I hate going between death and life...

[Super Sonic]

Hi all.I've been suffering from type 1 diabetes for about 13 years now(I am 18 years old).I was told that I may lose my kidneys-due to lack of control-if I keep on going like this.Well,I know my health is in danger,but I just can't stick to my diet.I'm in search of ways to cure diabetes.The medicines is always an issue in my family.My father complains about the fact that he can't afford the medicines.I tried 5 or 6 times to commit suicide;but I ended up failing.I tried various ways to be cured of this disorder;but none worked or I gave up too soon.I need to find a spiritual means to cure it,since I can't put up with insulin.I am hopeless.Please help me.I beg you.Why do I have to have this disorder?Why me?Why????

[Hsiang-Lin]

Hi Super Sonic,

Keep this quote in mind by Brian Tracy, "Never consider the possibility of failure." I don't know much about diabetes, but it seems like health is on the top of your priority list right now (and reasonably so).

Can you exercise? There are many people who have exercised their way out of life and death situations. I just read an article the other day about a guy who underwent months of chemotherapy and through persistence and the unwillingness to give up, started winning bodybuilding competitions. Lance Armstrong fought and won testicular cancer.

As for diet, what is hard about your current diet? Do you crave sugary foods? Sorry, I'm not too knowledgeable about diabetes, but I sincerely hope you do not give up. You are capable of great things just like everyone else in your own unique way. Don't for a second let yourself think you are useless. It's nothing more than a belief and a highly disempowering one at that.

I know this may sound crazy, but try Ronnie Coleman's attitude (8x Mr. Olympia): "Lightweight!" He lifts super heavy weights, but always says "Lightweight!" beforehand to pump himself up (which is the funny part since 800 lbs deadlifts are definitely not lightweight!) How about trying to look at this problem as actually an advantage? The majority of people do not have diabetes. But if you can adapt to this problem and succeed in life, you're already a huge step over everyone else. Because you accomplished in life AND while having diabetes. That deserves utmost respect.

Wish you the best

[Wanderer]

I second everything said by Hsiang-Lin, and add that as long as you have something to look forward to life will be bearable if not great, remember all that you have before you and just keep striving to do the best that you can
Hope this helps
Stay Safe

[geekchic9]

Hey, I feel for you. I have bipolar disorder (aka manic depression), and there's no cure for that disease, either. Like diabetes, it can only be treated. Unlike diabetes, people tend to think I'm "crazy" because I have bipolar disorder--but that's just because they're misinformed about my brain disorder.

I'm not trying to kill myself because I have bipolar disorder--I simply accept it as part of my reality. I take my medications and extra good care of myself, which includes eating a proper diet and getting some exercise. When I do feel too manic or too depressed, I accept it as part of the illness I have. I even now work for an organization that helps people with bipolar disorder or depression; it's very fulfilling.

Everyone has challenges they have to face. Bipolar disorder is mine. Diabetes is yours. You are not alone in your suffering. If you survive this recent dip in your health, perhaps God/the universe/whatever you believe in has a higher purpose than you think you have right now. Maybe you were put on this earth to help other people with your health issue. You'll never know if you don't take care of yourself first.

[Super Sonic]

Thanks all.And Hsiang-Lin,I need a kind of empowerment to learn to live with this illness.I mean,I don't know how I can use it as an advantage.I feel so depressed.Doctors keep yelling at me because I'm not careful with my control.My father shouts at my mom because he thinks she is responsible for this damn illness.But she isn't and I hate the fact that my mom gets all the burden on her shoulders because of me.I fear not from death,but from the sadness that will arise after me.My parents will break up.I know this,as my father tells me from time to time that he is in the same house with my mum just because of me.

[Hsiang-Lin]

Hi Super Sonic,

I think your parents' relationship has a major factor in your depression then. Because you sound like you take a large chunk of responsibility for your life, but external factors are affecting your state of mind and making it hard for you to become motivated.

My parents fought fiercely in the past and recently as well and I know it really, really, really, and I mean REALLY sucks. And from the sound of it, your case is even worse than mine so I can only imagine the horrible state their fights must put you in.

But I believe that if you want to help yourself, you must first accept your current situation and TOTAL responsibility for your situation no matter how terrible it is. And this is not speaking from a holier-than-thou attitude. I sincerely know you must have it 10000x worse than I do. But I want to help you help yourself.

