|09-02-2011, 01:58 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2011
Well, schizophrenia and also my lack of heppiness
I'm 27, almost 28.
Since i was little i dreamed of making the world a much better
place. Often i think that i succeeded. But that doesn't mean
that one that do such things be necessarily happy.
I've hard time to fully believe in my schizophrenia. I do have
my thought unorganized and i can't listen to audiobooks or
lectures well enough or understand much out of books. I've my
opinions about the world but they never well understood by
I started to read few books that my mentor told me about
before he has left to study aboard. I also started to read a
lot and translate some of online and offline material from the
internet. i find it helpful in some way but i still need to
reread them again and again for the words to sink inside.
My options in reality are to study something in uni. I'm
thinking of biology (I've also started studying web design).
i can work with my father.
and i can volunteer.
I don't know what to choose. I've my own apartment for a very
long time and my family gives me money for my needs.
At times i had no friends at all which i was seeing often. Now
I've few. I've done a lot of searching to find more interesting
people to be in contact with but the truth is that i didn't
really found something that good. i hope to realize
I hear music a lot. I like Grand Funk so much, Blue Oyster
Cult, Elvis Presley, and many others.
Lately when i spoke with my social worker we talked about me
being often not indifferent lately. I really want to change my
life but i can't think clear enough for what i want. I want
true happiness, I want to be in contact with many girls which
i can appreciate, meet some new guys, but something else is
missing. I do know that i want to start working on my speech
abilities and be able to talk to the masses about my ideas.
but I'm not very organized. When i feel confidence i feel good
but i still need more of it for making my thoughts more
My life does seems often as a mystical experience and i think
that there is a good chance for the saying 'anything possible'
I will be glad if you see some of what i share on google+ and
also be your friend or acquaintance there.
Until now i never been kissed anyone with my tongue and i feel
very bad about it. I often see girls that look interesting in
bars but i'm super stressed to talk with them.
I'm trying to understand some concepts that David Deangelo
teached but my thought is still not organized to implant the
material well enough.
I'm super pessimistic and always been, I feel that i'm wasting
my life. every minute of it. but this is just a feeling. tho i
want to be connected with my feelings.
I really want to change the world much more and i think i've
good information to share. would my knowledge will be available
for others only in the far future. Do people scorn other too
much that they are unavailable for any deep thinking yet? I do
hope not to die ever (i need to loose some weight also).
I've been told that if i wasn't as smart then i wouldn't suffer so much.
Did you understood it all?
I don't wanna be overly nice.
(corrected many of my misspellings here)
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