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| Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Twin Peaks
Posts: 206
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I was not sure where to put this, but... would anybody care to critique or look at my poetry? I write quite a lot but don't have many critics I trust. If anybody has the time, I'd love to get your opinion on something I've written. I also compose music, but as yet I don't have any of it scored or recorded. But if I record something, I'd love to have a critique of that, too. Thanks!
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| | #3 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Twin Peaks
Posts: 206
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Thanks! I'm 16 and started righting seriously a few months ago when I had to write poetry for a Creative Writing class. So I'm still pretty green. I guess that's... good? Anyway, here are a couple I have written recently: Wedding Photo The scissors speak with razor lips, snipping tongue that severs and divides, a raging surgeon in whose pinpoint wake cell and cell go running far apart. “Rumor has it,” says his spreading jaw, and “So they say,” with a clip of closing teeth, and the photograph falls cleanly in two parts, and man and wife fall distant in their hearts. Telescope The greenfly in the womb can be pregnant before birth. You, too, are a greenfly. Your ideas are already having other ideas, and the children you teach are already teaching others, sometime. Keep in mind that you have in you your grandchildren and your grandchildren's grandchildren, and you will be able to look across the gasping space between you and stars and see them clearly; you will realize that your words are already libraries, and your children are already dynasties, sometime. You are a greenfly, infinitely fertile. Edit: That last poem is screwed up. Some of the lines are supposed to be tabbed over. Anybody know how to fix this? Last edited by AidanMatthews216; 05-28-2007 at 04:08 PM. |
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| | #4 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 332
| Quote:
The imagery in the first poem was appropriately savage. Your message in the greenfly poem was dead-on accurate and communicated with creativity. Very nice work. I enjoyed them. I am not qualified to speak on the "technical" aspects of each poem, but I wanted to ask: Did you mean to use the word "gaping" instead of "gasping" in the greenfly poem? There are no hard and fast rules about this sort of thing, but it seemed like it might have been a typo. | |
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