So I wanted to introduce myself.
I'm a 26 yo guy living in chicago. Looking to start approaching women more consistently. Thats really my only goal at this point. Approach consistently and always ask for a phone #. I figure the rest will take care of itself if I develop that habit.
-Devote 1 hour per day every day to approaching women.
-Write about it on this forum daily to keep myself honest.
-Continue reading/learning techniques to lessen my fear of approaching women.
Thats it. Thanks for reading. Definitely looking forward to getting to know everyone on here and grateful for any help you guys might be able to provide.
Update today (10.11.11) :
Decided to establish more reasonable goals given my work schedule. Will try to talk to women for total of 15 hrs per week. Gives much more flexibility. Worked very late today and chose to listen to tony robbins tape instead of going out.
so updated goal is to spend 15 hrs per week talking to women and at least 1 hour per day either talking to women or engaging in some other self improvement exercise.
It's a great idea to practice if you're not good at something. Do you know what feeds your fear? What will happen if you talk to women, that makes it hard for you? It might be helpful to take note of what you think about when you try it.
Can you only practice in your own time, or do you have opportunities at work? Female collegues, the lunch lady or waitress at the coffee shop?
I think it's helpful to think of your approach with women to make friends. There is less pressure on you and women can sense when a guy is desperate and looking for a relationship.
Also I'd offer my number to a girl and give her the chance to call me rather than ask girls for their number. I think a girl feels safer. But it's up to you.
Thanks for the input guys. I'm traveling for work today and am extremely tired. Going to listen to relisten to a tony robbins tape I recorded and then go to bed.
spent roughly 30 minutes on self improvement today. Recorded a lecture from tony robbins unlimited power that helped me a lot last time I listened to it. Was able to effectively go out after listening to it (last time) and talk to women on the street for several hours. Plan is to listen again tomorrow after work (hopefully will get out at reasonable hour) then go out.
Went out today after work for about 45 min and tried talking to girls on the street. Asked a bunch for directions and told one I thought she was really cute and wanted to say hi. Extremely happy with progress today. I actually did something and am that much closer to my long term goal of meaningful relationship with someone I like.
Also realized today that I have been bumming myself out by getting pissed off that things arent going that well with a girl I am dating in California. Dont see her very often and she didnt return my call yesterday. Nonetheless, it was because of all the hard work I put in that I was able to meet her in the first place. If I keep pushing I will get there. Should celebrate how close I got not feel down that things now see to be on the downswing.
Went out during the day today for several hours (about 4.5) of talking to women. Started off in my own neighborhood but then went to downtown. Got one phone # from a girl I thought was really cute. Good day overall. Listened to a Tony Robbins tape on state management through physiology today which seemed to help a good bit before I went out.
Went downtown today but only hung out for an hour. Didnt feel particularly motivated to talk to girls for whatever reason. Did call back girl I met from Saturday. She answered and we made plans to grab lunch later this week.
Burn day. Did nothing. No Tony Robbins tapes and didnt talk to any girls. Did call back girl I met saturday and arranged to meet this friday for lunch. Not sure if I recorded that in sunday's entry.
Just finished work. Drinking beer and watching some TV. No plans to work on personal development today.
Didnt get a chance to do anything today as I was working until very late in the evening.
Thats not really a legit excuse though because I did find some time to watch tv/goof off
Didnt do very much today either. still working as of 10:50 PM. Did listen to a few podcasts on "picking up" women.
Lunch date with a girl I met last weekend tomorrow. I was really hoping to go out tonight so I would feel a little bit more social when I went into that date but no such luck.
Went out to lunch with girl I met at coffee shop last weekend. Very hard to get a read on her. Pretty deadpan personality. Date seemed to go fairly well though.
I had planned to grab drinks with her tonight after work but ended up canceling. Had work to do and had promised another friend I'd hang out with him....but if I'm being totally honest the real reason was that I felt like it would be better to give her some time to marinate. Feel like I have been coming on a little too strong lately and need to pull back more. She seemed a little pissed I canceled so this may backfire on me...only time will tell.
Planning on going out to bars/clubs tonight with a friend. About to listen to a tape from a Tony Robbins audiocassette program I bought on ebay for $15 a few weeks ago. Thought I would record my notes here. This tape program is amazing. Way better than his books because information is actually structured in a logical way.
