Hello

[txjarhead]

This is all totally off the hip. I'm in a rut.

I'm 31, I have two kids, married (happily for 10 years).

I did a google search for "life stinks when you're over 30". The first link that showed up was a link to stevepavlina.com. I read "Life Sucks, Then You Die". Life Sucks, Then You Die

I'm one heck of a IT tech. I've fallen into working for myself. I have been at it for about 4 years. I have come to realize that maybe my personality doesn't condone working for myself. I'm a people pleaser. Unfortunately, my career probably doesn't match my personality type.....or does it?

I went on my own. I was slowly over-run and was spending way too much time working trying to keep up with all of the work. I then began to fall behind. That's where the problem lies. I hate being behind. I hate missing appointments. Over the years, my standards of perfection have been lost. I strive for perfection in all that I do. I just cannot keep it up in my current situation. I'm over-worked.

About two years ago, I "partnered" up with a company who works in another industry, but our industries compliment one another. I suddenly had access to capitol and hired some folks. Unfortunately, I've had to fire all of them due to the employees' actions; professional morals and one personality conflict.

I find myself in the same situation. I'm depressed, over-worked, unhappy. The company I "partnered" with has a running debt that is emailed to me on a monthly basis. A constant reminder of what I owe them.

To their credit, I am depressed. I can get fired up and start work early. However, I usually end up in the same situation. I get things done, but due to that, I get caught up, overbooked, miss appointments. I then have a hard time facing those I let down. I've lost customers over this. At one time, I was the epitome of professionalism. Since going on my own, if I mess up, it's terribly difficult to confront that.

I'm at a point where I want to quit. I want to try something new. I have an awesome job opportunity waiting for me in a couple of months.

Here is my dilemma: How do I deal with my business "partner"? I put partner in quotes because everything is verbal. No written contracts. Just a shake of the hand and a verbal agreement that everything will work itself out. I have terrible guilt about leaving them. I feel that they have invested in me. I hate to leave them hanging.

I just feel that I felt better about myself when I worked for other people. I don't function well when I have 60 people trying to contact me. I can't keep all of them happy. I was awesome when I worked for one person. I made that one person look good and was happy. I'm not happy. I'm depressed. Tonight, after one of the emails from my partner about how much money I owe them; I was playing with my little girl. I felt like a clown because I'm supposed to be her father and I'm living like this. My daughter adores me because I'm her Dad. She's four years old. I need to feel good about myself for her and for my son. They need to see Dad is happy and does a good job. They DON'T need to see Dad unhappy and depressed because he can't please everyone.

I want to work somewhere in a position where they give me the work and I do it. I can't perform when I have 10-15 customers trying to contact me at one time and I try to keep all of them happy. I feel bad about myself because I can't do it all. I can work 16 hour days and it's not enough.

Well, if that's not an inappropriate introduction, I don't know what is. I'm looking for help. I've never posted on a forum like this. I just want some feedback; some validation. Am I right? Am I crazy?

Thanks in advance.

Adios from Texas.

[BenThere]

Hello! We both joined the forum today. I guess that makes us a peer group, doesn't it? Howdy neighbor!

From your screen name, I imagine you might have served as a Marine?

Congratulations on your happy marriage and family.

Let me see if if I understand the work situation.

You found that your career doesn't suit your personality or working style. Since the work doesn't suit you, you're overwhelmed. You fall behind, and can't make the contributions you want to make or be of service the way the company needs from someone in your position. You also wind up stuck in a business partnership that sucks more money away from your life every month. All this bad news saps your energy and brings you down, even when you're away from work.

You decided this is no good for you or your kids. You decided to seek some new people and new ideas. You decided to reach out for communication and support from people who don't have any preconceptions about you.

Those decisions seem totally sane to me.

Is the new opportunity in a couple of months better suited to your personality? Will the new job require the very talents that make you happiest because they're your strengths?

If you can do without the income until then, why not just give two weeks' notice at the current job? How about something like:

"I'm sorry that I'm not working out in my current role here. It's become obvious that the company needs someone who can multitask when dozens of people need firefighting help at once. I'm not the right person for the job, and if I keep trying to do this, I'll get farther behind and owe even more money. I'm withdrawing from this position to pursue another opportunity better suited to my strength in small team projects that can be planned out in advance. July 31 will be my last day with this group. I'll be happy to provide any help needed to select and train my replacement."

How does it feel to think of just giving up on the game you can't win, so your time becomes freed up to play the game you can win?

