Masturbation/Pornography

[Erki]

Originally Posted by CeciL

No, but really do it before you go to sleep, in my experience it makes one tired as if eating a big meal.

I usually avoid masturbating right before going to sleep. I usually go to sleep at midnight or later and masturbating takes time too. Plus I'm usually not too tired afterwards either. Maybe I'm just so trained.

[boston]

Thank you for so many responses, I wasn't expecting this many. It's hard to reply to all the comments, so here are just some general thoughts directed at the prevailing wisdom on the board.

I am going to a demanding/overcompetitive university, so I pretty much have to study 9 hours per day (after classes) to do well. That leaves VERY little time for other stuff. Problem is, I have sometimes gotten late to class in the mornings, because of what happens in the shower And so, I don't think I can control when I masturbate (because otherwise, I would put the morning class as my first priority).

I only look at porn occasionally, usually when giving in to masturbating after I have tried to go on the "thirty day trial." I don't view women any differently--though this might be because I don't watch porn that often...but when I do, I watch it for up to two hours on weekdays, which also seems to indicate addiction.

I have friends who are girls, no girlfriends right now...haha and I'm not just saying "I have friends who are girls," I really do. But I haven't gotten close enough to them to ask them on a date. So, I hope that helps. I don't have any religious or cultural anxiety about masturbation...it's just that it's a waste of time these days when I do it too much (haha, maybe I should aim for two to three times a week?). I'm also not sure if I'm doing this just to relieve stress. Any comments or tips?

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Hey it's a great way to relieve stress!

You could try EFT to relieve stress, and maybe even the masturbation. Not that i'd have thought to use EFT for that. But it's great at reducing your overall level of stress, by dissolving your stress levl for each problem that you may stress about. If you're finding the uni overcompetitive atmosphere stressful, you could use EFT on that for example, and you may not feel so generally stressed.

Or have your showers at night?

Main thing - it's really not worth stressing too much about. I'm glad you're not suffering guilt about it anyway.

My home page has a quick guide to EFT if you want to try it.

Joy to you
Hazel

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Radical

Also, I heard somewhere that a woman can masturbate just by tightly crossing her legs?

I would imagine it depends on sensitivity and arousal. I mean, you cross your legs, you shift around a bit, depending on what you're wearing... in the right conditions, that can probably be pleasant.

Originally Posted by boston

I don't view women any differently--though this might be because I don't watch porn that often...but when I do, I watch it for up to two hours on weekdays, which also seems to indicate addiction.

I've noticed that porn desensitizes me only to porn. Actual, live women don't seem to change. It might be simply because so much porn is utterly pathetic. On occasion, I've reached the point of boredom with it and give up.

Originally Posted by boston

But I haven't gotten close enough to them to ask them on a date.

Don't bother waiting that long. Test out the waters, be tactful, and if they're completely not interested, c'est la vie. You won't kill a friendship by asking them out, and it doesn't sound like they're close friends anyways.

Your masturbation problems sounds like it really is just pent-up energy that needs some release. I'd suggest picking up a sport of some kind. With a girlfriend (or just a is this word censored?),you can mutually release. Just be nice and make sure to repay the favor in the same session.

[Keith]

re: porn, the type matters. There's a lot of stuff out there that's really degrading to women (and a smaller amount that's degrading to men). And even the tame stuff makes women seem like conveniently posed dollies.

It's easy to think "It's just porn - I'm a mature adult" but that stuff sticks in your head (as does everything you watch a lot of). I'm not saying that it'll turn you into a maniac, but it's always there and it can surface at the most inconvenient times.

If you want porn, it's preferable to find some that expresses sex as an affectionate act rather than as a mechanical (or even domineering) one. As a general rule, lesbian porn tends to be a lot better at this than heterosexual porn (and contains twice as many naked women. ).

[dECLAN]

Originally Posted by Keith

If you want porn, it's preferable to find some that expresses sex as an affectionate act rather than as a mechanical (or even domineering) one...

You hit the nail on the head here Keith.

Porn IS mechanical. It reduces sex to simply getting off.

Sexual interaction (or lovemaking) is an exchange of life enhancing energy on so many different levels between two people.

Porn saps your energy like a psychic vampire and makes you want more and more just to feel alive.

[SamBeaven]

I've actually been working on a similar issue, boston - I tend to masturbate in the mornings as well, and I know how it can make you late and feel like your priorities are out of whack (with me I find I lose all sense of time and priorities, and the masturbation becomes all that matters). So I've been working on installing the habit of jerking off at night instead of the morning - masturbating every night without fail just makes me feel decidedly un-horny when I wake up. From there I'm planning to move to reducing the frequency, going for once every 2 days or so, then slowly pull it down (hehe) to a more acceptable level.

Incidentally, there are scientific studies suggesting that masturbation and sex (any form of ejaculation, in fact, reducing the chances of prostate cancer). See here for more details

[mattsonn]

Good website (might want to reasearch others on the same topic):

Self Hypnosis. Rules and suggestions to follow.

As for your problem with girls, it's ridiculously common. Go google search David Deangelo if you haven't already and go sign up for his free newsletter. Underneath the commercial advertising of his website, he's legit.

