Expert Help Needed Here!!

[Jay Bee]

OK here is my story. I am a woman of a "certain age" who has found that as time and years goes on it is getting more and more difficult to keep my weight under control.

Now I am not a big eater by any means but I probably do drink too many empty calories (red wine ) and do no exercise due to my very long days of commuting/working. I probably eat too many carbs too

I have been on every kind of diet since a teenager from the really stupid ones like taking diet pills and eating practically nothing, Weight Watchers, Atkins, The Mayo Clinic Diet, Cabbage Soup Diet, Eggs, Bananas and Milk diet, yeah that was a great idea , The Beverly Hills Diet (this had to be the worst of all LOL!!), Jenny Craig, Lite and Easy, counting calories........you name it I have done it. So much so that I am now totally confused. I need to lose about 20lbs not a great deal to some, but of course it is all relative........to me it IS a great deal. I am sick of not fitting into clothes and I really don't have the money to go and buy a new wardrobe and besides which I don't want to, I want to fit back into the LOVELY clothes shoved up into the back of my wardrobe.....the ones that fitted a few short years ago.

This is my daily schedule which as you can see doesn't leave a whole lot of time for exercise, plus due to daylight saving here in Australia I leave home in the dark and arrive home in the dark....

Get up at 4.45am - leave for work at 5.35am, arrive at 8am, get home at night at 7pm. I do have an hour for lunch, but I hate getting sweaty and don't have the time to do exercise in that hour and get showered and changed,eat my lunch and get back to work, sooooo......

I decided to join a gym quite near to where I change trains of a night, it will mean driving a little further to another railway station of a morning but that is OK, I can do that. I will get off the train at 6.35pm then go to the gym. I intend to just do the cardio stuff as all classes are over by then........so will probably do the treadmill, bikes and stepper for what say 45 minutes which should take me to say 7.30ish......or maybe a bit longer if I can't catch my intended train

Sooooo obviously now I will be putting out more than I am taking in..........but here is my big dilemma..........I am now so "brainwashed" by the Atkins thing which was my last attempt at losing weight and YES it did work, but was oh so boring and really quite difficult to fit into the real world, that I honestly don't know how I am supposed to eat.....sorry if this sounds a little dumb coming from a middle aged woman but there is that much conflicting information out there it gets soo confusing. I just picked up a book in a second hand shop yesterday called the South Beach Diet, which is Atkinish in principle but a lot less high fat..........please help as I honestly don't know which way to turn.

Since sticking photos of myself around my home in strategic positions of how I looked THEN to how I look NOW I am truly motivated to do something about it.....but I am at a loss to know how.......what is the best way to go with the food thing. I hate doing the counting calories, nibbling on a carrot stick and eating cottage cheese and feeling like I am ON a diet.........because inevitably being ON a diet, means I eventually come OFF, which takes me back to that place I first started off at, it's a bit like being a hamster on a wheel LOL!!

Oh can I just say one thing here.......well of course I can, this is my own personal diet/exercise/motivational blog the pics I have put up around my place of then when I was looking slim and sexy where when I was in love.........and I do truly believe the mind is the greatest personal coach/trainer of all, but I don't know how to get back to that state of being now that I am on my own. I mean I have seen The Secret (MANY times) and would love to kiss my own arm like Bob Proctor, but the feelings just ain't happening LOL!! I feel I need to get back to that place of being in love - but just with myself this time...........

Thanks for listening
Barb

[lifeinoleg]

Hi Barbara,

The subject of your post said "Expert Help Needed Here" but I'm not sure you're really asking for advice here. In any case, here are some comments:

- Please stick with the exercising. This is probably the most important thing you can do for your health all day. On the days you can't make it to the gym, take a half-hour to an hour walk or slight jog.

