Recovering from Mental Breakdown

[Recovery]

Hi guys,

I've come here for some help. I've been taking a drug called mephedrone for awhile now. Usually at weekends but sometimes at weekdays after work. Just over a week ago I took some at the weekend and became very paranoid that people were talking about me. I live next to a pub where there's usually people outside in the smoking area drinking and I kept on hearing them talking about what I'm doing even though there's no way they could see me.

It's escalated after I took a fairly high dose last weekend, but this time the voices haven't gone away... the paranoia revolved around me thinking they had some kind of thermal imaging cameras in my flat monitoring subtle heat variations in my body. The worse thing is that after I thought I was being monitored, I kept on hearing bad things and became paranoid about reactions to them which makes it worse. For instance, I heard the word "pedophile" and the first thought that came to mind was to not think of my crotch, cause then heat would go there and they'd all think I'm a pedo. But as soon as I tried not to think, that's the first thing I thought of. And I heard them all go "ahhh, he is!" and stuff like that. There's other things as well. But I keep on hearing things like sometimes even when I'm outside walking around.

It's been a week now since I last had done mephedrone, but the psychosis still hasn't gone away. I've been to the hospital and seen a psychiatrist about it and they've referred me to a drug counseling service and I should be getting home visits from a psychiatrist. I'm waiting for the letter though.

Since then, I've realized the voices aren't real, but they are so realistic so they're quite hard to ignore. They're not in my head, but sound like they're coming from outside my head... even though I realize they're some psychosis or something because I got my friend to go to the pub to listen to the conversations while I hear from my flat. Our results were completely different so I realize it was me. Plus they were coming from ventilation systems and stuff.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has some tips on how to get over this apart from medication which the psychiatrist is probably going to want to prescribe me. I've got really supportive friends which is helpful. They've helped me a lot through this. I have a feeling it's all going to be fine, and I'm going to recover quickly but would be grateful if anyone can give me some hints on how to speed things up.

Thanks
Recovery

[ginkgo]

Yes the pyschiatrist will give you drugs to numb your brain. Many of their drugs have been recalled and now there are class action lawsuits with them. Have you had enough yet to learn not to take drugs or are you going to try others when you get over this? Try to get the psychiatrist to treat you without drugs. Have you used pot? That can also cause you to be paranoid. I have to go now since I think the outer space aliens have come back to do experiments on me again. Just kidding!

[Recovery]

Yeah not touching drugs except alcohol and going to give up cigarettes too. But for now need something to stop the voices and ground me back into reality. It's having weird effects on me.

[rawxstasy]

I don't know if there is anything to stop the paranoid feelings. Your therapist will probably be the best help. Just don't take that drug again. There are many drugs that can induce schizophrenia and other psychosis. It might eventually go away on it's own.

I used to always think that people were talking about me. But I wasn't taking any drugs. I think I just had exteme anxiey and it got better when I improved my diet and started exercising. I also read the "power of now" and worked on being in the moment and that helped a lot also.

[NicB]

Yeah these kinds of things are pretty tricky huh.
I remember i had a similar experience to this except it was with pot. It was earlier this year actually. I was super baked and eventually went to bed while everyone else in the house stayed up and continued drinking/smoking weed. I remember lying awake in bed and listening to the conversation of the group, thinking that everything everybody was saying was about me and that it was negative. I was reading the tones of voices and vaguely making out a word here and there, and i kept hearing things that were about me and were against me. I remember feeling my heart beat with fear of what people were saying while i wasn't there. These were friends too. Every laugh felt like it was at me. Every serious tone felt like it was about my well being. Every time they talked softly i thought they were trying not to let me hear.
Luckily i was aware enough at the time to stop myself and reconsider that it was actually me INTERPRETING everything negatively because i was self-involved and judgemental of myself and i was projecting it out onto them. I found that it was the inner beliefs i had about myself that were negative and therefore my reality was giving me the experience of people feeling the way i felt about myself, towards me. (if that makes sense)
Obviously this experience is different to yours, but the point is that it is the process of interpretation that creates reality.

I can only speak from personal experience with this, and i'm definitely no expert but i'm of the personal opinion that psychological/spiritual problems that arise through drugs, aren't actually the DRUG causing it, but more so the drug is magnifying a problem that is already there, deep-seeded. Or maybe the drug sort of mutates an underlying problem from childhood. Or makes you perceive things different.
Because, i've dabbled with a few different psychedelic type of drugs in my life. And as people who take drugs know, when you're on drugs it's still YOU. It's not like you become somebody else. Sure you get affected by the drug but it's still YOU, or atleast a part of you, that is under all the crazy drug-induced mumbo jumbo.
I find all the different drugs have a way of showing you what you believe about reality.

