Don't stop the train - I *DO NOT* want to get off!

[colint]

Hi everyone, my name's Colin and I've just joined the forums today.

Ever had a feeling life is going so fast, you just want to get off - just for a while? I've been there. But on *this* journey, I'm simply enjoying the rush.

In 1997 I was permanently signed off work (I know, but the financial implications without planning ... then the feeling of being a parasite on society - on disability etc). Well, I did pick myself up, and did a college course in accounting - not that suitable, really, since I'm unable to sit at a desk or use a pen/keyboard for very long - but it kept my mind active and gave me social contact.

However, last Summer, I reached an all-time low. I hesitate sharing, but will, because if you relate, I simply want you to know there is a brighter future, even though you might not be able to see it yet.

I was desperately struggling to make ends meet, every month the credit card grew ever nearer to its limit and then one day I had to add up my shopping to make sure I'd enough (and put some things back) before I went through the checkout.

It was around that time I met (online) someone who is now a very dear and close friend (not just online). My benefits were due for review and they have been stopped at one point in my past. I didn't know what I'd do if that happened again.

Also, the car needed repairing (yet again), but living in the country, not having one wasn't an option. There had been times when I'd penny-pinched for months on end and managed to save, say £18-20/week and then the car would need a £200-repair and wipe it all out and more.

He spoke to me and asked what I thought I could do. I'd been considering and said I could get rid of the TV and the cost of the licence (in UK - about £135/year). Yet getting rid of the car wasn't an option.

He asked what I used it for. Everything! Even the GP was two villages away! He suggested I move to a town where I could walk or cycle for everything - or catch a bus if need be. As for travelling long distances, I could hire a car on those days for less than the car was costing me - or catch a train.

It was around that time I began to address what I was eating, and have lost about 30 lbs (over 2 stones, Brits!) since that time. I'd stopped drinking (diet) cola in favour of squashes, but took the plunge and began drinking just water instead. It didn't take long to get used to, and then like, it.

The benefits were awarded for another three years and I moved (to Reading) shortly afterwards. In my conversations, I had mentioned previously starting a course that included massage and so I searched for, and enrolled on, a holistic/Swedish massage course.

My friend lives in Europe. I needed case studies for the course and he was due to be in England for a week in February and March (each). This fitted in perfectly with the timings for the course. In the event, his schedule changed, but he came over anyway (just for me to complete the massage treatments!), and again for the practical exam. Delighted to say I passed with credit.

As part of the course, we needed to learn about other complementary therapies. As a result, I've begun Reiki courses and I'm also going on to study sports massage therapy.

I know, massage involves using your hands, but it's not precise like using a pen or screwdriver. I still don't know if I'll be able to do it full time, but trying is the only way to find out.

As part of the Reiki course I needed to detox and then learnt that some (most!) foods can have a negative effect on chakras (energy centres of the body) - yet raw fruit and vegetables are amongst those with positive effects, of course, and researching such led me to Steve's site.

There has also been a big declutter (which is still ongoing!). Before moving I took 12 (full) big black bin liners to the clothing bank, another dozen or so since moving!

So you see how it feels I'm on a train?

Finally, I just want to share something of my higher self with you all.

The friend I have mentioned is a hypnotherapist, although he's a friend, not my therapist, and conversations are not "sessions" - but he had mentioned about hypnotising me. I wasn't sure about it.

In fact, I had nightmares about it. One night just before Christmas last year, I woke from one such dream. It was as though my friend's spirit was in the room. He said, "It's not at all like that, come on, come with me, relax, deep breaths."

I know it sounds strange, but I co-operated! I could hear his voice and when I answered, I spoke aloud. He asked, "What can you see?"

I saw underwater caves, but with light streaming through the (coloured) water from gaps in the rocks above. He asked if it was OK to go deeper and I agreed.

I/We entered a cavern and again he asked what I could see. "[Half] An apple, in a glass, stemmed bowl, and lots of pips [more than could come from one apple]."

"Good." his voice encouraged. "What does the apple represent?"

"Health." I answered immediately - but I hadn't so much as thought about it.

"Excellent. What about the bowl?"

"Purity." - same thing: I hadn't thought about it, the sound of my own voice brought the news to me.

"And the pips?" he asked.

This didn't come immediately - but it took only about two seconds. "They are health as well - that I can give to others, through therapy."

This was enough to bring me around from the trance. I immediately wrote it all down, because it was 4am and would want to tell others - but by morning, I would have been ready to pass it off as a dream. But it really happened. In fact ...

I put the book down on my bedside drawers and turned off the light. In my mind I saw a puppy and it brought me great joy. I smiled and then ... I heard the voice again. "What can you see now?" he asked.

I described the puppy: "He has black ears and tail, white paws and brown patches on his body. He's chewing something, but I can't see what, might be a toy or someone's finger."

Then someone threw a blue ball for him. He chased it and then tried to pick it up, but it was too big for him, but it didn't matter - he dribbled it with his nose. This made me laugh, again the voice asked what I could see and I answered.

"Now what's he doing?" he asked.

I smiled, "He's sitting in front of me, looking up at me."

"Why don't you pick him up?" he asked.

"I can't." I replied

"Why not?"

NOTHING could have prepared me for what I then said.

"Because he's me ..."

I paused, momentarily unable to say the next words

"... and I've forgotten to allow myself this much love."

Then I cried - hard. I cried until all the pain had gone. Then I wrote that all down as well.

I told my friend about it in an email. He replied that my subconscious knows him very well and confirmed these experiences were reassurances and messages from my subconscious and to treasure the learnings. He also said it was the best Christmas present he could have hoped for.

I thought about that puppy a few times afterwards when I was being hard on myself. I don't need to anymore, but writing about it was emotional. I hope it's helpful to you as it was to me.

Well, now you all know me as well as I do and better than most of my family!

Best wishes


Colin

[Dan.Linehan]

Colin, thanks for the amazing story.

How is the massage work going?

[colint]

Just fine, thanks - now enrolled on a Sports Massage Therapy course - typical follow-up for a bloke, apparently. Also lined up to do my second degree Reiki in a few months.

On the Swedish/holistic massage course, our lecturer made the point that it's very different to massage a male or female client. Likewise, it's very different to receive a massage from a male or female therapist. During the course, I needed to submit some case studies.

Some friends (reluctantly) agreed, on the basis it was for college. They'd had massages before, but decided it wasn't for them. After my course of treatments, they were asking when they could come back as clients! Great compliment, I thought.

I've stayed in touch with a few from that course - how else would *I* get a treatment?! Btw, my friend in Europe bought his own couch (because "they don't travel well on a plane"!) so that I can treat him and his family when I visit!

The downside, of course, is that its rather like a job - if the client doesn't return or if I were ill or take a holiday, then the income stops immediately. Very unsure what to do about this!

[Transilient]

I have chosen a mission to say "Hello" to all new visitors.

I recently was able to open the door to the membership
component of my company and I am very excited to get back
to welcoming everyone.

You have taken a great step in creating the life you desire.

You are a very courageous and highly motivated.

I'll see you on the path!

First suggestion is to create a savings account that equals 6 months salary.
Second suggestion is keep a look out for opportunities to create another source of income.