Man -VS- What Do I Want To Order

[JeremyNoelJohnson]

WARNING: This introduction is going to be long. Please navigate away if a lengthy and deep introduction does not interest you.

(EDIT: Since writing this, I realize it is long and asking a lot to just even read it. I am going to try and help some people here in the forums first and see the Law of Attraction work here.)

I found Steve's website a couple years ago (via Google search for self improvement) and have been reading it off and on ever since. His deep thinking approach resonated with me in how I was having a shift in the way I viewed life. I had a moment - really it was a time span of just a few seconds, sitting down at my computer, playing World of Warcraft, where I knew I needed to do something more. Since then, I've created a few websites to try and move forward with my desire to do something more, but I am still searching for exactly what I want to order (in reference to Steve's blog post about How To Order). Oh, and I quit World of Warcraft cold turkey, almost a year ago.

My parents didn't really mess up with me. In retrospect they did the best they could with what they knew. Did they make mistakes and do hurtful things? Yes, plenty of them, but so have most other parents. All in all, I consider myself fortunate to have the parents I did.

Originally from Kalamazoo, Michigan, and now living in Utah.

My interests are: my wife of over 9 years now, two daughters (one of which is about to be born), exercise and sports (basketball), recovering from a lower back surgery (lumbar discectomy), trying to discover the exact nature of a higher power which I hope is there, but have had little success interacting with, and finally discovering what I really want to order in my life besides my day job as a web developer and wonderful family because I feel that there is something more which I can contribute to the world uniquely - but a very specific manifestation of it still eludes me for the most part.

My purpose for joining this forum is really a quest I am on right now. I've spent the last few weeks working on my own personal website because I at least know I want it to be the vehicle for what I want to order. In the past, I created a self help website with a blog. But I wasn't consistent with it. Today, I have a blog for my wife and I's journey with the P90X program (I won't link the sites here - I'd consider that a tasteless marketing ploy, but if you want to know what they are, feel free to send me an email/personal message).

Today I read Steve's post about what to order and it really hit home with me. In two ways: 1. I see my family members and friends changing their minds constantly with no consistent effort in any one area. Maybe they build a website for a few weeks, then they decide to do photography, then they get excited about writing a children's story, then they want to sell bags of ice, then they want to solve weight loss, then they want to invent an anti-gravity generator, or build their own internet tower. It is whatever their perked interest is for a few hours to a few weeks. And I see this happen with me as well and it drives me absolutely bonkers. No, that's too soft of a phrase - it really pisses me off ten fold and feels utterly and completely limiting for me and I see it limiting for those whom I know go through it. It is a real problem with people and I am certain that Steve saw this with his post about How To Order. As I say this, there's a little devil on my shoulder saying, "It is this way, otherwise the world would be a disaster. It is for the protection of everyone."

Fine, maybe there is some truth to that. If everyone got what they wanted immediately, we'd likely be in some serious trouble. But I think most people have a genuine interest in doing something worthwhile, they just don't stick with their ideas. This leads me to the second way this post hit home with me and this is: 2. Why the hell can't most people make up their mind and get dedicated to a particular goal. Is it because of ignorance, lack of focus, lack of understanding the ordering process (per Steve's post, which does make sense to me and I believe is part of the problem)? Is it because of laziness, stupidity, or a desire to just have wishful thinking but not actually work because that takes comfort away?

Regardless of the reasons, this brings me back to my quest. I have a personal website that I've been working my tail on for the last three weeks. I only know that I want to use it to deliver my own uniqueness and gifts to the world. And that is because I am an experienced web developer and love doing it. Sure, email me if you want to know the URL - or maybe you can click on my name to see it, since this is my first post, I'm not quite sure how that will all work. It's gone through a few iterations and has a reasonable amount of content on it. My quest is to see if someone here on the forums can use a gentle (or stern) hand to help me see what it is I want to order. As a help to this, let me share with you all my desires, unique gifts, and talents:

* Decent basketball player.
* Detailed understanding of web development (with a focus in HTML, CSS, Javascript, ASP.NET, and PHP - nerd words for those of you who don't know what they mean and just ignore them if you don't know).
* Real desire to add value and meaning to people's lives.
* I love wizards, magic, anything fantasy (right now a wizard is part of the theme of my personal website).
* I type 120+ words per minute accurately.
* Have had kidney stone and lower back surgery.
* Ran a marathon a few years ago.
* Completed the P90X workout program and got six pack abs for the first time in my life at the age of 31.
* Completed with several edits a fiction/fantasy novel, currently in its final phase of editing with my sister-in-law.

Ok, there you have it. Let me share with you what I THINK I WANT TO ORDER right now, but something just feels off:

* Author fiction/fantasy books.
* Using my personal website, create something amazing that adds unique value to people.
* Continue to support and love my family, partly through my day job as a web developer, and just being there for them and loving them, which I do.
* I do love computer games, and since a child have always thought about developing one.

Is this the right place for this? You tell me Maybe there is someone on this forum who has a good answer or even the right answer for me. Either way, I'm going to continue working hard consistently on the above three things (have not put any time into developing a computer game). I appreciate your time and if you made it this far with reading every word, then I truly thank you for your time spent in listening to me.