how to lose weight when food is your weapon against stress and emptiness?

[GregD]

Hi, I was asked a questions that I sort of answered but not really, so I wonder if someone here might have the answer from which both I can learn and I can convey.

For a person who has nothing emotionally exciting in their life and who uses food to counteract stress and emotional emptiness - what possible way is there for such a person to cut the connection from food and lose weight?

Please note that "find something you love" I already tried, doesn't work. I appreciate any advice other than this one.

Thank you

[CoolBee]

I wouldn't say 'find something you love', I might say though try and find something else to occupy your time and release your physical and emotional stress.

Things that have worked for me:

(1) Physical activity - walking, swimming to relieve the physical effects of stress and begin to feel 'at one' with your body

(2) Journalling is also good - partly for just letting it all out, and also for beginning to identify exactly what it is that is stressing you out.

(3) Quiet contemplation: Finding somewhere to get out of your situation - a park, an art gallery, somewhere quiet to sit and contemplate some beauty. If you are in a job you hate, slope off at lunch time and find a quiet corner of the universe to eat your sandwich.


Once you do begin to get a handle on what the stressors are, doing something to alleviate them.

If it's a relationship - get out of it or if you don't want to, try and fix it somehow - obviously that's a bit glib, but I think how you might do that could be an entire thread on it's own!

If you have long term weight issues, dating back to childhood, then from personal experience, I can say that the NLP technique of 'parts integration' made quite a profound shift in my life about 2 years ago - the impact of which began to flow through maybe a few weeks after I underwent it! (I volunteered to be the demonstration subject on my NLP training - and I briefly said what issue I was considering and did the whole thing silent! The trainer was itching to know what was going on - she said it was obvious the parts were having intense discussions LOL) - at the end another big woman on the training was sobbing intensely so had obviously undergone her own journey while I was doing mine silently.

Hope some of that helps.

I have a lot of personal experience - I used loaves of bread as a tranquiliser of angry emotions for decades.

[missbhaven]

Which food do they use?
When do they use it?
What about the food do they love in that state of mind?
When they think about that food what is their fondest memory?
What chemicals (even healthy ones) does this food have and how does it react in your body?
How do they feel 10 min after they are done?

Examine why you choose these foods move on.
Figure out your attatchments to the foods and the memories associated with it.

my example

Me when I am sad I reach for ice cream/gelato.

The more sad I am the more likely it is going to be a creamy based one rather than sorbet.

I love the feel of it on my tongue, the silky smoothness. I don't just wolf it down, I savor it. I actually go to the store and I get excited just picking one.

When I think of it, I remember moments of excitement as a kid going out with my parents and being happy because it was a treat. I feel loved because I know my dad wants to make me happy and having an awesome time with my him. I feel comfortable watching tv snuggling with my mom.

The sugar is the primary one releases endorphines in my body gets me high and I get a source of fat from nuts/milk for that silky smoothness and I may also get calcium.

I do feel better. Often more calm and relaxed. Not as distraught as before.



Understand you relationship with food first before you start doing anything with it.
Sometimes people pick foods that they associate with good times because it can bring back that feeling. It can kick them out of that rut. Sometimes they pick foods because they are low in a vitamin or mineral that it may have (like women low in magnesium crave chocolate on their period).
If you feel guilty after, know that food didn't help and in fact you are now building a negative relationship with that food. You can switch the food or an activity that to be a healthier choice but still meets your senses, difficiency and attatchments.

In my terms I can go for a goat's milk ice cream for fat, work out for endorphines, go on a rollercoaster for excitement, snuggle with a friend for comfort, be with someone who makes me feel loved.

