Masturbation/Pornography

[boston]

Hi,
I have an embarassing problem. I'm in college, and I've gotten in the habit of frequent masturbation. I do it every day, and it wastes my time. Any tips on cutting down? It seems like whenever I stop for a few days, I end up looking at pornography or something stupid, and then do it all over again.
Sorry, embarassing question, but needed tips.

[Wanderer]

Firstly nothing wrong with it as long as you dont let it control your life. You can do it daily without it having a major impact.
If you really want to cut down you could try a 30 day trial, or if thats not working maybe you could look deeper and see why your looking at pornography/masturbating, and use that as a springboard to stopping.
Also a gf/bf may be a good idea...
Hope this helps

[boston]

No posts are showing up, I'm just seeing if this will let me see the replies

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I reckon masturbating is fine. If you're not in a relationship, your body still has its needs for sexual expression, so go for it I say! How much time is it wasting? If the alternative is spending hours drooling over porn, to me the answer is simple.

To me this doesn't sound like it's the time that's your concern, but maybe you've picked up some unhealthy ideas about sexuality. I don't know where you live but if your culture has conservative ideas about sex, you may be suffering guilt.

Masturbation is a perfectly healthy release for sexual expression. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Joy to you
Hazel

[SenorKaffee]

Personally I find it very distracting NOT to masturbate for several days in a row. Maybe it´s just me, but it is much easier to concentrate if there is no sexual energy piling up in your brain - unless I´m doing someting that requires that sexual energy, like working on an erotic drawing or story.

If you spend all your money on porn I admit there may be a problem. I´m no fan of porn because there is so much abuse going on in that industry. Just use your imagination.

Or do you think you are no longer interested in relationships because you masturbate regularly? Maybe you need to adjust your view on the other gender - it´s not like it´s only there so you have something to err... express sexuality.

[Dating Specialist]

How did you get into this habit?

What would you be doing if you weren't masturbating or looking at porno?

[stephencp]

"If you are viewing it then you are cheating because lusting for another woman is the same thing as cheating."
Correct. As stated elsewhere under intention and manisfestion, thoughts are just as important (if not more so...) that acts.

"Deny the flesh and you will grow spiritually."
Not necessarily... You must also "cultivate" and meditate to make use of this conserved energy. There is a very real philosophy and reason for conserving sexual energy and it's relationship to enlightenment (which has nothing to do with religous dogma). Check out
MeditationExpert.com

Stephen
Power-Book Library: Free personal development, success, inspiration and motivational classics

[andrew]

If you don't like it, try pulling your sexual energy up and focusing it on other things. But sexual activity is very important, it's one of the biggest reasons we're here for, to procreate. Better focusing that sexual energy to relieve yourself, rather than sex crimes like rape or prostitution.

[jkmuller]

I would just like to second some of the opinions here.

Masturbation is perfectly normal and under most circumstances not worth suppressing. Either its gotten out of hand (which would have to be hours a day, pretty extreme) or you have mistaken notions about the value of your own sexuality. Its going to be there whether you masturbate or not, that energy will come out in some form or another. I recommend that you approach your own sexuality from an entirely different perspective, as a natural and exciting thing. It seems to me that the only real waste of time is time spent suppressing your sexuality, not time spent expressing it.

Pornography is a different story. While I think erotic materials are perfectly acceptable, there are several factors that make the modern form of pornography different and harmful. The accessibility of pornography makes it really easy for people to get addicted to it. This is bad for several reasons. The most important reason for me is that it totally skews your view of other people, mostly women, as sex objects. Someone that regularly watches pornography will find it really difficult to switch to a monogamous relationship. Pornography makes it difficult to enjoy actual sex because they have become used to sex as a one sided deal, not an interaction between people. Theres also the exploitative nature of the pornography industry that many people find is a turn off from porn itself.

These are just my impressions, there are probably numerous exceptions to all of these things. But, in my experience, you will be the best judge as to whether your thoughts and actions are in your best interests.

[fballer11]

all this talk about shame. Shame is only what you make it. Some people are ashamed of people saying "fornication" or something. For these extreme types of people (we all know 3 or 4 uptight people like this) i just ask them "Why? Why is it such a big deal?" and usually they don't have an answer.

I do believe in addictions however. The basis of any addiction is need (not chemical, just emotional) even for hardcore cases (no pun intended)

[Angela]

Originally Posted by fballer11

For these extreme types of people (we all know 3 or 4 uptight people like this) i just ask them "Why? Why is it such a big deal?" and usually they don't have an answer.

You embarass the shame right out of them, do you? Has that worked out well for you?

