How do I help her change?

[ApproachingTheta]

Hi,

I love my girlfriend to no end, but I am severely worried about her health. She is overweight...I dont know by how much, but its at least 40lbs. I am worried it is going to get worse and worse. I recently have changed my lifestyle and have lost 20lbs in the last year or so, and I was about 30lbs overweight. I was hoping my willingness to change would rub off, but it hasn't. She also has back pain, and I am flat out SURE its connected to the weight, or at least it would be hugely diminished if she were to lose the extra baggage. Another problem is the fact that my sexual attraction towards her has gone down a bit. Not to where I dont love her and dont love making love to her, but sometimes she "gets in the way" of the fullest amount of pleasure we could have. lol. Jeez. Anyway, I know that she wont change until she wants to, and I have tried offering to walk with her, make good food for her, go to a yoga class, whatever. I send her links about health, backpain, etc, but nothing helps. She is a little stressed right now, she goes to school from 9-1 then works from 2-11, so its tough, but I just want her to be happier, which I know she will be if she helps herself.

Any suggestions would be excellent. Is there any way I can approach her without sounding condescending? I am suffering just watching her be so uncomfortable.

What do I do?

[imagex]

Install a habit or break a bad habit.

[InJoy]

In the past few years, I have been in a similar situation in that I have a loved one that I very much want to help. He has been sick, and though I see a clear path to wellness for him, he (for whatever reason) has chosen not to follow that path. I tried everything I knew from the bottom of the barrel (begging) to the top (full-time coaching and personal involvement). Nothing I did worked.

Ultimately, this is his choice. (And in your case, hers.) However, I did try something (and am still working with this) that pretty much steps outside the barrel and into a realm that I had not imagined before. So far, I have had interesting and encouraging results.

I wrote down a script of what I'd like to see. I described my loved one as healthy and vital and happy. I described actions I imagined he would take in that state. I imagined how he would interact with me and with other loved ones. I imagined how I would feel about him under these conditions. I got very detailed, sort of like I was writing a story, until I could clearly see the scene in my mind's eye. Then I read that script (or thought about it if I didn't have it with me) to the point that I felt the positive emotions that go with those thoughts. It was actually kind of fun, and it made me feel better about the loved one for whom I was concerned. (It's nice to stop worrying!)

Anyway, this idea is guaranteed to make you feel better by doing it. How it will affect your loved one is still up to her. I will say that two days after I did this exercise, I received a phone call from my loved one telling me (for the first time in over a year!) that he was feeling a little better. This, coming from a person who, in my experience, has been a full-time complainer for years.

YMMV, but it's worth a try, if only to give you a sense of well-being for the time you are doing the visualization. It may also give you more appreciation for your girlfriend as you focus your attention upon what you love about her.

Best wishes to you both!