Overcoming negativity in the family.

[dennis08]

My family can be very negative. For example my grandma is obsessed with money and collects checks for everything like a $4.50 thing of milk to a 75 cent pack of gum and bosses me and my mom around like napoleon.

My grandpa has a bad temper and high blood pressure which makes him an ass and I just want to bust a cup over his head. Whenever I’m not around them I am still depressed because I live with them.

Everywhere I go I always think about how shity things are at home with these people. Is there any way to overcome this for at least a few years until I can move out?

[Pegasus]

Having three generations living in one household can be challenging. Did you and your mom move in with your grandparents, or did your grandparents move in with you and your mom? If the situation is the latter, perhaps your grandparents feel trapped and the only way for them to express their worries or dissatisfaction is by acting like control freaks. Negativity breeds negativity.

Try spending time doing activities outside the home. Assuming you are a student, do you participate in any student clubs or organizations? Perhaps volunteering somewhere (like an animal shelter, hospital, soup kitchen) would be a distraction. Do you exercise or play any sports? Do something you enjoy and start planning out how you would like your life to be and what steps you can take NOW to make life more pleasant. Best of luck to you!


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[Phil Parkinson]

You need to walk your own path... Use their negativity as a guide to yourself of how not to behave.

My father was a terrible person... a really bad egg... But i am grateful for the 14 years of abuse he put me through because he has taught me how to not behave when I have my children.

Phil x

[Kaspian]

One of my friends moved out on her own when she was 16. This meant that she had to work to support herself through high school and college. Her grades suffered some, and college took almost twice as long. But hey, she got away from her mom!

When my younger sister had issues getting along with Mom, her strategy was to get a job after school and spend time with friends on days she didn't work. This way she spent very little time at home when Mom was awake. (They're getting along better now, too.)

There are always options.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by dennis08

My family can be very negative. For example my grandma is obsessed with money and collects checks for everything like a $4.50 thing of milk to a 75 cent pack of gum and bosses me and my mom around like napoleon.

My grandpa has a bad temper and high blood pressure which makes him an ass and I just want to bust a cup over his head. Whenever I’m not around them I am still depressed because I live with them.

Everywhere I go I always think about how shity things are at home with these people. Is there any way to overcome this for at least a few years until I can move out?

Dennis08, my guess is that your family thinks YOU are very negative. I know I do! For instance, you judge grandma harshly for her thrift and her bossiness, but you don't see where she's afraid for her own security and concerned for you and your mom. Your grandpa almost certainly wants to bust a cup over your head, as well. Do you have an illness or advanced age that makes your own surliness more understandable?

Everywhere you go you always think about how ♥♥♥♥♥♥ things are at home with these people. That is a whole lot of negative thinking a whole lot of the time you're alive. Is there any way to overcome this? Yes. Deliberately think thoughts that work better -- thoughts in which you take responsibility for creating the conditions that are making you so miserable. Otherwise, when you do eventually leave home, you'll find plenty of other people (your own wife and kids, no doubt) who will "make" you just as miserable as these people do.

It's not them, dennis08. It's you.

[dennis08]

Thanks Angela. My grandma used to work when she was a girl picking grass until sundown and until her finders bled. She would usually just pass out from exhaustion.

My grandpa used to starve. He really used to starve like he would have no food for days. This **** childhood has caused them both to be controlling and demanding. Some of it is me but I still want to hurt them.

And I’m not going to care about my grandpas need for attention or my grandmas need for demand because they aren’t consistent and act like someone that is bipolar.

They are crazy and I’m not changing my opinion because the next time they scream at me Ill go back to being angry at them. Trust me with her psycho voice and drama it’s hard to ignore rage.

And for what its worth she started it. When she came to the US and started living with use she was ****ing psycho for about 6 months.

It got to the point where my grandpa almost died from high blood pressure because she was so angry and made him angry. Also the police had to come over and break up the fight and give my grandpa a chill pill.

She always complaining about every detail and is in a constant state of dissatisfaction. This makes everyone the same way.

[10kc]

Everywhere I go I always think about how shity things are at home with these people. Is there any way to overcome this for at least a few years until I can move out?

Yes. Stop thinking about it "everywhere you go". Why torture yourself? You're having a bad enough time at home.

[10kc]

Some of it is me but I still want to hurt them.

God, please tell me that was a typo

[NotesMaeve]

Dennis, I've had family members with terrible attitudes, mental health problems, etc. Just remember it's just as appropriate to laugh at the stuff you'd cry or feel angry at.

My father was/is a horrible racist. I remember one day, when I was your age, I was just so sick and angry of him going on and on about how "the blacks" were inferior because they liked to dance and screw around. I interrupted his rant and said, "You know what, Dad? I LOVE to dance, and as far as I'm concerned, screwing is next to godliness." He was horrified, but my mother got a great laugh out of it.