What are the emotional issues that keep you from losing weight?

[uberinquisitive]

I suspect that many overweight people, especially women, use food as a drug. Years of using food to numb ourselves then makes it a habit and identity.

I've had TREMENDOUS success with EFT in recovering from the PTSD and grief of the suicide of my boyfriend 7 months ago. Now I'd like to focus on my weight issue, which I believe is a physical symptom of other emotional baggage I carry.

What sort of emotional issues keep others from losing weight?

[NotesMaeve]

My daddy issues kept me from losing weight for a long time. He told me how my weight made me unworthy, ugly, stupid, lazy, and I kept the weight on. He was very abusive during my childhood, and even though he restricted food, my weight was troublesome.

It's no longer a problem to keep my weight down now that I have left him in the past, where he belongs. For a long time after I kicked my dad out of my life, I maintained a weight of 120 to 125 lbs. My body just wasn't quite where I wanted it to be. My arms and breasts were a little flabby. I had a boyfriend telling me, "Well, yeah, I could definitely see hotter women at the mall." I felt bad because I moved to Sacramento to be with him and yet my body wasn't good enough. I got stronger. I dropped to 115 via exercise and better diet. People began to notice me and the then boyfriend got more jealous and the insults increased TENFOLD.

Easy to fix: I dumped the boy and kept the city! Two days later, I had this BEAUTIFUL man sitting in my lap. Two days after that, he said to me over Thai food, "Your body is perfect just the way it is. You have an amazing body and look great." I dropped ten more lbs. and my weight is pretty much stable. Doesn't mean I don't still love junk, but eating healthy is just so very simple.

I converted to vegetarianism. I never thought I'd be fine without fish even! It's bizarre. An active lifestyle is just so easy. I've walked over three miles today just going grocery shopping. I eat food that I am happy to buy from the local farmers' market. I feel like when I buy from local growers/bakers it nourishes my soul as well as my body. I live in a community that values sharing over consuming, and it shows on the bodies.

I never eat anything that isn't delicious. I never deny myself. There is no reason to hoard. Today I bought a loaf of fresh bread, some almond butter, and apple butter. I share this with my landlady because there's a bounty. I don't have to deny myself. I don't stop eating until I am full.

Tonight I had fettucine alfredo, and ate every bit I made. And know what? I deserve it. I deserve all the coconut tortes, all the pizza, all the alfredo, all the raspberries, all the fresh spinach, all the ice cream, and all the other delicious food in the world. To borrow a line from Margaret Cho, I have denied myself enough for a thousand lifetimes. Why should I waste one more minute?

When I dropped that attitude that I need to deny and restrict myself, the weight just stayed off like magic. I deserve tasty and nutritious food that came from a place of love. My body has become a reflection of what I consume. And you know what? It's only going to get better.

[uberinquisitive]

Wow, that is super inspiring, NM. You've really risen above your past, and I admire that.

For me, I rarely have real physical hunger. Yet, I constantly eat. It's like food is my crack, and I constantly need a hit.

It all started when I was 6. My parents divorced acrimoniously and the kids were used as pawns. In a span of 4 months, I went from being a skinny kid, to being overweight. Even as an adult, gaining that much weight would be alarming. And then, my parents blamed me for getting fat and ugly. They didn't realize that, as a child, I was scared, confused. Food was the only place I received safety and warmth and love.

With each traumatic event in my life, I've gained more and more weight. Since the bf's sucide, I'm at my heaviest ever, which is 160lbs. I still have a slim frame, so I don't look it. But my feet hurt. I can't wear high heels. My knees hurt. I feel lethargic.

Today, I'm going to tap on my parents divorce.

[NotesMaeve]

I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time with weight. Your high weight is close to my own. I weighed in at 158 while taking anti-depressants.

I remember feeling lethargic. I remember how hard it is to shake that, but if I can do it, anyone can.

[Rose of Cairo]

Hi uberinquisitive,

yes, NotesMaeve is awesome!

My highest weight was 80kg. I'm 1m58, so you can imagine my hurting feet and knees and lethargy at that time...

I'm so sorry for you. Sounds like you had a hard time in your life. If you already had success with EFT, then that's great! Tap in all details every traumatic event in your life, from the divorce, your parents blaming you, your fear, confusion... till the suicide of your boyfriend. EFT is great, I also used it to overcome the emotional issues that were holding me back from being thin! With success btw, I'm permanently losing weight now.

But you asked for emotional issues others have... Well ok then, here are mine:

First there are the emotional issues that in fact are no emotional issues

Some overweight people have problems regulating their blood sugar levels. They have to eat at very regular intervals, or their blood sugar level will drop too much. When they get hypoglycemia, they feel like eating a lot, especially fast carbohydrates. Further symptoms can be something like headache, but also sadness or depression. They may then think that they want to eat because they are sad or tired. But in fact it's two symptoms of too low blood sugar.

