Wanting money, wanting fulfillment...

[auburn]

I've heard you are supposed to be an adult by the time you are 30. You are supposed to have figured your life to a certain degree. I'm 30 and I've figured out a few things but am nowhere near what I want in terms of lifestyle. It's difficult to try to combine wanting money and wanting fulfillment. If I want money, it's almost like being a less spiritual, less valuable person. This kind of thinking is increased as I think of the terribly whiny, snotty and downright childish rich people I have met and worked with. I would like to have money but I don't want to be a difficult, disgusting person like those I have met.

I have expensive tastes. I like fine teas, good books (even rare books). I'd love to travel to Europe. I love five course meals in incredible restaurants. I want to go to the opera. I would like to have a large apartment and some freedom of movement. But I also want to be fulfilled by what I do for a living. The combination is difficult to get.

So far, I have never been able to increase my standard of living and find a more interesting occupation. I have made very little progress from when I was 20. Yes, it's true, I have tried different things. I have had 9 lives, like a cat. But, in terms of lifestyle, no improvement. In terms of being happy at my chosen career, no improvement. I am about to start my 5th career in 10 years (not just job but, different line of work). I hope it gives me the satisfaction I am seeking and enough money to do what I want to do and have. Even if it is materialistic, I still feel I am passing by many experiences that only money can buy. I guess I am not so evolved if I let myself be blinded by that. But that's how I feel, especially when I come home and look around me, I see the dingy place and it makes me sad.