luckily I found a OBGYN who does accept my questions... Now only to find a midwife who can help me as well, and train my husband to stand up for me, instead of for the doctor....

(hopefully soon. My body and mind are going crazy with wanting a baby, but we cannot until certain things have solved itself... )

[momo3bur]

Originally Posted by ssandra

All this talk about nasty nurses and uncooperative doctors scare me....

In the Netherlands I am used to talking to doctors as if they are normal human beings. And I'll ask them whatever I want to ask if something isn't clear....

Here, doctors are used to being seen as the All Knowing, and don't particularly like it when you ask questions or hesitate to accept their judgment (even when it is clearly not what is going on).

Luckily I found a OBGYN who does accept my questions... Now only to find a midwife who can help me as well, and train my husband to stand up for me, instead of for the doctor....

(hopefully soon. My body and mind are going crazy with wanting a baby, but we cannot until certain things have solved itself... )

Hey Sandra! I can't wait until you get pregnant! I think everyone on the forum is waiting anxiously. LOL.

If it makes you feel any better, I never had any issues with the nurses or my doctor. I love my OB/GYN and actually decided against a midwife because I became so close with her. She even called me during thanksgiving while she was in California with her family to check in on me. She always made sure she was there to deliver when I was in labor whether she was on call or not.

Her staff of nurses are amazing and still recognize my voice on the phone (which I guess isn't hard to do since I sound like a 12 year old ). The hospital nurses are a different staff (if you go that route) but I never had any problems from them. They were all very sweet, although there was one my husband found very attractive and although I'm usually not a jealous type, husbands be warned it's not a good idea to oggle nurses while your wife is in labor.

When I had my son, husband came down with the flu and couldn't be there. He got very upset with me for calling him in the night and waking him up at one point, and I guess the nurse that came in later to check on me picked up on my emotional state. She stayed with me for over an hour just talking. Very sweet woman.

So they're not ALL bad! If you want a really intimate experience, though, you might be better off with a midwife that you can really relate to as a person and not just a professional. It helps to feel a sense of friendship with the person delivering your babies. It's a really warm feeling to have that trust and they'll sort of keep a special place in your heart after that.

Gushy mushy, I know....I'm sitting her about ready to bawl now. LOL! You need to have a BAYBEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! So we can all dote on you.

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by momo3bur

I'm so glad forceps aren't used any longer.

Well, they are, but they're used much more carefully and judiciously than they once were. There's also a kind of vacuum extraction thing that fits onto the baby's head and helps to pull them out.

[thematrix]

can i just say going off this subject slightly i no nothing about child birth of the procedures they put you through giving birth when my partner gave birth to my beautiful baby girl who is 2 y.o. now all of it was like a whirlwind madness going on around me i didnt know what was going on i just left them to it but my point is this when my girl was giving birth(a natural birth) i was looking and thinking this woman is doing something so amazing that i have not got words for, the words i want to say do not exist to explain my feelings about a child being born and after trying to sort them feelings out with tears in my eyes and rolling down my face there is another feeling when i first seen my baby girl and how much i fell in love with this amazing person i have only just met for the first time in my life i would die right there and then to protect my child and ive only just met her can someone please help me out here because this is something that i was never taught or was told this will happen my body discovered feelings that i didnt know it could and then i looked into her eyes as she opened them well that was it i just turned into blubbering wreck i think the midwife thought i was wierd a big strong man turned into a pile of goo and the midwives there are so cool in the situation its like a walk in the park to them me i couldnt even stand up never mind walk

[ssandra]

A man's experience with regards to childbirth is just as interesting and valid for this thread as a woman's. In my opinion...

[ButterflyWoman]

Originally Posted by ssandra

A man's experience with regards to childbirth is just as interesting and valid for this thread as a woman's.

Yeah, I think so, too.

[Curious cat]

My membrane tore at 36+1 weeks so i was leaking amniotic fluid well before my due date. It was clear and smelt sweet, which was how i knew it couldn't have been a bathroom accident. The obstetrician wanted to induce me, but i wanted as little intervention as possible and also give my baby more time, so i declined the offer and decided to wait for labour to start naturally. It was an uphill battle though, as doctors i encountered expected me to simply accept what they wanted to do to my body, without any questions or resistance. But it's my body, my baby, my decision!

I had stop and starts with contractions over a few days, it was frustrating. Contractions felt like really bad stomach virus cramps, except more painful, and your stomach muscles tighten and firm on their own.

My contractions weren't textbook and occurred 10 minutes apart and some would last for 10 minutes (i was told to only come in if they are closer than 10 minutes apart). It only dawned on me that i must be at the pushing stage after my husband made the observation that i sounded as though i was pushing. Without realising it, i was making grunting sounds and was instinctively bearing down as it helped relieve the pain.

When we got to the hospital the midwife did not believe i was in labour, but after an internal examination, she confirmed i was 9.5cm dilated (10cm is full dilation). It was too late for an epidural, which i didn't mind as my goal was to have a drug free labour. I did have gas, which really helped with the contractions, but it made me a little out of it, so i stopped taking it when it was time to push. Because my contractions were slowing to 30 minutes apart, they put me on oxytocin via drip.

Pushing took about an hour, and for me, was the easiest part. When my son was crowning, it did sting quite a bit. Kind of like really bad chinese burns, but 1000 times worse. After my baby was born, the midwife unwrapped the cord from his neck and clamped the placenta. I was given an injection in my thigh. I wasn't given the heads up about this, nor was it explained, but i suspect it was to speed delivery of the placenta, which only required one push, and was amazingly bigger than i imagined.

i had several first degree tears and needed stitches. I believe tearing was minimised because i did not allow hospital staff to rush me, and i think if i took it slower when my son was crowning, i may have gotten away tear free. But i rushed it at the end as staff were suggesting forceps delivery, which was not what i wanted at all.

Healing took about two months and i had regular period bleeding for about one or two weeks (sorry it's been 16 months, my memory is a bit hazy). In the final days the discharge changed from dark red to yellow. Which i think was the lining of the uterus. I breastfed from day one, and looking to continue until my son decides to self wean.

Sorry if this post was too long. I love hearing about others' birth experience, so i tend to get excited when discussing it. Happy to answer any questions (bf too).