My point is that i think in order to fix this, then i believe you're going to have to heal something in yourself. I think it is within your control to heal/fix. It's not something that requires medication, it's an internal process. You've just got to talk the right professionals. I'm not sure a drug specialist is the right person because as you said, they might just try numb your brain with medication, which isn't really true healing. Maybe see a drug specialist once or twice just to scope it out (because who knows they may actually be a great help. it's worth seeing). But i would recommend someone more like a psychic, to give you a reading on your chakra balances. Or maybe a psychotherapist, to give you a diagnosis on where any psychological deep-seeded problem might lie that need to be solved.
Hypnosis could be another thing worth looking at.
Because i get the feeling it is something in your subconscious that you need to address. Maybe your philosophy on life isn't aligned with reality?? Maybe you should ready some books or talk to some philosophical type of friends for new perspectives. Who knows.

Anyway i've always found that it's the people that have these epic super mega ultra psychological challenges in their lifetime that end up becoming great and useful people to the earth. I know somebody who drug-****ed his life up when he was young to the point of never leaving his bed. He was ****ed for like 8 years until he got out of it somehow and became a totally new person. He is now an ABSOLUTE LEGEND of a person and has started his own mental health non-profit organisation to help others that are in the same situation.
Eckhart Tolle also was severely depressed for most of his 20s to the point of near suicide when he somehow got out of it and became a healer and helped millions of people in the world.
So you never know, these experiences may just be part of your life purpose.
So always believe in yourself, no matter how low you might go.

Good luck!

[Recovery]

Thanks for your replies, and thanks NicB especially for your insights. It's funny, several hours before I read your post I heard a voice go "It's not voices it's you!". It was a very real and loud sounding voice coming from outside, so it made me paranoid of course.

But reading your post it makes sense that I'd be projecting the voices outside myself. I've done energy practices from Taoism before and I held in my semen for almost 3 weeks now. With the psychosis I'd go outside and hear voices shout "pervert!" etc., was pretty terrible.

But today I started to do a Taoist practice where you push the energy up my body, into my arms and out my hands. It's hard to explain but the energy feels a lot more socially acceptable. I feel a lot less paranoid. Still hearing voices but it's stuff like "that guy's like a pair of bagpipes" lol, stuff like that.

Rawxtacy, I'm definitely going to start improving my diet and not touch drugs again. Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out

[Recovery]

It's been about 3 hours since I started doing the arm breathing. I've been able to go out in public and not hear bad voices or strange looks. Instead I got smiles and good vibes.

Earlier on today, before the arm breathing, I actually went up to a man and asked him what he was looking at cause he was staring at me. He was pretty big as well, but I had to get to the bottom of it.

This is much better, it all makes a lot of sense now as well. The arm chakras are about society, community, giving and receiving social support and androgenous non-sexual love. My energy was stuck down in my sexual center and so I was paranoid about interaction with society because that energy is meant for intimacy, and that's what the voices were telling me. The more I think about this the more things are falling into place. Even little things like the voices were coming from ventilation systems. Ventilation systems... the arm chakras are ventilation systems for the energy body, apparently ruled by the air element! I remember at the height of the psychosis, I opened my Bible to a random page for some chance message or help and the first thing I read was something like "David's arms are strong and mighty". But I didn't understand that at the time.

Now I feel I can release the sexual pressure from the lower part of my body into my heart and out my hands as love which can be expressed to anyone. The voices have changed, and I'm not getting strange looks from anyone anymore.

Thanks again, especially NicB!!

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by Recovery

Earlier on today, before the arm breathing, I actually went up to a man and asked him what he was looking at cause he was staring at me. He was pretty big as well, but I had to get to the bottom of it.

I would suggest that you don't do this - it's a dangerous move because you never know what the other person is like or capable with. Why invite further possible confrontation with total strangers?

[Recovery]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

I would suggest that you don't do this - it's a dangerous move because you never know what the other person is like or capable with. Why invite further possible confrontation with total strangers?

Yeah I'm over that now. That was one of many encounters, I actually went up to a group of about 7 people after thinking they were talking about me and asked if they knew me, they said no sorry. I must have done that to about 20 different people during the intense period of the psychotic episode.

[NicB]

It's been about 3 hours since I started doing the arm breathing. I've been able to go out in public and not hear bad voices or strange looks. Instead I got smiles and good vibes.

It may be the process of intention at play here.
You might find that you actually could be quite a powerful manifester.
By that i mean... things that people intend on in life, sometimes it comes to them fast, sometimes slow... the stronger your manifestation ability, the faster things manifest (from the point of intention to manifestation).
Generally people have a slow manifestation rate as a form of protection... but some people are born with a powerful manifestation ability. One is either intending subconsciously on things or consciously, but everybody is always doing it. If they have no awareness of it then it constantly causes problems.

It may be time to take ownership/possession of your mind and spiritual gifts!

(but i can only guess this based on what you type, so take my words with a grain of salt)

[firenexx]

Nice job. You will find that Taoist practices as well as other meditation and energy cultivation techniques will help you in many ways.
Of course, diet and exercise are also important. But they work more on the physical level where meditation techniques work on the subtle level.

[Recovery]

Just an update:

I've landed a job in legal sales selling to solicitors and barristers at law firms, there's been guys who started out in the same position and in a couple of years are earning well over a hundred thousand a year!

Best job I've had so far, all on the back of that psychotic episode. Definately has a pheonix rising from the ashes vibe about it, and I keep on hearing people talk about pheonixes and seeing them everywhere. It's mental,