Curing depression with discipline?

[Miia]

Hello everyone, I just wanted to let you know what has been going on and how things have turned out.

First, we did go see his doctor but she said that unless we are family, we have no business talking to her. That was very lame.

Second, we did make a plan but thanks to things said here (you guys helped a lot, I was able to addres this calmly after writing here), we approched him carefully yet persistently.
We talked to him and eventually he agreed to doing the things we asked him to do.

Our plan was to take things VERY slowly and step by step - at first he had to start going out twice a week with us. Then he had to wash dishes, just dishes and not clean the whole kitchen. Then he cleaned the kitchen floor, then the stove etc... go out walking 4 times a week and so on.

He hates cleaning more than anything in the world. He said he had to work himself into a rage and approch it with anger...the only way he could get it done. This switched something inside him. After he had finished cleaning his whole flat (took about 2 weeks) he was out of depression (important to note that he is actually suffering from bipolar disorder not depression only...but usually his depression phase lasts like years and then there`s a short period, maybe a month or few weeks of manical phase).
By that time we had went to the cinema and theatre a few times and he was walking with us, sending me or my bf to school, every day.
He changed trastically. He was full of energy, he enjoyed walking, he started to EAT... he was funny and bright and started making plans for future!!!... about where he should send his cv and what kind of a hobby to have ...
We even went to the grocery store BY BUS! with him! several times! In the past he rather starved then went by bus. Oh and he started waking up at 11am every day (instead of 5pm).
We all held our breath, thinkng: "when is the manic phase coming, or is this the manic phase...it doesn`t look like it, or atleast not like the previous ones". And then one night when I was visiting him, he said: Im in a remission phase right now, no depression, no mania, I hope it stays that way,it did once, for seven years!

This lasted for about 2 months. Making him accomplish little things every day really helped him.

But then came the exam period. We coudlnt give him the time and the attention he needed. And he fell back. We made a huge mistake by thinking that he was ready to continue on his own. He didnt. Things are nowhere as bad as they were in Fall but not looking good either. He`s back to going to bed a 7am and waking up at 11pm, not eating, making excuses for not going outside. All he does is sit by his computer screen and watch "Married with children" 24/7. For a month now.

But the exam period is over and we will make a new plan and try to achieve what we had in the meanwhile.
Im not sure if it was our "plan" only that helped him, maybe we just had the right timing. But we will try again. Im going to keep you posted, maybe this will help someone else too.

p.s. I actually do not know why our plan worked or what exactly helped him.. but I have learnt one thing so far: trust your intuition. When you are close to someone you will know what you have to do.

[Self Exploration]

This is a hard place to be for people supporting a person in this situation.
But the truth is that the person going through deep depression needs a source of help, that they can trust.

And all to often they are disappointed

Not because the help is not good
Not because loved ones don't want to help
Not because they are abandoned

But because they have abandoned themselves.

Now, how can another person cause the depressed person to engage with themselves again?

1.By getting lucky
2.By increasing luck, by truly believing that healing will happen, when it happens, and that the current situation is meaningful.

If in addition to these, you love this person and can hear the pain they speak about, the constant self anger, the constant fear, the deep hurt, disappointment and grief, the better chance of a normal life they will have.