- The diet fads are a hogwash whirlpool; each author/doctor/"expert" has there own program which promote a brand (the "so-and-so" diet) more than a patient's health. They make dieting seem difficult, oftentimes involving a lot of restrictions and strange "scientific" analysis; I don't trust them for a minute. But why should it be difficult? After all, a diet is what you eat! Anything you eat. So what can you do to eat better? I'm not a dietitian, but I would recommend browsing: American Dietetic Association. There you may find some articles that will help you determine the daily recommended allowances for foods/nutrients. The reason I recommend that ADA is because, contrary to the books you've been reading, the ADA is a professional organization that isn't trying to sell you anything. After you check out the ADA and its recommendations, do some research on the specific vitamins and minerals that a person needs. I hate to suggest it, but Wikipedia will give you all the information you need if you want to briefly learn about, for example, Vitamin D. After you're well-informed enough about the different vitamins and minerals then you can plan your own diet. Forget all the fad diets, just use some advanced common sense; suggestions include: slowly cut back on the sugary foods (for example, when I go to Subway I get two cookies instead of three, eventually it will be one. Or buy a smaller carton of ice cream or oreos), increase the fruits and veggies (fruit smoothies are an awesome way to replace some of the sugary foods since smoothies are both sweet and healthy and only take minutes to make), and my personal opinion: cut back slightly on dairy (most people, I think, drink too much milk and eat too much cheese, they're delicious, but not all that low in fat. Likewise, "American" cheese is total junk as far as health goes). The best way to step into changes in diet are slowly, back into them carefully. Making drastic changes in ones diet hardly ever works for very long, as you know.

- You've been through the wringer of the diets and you've come out motivated and ready-for-action. Kudos to you for that. Next steps: stick with your exercise program/walking indefinitely (it'll always be good for your health), and learn about specific nutrients and what they do(especially what they do) as well as the daily recommended amount, then plan your diet accordingly and slowly back into it. Also important and fun (at least for me) is to journal it out so you can see your progress.

Good luck!

[escapee]

Jay bee

You can eat whatever you want but all human made/refined food like pizza, white flour, sugar, coke, cookies and etc . (oh yes it's hard, it's hard)

Try to minimize the consumption of commercial vegetable oil. (it's hard again if you're eating out )

Adjust your "unrefined" carbohydrate intake with your the level of your physical activities. if you are sitting all day without exercise then you know u dont need 3 big plates of brown rice with crap load of mash patotoes. ( that kind of meal is for marathon runners )

Exercise is important

I'd also recommend the supplementation of essential fatty acids (Flaxseed, evening Primrose oil and etc) .

[Angela]

Hey, Barb, I'm not sure if you're aware of it, but every sentence in your post contained a negative and self-defeating message.

You say you want one thing (to get your weight under control) but you just wrote a whole long negativistic diatribe about how much you want something else. As long as you're sending your body such disapproval, why would it not respond to that by "padding" itself against the onslaught? I would wear padding if you were giving me such a talking to!

If I were you, I would focus on one quality or condition that you really want, and perhaps use all of your brilliance to deal with that quality or condition. For instance, could it be Control (or Surrendering Control) that would make a difference in your life? (by the way, the idea that you can control life is an illusion, which I'm sure you know). How about Love? That might take the form of clearing more space in your life for love in all its forms -- sounds like you're getting a bit choked by all your schedules and obligations. Is it possible that that's why you're drinking wine -- to escape from all the pressure? Or maybe its Power or Pleasure or Forgiveness that would make a difference. You know that old saying about that which you resists persists? I think that's one big reason people have a hard time losing weight -- they're concentrating so hard on what they don't want!

Why not concentrate on what you DO want? (And don't forget to be loving and grateful to your body, which has been doing the thankless job of supporting you all these years. )

[Jay Bee]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hey, Barb, I'm not sure if you're aware of it, but every sentence in your post contained a negative and self-defeating message.

You say you want one thing (to get your weight under control) but you just wrote a whole long negativistic diatribe about how much you want something else. As long as you're sending your body such disapproval, why would it not respond to that by "padding" itself against the onslaught? I would wear padding if you were giving me such a talking to!

Wow Angela

I never realised I was being negative and self defeating at all. I mean I understand about the exercise thing obviously but since doing Atkins and getting "brainwashed" about low carbs/high fat on all the forums out there I am a little confused as to what to eat like. Hey maybe this is why when I went on the PATHS weight loss module I put on 4lbs in two weeks

It's certainly true about the glut of diet books out there, there are more diet gurus and experts out there than ever before. Yesterday, in a book shop I was looking in the health section for another kind of book and there were SOOOO many diet books, it was unbelievable, they outnumbered every other kind of book in that whole section. My sister just wrote to me yesterday telling me about one 'Beyond chocolate' by Sophia and Audrey Boss........I told her she can be the guinea pig for this one and report back on how well it goes.

