Frusciante's accountability thread

[Frusciante]

So, I'm a new girl here and I hope it isn't too forward in making a thread about me. It is basically to serve as my accountability as I don't have many people in my life with whom I can seek out support. I'm not necessarily looking for feedback (although it's welcome), but just a place where I can keep myself honest and also a record of achievements / struggles / daily or weekly goals etc...

Basically I struggle with many things. Dependence on sleep medication, slow metabloism, huge body issues (my body isnt huge- just my issues haha.), lack of motivation, anxiety, depression due to some horrendous personal issues the past couple of years, low self esteem and quite possible a carb addict.

I'm feeling pretty bad about myself right now. I've gained 8 pounds (I'm just over 5'6 and 123 pounds. My normal weight hovers around the 115-118 mark. I attribute it to my sleep medication, depression etc... I am usually pretty active and enjoy working out- I've just hit a bad spot which is feeding my poor self image. I also quite possibly have BBD although undiagnosed.

Anyway, I am starting a liquid fast today for only a few days- not so much for weight loss (although not gonna complain), but to have a good starting point for a healthier lifestyle and to detoxify and to feel 'cleaner' if you will.

I really hope it is okay that I started this thread. If not, a mod can remove it. Forgive me- I'm new

[JamesKnochel]

Some of the symptoms you mention sound a bit like thyroid problems. I suggest getting a thermometer, and taking your temperature every morning as soon as you wake up. If it's a little low, you might benefit from getting some thyroid hormone (armour thyroid & cytomel). This would be a temporary step while you take measures to normalize your thyroid's function.

-James

[Frusciante]

Thanks James I actually had my thyroid checked about a year ago, but may be time again.

[Frusciante]

Well- big fail on the first day of my water fast. Was doing good until midnight or so. Kind of upsets me thinking about how people can go weeks on a fast. I've done a few days at a time so I will start over today.

Good news- I took half of my sleep med instead of the full dose and substituted with 5HTP and slept like a rock. I did wake up on and off and feel a bit woosy this morning but I want to taper off this Z drug, so it feels like a small victory.

Going to do a long walk today and try to not beat myself up for blowing my fast.

I really need to work on my negative self talk!

[JamesKnochel]

Originally Posted by Frusciante

Thanks James I actually had my thyroid checked about a year ago, but may be time again.

I've read that the commonly-used blood tests aren't very good at diagnosing thyroid problems. Which is why it's better to look at symptoms, like a low basal body temperature.

Also, no point in beating yourself up. EFT and other "energy psychologies" are especially good for that tendency.

-James

[Frusciante]

^ I see my dr this week so I will mention it to her. Thanks!


Success: 2.5 mile run plus light weight training
- bedtime- magnesium / 5HTP and only 1/4 th of regular sleep med and I slept not bad at all (maybe 5 hours total) really want to get off the med and feel good about this. This is huge for me to only take such a small dose and actually sleep.
- went to a public event although I feel so self conscious and negative.
- stayed off the computer at bedtime and read instead

Fail: Been obsessively comparing myself to other females Sucks.
Couldn't even fast for a day. I hate this. I used to be able to go weeks with eating so little. I feel weak.
Didn't work out as much as I should have



Goals for the upcoming week:

-be under 120 lbs
-capture negative thoughts before they spiral- use more positive self talk
-walk or run everyday
-do something to help other people and not be so self obsessed

[Carri C]

heya frusciante, thanks for your honesty and your courage. have you come across Marianne Williamson's "A Course In Weight Loss"? Its focus is on self-love, baby steps, being gentle with yourself and exploring the links between our emotional and physical states - healing the former while letting the latter look after itself. might be a supportive read for you. good luck and all the best.

[Frusciante]

^Thank you I will look for it. I lack self love in big ways. I'm not overweight at all and most people would think I'm crazy to want to lose any, but I just dont feel right. You know when your body feels uncomfortable? That's how I feel, like for what I'm used to, I feel too heavy. But needless to say, I've been extremely underweight before and very unhealthy so I should focus more on health and love and more than just external weight and appearance. It messes with my mind.