[GregD]

hi coolbee, thanks.
physical is not possible, her size is too big + i convinced her to do it for some time and she does not enjoy it i'm pretty sure cause of the size.
stress factors are clear - life issues, can't change em, family related, life related.
not a relationship, it is a close relative
i will read on the nlp thing you mentioned

hi missbhaven,
i understand what you are writing but i do not understand what is the advice. there is no particular relationship to food other than simply eating when in stress (which is 100% sugar cause it is anti-depressat) and binge eating cause of boredom - nothing exciting else to get mind off to.


thanks for advices

[Lioness]

Refer her to this website: Normal Eating - Stop Emotional Eating for Good. The thing is, if she won't do anything to try to find things of interest other than eating, it won't work. She has to be ready and willing to change her life.

Here in the USA there's an organization called Overeaters Anonymous. The support from other compusive eaters helps a lot of people overcome the habit of emotional eating. Maybe there's something comparable there, where she will not feel self-concious about her weight and can share the company and advice of others on the same path. Having a group to go to will also give her at least one activity she might like.

[XXIII]

Originally Posted by GregD

Hi, I was asked a questions that I sort of answered but not really, so I wonder if someone here might have the answer from which both I can learn and I can convey.

For a person who has nothing emotionally exciting in their life and who uses food to counteract stress and emotional emptiness - what possible way is there for such a person to cut the connection from food and lose weight?

Please note that "find something you love" I already tried, doesn't work. I appreciate any advice other than this one.

Thank you

You have to have something to look forward towards. It's a known fact that when you have something exciting to look forward to you'll want to work out and eat healthier. What's stressin you? Do you have a girlfriend or partner? Maybe that's what you need.

[XXIII]

Also do you have friends? a social life? If not start making friends socializing, b/c hanging out on your spare time will get your mind of wanting to eat and if say you go out on the weekend clubbing, barhopping you'll wanna eat healthier and work out b/c you'll wanna look good going out, know what I'm sayin'.

[missbhaven]

Originally Posted by GregD

hi coolbee, thanks.

hi missbhaven,
i understand what you are writing but i do not understand what is the advice. there is no particular relationship to food other than simply eating when in stress (which is 100% sugar cause it is anti-depressat) and binge eating cause of boredom - nothing exciting else to get mind off to.


thanks for advices

My advice was understand why you go to certain foods, what emotions or chemicals you seek to boost the mood when stressed. Why do you yearn and crave certain food at certain times? You will need to learn and understand your relationship with food, it is often more than just something you put in your mouth and chew (much like a friend or partner is more than just a physical body that hangs around you often). It creates a plethora of reactions in the body. It has many social and emotional connections. If they were eating healthy items that improved their body mentally, physically and emotionally; we wouldn't be having this conversation. The reason you have for continuously choosing items that you feel do not contribute to help in loosing weight is the crux of the disfunctional relationship you are having at the moment.

Your comment about boredom makes me laugh because I felt bored earlier and posted this:

"Boredom is the choice to do nothing when there are other things you SHOULD or COULD be doing. There is ALWAYS something to do."

It just is they would rather eat and do nothing, more than anything else.
I could sit and type on here all day, I can read a book, I can hand wash my clothes instead of waiting to go to the laundry, I can do yoga, I can call one of my friends, I can learn a new language, I can take a shower and wash my hair, I can go for a walk, I can rearrange my bedroom, or I can start drawing or doing art based on what I have in the house.
These are just a few of the choices I could make.

Everything we do boils down to it simply being our choice. If you aren't willing to get up and be the change yourself, you won't change anything until you understand why we have made that choice and stick to it in the first place.
Discover the fundamental belief that supports the whole lifestyle.

[Medusa locked]

ok, its obvious that this person has allocated food as a coping mechanism and also maybe to fill some sort of emotional void in her life. I'm betting that she also has a bit of a guilt trip going on about her eating habits.

Theh point I want to make is that we all use food for some sort of emotionally comforting purpose. I would say its human nature. Instead of having her focus on aiming to reduce the quantity she consumes, have her concentrate on the quality. When she eats for relief or comfort, have her ADD healthier, more nutritious options to consider.