So Angela can you please, please tell me how to stop my body padding itself up from my negative onslaught, especially when I didn't even realise I was doing that.......and you know this is going to seem weird to you but re-reading my post I can't even see that I am being negative - I must have completely brainwashed myself

Thanks
Barb
p.s. Thanks to you other posters I hear you lifeinoleg and escapee
p.p.s Good idea on the journaling too.

[kmr321]

Hey there your extremely busy.


If you can
1. Cut back your soft drinks and drink plenty of water instead.
2. Make your carbs from wholegrain sources eg. whole grain bread, oats etc..
3. Eat a couple pieces of fruit over the day
4. eat vegetables and plenty of them and some lean meats.
5. Try and get some exercise in with your schedule and maybe buy some weights for home, dumbbells are great. Then you could do your cardio at the gym and weights when you get home.
6. No more chocolate, chips, fast food, fried foods.

You should lose a pound a week at least.

[annie]

Hi Barb.

Two suggestions that I would really recommend you investigate.

1. Fit for Life....(not Body for Life...although that is a great diet/exercise plan also) It's a natural food diet that takes into account food combining principlies. It's a lifestyle as opposed to a diet...and you will feel incredibly HEALTHY!! Check it out (The Diamonds wrote the book...I think in the 80's.)

2. Save your pennies and buy the book "The Beck Diet Solution". It's not a diet book....it's a "train your brain to THINK like a thin person." I'm reading it right now, I have talked to several that have...and I think that's the kicker....dieting is 90% psychological...

wouldn't you agree?

Oh, and I agree with Angela....replace those self-defeating statements (that appear to be habits) and reframe your brain to be motivated.

annie

[Wit and Itch]

No sugar or any food that contains sugar
No grains or foods that contain grains
No dairy except plain yogurt
You will lose 20 lb in a month.
Get of the train one station early both ways and walk the rest of the way
Don’t think about your weight and dieting. Get your pictures in the photo book. Think of things you love doing. Something you always wanted to do, something that is fun and go do it. Get involved in it so much that you will love the way you feel and forget the way you look.

This is not a diet, this should be your life stile forever.

[m0vingon]

Please don't buy any more diet books! I know where you're at, I've been there many times myself. The thing is that you already know what to eat and what to do to lose weight. It's a simple process once you get past the emotional and mental barriers.

Those barriers are what I see in your posts. Frustration and confusion are clearly an issue. But no program or book is going to take that away, that's something you have to work out on your own.

Since you clearly know all about ways to eat right and move more, I'd suggest you start by identifying the factors that are preventing you from doing those things. And, I'm sorry, but time, thought it is an issue, can end up being an excuse, so please don't say it's a lack of time. Is it bad eating habits? Is it emotional eating? Maybe it's just a lack of belief that you can and deserve to have a healthier body? Once you identify those emotional blocks, look at what behaviours need to be altered or eliminated in order to achieve your goal.

You can lose weight if your really want to and can make the necessary changes. There are so many ways to change you day to support a healthy lifestyle. Let go of the diet mentality and look at your life as a whole, it will help to lift that confusion.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Jay Bee

So Angela can you please, please tell me how to stop my body padding itself up from my negative onslaught, especially when I didn't even realise I was doing that.......and you know this is going to seem weird to you but re-reading my post I can't even see that I am being negative - I must have completely brainwashed myself

That is a funny question, Barb! You ask how to stop your body padding itself to protect the negative onslaught, rather than asking how to stop the negative onslaught! Please consider that you are, indeed, so accustomed to talking trash to your body that it's become second nature for you.

