Giving up masturbation

[Ceros]

After careful thinking I have decided that this is the way for me to go.

While I have nothing against masturbation in itself, I can't stand anything that takes away control of my life from me. And masturbation is one of those things, since once I get an "urge" to do so, I can't think about anything other than sex until I masturbate. (Which is a HUGE distraction in my life, especially since I'm very prone to having sex that I might regret later on in this state).

I tried several times to give up by now, but all of them were unsuccessful (thus reinforcing my point about it taking away my control). I am going to give it another go this time.

So far the longest I lasted was seven days, so this time I will set my target to ten days of no masturbation and see how it goes until then.

Any suggestions on staying on track and suceeding?

[Angela]

Wouldn't eating fall into the same category?

I would think that all the time and energy you'll invest NOT masturbating would be the thing that would rob you of time or control.

I think the best way to avoid masturbating is to take a willing and available lover.

[Ceros]

Wouldn't eating fall into the same category?

Hah, that made me laugh so much. Sometimes I get the feeling that "CRON" is an abbreviation for "control".

But yes, eating does fall into the same category. As a friend once put it "Obese people are food addicts and no one took the time to tell them".

I think the best way to avoid masturbating is to take a willing and available lover.

Maybe. I am considering entering a relationship because I think it will help me to grow as a person, but until that happens it's not much of an option.

[Angela]

Wouldn't it be great if you met someone who was in the same boat, and you could beat this thing together?


I am so ashamed of that pun.

[Groundless]

Thank you for the laugh.

Very punny.

[Groundless]

To the OP.

Exercise a lot. Read books. Stay busy and active.

Perhaps when you have the urge allow yourself to observe your thoughts as to why you have the urge. If there is some emotion there other than pure physical there may be something to learn from it.

[Trezker]

So you CAN go 7 days without it. Why not allow it to have some control over you one day a week. If you can establish that pattern you'd be much better off than you are now right?

Changing the way you satisfy your basic needs is a big thing, quitting masturbation altogether is a too huge leap from where you are right now.

Once you're used to doing it one day a week without problems. Then you can reevaluate the issue.

[Vantage72]

There have been a couple of threads about this subject.
The overlooked disadvantages of masturbation
[Adultish] Did Steve ever experiment with sex transmutation / retention?

If you see a lot of benefits from not ejaculating then it will be easier.

[Thur]

Dear Ceros,

I'm somewhat in the same place you are. I've been addicted to porn and masturbation, so that's a little worse, but I too feel like masturbating is making me lose control over my life. My shrink told me to plan masturbation then; you still control your life, and you can still get off. Just like Trezker said above; allow yourself a certain time to lose that control. When it's within boundaries, it's still under control.

[Restrikted]

Quitting masturbation...You do realize that you DIE after like 8 days? No joke, it happened to my cousin. lol just kidding. I agree with Trezker and Thur, maybe cut it down to once a week, then go from there. However, if you decide to go 10 days, even further, use that time to help you with your goals. For instance, if you've been meaning to exercise, every time you think about wanting to masturbate, go for a run to take your mind off it.

[MidasGirl]

So then, it's a cliché that men think about sex every 3 seconds? Or is it 3000 times a day? I dunno, maybe you're just a normal man

[mlc82]

The "just whack it quickly and be done with it when you're horny with other things to do" method works well for me. I'm guessing you're young... healthy young guys are SUPPOSED to be horny as hell and ready to have sex or masturbate at the drop of a hat- I don't think forcing yourself not to do it is going to help you any, you'll just be thinking about it even more. Just do it quickly and get done with it, then back to whatever you need to do.

[paeterus]

Masturbation actually decreases the chance of prostate cancer.

In addition, the short few minutes it takes to do it is a little price to pay for the 'instant' pleasure you get from it.
Indeed happiness and pleasure are two seperate things, but this one is totally ingrained into your brain and it will definetly be more taxing on you to try and not do it, than to just go ahead and enjoy it. Personally, I'll give myself that small pleasure if need be, i also have a girlfriend too

But, I would like to know if any real benefits come from this, if they do, I would be very interested.

[Vantage72]

Originally Posted by paeterus

Masturbation actually decreases the chance of prostate cancer.

That's only partially true. The health benefit found in the study is only significant for the group of men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month when comparing with the control group (ejaculated 4-7 times per month). The group who did not ejaculate at all, also did better than the control group.

The observed health benefit only applies to one type of prostate cancer, not to the advanced type.

Let me know if you'd like to see the details.