[kahless]

Sounds like you're young. In that case, it's entirely normal to have a high sex drive. I'm an older returning student and am amazed at the young women here. Most of them are straight out of high school and a lot don't seem to have any sense of ?? -- I'm not quite sure how to say it, but they're dressing in clothes that leave very little to the imagination - sometimes not at all and they tend to act in ways that draw a lot of attention (and not necessarily in a scholarly way). It's almost as if their self-esteem is wrapped up in getting attention. This is a 2 year college and most go on to a 4 year university so I'm not seeing the other end of the spectrum where these girls mature.

Again, it's normal to have a high sex drive at your age and in your situation. What's not normal is the guilt. Also, you say it wastes your time? I'm wondering just how much time you spend with this. An alternative you might want to consider is the Five Tibetan Rejuvenation Rites. Don't bother buying a book - this website explains it very well:

The sixth exercise is what you will be interested in but be sure to read the entire site.

Personally I believe that sexual urges are a very important part of life and hardwired into all of us as a way to continue the species. Doesn't mean it has to take over your life, but it also doesn't mean that you're an evil person like some religions would have you believe.

Best of luck.

[Dave Kaminski]

Originally Posted by kahless

I'm an older returning student and am amazed at the young women here. Most of them are straight out of high school and a lot don't seem to have any sense of ?? -- I'm not quite sure how to say it, but they're dressing in clothes that leave very little to the imagination - sometimes not at all and they tend to act in ways that draw a lot of attention (and not necessarily in a scholarly way).

Dignity? Self-respect? Individualism? Yes I find that problem a lot too. I have a hard time finding girls I'd like to date at my school because most of the attractive ones have a rather revealing way of showcasing their attractive features. New-fashioned, so to speak. It breaks down physical barriers, but it ruins a lot of the fun, especially if they're as morally loose as they are in term of dress.

[thef0x]

Originally Posted by Dave Kaminski

Dignity? Self-respect? Individualism? Yes I find that problem a lot too. I have a hard time finding girls I'd like to date at my school because most of the attractive ones have a rather revealing way of showcasing their attractive features. New-fashioned, so to speak. It breaks down physical barriers, but it ruins a lot of the fun, especially if they're as morally loose as they are in term of dress.

Dude.

What does morality have to do with the clothing you wear?

We do live in a sexually liberated society after all. The 60's happened for a reason.

I find your words not thought out.

[SteveC]

Nothing wrong with masturbation. Just a healthy, albeit lonely way of releasing sexual energy. You might as well, or your body will do it for you in your sleep. Not a fun experience in the morning.

[Radek Pilich]

c'mon buddy, we should do something about it! to be honest, am in similar situtation and I always was.
one thing I am completly sure about - pornography is rubbish, but it's quite hard to get from it, especially if you have access to internet .)
You should definitely delete all the porn from your harddrive and ban the sites you were using to get it from. but the problem with this is that if you ban the websites yourself, you will know how to unban :/
I was never that kind of guy interested in porn, I just use it for masturbation. But have I won? No, definitely not, I wish I can return in time to the moment where my cousin firstly show me the porn and reject it.
I don't think that masturbation has to be bad thing, but in combination with porn it takes more than it gives. I always feel better (inside, around womens, clearer thinking...) when I have week or more off, but then I will do it once again :/
I am doing both gym training & running, but I still find middle-part of my body weak (weakest part of the body), causing some flatuance and digestion discomfort. And am pretty sure that it will get better when I will finally untie myself from doing this.
So what to do? Have done with porn, increase the amount of days without masturbation and find something what you should do instead of it (meditation, kegel exerciese, ???)

[Lucas]

Your body is ging to release the semen regardless of if you masturbate, so why not do it in a healthy and endorphin releasing way. Maybe your unease is the fact that you have a problem with the porn, moreso than the masturbation. Do you have an attraction to things that might be considered taboo? There is nothing wrong with fetishes, as long as they aren't harming or dehumanizing other people without their consent. Somaybe re-evaluate your methods and material?

[mattsonn]

Wow, I'm surprised this thread has gotten so many polite replies, and no "Burn in hell"s!

Personal opinions on the matter:

masturbation --> healthy in moderation

porn --> causes desensitization to nudity, only mildly addictive unless you have a problem. Some porn is trashier than others.

[Angela]

One common problem you might want to be aware of, so it doesn't become a problem later: getting so accustomed to your own touch that you're the only person who can get you off. Mix it up!

You might want to take a look at a book on Tantra for exercises in redirecting your sexual energy.

[mattsonn]

"You might want to take a look at a book on Tantra for exercises in redirecting your sexual energy."