Personal development is so highly effective and even more powerful than external motivation because you make your own motivation. Thus, we must begin with ourselves to solve our problems. If you manage to at the very least accept your current situation, then you will make prob. one of the most life-changing decisions in your life (although you prob. won't see that until many years later down the line).

Find something you love to do. For me it is exercise. I vent all my frustrations and stresses through exercise. When my mom used to get mad at me, it would push me to work even harder. In fact, the stuff I thought as I vented would prob. land me in jail for life LOL. But, the important key is to have a healthy medium to vent, ESPECIALLY if you're life is not stable and positive. I highly recommend some form of exercise.

You can really think about all the killing, punching, and mutilation you want to do to people who piss you off without ACTUALLY doing it (well I hope not!!). It's a good thing my mom doesn't know what I used to think about her when she made me mad

Here's another good quote, "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Bring it on!

[David Hausladen]

I don't know how much stevepavlina.com or erinpavlina.com you've read, so I may be telling you what you already know.

You can improve your situation by attracting to you the life that you really want. If you haven't already, watch The Secret or read about Intention-Manifestation or listen to the Introduction to Abraham in order to learn about the Law of Attraction. (I wouldn't introduce your family to these concepts if I were you; they sound like Skeptics with a capital 'S'.) Use one of those tools (really, they're all the same tool) to attract to you the future that you want.

Also, realize that this situation will make you an extremely strong person. Practically all of the great people in history had times in their lives when they were confronted with "rock-bottom" situations. Think of your situation as the trial-by-fire that prepares you for great success--and it will be so.

I hope that's helpful to you. I think I can speak for most or all of the people here when I say that we're in your corner.

[David Hausladen]

Also, I second everyone else's suggestions and ideas. I don't know whether you'll find my suggestions helpful; what's most important is the advice or idea here (or elsewhere) that does you the most good.

[Cassie]

Supersonic, you're not alone. *warm hugs* Please don't think of hurting yourself again. You'll also be amazed at the power your mind has over your body. Have you tried yoga before?

[Super Sonic]

Thank you all again.I found this site while searching for law of attraction which is something I heard but didn't have any idea about.I will read the links you have provided David Hausladen and I wish law of attraction is "on my side".

[Super Sonic]

Originally Posted by Cassie

Supersonic, you're not alone. *warm hugs* Please don't think of hurting yourself again. You'll also be amazed at the power your mind has over your body. Have you tried yoga before?

I tried some spiritual things like,meditation but they were just for one or two days.Could you tell me a good technique for yoga?

[Dharma]

For those that don't know, type 1 diabetes people don't produce insulin which is needed to convert convert sugar/starches to energy in the body.

So you are not metabolizing the sugars from the foods you eat. Said another way:
Your issue is you don't receive the sweetness (sugar) that you are giving yourself.

A lot of this is what you're focusing on. You're focussing on what isn't, instead of what is. Your focus is on the lack of sweetness and that is what your body is showing you.

Find things that give you joy: could be being with a special friend, walking on the beach or through the forest, working on a favorite hobby, playing an instrument, etc.

But here you must plan to interrupt yourself, because your thoughts and habits of focussing on the lack of sweetness (your family situation) and the lack of health ("I have diabetes") will get you nowhere. So think of something that will function as a pattern interrupt while you go about your day. Maybe a friend could call you sporatically during the day and say "where are your thougths at?".

I say thoughts, but this is really an emotional issue. You can find joy anywhere at any time of the day. Maybe this should be the first thing you practice. When your emotions are stuck you will feel it in the belly area. Check in there and see what it feels like. Contracted? Tell yourself to soften and put your awareness on the belly. Trust me, the mind is going to ask "how do i soften?", just put that question aside because it won't ever know how... just do it without the mind knowing what it is doing.

I don't have all the answers for you here, and I'm kind of frightened to give advice on serious medical problems. Stay with your program and medications but add in the practice of opening up emotionally by softening the feeling in the belly. That would be a good place to start.

[Lotus]

...and if you have type I diabetes, you NEED it.

I'm 26, and I've had type-1a diabetes since I was 17.

I hope you know how type-1 diabetes "works"? You know that certain cells (beta cells) which produce the hormone insulin in your pancreas are destroyed?

