Overweight and depression

[ar81]

My wife has overweight problem.
Her weight increased, so she feels ugly, depressed and she ate only bread and jelly yesterday and today she is depressed and feeling nausea (so she is not hungry today).

Her problem of overspending seems to become a problem of not eating properly.

I think she feels that if she does not eat she will get thinner.

I work during the day, so I am not able to take care of her during that time.
She tries to pretend to be strong, and I have told her that for me she is the most beautiful woman on Earth (indeed she is for me).

If I ever wanted to help someone, this is the most critical time, for she is a loved one.

[striving4peace]

Well, for starters, how about educating her about eating right.
Not the atkins or any other fad diet, but just plain old, eating healthy vegies, fruits, and that sorta stuff. Hey, maybe you can get her on a Raw diet?
Second, what about getting her a gym membership and you both can go in the evenings. If not get a personal trainer, they're really good but a bit expensive.
If no personal trainer, then you can spend time working out with her in the evening and guiding her. Even if it's not a gym, going on brisk walks or jogs together early in the morning or in the evenings would be a great start.
Honestly, if these ideas are too boring and depressing, then start a fun activity - sports or dancing are great activities to lose weight and develop at something.

and most, most important: first get her to accept the problem, set goals, set a method / plan and a deadline/timeline. having that clarity alone will do wonders. Let her know that she isn't "fat", period - she is just a certain months away from being fit.

Its an awesome awesome bonus that you still see her as the most beautiful woman on earth, and use that to reinforce her self esteem when it's really hit rock bottom.
But remind her that she needs to feel good about herself too - she needs to feel she is attractive, and not just you.

good luck!

[Angela]

I found it very easy to lose fat on the 6 week extreme makeover diet, and at first it was too much food - I had a hard time eating as much as I was supposed to. I wonder if it might help your wife?

It also might help for her to address the underlying concern -- what got her here? In what area of her life is she feeling undernourished, that she's trying to feed with food? What quality or condition is missing that would make a difference if it were present? (I'd start with "safety", because putting on weight is a classic way to cope with feelings of insecureness.) Would she like to talk to a therapist?

She might also enjoy just having a walking routine with you -- maybe a half hour of easy walking every day, not so much to lose weight, but more for connecting and getting fresh air and getting a little bit of an endorphin party going. Get her into an upward spiral.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Angela

I found it very easy to lose fat on the 6 week extreme makeover diet, and at first it was too much food - I had a hard time eating as much as I was supposed to. I wonder if it might help your wife?

It also might help for her to address the underlying concern -- what got her here? In what area of her life is she feeling undernourished, that she's trying to feed with food? What quality or condition is missing that would make a difference if it were present? (I'd start with "safety", because putting on weight is a classic way to cope with feelings of insecureness.) Would she like to talk to a therapist?

She might also enjoy just having a walking routine with you -- maybe a half hour of easy walking every day, not so much to lose weight, but more for connecting and getting fresh air and getting a little bit of an endorphin party going. Get her into an upward spiral.

You have to find the root of the problem. At the same time, walking or jogging with her everyday might be a good start. It would give you more time together and get the blood pumping. Just get her to make a commitment to go with you everyday and I think she'll start to feel better. And the fact that you want to spend more time with her couldn't hurt either.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by striving4peace

Well, for starters, how about educating her about eating right.
Not the atkins or any other fad diet, but just plain old, eating healthy vegies, fruits, and that sorta stuff. Hey, maybe you can get her on a Raw diet?

What is eating right?

She has a stationary bike at home. Guess how much she uses it.

[C33]

For starters, I think your wife is lucky to have a supportive person in her life.

Well, I've battled with weight issues all my life so I'll share a few things that might help.

First of all, overweight people know how to eat right so there is no use hitting them on the head with diet ideas, especially when they are depressed and not able to take action.

There are supplements that can help curb food cravings and beat depression.

GTF Chromium is a great for cravings, 200MG taken 2 or 3 times a day can make one feel sane around food again.

Then, I would strongly suggest Omega 3, 1000 mg 2 or 3 times a day and, if you can afford it, CLA ( read the label for suggested dosage). CLA is great to get rid of deep set body fat, do a search on it for more info.

Lastly, St John Wort's loose leafs, taken as a tea in the evenings, can help to relieve depression and the desire for late snacking.

From personal experience, these actions can make one feel relaxed and disciplined around food. When the person feels better, than a proper diet plan can be introduced.

As far as exercise go, if your wife wants a quick cosmetic fix, I suggest Callanetics ( the AM-PM dvd especially).

It doesn't do anything for cardio but it sculpts and transforms the body in a matter of 10 sessions, not only that but it makes you look like you've lost a dress size without having lost any weight.

This exercise has the added benefit of making the overweight body look more toned and graceful. Each segment can be done in less than 20mns and you can do the AM portion one day and the PM portion the next.When you begin. 1 or 2 days of rest a week are essential.

Best wishes of success to your wife!

[WilliWibald]

How does it make you feel, when you see someone so close suffering? I guess you feel helpless and wish you had the power to help her, right?

Well, she can only do it herself, but you could awaken in her the sense, that it is doable and that it even becomes easy over time.

When I had some weight to lose I took the following steps.

1. I got upset about the fact, that I had to much fat on my body (and it was not even that much, but my friends noticed it and were very direct about it).

2. I recognized, that there must be a workable solution out there, since a lot of people could change the way their body is sculptured. But it seemed to me, that it cannot happen overnight. It takes a certain time.

