Worried about my future/mental health

[VeryLostSoul]

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[Frans]

Originally Posted by VeryLostSoul

The pedophilia thing is more complicated. I have an encrypted HD and so I am completely protected from prosecution for kiddie porn. Also most of the stuff I have is of "underage" girls and would not be considered "kiddie".

Porn with "underage" girls = child porn.

Having child porn on your HD is considered a crime in many countries.
Though you say that you are "completely protected from prosecution" because you have an encrypted HD, it's easy to identify you when you post messages like this on an Internet forum.
If the authorities become aware of this posting, they might contact Steve Pavlina in order to check his server log files to find your IP address.
There is no anonymity on the Internet.

If you are worried about your mental health, go ask for professional help.
In the mean time, I advise you to edit your post(s) unless you're not afraid of getting confronted with your "confessions" by the cops.

[JHL]

Originally Posted by VeryLostSoul

The pedophilia thing is more complicated.

Actually, it isnt VLS. What you are doing and what you are considering doing regarding pedophilia is very wrong. You're not being honest with yourself. You know very well that its wrong, but you're allowing the addiction manipulate your thoughts into a 'grey' area of morality that makes it appear 'ok' for you continue to do what you are.

Its NOT ok VLS. You said it yourself: you + money + free time = ...

Frans was fairly straightforward about filling in the dots for you, and he's right. Thats not a judgement, its plain fact.

If you are really honest with yourself - do you feel that what you are doing is right? I'm not even talking about some societal sense of morality here, I'm just talking about how it feels for you. Deep inside yourself, do you feel you behavior if healthy and good for you? For me, that answer is self-evident, judging by your posts here. You know its wrong, perhaps you just dont know what to do about it because you dont feel you can stop it anyway.

Firstly, you cannot change what you wont acknowledge. So my suggestion is that you take a hard, honest look at yourself and determine if this feels right, or wrong for you. If it feels right, if you want to carry on, then I bid you farewell and you know where that road is going to take you. If, however, you decide that what you are doing is wrong and you want to stop, I would be very pleased to see you post again with that acknowledgement.

I will leave you with a saying - no matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back.

[Michelle]

Look, you know as well as I do that you will not find an answer to your problem on this forum. No way, no how. You need good professional help. There is no shame in that. The only shame is in getting none. Call a psychotherapist or psychiatrist today and make an appointment. You will not solve these issues in a few weeks. Plan on a process of several years of getting to know yourself and the reasons behind your behavior.

I wish you all the best.

[ellie]

Very wise words JHL. I really hope this thread is monitored, it's a real worry.