To deal with the negative onslaught, you become aware of it. Seeing it clearly is the first step, because darkness can't exist in the light. Would you like to look again at your original post? I'll tell you some of the painful things I heard you telling your body: (I'll paraphrase for brevity)

"I'm a woman of a 'certain age'" -- a phrase once coined to describe women who were past the point of usefulness to men, e.g., sex and childbearing. Whatever your age is, you are perfect, vital, growing, and essential.

"it's getting more and more difficult to keep my weight under control...." -- you probably believe this is "reality" that you should "face", but it sounds to me like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

"I probably drink too many empty calories..carbs" sounds like a judgement rather than an evaluation. How about, "Drinking more clear water and less alcohol will make me feel wonderful." ?

"no exercise due to my long days" -- I'm sorry to sound harsh, but that is an excuse and therefore holds no power for you. You're justifying. when you're ready to make exercise a priority, nothing will stop you; you'll find a way.

"diets...stupid ones...totally confused...." again you are judging your actions rather than evaluating; no power there.

"I need to lose 20 pounds" is that true? will you die if you don't? then you don't need to. (Steve might say even threat of death doesn't make that statement true!) How about, "I'm committed to reach x weight by y date, and to feel strong & vital. To do that I'm going to z."

"I'm sick...I really don't have...I don't want to.." Your language is having an effect on your actions, I'll bet.

"this is my daily schedule..." Only you have the power to create a day for yourself that makes your life work. Don't fall into the trap of believing that it's outside forces at work upon you.

"soooo...dilemna...brainwashed...boring...I don't know....this sounds a little dumb....so confusing....please help...I honestly don't know..." all in one paragraph!

"how I looked then...how I looked now" -- I think people get really frustrated by trying to get their "old" body back. Your body will never be what it was. You can create something new, and possibly better, if you let go of the past.

"I'm at a loss...I hate....being a hamster on a wheel...the feelings just ain't happening" See how much negativity you give to yourself? You might be thinking, I don't normally talk this way, this is just to illustrate my point in my post. But if you look closely, I think you might see that you are in the habit of talking to your self like this much more than you think you do at first glance.

Barb, since you're on the inside of this kind of thinking, I believe it's hard for you to see how cruel you've been to yourself, and the impact of that cruelty. The good news is: you can choose in this moment, and this moment, and this moment, to try something new that works better! You say you'd like to love yourself -- I would like to invite you to start generating love for yourself RIGHT NOW. don't wait for self-love to come to you because of something someone says to you, or something you learn, or some new method, or losing 20 pounds, or anything outside yourself. Don't wait. Just generate Big Love for yourself right now in this moment, and use some positive, generous, unapologetic language to make that love real in the form of words you feed your body like the most nourishing food. Also, please resist the impulse to justify any negativity or use it as more ammo for a downward spiral. Just look at it, acknowledge it, consign it to the past, and go forward with language that inspires you.

You are worthy of love. Write yourself a schmoopy, sentimental love letter telling yourself so. Create the language of love and power, and make that your new habit, which with practice will replace your old habit. Why wait?

I love you,

Angela

[Jay Bee]

I will reply to all tomorrow and Angela I will be sending you a PM. You have no idea how much your post has moved me.........

Thanks
Barb

[maclinda]

Hi Barb, you might even want to print out this thread, then go through your posts slowly and mark the areas indicated by Angela (BTW great points, Angela!)

I am a physician and have a weight loss clinic. Rather than being just a "pill mill", I'm really working to educate my patients. I'm going to give you 2 powerful tools I share with them:

1. When you're wanting to change your body, think of the one area that tells you if you're "fat" or "not fat" lol In our judgemental brain, we don't have "sorta fat" as an option, it's always either/or.

We all have that one spot; for one patient it's her collarbone, for another it's at the side of her waist. Come to realize what your spot is.

Then start looking for that. After showering, check it out in the mirror. Even if you have to twist a certain way, tense muscles, or get the light to fall on it just so, find a way to "see" it. Then brag on yourself something fierce.

2. Get a piece of paper, and write "I want to lose weight, but....."

Complete that sentence over and over til there's just nothing left. Often the thought that comes to you just after you put your pen down is the most powerful one. Look over your list, examine your barriers and see what they are and what you can do about it.