3. So I grabbed all the information I could get (I read many books about loosing weight) and only took advice seriously that seemed congruent with what I already did know (that it takes time, that exercise is healthy, that people eating less processed foods looked healthier).

4. I tried to apply the information that I got. But I struggeld.

5. I learned from my mistakes and refined my strategies. Finally I found it easy to keep my weight or to even loose weight.


Some of the truths I discovered:
-exercise helps
-exercise does not need to be a big task (for loosing weight it's already enough to walk every day for more than 20 minutes) (i kept a list of walking time and tried to keep the 7day average as high as possible, but I never forced me to do it, just when it felt right)
-wholefoods are the real deal (I thought I ate wholefoods when 1 meal a day had brown rice in it - haha - there is so much more to learn - for example fruit juice that comes in a bottle is regarded a healthy thing, but it is not, it is no whole food, it's processed)
-supplements are not good for you
-it's essential to consume enough water (when you eat cooked foods) or to eat enough raw foods (I actually lost the weight on a mostly cooked diet but I think now going raw is the better way to get the water your body needs)
-cognitive therapy helps (just the idea that my thoughts do lead to my feelings and thus to my actions was new to my at that time)

So, I would give her empathy and help her see that there are solutions available and that she too can apply them.

[Lauxa]

Well, my hubby has been overweight our whole relationship, but he has lost weight when we do diets or excercise programs together. Some things we have done that helped:

- Atkins diet
- Raw diet
- Jog 2 miles 3x a week

Maybe you can ask your wife if there is a diet or exercise program she would like to do and offer her your support to do it with her?

[funchy]

Her problems aren't the pounds or the spending. Those are just symptoms of the bigger problem.

It's wonderful you're supportive of her. You're a great guy& a loving spouse. It sounds like you're doing all you can for her.

The thing is that she will only get better if SHE wants to. She's got to want to change. She's got to want the help. She may never change. And the hard part is if you remind her she needs help with these things, she may not be ready to hear it. If she's not ready, she might react with anger, more depression, and/or an escalation in the harmful behaviors. The best you ca do is make help available and hope she takes it.

Suggestions:

Ask if she'll take an exercise class with you. Make the issue about your fitness, not her weight. It's been shown that regular exercise just 3-5 times a week lifts moods. Can she start talking 30 minute walks with you each evening?

If she opens up to you and says she's feeling depressed, offer to find the money for a therapist. I am not saying that will solve all her problems, but for some people talking out their issues with a trained professional helps the person discover things about themselves.

She may need to make some major changes in her life. Something is making her feel extremely insecure and unworthy. Maybe you can think on what that might be, and then work to make a change in both your lives.



I wish you the best of luck !

[bob5483]

This has helped me a great deal:

bodyforlife.com

Buying the book was life changing and also I bought a book called "Eat this, not that" and it gave me a practical idea of how many calories everyday food is.

By not eating your wife is actually increasing the amount of fat she retains on her body. Her body goes into starve mode and holds onto fat because it doesn't know when it will eat again. What I did that made a difference is I bought a nice pair of body fat calipers and used this instead of a scale. Also, I diet and exercise quite a bit. I decided after a bout of depression that I need to change my lifestyle, not go on a diet. Ever since then, things have been better and I am in great shape. The body for life system worked for me, but for women it may be different.

Anyway, she can also write down everything she eats in a day and then determine how many calories she needs to eat based on her activity level. Diet is 70% of losing weight. The workout is important, but not as important. Perhaps she could talk to a specailist or something or maybe you could do this with her. That may backfire, if you are the only one that loses weight, but try to keep bad food out of the house. Instead of going out to dinner, cook for her or look up what to eat ahead of time on the interent. Find a low calorie meal. Good luck.

[Dan.Linehan]

Do you have any rock climbing gyms in the area? Amazing exercise.

[WordKeeper]

I'm going to take a different route. I don't think dieting and fitness are th answer for her. She can't live on this planet and not know that there are diets and there is exercise. She knows she needs those.

The question is, what is going on within her that she is self-sabotaging rather than caring for herself? Something deep within is distressing her. Does she know what it is? I suggest that you see if you can help her identify what is going on in her heart. She likely is not even aware and it can be something from long ago but you can get at it by being there for her and helping her open up and find that deep sadness. Exposing it can help begin the healing. When she has gotten in touch with that pain she will find the motivation to diet and exercise and take care of herself.

My 2 cents.

[Dimond]

Eating several small meals (5-6) is one of the best and easiest suggestions for someone who wants to lose weight. This not only helps metabolism, but allows you to feel like you're eating a lot because it's more often. Once she starts losing weight (and hopefully feels a bit better), then she can incorporate different things such as eating healthier, exercise, etc. When dealing with depression it can be very difficult to accomplish much or make yourself do much. Eating several times a day doesn't take much. A meal, when eating this way, shouldn't usually consist of much. Like soup would be one meals, snack another, etc. There are different variations of it.

[David365]

Originally Posted by ar81

My wife has overweight problem.

Is that really the problem? If she is eating (or overspending) to make her feel good, all this advice on great diets or healthy eating will only make her feel worse if she is unable to sustain them.

Your current approach of telling her she is the most beautiful women on earth is one of the best suggestions on this thread. There are other ways to build her self esteem, but if she is clinically depressed she will need professional help. No one can diagnose a problem through a forum (although some seem to think they can!), so do seek help from others who can talk to your wife in person.