Day 10 Notes (How to Take Control of Your Life):
-go over process for changing beliefs
-quick review of program:
-personal power is power to change life
-pp=ability to take action consistently in spite of fears/challenges
-ultimate success formula:
1.) take action
2.) notice whether its creating desired result
3.) change action
-pain and pleasure drive everything we do
-associations to pain/pleasure govern our destiny
-anything unique that happens in extreme emotional state gets linked
-what we really want in life are feelings (not people, things)
-manage states through:
1.) physical body
2.) controlling mental focus
-global beliefs govern what we notice/are willing to focus on
-3 keys to neuroassociative conditioning:
1.) get leverage = something must change
2.) interrupt old pattern of association
3.) create new association
-steps to changing beliefs:
1.) identify controlling beliefs that are limiting your life the most
2.) link enough pain to present limiting beliefs that brain says stop pattern
3.) create new set of empowering beliefs to replace old beliefs
-a good core belief is a statement that empowers you
-changing your beliefs is as easy as changing files on a computer
-...and if you think about it, that would be hard to do too if didnt know how
-a belief I use: "the past does not equal the future"
-another belief I use: "there is always a way"
Assignment: Identify 2 limiting beliefs.
1.) Women don't like me
2.) I'll never be able to change myself
-christmas carol: example of changing person doesnt want to change
-scrooge didn't want to change
-but changed over 1 night
-how did ghosts do it?
1.) got leverage = experience massive pain to present beliefs
a.) link pain in past to beliefs
b.) link pain in present
c.) link pain in future
2.) Replaced his old belief with new belief (giving = pleasure)
Doing dickens pattern:
1.) Enough women will like me that it is worth putting myself out there
2.) Where there is a will there is a way
Paragraph on how these beliefs will empower me (focus on belief about women):
New belief will motivate me to keep meeting people. Keep learning who I am/am not compatible with. Teach me the mistakes to avoid so that when I meet girls I really like I get to be with them long term as opposed to blowing it early on. Lead to new adventures, excitement. Enable me to make new friends. Never have to feel lonely again. Have CONTROL over my dating life for the first time in my life. NOT having to feel like I have to wait around for something to magically happen in order to meet someone that I really like. Get to date the women I am most attracted to. Get to date the women I used to only dream about dating. Get to feel liberated. Not walking around wondering what other people think of me. Just quietly accepting that some people will like me and some wont for whatever reasons. Expecting that and understanding that without it stopping me. Freedom. Personal freedom.
Had a really good night last night. Went out to several bars and clubs. Talked to tons of girls. Got 3 phone numbers and am now actively texting with two of them.
Talked to girl in California (SM) that I am dating today. She is moving to China in a couple weeks. May go out there to visit her this winter.
Didnt go out tonight. Going to get up early (relatively) and talk to girls downtown before I head to the airport. Recording some tony robbins tapes right now.
Traveled to NC today for work. Saw an attractive older Russian woman in the waiting area for the plane. Chatted her up, then shot the ♥♥♥♥ with her some more on the plane. Decided as we were getting off that I was going to get her number. At first was fairly confident about it but then started looking for excuses not to (i.e. evidence that she didn't like me). She didnt hold a door for me (women dont do that ♥♥♥♥ anyway)...wahh...she must not like me. Doesnt matter whether she likes me or not...enough people will like me that it makes sense to ask out EVERYONE that I like.
Ended up asking her to grab a drink the next night and she said she was busy. Chumped out and didn't end up getting the number. Came fairly close though...more baby step progress.
Was also feeling really pissed today because a couple girls I had texted didnt get back to me (ironically they both replied the next day). Not sure what kind of nonsense was going on in my head. Kept trying to be process oriented but was having trouble.
Talked to college girl I went out with last week on phone today. The girl I met in CA is going to china in 2 weeks. Going out there for work and will see her once more before she leaves. May end up visiting her out there we'll see.
Why do I care what other people think? How do I completely eradicate that...interesting to ponder.
Also, worked from 7AM to 7PM today. Long day. Tired.
Was in NC again on Tuesday. Texted a bunch of girls. Old fling got in touch with me. Watched some netflix and didn't do very much.
Noticed that I started feeling crappy wednesday because a couple of girls were not responding to me the way I wanted to. Lame.
I want to establish goals for myself beyond just the blog. As I stated in the outset of this blog I want to commit:
10 hrs per week to talking to women I dont know/dating women
10 hrs per week to personal development activities
-mantras to repeat?