I don't want to be the "you can't" voice here, but you put your life in danger if you stop taking insulin and go over to pure meditation or exercise without insulin. You NEED insulin, and there is no way around it. Islet-cell transplants are available in Canada, and in late research phase in the US. This is the only "cure" for type-1 diabetes that is currently known.

You can lessen your insulin needs. One way is to eat right. Have you talked to a RD lately about your diet?

Another thing is to start exercising. Increasing your muscle mass (and decreasing your fat) will lower your insulin needs. Resistance training (weight training) is a very good way to increase muscle mass. I find that after a heavy session of weight training, my insulin needs drop severely for several hours. Over the long term, your total insulin needs will drop.

As far as control. How often do you test your BG? What insulin(s) are you using?

Do you have a pump? Is that an option for you? I can't even begin to tell you about how much I love my pump. I can eat almost anything I want (keeping in mind that this little freedom comes with the consequence of weight gain); I'm not a slave to insulin peaks and valleys; I have fewer highs and lows in my BG. But to have a pump means having to test your BG at least 4 times a day. Of course, in the US, the continuous BG monitors are out now... but you still have to do calibration checks with a meter.

I tried to kill myself last January. Not because of the diabetes, but because of depression. I gave myself 1600iu of Novolog. (For you non diabetics, that's a bottle and a half of fast acting insulin.) For some reason, it didn't work.

Did you know that poor BG control is a risk factor for depression? Tell your father that you're sorry about the insulin costing so much, but that you can't help the diabetes. He very likely doesn't know how you feel responsible and those comments can sting. I feel the same way about all my health problems. It was worse when I was younger -- my family is not rich, and my parents were scrabbling to make ends meet... because I had so many hospital bills for stuff I just couldn't help.

You can't help having diabetes, but you can take care of yourself. That means eating right, exercising, and maybe going to a psych or (better yet) a support group for young people with diabetes.

[DQueens]

hey,
i am sorry to hear about your problem. I know diabetes can be a really terrible disease but i just want to tell you not to give up! You can control your diet and your state of mood!

Here is something you may want to look into:
CTV.ca | Superfibre may be answer to battle of the bulge

(sorry you're going to have to copy and paste that link). It's a special type of fibre called PGX that regulates blood sugar levels and has been shown to help type 1 and type 2 diabetics because it regulates glucose levels by slowing carb absorption and regulating insulin. Maybe that is something you could talk to your doctor about.

In the meantime think about the healthy things and ways to exercise that you like. A specfic sport? Maybe you like a certain kind of high fibre cereal or a certain type of fruit? I know that trying to control an illness can be discouraging and may seem hopeless at times, but just remember that your body is still yours to take care of, it just needs a special kind of care. And also keep in mind that the diet you are probably recommended to be on would probably benefit everyone in north america and not just diabetics. If you make a mistake and slip up, dont beat yourself up, just try to learn from what you did wrong. How did you feel when you ate what you ate or decided not to exercise? is there something you could do in the future to improve those choices such as scheduling in time for exercise or making healthy foods more accessible or controlling emotional triggers that may cause you to eat foods that you know are unhealthy?

I hope you keep on fighting the fight and I hope this doesnt sound harsh, but remember that if insulin injections hadn't been invented diabetes would be a much different disease than it is today and you would be in a much different situation. Keep on going!

[Steve Pavlina]

Often times the reason people don't heal is because there's a secondary gain from remaining ill. For example, could your secondary gain be that be that your illness is somehow holding your parents together and keeping their marriage from falling apart? Ask yourself what would happen if you were perfectly healthy. Do you anticipate any negative side effects?

People who recover from serious illnesses often do so by finding meaning in their illness and embracing a larger purpose. Usually that purpose goes far beyond getting well. An example would be that by getting well, you could share your success with others, thereby saving many lives.

From what you've written so far, it doesn't sound like your environment is conducive to healing. I can't tell you what to do, but If I were in your situation, I'd move out ASAP, as difficult as it may seem, and I'd do my best to spend time with the most positive people I knew.

Negative emotions like depression and guilt are known to contribute to disease, while positive emotions suppress disease. Norman Cousins' Anatomy of an Illness describes how he healed himself of a terminal disease by using laughter. I also know a local comedian who used a similar process to help his wife overcome a serious illness.