[Playlife]

You might be interested in the Reuniting | Healing with Sexual Relationships website (and their forums).

[munish]

Exercise alot.

Read this site regularly.

keep on discussing about this ,in the forums, until you stop this habit .

May join toastmasters to express yourself.

[Peek]

Well, if this tread was in the Personal Effectiveness section, I could recommend to outsource masturbation.
Have somebody else do it for you.

If it was in the Emotional Mastery section, I would recommend the posts of Steve about channeling your sexual energy.


Obvious you have a lot of drive, so use it while you can!

[paeterus]

Originally Posted by Vantage72

That's only partially true. The health benefit found in the study is only significant for the group of men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month when comparing with the control group (ejaculated 4-7 times per month). The group who did not ejaculate at all, also did better than the control group.

The observed health benefit only applies to one type of prostate cancer, not to the advanced type.

Let me know if you'd like to see the details.

Thank you for pointing that out to me, i didn't realize

[Remiel]

If you are going to give up masturbating then its going to also take giving up the things that cause you to get that urge (or a massive level of discipline). I personally have done the same in the last few months and I'm finding it very very beneficial. I'm not constantly thinking of that sort of thing and it frees my mind up to think of other things. I'm also not getting the urges in the same way that I was before. It'll take a bit of practice to overcome it though. Just remember that it is a choice one way or the other. You either choose to give into the urges or you don't.

Good luck with your journey.


@Angela: I personally fail to see how a willing lover will help you with your urges... I think the action the urge causes would likely change...

[Kate Saltfleet]

To the OP

Why do you want to give up masturbation? Is it becoming an addiction or does the fact that you have "urges" make you feel uncomfortable?

I don't think that masturbation is good or bad. It's just something people do, but if you feel that you need to stop doing it, bear in mind that the more you think about NOT doing something, the more you think about it.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Kate Saltfleet

To the OP

Why do you want to give up masturbation? Is it becoming an addiction or does the fact that you have "urges" make you feel uncomfortable?

I don't think that masturbation is good or bad. It's just something people do, but if you feel that you need to stop doing it, bear in mind that the more you think about NOT doing something, the more you think about it.

I personally don't think that the act is necessarily good or evil but what I usually end up looking at or thinking about to bring it about isn't good. I do acknowledge that not everyone is going to see that the same way that I do.

[The David]

Since masturbation is a natural act and not a socially conditioned one, wouldn't it be better just to cut back on it? Maybe you could set aside a 'masturbation day' once a week, and treat it like a holiday. Not only would you build self-control, you would learn to appreciate the experience.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by paeterus

Masturbation actually decreases the chance of prostate cancer.

In addition, the short few minutes it takes to do it is a little price to pay for the 'instant' pleasure you get from it.
Indeed happiness and pleasure are two seperate things, but this one is totally ingrained into your brain and it will definetly be more taxing on you to try and not do it, than to just go ahead and enjoy it. Personally, I'll give myself that small pleasure if need be, i also have a girlfriend too

But, I would like to know if any real benefits come from this, if they do, I would be very interested.

It's not the actual act that takes the time. It's the surfing on the web. Just do the wham bam thank you palm.

[wolfgang]

give up masturbation by making love instead.

don't just do a quick release. take some time and even stall the peak some.

then when you do met someone you'll be in practice for more than just quickies.

[AimforAwesome]

Hi Ceros,

I'm wondering why you would want to give it up? My brother tells me he's a chronic masturbator. I said, "What's the problem?"

He said he's obsessive about it. I said, "So, what's the problem?"

It's like trying to give up eating. Why? Why give up something that makes you feel good? Get it done and go on about your day. When I get the urge I tackle it immediately - five minutes later I move on and accomplish everything I wanted to for the day. It's when you try to avoid it after getting the urge that you let it have control over you. Just take care of business and move on. Don't let it own you.

I used to think I had a problem with looking at porn. It's fun. Exciting - yes? But then I'd spend hours looking at it. When I decided that it didn't matter- this was the phase I was in... let it go, eventually it just went away. It lost the power. Things we avoid have power over us, sometimes better to give in quick and move forward - regaining control over your time and mind.

If you really want to stop - try aversive conditioning. Pair some extremely negative stimulus with your masturbation behavior and watch it go away quickly. You'll be left with other issues - but, maybe easier issues to deal with than this if it's controlling your mind, your desires, your ambition - your life.

It's like people that want to stop smoking... do they really want to stop? If they did - they'd smoke 3 packs successively until they're so sick they are wretching on the floor. Nobody wants to quit THAT badly...



Vern