-materials to listen to
-always be in the hunt for materials that support the mind set: I am good enough, it doesnt matter what anyone thinks, etc.
Notes from tape 8 of Blueprint tape recording:
-changed this up to quick soundbytes. The structure of this program is very free form. 5 memorable quotes:
1.) I never looked at the people who were better than me as cut from a different cloth. Any result is repeatable if you:
i.) walk the same steps
ii.) think to yourself...what is making this work.
2.) In order to see rapid progress with anything you need to IMMERSE yourself in it. Exposing yourself continuously for an extended period every day.
3.) Definition of core confidence:
i.) unshakeable conviction of who you are and what you are entitled to.
ii.) you identify yourself as an individual that cant be categorized with a
flexible identity that could evolve any time you choose.
iii.) You know what you've been through and you value your own opinion of
yourself more than the opinion of others
iv.) Acceptance in any situation is never a threat to your overall identity
v.) You know you offer real value to people and if they dont recognize it
that's their issue not yours
4.) Most people walk through life in a walking daze. They live in reaction. Meaning:
i.) they dont know who they are
iii.) THEY DONT KNOW HOW THEIR EMOTIONS WORK
-when you dont know how your outdated emotional system works
everything seems real
5.) You are not your f-ing khakis
10.31.11 part 2
Quick thought: why does the emotion of procrastination exist?
Because we evolved with limited food available. We had to save calories. So we evolved emotion of procrastination to make sure we only did what was absolutely necessary and sat around conserving energy the rest of the time.
Worked all day today. Literally just getting off.
Yesterday I did Tony Robbins exercise and meditated for 15 minutes. Noticed the meditation was extremely helpful.
Writing from Miami. Thinking about moving here for the winter. Plenty of beautiful women.
Last night's activity:
Checked out my co-workers girlfriend's surprise bday party. Talked to pretty much all the women there. Wasn't getting great reactions but all importantly I wasn't very bothered by that fact. Left the party and went to a bar next door by myself. Talked to a bunch of women and got a phone #.
Took cab over to area close to my neighborhood. Met another girl there who was pretty cool. Been texting back and forth with her.
Asked a girl out today that I met at the airport. She told me she had a bf and I was a little bothered by the rejection for a while. Dont know why. Recognized that I had a choice about how to interpret. Every time I ask someone out I should be patting myself on the back and giving massive props. Just another step towards completely not caring.
Just got back from trip to NYC. Two great dates last weekend. Both went very well but I'm slowly realizing I'm only looking for a long term girlfriend. Just hooking up with people is not that fun anymore.
Want to get back in the habit of writing on here daily. Lets see how long I can go.
Back home now for thanksgiving holiday. Planning to meet a friend up at a bar nearby later tonight.
Met one pretty cool/cute girl in new york last weekend that I have been texting. Need to continue to push on that one.
Girl I met online in Florida continues to text me. Never seen anything like this. Texts every day. Actually she is a really good model for what I should be doing.
Want to accomplish 3 things in this post:
1.) summary of tape 1 of blueprint program
2.) drawing game improving inspiration from florida texter girl
Blueprint Tape 1 Summary--------------------------------------------------
program about signposts versus ego-based learning
not about memorizing but finding signpost that points you to genuine self
goal started as just approach 5 women a day to get girlfriend
(i.e. rely on volume to get the girl)
then realized could actually build a skill set to increase attraction
(i.e. improve hit rate on women you do meet)
want to take you on a journey from social conditioning to authenticity/self-esteem
think of as continuum (conditioning - authenticity) with most people on the left
most people in the world walk through life in a walking daze
dont know what their values are
dont know who they are
they are being tinkered with by other people
interesting book = sperm wars (robert dawkins?)
what is a chode?
-guy who doesnt have his own values
-no sense of identity
-cares what other people think
-thinks he has to go through social grind to get what he wants in life
you can get good with women you just have to "follow the damn instructions" "the path is laid out"
key question: why cant we get consistent results?