[The David]

With a screen name like Boston, I doubt that he's in a real conservative area.

Anyway, I would definitely avoid material that degrades women (or men, if you're not straight). Having been raised around people with extremely conservative views on sex, however, I've never actually gotten much good, honest advice on this. It usually ends with 'Porn/Masturbation is lust, lust is sin'.

[toasterwater]

I too have a similar problem. I work full time, and am taking 2 college courses (i should really be studying rather than browsing this forum and reading all of the "masturbation" posts!) so it does seem like a waste of time (but i agree that it is much better to release the tension so i can think clearly again). And since my girlfriend is on the other side of the world... and i wont be able to even talk to her for the next 3 months... I pretty much have to masturbate. I find that if you wait until you are actually horny, it should take much less time.

My thoughts on porn:
I am fortunate enough to have a great girlfriend who has sent me erotic pictures (she'll kill me if she ever reads this!). I find that I am MUCH more satisfied when i masturbate to pictures of her, and I never feel bad afterword (some may feel guilty like they are "cheating" or something if they look at porn).

Someone said that it makes you tired afterword. I have actually seen both sides of that spectrum, but most of the time it acts as a boost of energy rather than sapping energy (probably due to the faster pulse and heavier breathing, etc.) I have found that when i am tired in the morning (I am a converted early riser, so I wake up at 4am on work days- giving me between 1.5 and 3 hours before work... not strictly for masturbation of course ) it helps to wake me up. This is especially true if I am trying to read in the morning, reading is VERY difficult (seems impossible at times) if i am tired.

[bert eats dirt]

It's good that you don't have some unhealthy religious view about sex. As many people have said, I think going without masturbation completely is unrealistic and unnecessary. However, you have said that it interferes with your daily routine, which is a problem. Having a batt at night rather than during the morning sounds like a good solution - it's worth a shot. Then again, perhaps the real problem is your daily routine! 9 hours daily is a bit commitment after all.

As for porn, can't say I view a lot of porn but I do enjoy the tasteful, unpornographic erotica of Domai. Just pictures of beautiful naked women, no unnatural poses or skanky grimmaces. HEAPS of free material too, you'll never have to buy a membership!

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I'm just enjoying coming back here (so to speak) and seeing what everyone writes! LOL. All completely respectfully of course!

Hazel

[dECLAN]

Originally Posted by bert eats dirt

As for porn, can't say I view a lot of porn but I do enjoy the tasteful, unpornographic erotica of Domai. Just pictures of beautiful naked women, no unnatural poses or skanky grimmaces. HEAPS of free material too, you'll never have to buy a membership!

Not sure why you are posting a link to an amateur model site. Even more concerned that you seem to be promoting it.

You see I find the images on that site to be extremely cheesy and artificial. I know it all just a matter of opinion.

[pdnewbie]

I read somewhere in a newspaper, that relieving yourself in one way or another (self, or with a partner) two to three times a week, actually produces a protein in your saliva that protects you against bacterial and viral infection. But relieving yourself more than two to three times a week significantly reduces the protein in your saliva, making you more susceptible to being sick, than if you did nothing of the sort. As with everything in life, do it in moderation.

I find that the pornography issue comes up when I'm feeling down because I'm not committing to things I should commit to and I'm feeling guilty for procrastinating. Don't go there, I feel that it corrupts your soul and drains you of energy.

[Cassie]

Originally Posted by boston

I am going to a demanding/overcompetitive university, so I pretty much have to study 9 hours per day (after classes) to do well.

9 hours per day of studying? Holy crap.

I can almost guarantee you're doing it so much because of stress. That seems highly unbalanced to me.

[Matthew Shea]

I'm currently fighting the pornography beast myself, and have been for years, and find that it's a tough monster to fight. It has truly turned into an addition, consuming time when I know with every fiber of my being that I'm doing no good and should be doing something else (usually sleeping). I feel I'm gradually winning the war, though, with relapses being less frequent as time marches on.

So my advice is to deal with the porn problem now. Separate your masturbation from the porn and, when you just have to relieve yourself, don't sit yourself down in front of the computer first, just do your thing. Also, don't go too long without masturbating. If you let the tension build up too long, you'll break and will fall back into old habits.

Now if I can only listen to my own advice...

[Amadeus]

Spank that monkey!!!!!!!!!

[Radical]

Originally Posted by pdnewbie

I read somewhere in a newspaper, that relieving yourself in one way or another (self, or with a partner) two to three times a week, actually produces a protein in your saliva that protects you against bacterial and viral infection. But relieving yourself more than two to three times a week significantly reduces the protein in your saliva, making you more susceptible to being sick, than if you did nothing of the sort. As with everything in life, do it in moderation.

What a load of bollocks!

Produces a protein in your mouth? Maybe if you swallow your own spunk - gross!

[Radek Pilich]

Originally Posted by Matthew Shea

So my advice is to deal with the porn problem now. Separate your masturbation from the porn and, when you just have to relieve yourself, don't sit yourself down in front of the computer first, just do your thing. Also, don't go too long without masturbating. If you let the tension build up too long, you'll break and will fall back into old habits.