[txjarhead]

I suppose the only difference is that the business partner has invested the money. She keeps track of what she's invested and reminds me of this. If I don't make my quota at the end of the month, she emails me; "You know owe $XXXX, you need to make $XXXX each month, we are now in the hole even more".

She's pushing the debt off on me. If I quit, I feel like they've invested and I still owe them.

Can I make up the debt, sure after a few years of working for her. I'm not only paying off what she's paying me, but also the employees that were hired and fired.

[txjarhead]

Originally Posted by BenThere

Hello! We both joined the forum today. I guess that makes us a peer group, doesn't it? Howdy neighbor!

From your screen name, I imagine you might have served as a Marine?

Congratulations on your happy marriage and family.

Let me see if if I understand the work situation.

You found that your career doesn't suit your personality or working style. Since the work doesn't suit you, you're overwhelmed. You fall behind, and can't make the contributions you want to make or be of service the way the company needs from someone in your position. You also wind up stuck in a business partnership that sucks more money away from your life every month. All this bad news saps your energy and brings you down, even when you're away from work.

You decided this is no good for you or your kids. You decided to seek some new people and new ideas. You decided to reach out for communication and support from people who don't have any preconceptions about you.

Those decisions seem totally sane to me.

Is the new opportunity in a couple of months better suited to your personality? Will the new job require the very talents that make you happiest because they're your strengths?

If you can do without the income until then, why not just give two weeks' notice at the current job? How about something like:

"I'm sorry that I'm not working out in my current role here. It's become obvious that the company needs someone who can multitask when dozens of people need firefighting help at once. I'm not the right person for the job, and if I keep trying to do this, I'll get farther behind and owe even more money. I'm withdrawing from this position to pursue another opportunity better suited to my strength in small team projects that can be planned out in advance. July 31 will be my last day with this group. I'll be happy to provide any help needed to select and train my replacement."

How does it feel to think of just giving up on the game you can't win, so your time becomes freed up to play the game you can win?

By the way, thank you for replying. I appreciate your advice. Your response means a lot to me.

[Dan.Linehan]

Hi txjarhead, thanks for joining!

I did the sort of hands on IT Consulting you describe for a bit. It's very demanding.

Assuming you actually want to stay in the field, I would simply streamline your methods. If you are working sixteen hours a day and still falling behind you're doing something wrong.

Write batch files that run on your client's servers and send you status e-mails for key performance areas. Have your server ping all their networks and websites to make sure they are online, and enable notification for yourself if there is no response. Lease your clients their computers only while they are in warranty, then upgrade them. Basically, automate, automate, automate.

Do you use service contracts or hourly billing? Do you maintain internal networks or POS equipment or both?

[txjarhead]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

Hi txjarhead, thanks for joining!

I did the sort of hands on IT Consulting you describe for a bit. It's very demanding.

Assuming you actually want to stay in the field, I would simply streamline your methods. If you are working sixteen hours a day and still falling behind you're doing something wrong.

Write batch files that run on your client's servers and send you status e-mails for key performance areas. Have your server ping all their networks and websites to make sure they are online, and enable notification for yourself if there is no response. Lease your clients their computers only while they are in warranty, then upgrade them. Basically, automate, automate, automate.

Do you use service contracts or hourly billing? Do you maintain internal networks or POS equipment or both?

Thank you for the response.

I only do hourly billing and internal networks. I work mainly in the medical community.

You mentioned that you did IT consulting? What do you now?

[Dan.Linehan]

I do content direction for a non-profit social services startup.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by txjarhead

I only do hourly billing and internal networks.

It seems like if you are billing $100 / hour at sixty hours a week, you would be doing pretty well, right? If you have too many clients you can always raise rates.

[BenThere]

I'm glad my post was useful.

I also have an IT background. Dan's advise is SUPERB!

IF you want to stay in IT, I recommend you look into ways to get paid for design & implementation of systems that other people maintain & troubleshoot. Do the business analysis, write specs, design a system for reliability, script the kind of automated system checks Dan discussed. Then have someone else be on call with the pager.

Alan Weiss's books on consulting are first rate. "Value Based Fees" may be the best of his books for you. He encourages all consultants to get paid for measurable results, NOT for the number of hours you put in.

Although the company folded, the technical engineering in this article is still valid:
ArsDigita Server Architecture
Another example of maintainable systems architecture is:
Infrastructures.Org: Best Practices in Automated Systems Administration and Infrastructure Architecture: Home

But the real question is whether continuing in IT would be the work you'd most love, or just the work you imagine is easiest to find.