Also, have her re-evaluate HOW she enjoys food. What I mean, help her be aware of other things she is experiencing during and after ingestion. Maybe, have her journal things like;
-how the food feels in her digestive system as she is consuming it
-how her digestive system feels up to several hours after ingestion(does she feel bloated, sluggish or is there indigestion)
-how does her energy feel, not just in general, but how does it fluctuate depending on the choice of food
-have her reflect on how it can impact her emotional states based on what is in her system at the time
-etc.

Tell her to journal both positive and negative sensations and experiences.

Instead of having her feel like she has to CUT OUT things, which encourages the sense of deprivation(no one likes to deprive themselves, its not an effective long term strategy), have her expand her experience of food appreciation, from the Criterias of taste and texture to more kinesthetic experiences such as the ones I've listed above.

I think this might be the best place for to start, but also keep in mind that the shift in diet will improve internal wellbeing, not external shape(at least not directly).

I wish all the best to that person and I hope she finds something either inspiring or meaningful in her life.

[Clint Cora]

It's okay to munch on food throughout the day but the main thing is what kind of food it is. If you get cravings, why not have some grapes or a fig bar or something else healthy? As long as you stay away from unhealthy food, I think you will be okay and not have to worry too much about using food as a weapon as you say. Don't have anymore junk food within reach.

But another thing is to get to the root of the issue, which you mentioned is that you have nothing emotional in your life. Well, why not put some effort and find some things that you can be passionate about in life? Everyone has passions somewhere even if they don't realize them.

If you only put real efforts into figuring out what they are, you can then have a more fulfilling life. Neglecting this will never solve your problem since you won't be taking care of the underlying issue.

Go somewhere where you can focus and are free of distractions. Get out pen and paper. Then just start writing. Think about all the things you liked doing over the years even back to childhood. Think about how you would like to spend your days if you didn't have to worry about money. If you do this with real thought, things will start to come out.

[Kaie]

I had this problem when I was in a bad marriage, it (habits) went away when I changed my life. I still probably have the propensity for emotional eating though, so thank you for this thread.

I can't remember who suggested it, but there are so many wonderful techniques in NLP, and also self hypnosis.

I also like the suggestion of staying busy, that helps me, but this thread is loaded with good info

[CoolBee]

Re the physical exercise element:

Unless she is so big that she can't get off the bed and needs carers, then she can do something! Even if it is sitting still and doing some upper body movements! I think the key is to define an exercise time and be explicit about it. Eg week 1 - I will lift 1lb bean cans - 20 reps a day. Week 2 - I will do the same, 30 reps. week 3 - I will do that and raise my legs from the floor 10 times. Or whatever. Just small start - no trying to go for a 1 mile run from 'cold'.

The benefits of physical exercise - let alone calorie burning - are the hormones released and so on which may start to lift her mood. The 'I can do something about this, even if it is only small and will take a long time' can help too.

Case study:

A friend of mine has MS and is confined to a wheelchair many hours a day and had gained a lot of weight. When we were at school she had a lovely figure (she used to model herself on Marie Osmond )

She is limited to a large extent by having to rely on her husband for a lot of her food intake and he's not bothered about healthy eating at all.

She got a Wii and started doing just 5 minutes a day with it - just lifting her legs, moving her arms and just writing down her food without judging it and without measuring or counting calories. For the first couple of months, the important thing to her was that she didn't continue to GAIN weight. Apparently you can get a mat for it that measures weight.

Now, she tells me she has lost a few lb since the summer. Ok, it's not a lot in quantity - but the difference it's made to her in terms of feeling in control of things and the motivation that yes, it is possible for her to be slim again, is amazing.

Now all she has to fight - as I did - is all those people who have only known you fat who say 'helpful' things like 'of course you can never be really slim' or 'you're meant to be big' 'you're such a lovely person weight doesn't matter' or 'you have a lovely face'. Thanks chaps, but I want a lovely tush too