I'll have to look into that sometime. I've gone without doing anything sexual for various periods of time (yes, I'm a healthy functional male) and I've never noticed an increase in energy.

And also, Boston, since you were looking into actual methods for stopping, here's something you can do. Swear to God that you won't look at porn for one week. You could try doing it indefinitely, but that might just be torture.

[Radical]

Who cares if you masturbate or look at pornography, really...? Nearly everyone does. If you don't release that energy somehow you will go crazy.

[Angela]

Radical, yes, masturbation is a beautiful thing, but in the wrong hands...!

When it's a compulsion, there's less pleasure and release than there is shame and powerlessness. And even worse, if you're fighting impulses because your god thinks it's wrong (just trying to get it over with before you get caught and go to hell), there's really no release involved at all -- just an endless trap. Sometimes it's not such a simple problem.

(Boston, I'm not saying that's you, by the way!)

[CeciL]

Just keep beating buddy as long as you aren't doing it so much your chaffing it or doing it at inappropriate times. If time is a factor than do it faster! lol. No, but really do it before you go to sleep, in my experience it makes one tired as if eating a big meal.

[Erock]

Hey man, we all understand your problem. I would think that if you were in college though you would make some efforts to get some girls in your life, but reguardless, unless you are some kind of womanizer, you will probably masturbate frequently.

My personal take on it is to use it to your advantage. I mean, if you are going to be doing it, you might as well get something out of it. Right now I'm trying to learn how to have multiple orgasms by sending energy up your chakras.

By the way, anybody got any advice on this???

[boston]

Thank you for so many responses, I wasn't expecting this many. It's hard to reply to all the comments, so here are just some general thoughts directed at the prevailing wisdom on the board.

I am going to a demanding/overcompetitive university, so I pretty much have to study 9 hours per day (after classes) to do well. That leaves VERY little time for other stuff. Problem is, I have sometimes gotten late to class in the mornings, because of what happens in the shower And so, I don't think I can control when I masturbate (because otherwise, I would put the morning class as my first priority).

I only look at porn occasionally, usually when giving in to masturbating after I have tried to go on the "thirty day trial." I don't view women any differently--though this might be because I don't watch porn that often...but when I do, I watch it for up to two hours on weekdays, which also seems to indicate addiction.

I have friends who are girls, no girlfriends right now...haha and I'm not just saying "I have friends who are girls," I really do. But I haven't gotten close enough to them to ask them on a date. So, I hope that helps. I don't have any religious or cultural anxiety about masturbation...it's just that it's a waste of time these days when I do it too much (haha, maybe I should aim for two to three times a week?). I'm also not sure if I'm doing this just to relieve stress. Any comments or tips?

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Hey it's a great way to relieve stress!

You could try EFT to relieve stress, and maybe even the masturbation. Not that i'd have thought to use EFT for that. But it's great at reducing your overall level of stress, by dissolving your stress levl for each problem that you may stress about. If you're finding the uni overcompetitive atmosphere stressful, you could use EFT on that for example, and you may not feel so generally stressed.

Or have your showers at night?

Main thing - it's really not worth stressing too much about. I'm glad you're not suffering guilt about it anyway.

My home page has a quick guide to EFT if you want to try it.

Joy to you
Hazel

[Cassie]

Originally Posted by boston

I am going to a demanding/overcompetitive university, so I pretty much have to study 9 hours per day (after classes) to do well.

9 hours per day of studying? Holy crap.

I can almost guarantee you're doing it so much because of stress. That seems highly unbalanced to me.

[Matthew Shea]

I'm currently fighting the pornography beast myself, and have been for years, and find that it's a tough monster to fight. It has truly turned into an addition, consuming time when I know with every fiber of my being that I'm doing no good and should be doing something else (usually sleeping). I feel I'm gradually winning the war, though, with relapses being less frequent as time marches on.

So my advice is to deal with the porn problem now. Separate your masturbation from the porn and, when you just have to relieve yourself, don't sit yourself down in front of the computer first, just do your thing. Also, don't go too long without masturbating. If you let the tension build up too long, you'll break and will fall back into old habits.

Now if I can only listen to my own advice...

[Amadeus]

Spank that monkey!!!!!!!!!

[Radek Pilich]

Originally Posted by Matthew Shea

So my advice is to deal with the porn problem now. Separate your masturbation from the porn and, when you just have to relieve yourself, don't sit yourself down in front of the computer first, just do your thing. Also, don't go too long without masturbating. If you let the tension build up too long, you'll break and will fall back into old habits.

Now if I can only listen to my own advice...

I can sign my name below this, great and hopefully working advices :]
Btw. I am pretty sure that I am done with porn _:]