idea that other people are better/worse than you is ALL IN YOUR HEAD
gorgeous, beautiful socially proofed girl versus average looking guy with no special traits --> she's better than me (higher status)...NO...ALL IN YOUR HEAD
realization after going "natural" and getting nervous talking to girl who liked him:
all the tactics were just a shell and very little internally had actually changed
think of trying to teach people game as fitting together a puzzle in your reality
put in a puzzle piece...didnt fit...try again...click fits
continnous trial and error until enough things click that you core beliefs change
when you are talking to someone you should be amusing yourself first, other person second
Florida Texter (Section 2)-------------------------------------------------
Theres a girl I met ONLINE a couple weeks ago in Florida who has continued to text me DAILY even though I have frequently not responded well, promptly or at all. Not only that, she is not desperate. She is a very good looking woman. She is an inspiration to me because she obviously just doesnt care about the bs. She's not thinking "what if this guy doesnt want to talk to me", she's thinking "I want to text this guy so I'm going to". She doesnt use uncertainty about my feelings as an excuse for inaction. I think because she knows...deep down...that it DOESNT MATTER whether I like her or not yet. It only matters that she is interested in me. It doesnt matter because:
i.) being rejected is not a threat to her identity. She knows she is valuable to herself regardless of what other people think of her.
ii.) there could be a million reasons why I am not responding as quickly or enthustiastically as I might be able to, and none of them necessarily imply that I will never like her. Therefore it makes sense to keep trying.
iii.) Texting me is a form of amusement/entertainment for her meaning she gets someting positive out of it regardless of how I respond.
What have I noticed about how she initiates conversations:
1.) VERY RARELY with a question
2.) Frequently references something that is going on in her own life (not planned out. canned)
3.) Genuine expression of emotion without neediness. (especially first intro)
4.) Welcome other observations from anyone reading this...
1.) Was nice talking to you. I'm glad you called even if we didn't meet up.
2.) Obviously its normal to spend an hour on phone at 3 AM with someone you haven't met
3.) Even with Sunday as lazy day, still feel like ran marathon this weekend
4.) My dog apparently thinks dry wall is delicious...
5.) I'm watching [MOVIE]
6.) Sometimes working for big company is pain in ass. Need approval from 5 people for something simple...
7.) Spoiler: it takes xx time to trim my dog's nails
8.) There are people on roof and making dog nuts
Other (Section 3)----------------------------------------------------------
Most of "game" is being able to control "random" factors (i.e. not related to simple attraction) that determine whether or not you end up dating/hooking up with someone. In my life, there have been plenty of instances where I was attracted to someone and they were attracted to me, but still nothing happened. Why? Because the random factors were working against me. Maybe we both happened to be busy for a while after meeting and forgot about each other. Maybe I texted her and the message was boring or she just didnt know how to respond to it. Maybe she got pulled away before I had a chance to take down her number. Maybe I chickened out and never asked for her number. Maybe I chickened out and never even approached her. Point is, we could both be attracted to each other but not end up doing anything about it for any of the reasons cited above and innumerable others.
I need to start focusing more on the subtle things (at all phases of the sales filter):
1.) how many times per day am I approaching?
2.) how often do I ask for numbers after opening (should be 100% of time)
3.) how effective is my opening text message at starting a long text conversation?
4.) how am I transitioning that text conversation into a phone call?
5.) how well is the phone call going?
I bet there are simple rules for most of this. E.g. text messaging: need to send out opening messages that are more intriguing/provocative and dont sound reactive/response seeking.
On a separate note, I'm realizing more and more what a spectator culture we live in (credit OC from blueprint for introducing me to this idea). In my own life, when I am trying to decide between 2 activities, I should be asking myself "which one of these is more action-based, which is more observational? Action-based should take precedence. Will take gradual effort to start incorporating this rule and following through. Remember, taking action is a muscle.
Happy belated turkey day everyone.
As with my last post, I'll outline a what I want to discuss today:
1.) notes from blueprint tape 2
2.) making time for day game (brainstorming)
----notes from blueprint tape 2---------------------------------------------
Was supposed to go on date today with girl I met at bar wednesday. She ended up having to cancel which bummed me out.
Also, I had interesting text exchange with girl I met through friend last weekend in NYC.
Asked her to grab coffee with me today. She replied with "have fun. Cant do saturday." I sent message back "you should invest 15 minutes getting to know me". Next day she sent a reply back saying "sorry we live in different cities and I could be your sitter (she was a few years older than me)". Couple of interesting points here:
1.) I got a response to "invest 15 mins" comment which was good, will use that again in this situation
2.) what is her true thought process here? Its not like getting coffee is big time commitment...probably she didnt do it because wasn't sure it would be fun. If she thought would be fun (because I was fun) she would do it just for the sake of having fun. Absent that, she goes through this rational screening process of i.) this person doesnt meet x,y,z therefore I dont want to invest any effort into them.
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