[txjarhead]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

It seems like if you are billing $100 / hour at sixty hours a week, you would be doing pretty well, right? If you have too many clients you can always raise rates.

Unfortunately, it's no longer about the money or what my rates are. It's more about enjoying life and what I do for a living. I want to get out of my current situation. How do I deal with my business partner? Is it morally wrong to leave them if they have invested in my portion of the business?

[txjarhead]

Originally Posted by BenThere

I'm glad my post was useful.

I also have an IT background. Dan's advise is SUPERB!

IF you want to stay in IT, I recommend you look into ways to get paid for design & implementation of systems that other people maintain & troubleshoot. Do the business analysis, write specs, design a system for reliability, script the kind of automated system checks Dan discussed. Then have someone else be on call with the pager.

Alan Weiss's books on consulting are first rate. "Value Based Fees" may be the best of his books for you. He encourages all consultants to get paid for measurable results, NOT for the number of hours you put in.

Although the company folded, the technical engineering in this article is still valid:
ArsDigita Server Architecture
Another example of maintainable systems architecture is:
Infrastructures.Org: Best Practices in Automated Systems Administration and Infrastructure Architecture: Home

But the real question is whether continuing in IT would be the work you'd most love, or just the work you imagine is easiest to find.

IT work is okay. It's not what I love, it is something that I fell into and have a natural aptitude for. The opportunity I have coming up in October will still have some IT work, but nothing like what I currently do.

I suppose I should have been more specific in my original post. Should I feel bad for leaving my business partner?

"This is all totally off the hip. I'm in a rut.

I'm 31, I have two kids, married (happily for 10 years).

I did a google search for "life stinks when you're over 30". The first link that showed up was a link to stevepavlina.com. I read "Life Sucks, Then You Die". Life Sucks, Then You Die

I'm one heck of a IT tech. I've fallen into working for myself. I have been at it for about 4 years. I have come to realize that maybe my personality doesn't condone working for myself. I'm a people pleaser. Unfortunately, my career probably doesn't match my personality type.....or does it?

I went on my own. I was slowly over-run and was spending way too much time working trying to keep up with all of the work. I then began to fall behind. That's where the problem lies. I hate being behind. I hate missing appointments. Over the years, my standards of perfection have been lost. I strive for perfection in all that I do. I just cannot keep it up in my current situation. I'm over-worked.

About two years ago, I "partnered" up with a company who works in another industry, but our industries compliment one another. I suddenly had access to capitol and hired some folks. Unfortunately, I've had to fire all of them due to the employees' actions; professional morals and one personality conflict.

I find myself in the same situation. I'm depressed, over-worked, unhappy. The company I "partnered" with has a running debt that is emailed to me on a monthly basis. A constant reminder of what I owe them.

To their credit, I am depressed. I can get fired up and start work early. However, I usually end up in the same situation. I get things done, but due to that, I get caught up, overbooked, miss appointments. I then have a hard time facing those I let down. I've lost customers over this. At one time, I was the epitome of professionalism. Since going on my own, if I mess up, it's terribly difficult to confront that.

I'm at a point where I want to quit. I want to try something new. I have an awesome job opportunity waiting for me in a couple of months.

Here is my dilemma: How do I deal with my business "partner"? I put partner in quotes because everything is verbal. No written contracts. Just a shake of the hand and a verbal agreement that everything will work itself out. I have terrible guilt about leaving them. I feel that they have invested in me. I hate to leave them hanging.

I just feel that I felt better about myself when I worked for other people. I don't function well when I have 60 people trying to contact me. I can't keep all of them happy. I was awesome when I worked for one person. I made that one person look good and was happy. I'm not happy. I'm depressed. Tonight, after one of the emails from my partner about how much money I owe them; I was playing with my little girl. I felt like a clown because I'm supposed to be her father and I'm living like this. My daughter adores me because I'm her Dad. She's four years old. I need to feel good about myself for her and for my son. They need to see Dad is happy and does a good job. They DON'T need to see Dad unhappy and depressed because he can't please everyone.

I want to work somewhere in a position where they give me the work and I do it. I can't perform when I have 10-15 customers trying to contact me at one time and I try to keep all of them happy. I feel bad about myself because I can't do it all. I can work 16 hour days and it's not enough.

Well, if that's not an inappropriate introduction, I don't know what is. I'm looking for help. I've never posted on a forum like this. I just want some feedback; some validation. Am I right? Am I crazy?

Thanks in advance.

Adios from Texas."