You might even find "but....I really don't want to lose weight" on your list. And you know what? That's OK! People now are just eaten alive by "shoulds" in their life. We say we "need" to do something, but the word need is used in bizarre ways lately.

All your answers are within, already. Forget the books and look in your heart.

Many blessings,
Linda

[Jay Bee]

Thanks for all your wonderful responses. I think I was having a bad day when I first posted

I have noted each and every one, in fact I have printed out the pages and will study them in depth.

And Linda I just went to your webpage and tried to buy your e-book but the link didn't work

Barb

[Nikos Sokin]

Consider setting up your day for healthy snacks (fruit, yogurt, soup-and-salad etc) so that you actually don't have to eat during lunch time. One hour should be enough to do a good 20 to 30 min of aerobic exercise, get changed and showered. You could do this just 2 or 3 times a week, in which case you would have your snacks-rather-than-lunch routine only a few times a week.

[dastrovia]

This stuff here is great.
I think it is harder to lose weight as one gets older. Seems like there is a pendulum which changes at a certain point but in middle age I think one has to do just that little extra exercise and watch a bit more what is being eaten

[duke]

i am a realy short male who is boderline suicidal i am 18 could someone tell me if i could grow i am about 5 foot 7 or 8 help please

[duke]

Originally Posted by duke

i am a realy short male who is boderline suicidal i am 18 could someone tell me if i could grow i am about 5 foot 7 or 8 help please

[dastrovia]

Originally Posted by duke

i am a realy short male who is boderline suicidal i am 18 could someone tell me if i could grow i am about 5 foot 7 or 8 help please

get a grip kid. no offense but that is not really short. below average but not really short IMO. there is not much any sane doctor would do to a person that is already 5' 7''. if you were a lot shorter there is very lengthy procedure and painful surgery that can be done. it involves slicing the legs and pulling the leg apart to let new bone grown in the gap where the leg is pulled apart. it is done several times so it takes a couple years if I remember correctly from what I saw on TV a few years ago. It can help one get an additional couple inches as I recall. also at a younger age there is injections that can be considered but is very costly and rarely done.

[Uplift]

Wow Jay Bee, thats a pretty radical schedule! No wonder you don't feel like exercising. I hope you like your job! Easy for me to say, but I would be looking for something where I at least get to enjoy some daylight. Sounds like you need a break, some relaxing, some refreshing, and some inspiration, motivational changes and stimulation all at the same time. If I was in your shoes, I would get some of those Learning Strategies Corporation paraliminal tapes recommended by Steve, and lay back and relax, while they do their thing. I got some, and honestly they are deluxe! I'm really impressed by them, and I reckon they might help refresh you and help get you out of a rut. They won't do any harm. I'm a personal trainer, and the biggest ingredient in anyone that has success, regardless of their goal, is their attitude and mental state. Anyone that can do the routine you do everyday could easily do workouts and eat healthy, IF THEY WERE IN THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND. I don't know how long you've been sticking to that schedule, but I reckon give yourself a break!

[Wit and Itch]

Originally Posted by duke

i am a realy short male who is boderline suicidal i am 18 could someone tell me if i could grow i am about 5 foot 7 or 8 help please

Duke
If it helps, Tom Cruise is 5' 7"
I would recomend you to find a realy cute girl that is 5" 2" or so.

[Shamou]

Originally Posted by duke

i am a realy short male who is boderline suicidal i am 18 could someone tell me if i could grow i am about 5 foot 7 or 8 help please

If you are suicidal at 5'7" the problem is not your height it's your brain... I'm 5'7" and it never stopped me from achieving what I wanted...

Like dastrovia said... get a grip... stop crying in your soup and get a life... sheeesh...

.

[Jay Bee]

Thank you all for some GREAT GREAT advise. I joined the gym after posting this 2 weeks ago and started eating a kind of lowish carb/low fat thing and have lost 2lbs this is despite also giving up SMOKING - woohooo!! Thanks to the people on this forum who have inspired me with all the stories and tales of lifestyle changes.

Thanks again to one and all
Barb

p.s. And to the young guy worried about his height, I see you are only 18 - you still have another 3 years left in which to grow as I believe males don't stop growing until they are 21, a little earlier for females?