A solution for this is to avoid sugar and white flour, eat whole grains with a lot of food high in fibers (vegetables), eat regularly and often (!), and take chromium. Chromium is necessary to regulate your blood sugar levels. If you're overweight, that's the first step I would recommend anyway.

Then there are the emotional issues that lead to eating.

Some people eat when they have some negative emotions they haven't learnt to deal with in another way. That's a learnt habit. Angry? eat. Sad? eat. Bored? eat. Lonely? eat. Eating enables you not to deal with feelings you're afraid to express or even to aknowledge, for it makes them just disappear. Eating calms you down, consoles you, gives you a feeling of being loved... and can become quite addictive if you have no other way to get what you truly want in this moment: love, peace, whatever.

Solution: 1) every time you feel like eating, ask yourself if you're really hungry or if it's some emotional problem (let's assume you have already eliminated the possibility of hypoglycemia).
2) if you're hungry, eat as much as you want. if not, don't eat, tap the underlying negative emotion
3) learn to deal with your emotions in a better way, by identifying and aknowledging them in the first place and then responding more appropriately.

And last but not least, there are emotional issues about being overweight.

You can be overweight because for some reason you eat too much or just wrong things (bad eating habits, unstable blood sugar, negative emotions, and so on). In this case, the overweight is nothing more than an unpleasant side-effect. But you can also be overweight because for some reason you want to become or stay overweight. In that case, it's overeating that is just a means to make you fat. These emotional issues were the most important ones for me, although they are a bit harder to identify.

Here are a few of mine as an example:

I am of feminine build: small waist, round hips, big boobs, very curvy. My mother is the opposite. She's pretty, slim with longs legs and so on, just like it's fashion now, but she finds the sort of women like me sexier. After puberty, she began telling me nasty things about my body. She used to make jokes about my "fat ass" and laughed at me when I couldn't find appropriate bras for my "monsterboobs". She attacked me a lot about my feminity. In my head she burnt an 11th commandement: "thou shall not be sexier than thy mother" As I was quite pretty as a teenager and already looked like a woman at age 14, I felt very guilty and started eating a lot to make me less attractive.

Another reason were men. They used to look at me in a way that made me feel very uncomfortable, dirty, ashamed... and I found it very dangerous too. I was scared of them. So I ate a lot and became fat to hide myself, so that they would eventually stop looking at me like this!

Later as I was overweight indeed, my mother kept on pressuring me about losing weight, she gave me too small clothes to "motivate" me, weight loss books to "help" me, when I visited her she used to give me smaller food portions... such things. She even told me things like "that's such a pity, you would be beautiful if you were thin!" I told her to let me in peace, but she said "how can I lie? I find it ugly to be so fat!" At the same time, I felt she didn't really want me to lose weight. Even today, when I tell her "mom, I lost weight again!" she says "aah, super..." which sounds like "sh*t."

Anyway, I had a very low self-esteem at that time. I felt unworthy, ugly, I thought I didn't deserve a beautiful body... and ate more.

There are more reasons. In my childhood nobody liked me, and I wanted people to like me so badly. Later at the time I was very overweight, I was such a nice little thing with this funny big appetite. Everybody liked me and I was completely harmless. I was no concurrence for other women, and I could hang out in a relaxed manner with a lot of male buddies without being considered as a "real" woman. Now that I'm thinner, that's different. Women look at me differently, men too. It's not that comfortable any more...

And you have more power when you're attractive. I was afraid of having such a power.

A last one: as a woman you permanently get the message "you have to be pretty. you have to be slim. you have to wear nice clothes and high heels and please men." Well I didn't want to be like I was told to be. Being fat was a manner for me to say "f*** you all. I'm like I am and I don't want to be like you want me to be!"

As you can see, there are many reasons why someone can want to become or stay overweight. For years I obstinately refused to be thin for these reasons... even though I desperately tried to lose weight.

Solution for such emotional issues: Introspection. EFT, EFT, EFT. A counselor if it's not enough.

What a long post! I hope I didn't go too much into details.

[maclinda]

One thing I've found with my weight loss patients is that there are as many reasons that people eat for emotional comfort as their are people! Every one is different, and beautiful in their own way.

Yes, I do lab tests and prescribe drugs, but I feel my most important job is to help them see and accept their delightful uniqueness and learn to live (including eating and moving) in a way that will suit them. The body/mind connection is the most important.

Whatever a person's reason may be, it's valid.

[Kura Ookami]

I'm not sure I've got any major emotional issues, but i have noticed that i eat when I'm bored or lonely and chocolate is what i eat at those times. Oh and my dad always seems to say that I need to lose weight, which i find patronizing because I already know that. Oh well.