Now if I can only listen to my own advice...

I can sign my name below this, great and hopefully working advices :]
Btw. I am pretty sure that I am done with porn _:]

[dECLAN]

Originally Posted by purplepower

For goodness sake, surely there can be something more constructive the gentleman can do with his hands/time ? And if there isn't - do we really all want to know the nitty gritty of his personal preoccupations ? Grow up guys !

Oh please!

So you are trying to tell me women don't masturbate?

The OP asked a legitimate question. Firstly I don't think you have any right to trivialize it and secondly if you don't like what is being posted please don't come here posting your anti-male sentiments.

Perhaps a separate Men's Issues (and Womens Issues) forum might be in order to avoid these type of comments from rearing their ugly head!

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

And there was me, another girl, just enjoying the whole thing! No seriously. I understand Boston was feelign embarrassed asking, and must be feeling much happier with the extent of the interest!

Joy and much fun to all
Hazel

[bert eats dirt]

Originally Posted by dECLAN

Not sure why you are posting a link to an amateur model site. Even more concerned that you seem to be promoting it.

You see I find the images on that site to be extremely cheesy and artificial. I know it all just a matter of opinion.

I linked to the site too give our friend something to look at that isn't pornographic. In my humble opinion domai proves that nudity doesn't equal pornography. And you're probably one of a handful of people on the net that think that domai is "cheesy and artificial" - that website is celebrated because most people think it's exactly the opposite!

Perhaps it was inappopriate for me to post a link to it though. I'm not trying to promote it, though I can see that that's how my original post may have come across.

Originally Posted by dECLAN

Oh please!

Agree with you there! Purplepower doesn't seem to have a clue what she's talking about. Clearly the original poster has a bit of a problem - you wouldn't tell someone who's depressed or an alcoholic to just "get over it" would you?

[dECLAN]

Originally Posted by bert eats dirt

In my humble opinion domai proves that nudity doesn't equal pornography...

On that point I agree.

[bert eats dirt]

I stand by what I said, but I think I came across a bit aggressively due to being in a bad mood, I apologise for that. And c'mon purple power don't just give up, argue with me if you don't argue your point of view I'm going to wander around in my deluded state until someone DOES argue with me!

[Keith]

Originally Posted by bert eats dirt

I stand by what I said, but I think I came across a bit aggressively due to being in a bad mood, I apologise for that. And c'mon purple power don't just give up, argue with me if you don't argue your point of view I'm going to wander around in my deluded state until someone DOES argue with me!

I'll argue with you.

Domai is soooo porn. It's naked women posing for the camera for you to look at them. That's porn ; tame porn, but porn, nonetheless.

My personal opinion? There's nowt wrong with masturbation, but all things in moderation ; it's not the most efficient use of your time after all. (Exercises in masturbation optimisation are left to others to ponder. )

[Michael Chui]

If you're going to argue about what qualifies as pornography, I would recommend that you start by defining the word agreeably.

Good luck with that.

[Erki]

Originally Posted by Keith

I'll argue with you.

Domai is soooo porn. It's naked women posing for the camera for you to look at them. That's porn ; tame porn, but porn, nonetheless.

I would say Domai is erotica but then Hyperdictionary says it's same as pornography.

Pornography itself is described as follows: [n] creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.

That doesn't say too much either...

[Keith]

Originally Posted by Erki

Pornography itself is described as follows: [n] creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.

Exactly. "Porn" is in the intent - if it's designed to turn the viewer on, then it's porn. That's why nudist pics, or Da Vinci's Vetruvian man aren't porn. (Yes, some people get turned on by nudist pics, but that's not what they're intended for).

Domai is borderline but IMO, the fact that the nude women are posed for the viewer (as opposed to captured in natural poses as for art) makes this porn/erotica.

[Still Growing]

Boston,

As many have stated, what you are doing is not so bad but its not so good either. If you are asking others how you can cut down then obviously its something that bothers you.

You would probably feel much more confident if you had control over the situation.

I would recommend that you create a life rule that you stick by like you'll only do it on Saturdays. No excuses.

Masturbating in my opinion is not socially or morally wrong however there are some things that are negative about it.

1. If you find yourself looking too much at porn.
2. If you feel that you do not have control over it.
3. If you find you're doing this when there are other things you need to do first.
4. You are spending time on fantasy. You could find that you are using this a release and not following your basic instincts to seek out a woman.

Have you ever read "Think and Grow Rich" by Napolean Hill. One of the principles behind success is Sexual Transmutation. I would recommend this book highly.

In conclusion, I think that although there is technically nothing wrong with it that you should at least try to become "Master of Your Domanin".

Originally Posted by boston

Hi,
I have an embarassing problem. I'm in college, and I've gotten in the habit of frequent masturbation. I do it every day, and it wastes my time. Any tips on cutting down? It seems like whenever I stop for a few days, I end up looking at pornography or something stupid, and then do it all over again.
Sorry, embarassing question, but needed tips.

[Wanderer]

I would go for the porn bad, masturbation good that many others seemn to advocate.
Also, don't expect it to stop after you start having sex, I think its just so much fun most people will keep doing it!